Sincerely, Carter

by Whitney G.

  “She tried to punch me and I took her down.”

  “Are you being serious?”

  “Of course not.” She scoffed. “Security took her down, but I did try.” She smiled at the waitress as she set down our sandwiches.

  “Do I even want the great news?”

  “The phenomenal news, excuse me.” She pulled a folded envelope from her pocket and slid it across the table. “Open it.”

  I set down my napkin and pulled out the paper—reading a brief letter from Collège Culinaire de France.

  “They are deeply sorry for the enormous error in the processing of your previous application and would be delighted and honored to have you in their newest cohort of classically trained chefs,” I read, genuinely happy for her.

  “Read the rest…” She beamed. “That’s not even the best part…”

  I looked over it and summarized it aloud. “Since there was a mistake and this is short notice, based on your talent and recommendation letters, they’re offering you a full scholarship if you confirm.

  She practically squealed.

  “Congratulations. I’m very happy for you.” I started to hand the paper back to her until my eyes caught the bolded line at the bottom. “It says you’ll need to arrive there June 16th, though. Is that right?”

  She nodded, still smiling.

  “That’s two weeks from now, Ari.”

  “What?” Her smile slowly faded and she snatched her letter back. “No, it’s not. It’s…” She read the letter again and again. “I was reading it so fast when I got it this morning…I could’ve sworn it said July…”

  “And it’s an eighteen month program with no extended breaks?” I read more of the fine print. “You only get five approved holidays…The first approved holiday is in six months.”

  Her eyes met mine and neither of us said anything for a while.

  I stood up and moved to her side of the booth. Her fingers effortlessly entwined with mine under the table, and I looked into her eyes.

  “We’ll make the most of it.”

  Track 19. I’m Only Me When I’m With You (2:22)

  Two weeks might as well have been two seconds, and I was starting to wish that I hadn’t emailed the French school with an all caps “YES” before meeting with Carter. I’d been so caught up in the moment, so elated that my dream of studying under the best was coming true, that I hadn’t thought of what that would mean for us.

  Whatever “us” was anyway…

  We’d spent every waking moment together for the past several days. He helped me shop and get what I needed for the trip—even buying me a new suitcase and volunteering to ship whatever couldn’t fit. We’d taken advantage of each other’s bodies too many times to count, and most of our mornings were spent walking alongside the shore.

  For years, I’d never understood what it meant when people said they felt like laughing and crying at the same time, until now.

  I was standing in Margaritaville, waiting on Carter to return with our drinks and I was trying to hide the fact that I was a cesspool of emotions.

  “Something wrong?” Carter handed me a beer.

  “No. Just wondering why we always promise to come here last, yet we always end up here first.”

  “Bad habit.” He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “What’s really wrong?”

  “Nothing…” I lied. “Nothing at all.”

  “Carter! Arizona!” Josh walked over, clearly buzzed within an inch of his life. “What are you two doing here? No, wait. Don’t answer that.”

  “You guys want to bar hop with us?” The girl hanging on his shoulder asked. “We’re going to head down to 13th Street and try to make it back down here within two hours.”

  “All cover charges are on me!” Josh made an offer we couldn’t refuse.

  We left the bar, walking through the city’s balmy night air. I shivered when we made it several blocks down and immediately felt Carter placing his blazer over my shoulders.

  “You know what’s going to be funny five to six years from now?” Josh asked as we stood in line at Club Red.”

  “What?”

  “When one of you gets married. If it’s you, Carter, you’re going to have to explain to your wife that wherever Ari goes, you go. And I’m not sure if she’s going to take that very well.”

  “Okay.” Carter shook his head. “Just how many drinks have you had tonight?”

  “I’m practically sober.” Josh laughed. “But seriously though. Now that we’re done with college and out in the real world, just think about that. I seriously don’t think you two going to singles clubs together is going to be a good move anymore.”

  “You two aren’t a couple?” His date spoke up. “Didn’t I see you two at the EPIC house party together?”

  “No, no, no…” Josh said. “They’re together wherever they go. Don’t even try to question anything. It’s the weirdest friendship I’ve ever seen so just roll with it like I do. Guess what the best part about it is, though?”

  “What?” She looked utterly intrigued.

  “They’ve never even thought about crossing the line,” he said. “Known each other since fifth grade—”

  “Fourth grade,” I corrected him.

  “Okay, fourth grade,” he said. “Yet they’ve never even so much as kissed each other. If I was a sap and they weren’t my friends, I’d actually think the idea is kind of sweet…”

  “It is!” She laughed. “Okay, I must have seen two other people all over each other at the party. That’s cool…Strictly friends minus the attraction? I like that.”

  “I like it, too.” Josh said. “Let me know if one of your spouses ever tries to claim you’re cheating via a divorce. I’d be more than happy to volunteer to be your lawyer.”

  “Thanks…” We managed in unison.

  Josh handed the bouncer a twenty, and after the man checked all of our IDs, we headed straight for the bar. Josh started a tab and encouraged us to “live it up,” and I realized why he was being so generous:

  1) He’d been accepted to intern at the number one law firm in the city;

  2) He was trying to get laid. ASAP.

  From the looks of things, it was definitely going to happen.

  The four of us moved from club to club—drinking, laughing, dancing recklessly. Every now and then, I felt Carter’s not-so-subtle touches in public: His hand on my hips whenever I danced, his fingers brushing against mine whenever we walked. And each time our eyes met, I felt my heart flip, felt it beat at a faster pace.

  By the time we reached the seventh bar, Josh and his date had long abandoned us and we were tossing back weak shots alone.

  “You have to tilt your head back, Ari.” Carter tilted my chin up. “Otherwise you won’t get the full effect of the liquor...”

  “I’m knocking back cranberry juice.” I laughed. “There is no effect.”

  “All of those are cranberry juice?”

  “Yeah. Someone has to drive.” I pointed to the three large drinks in front of him. “We can’t both be inebriated.”

  He looked at me a long time, slowly shaking his head. “They’re all Cranberry juice as well.”

  “You’re not drunk? Not tipsy in the slightest?”

  “No…”

  “Then… Since Josh left us, are you ready to go?”

  “I thought you’d never ask.” He stood up and took my hand, leading me out and down the street. “My place or yours?”

  “Yours…” I clasped his hand behind the gear shift and we rode to his place in silence.

  When he pulled into the driveway, he looked over at me. “What time is your flight Friday?”

  “Ten in the morning,” I said, knowing he already knew the answer to that question.

  “What day are you unpacking everything and repacking it with a spreadsheet?”

  I smiled. “Tomorrow.”

  “Will you need help?”

  I nodded.

  “Okay.” He cut off the engine. “I’ll
be there.”

  Silence.

  He got out of the car and opened my door, leading me inside his house for what was probably the last time this summer. When we made it to his room, I took off the blazer he’d given me and opened my purse.

  “I meant to give this to you weeks ago.” I pulled out the blue box my room-mates wanted me to pass along. “It’s a farewell present since they consider you a roommate, too.”

  “Is it a bill for all the groceries I’ve eaten?” He untied the ribbon on top, and held up the small silver necklace that read, Arizona’s Best Friend Forever. “This is very cute, but I’m pretty sure I’ll never wear this…”

  “They gave me one, too.” I laughed. “It says Carter’s Best Friend Forever…She said they were drunk when they picked these out.”

  “Clearly…” He set the necklace on his dresser and pulled me close, running his fingers through my hair.

  Looking into his eyes, I wanted to use our last full night together to tell him how I felt about him, to hear him say the same, but I couldn’t get the words out.

  Instead, I took the safe approach. “Do you know that I’ve gotten used to you always being a few blocks, or a few miles away? You being accessible no matter what?”

  “What makes you think I don’t feel the same way?”

  “Do you?”

  “Yes,” he said, kissing my lips. He slowly pulled my shirt over my head and unfastened my jeans.

  I returned the favor, pulling his shirt over his head, unbuckling his belt.

  Smiling, he picked me up and set me on the bed—slowly pulling the pants from my legs. I kept my eyes on his as he took his off, as he joined me in bed and immediately kissed my lips—not letting me control the tempo.

  He kissed me and I shut my eyes—letting him caress every inch of my skin, listening to him whisper my name in between breaths. Within seconds, he pulled me on top of him and positioned me over his cock, slowly pushing me onto it. Grabbing my hips, he slowly rocked me back and forth—all while keeping his eyes on mine.

  I pressed my hands against his chest, feeling the words “I love you” on the tip of my tongue, but soft moans came out instead.

  I collapsed, falling forward and he slowly slipped out of me.

  Catching my breath, I felt him getting out of bed. I wanted to ask where he was going, but he came right back, pulling me against his chest and kissing my forehead.

  Neither of us spoke for a long time. We just looked into each other’s eyes.

  “I’m going to miss you,” he said. “So fucking much.”

  “If we hadn’t ever had sex would you feel the same?”

  “Very much so…You’re the only person I talk to almost every day.”

  “Unless you have a girlfriend.”

  “No.” He blew a strand of hair away from my face. “I still talk to you the same amount even then.”

  “That’s probably why they all hate me.”

  He grinned, kissing me again. “Probably.” He rolled me off of him and trailed his finger down my side, stopping when he reached my tattoo—a small silver key.

  “When did you get this?”

  “The same night we got tattoos in eleventh grade.”

  ”I’ve never noticed it before.”

  “I’ve never had a reason to get naked around you before.”

  “Hmmm. What does it mean?”

  “It means I was drunk and asked for a key, so the technician asked me to describe the type I wanted, and when I couldn’t, he just did his own thing.”

  “How deep and insightful…Tell me something you’ve never told me before…” His hand continued to trail down lower, to my thigh.

  “I don’t think there’s anything I’ve never told you before.”

  “There has to be something.” He kissed my lips. “It doesn’t have to be anything major…”

  “You might’ve been partially right about the bush thing with Scott, although I was, in fact. getting bad vibes that had absolutely nothing to do with that…”

  “Sure it didn’t.” He smiled. “And once again, for the record, no guy really cares about that…” He glanced down at my legs. “Although, I do enjoy the bare look.”

  I rolled my eyes, blushing. “Your turn. Tell me something you haven’t told me before.”

  “I hated you in third grade, too.”

  “You didn’t even know me in third grade!” I laughed. “Be serious.”

  “I wanted to finish what we started at the EPIC party. I wanted to have you against the wall.”

  “How romantic.”

  “You didn’t say it had to be romantic,” he said. “I am being serious, though…”

  “Okay, wait. I just thought of something you’ve never told me about.”

  “Doubt it, but what do you think that is?”

  “Elliot in eleventh grade. He didn’t come to school for two weeks after my disaster date with him, after you picked me up that night. Any idea why?”

  “Nope.” He smirked. “No idea at all.”

  “You do know why!” I looked into his eyes. “Tell me!”

  “What do I get in return?”

  “Not sure, but I’ll leave if you don’t comply…”

  “So, this is a threat?”

  I nodded. “A very serious one. Tell me…”

  “After I got my car back the next day, I called Josh and told him I needed his help with something—told him some guy had mistreated you and I didn’t appreciate it.”

  “And?”

  “And we found him and beat the shit out of him. He should’ve never left you alone like that…” He trailed my lips with his fingers. “Anything could’ve happened to you…”

  My jaw dropped, but I quickly recovered. “He never told on either of you?”

  “We gave him plenty of incentive not to.” He smiled. “He deserved it.”

  “I can’t believe you did that…”

  “Believe it,” he said. “I wouldn’t lie to you.”

  Okay, say it now. Say, I think I love you…Say, I think I’m in love with you…I love you, Carter, I—

  His lips were on mine again and my mind lost the thought—deciding to focus on the last few hours of our time together instead of wasting it with more words…

  Twelfth Grade

  Subject: Truth or Dare

  Pick one.

  Sincerely,

  Carter

  Subject: Re: Truth or Dare.

  Dare.

  Intrigued,

  Arizona

  Subject: Re: Re: Truth or Dare.

  I dare you to tell me what really happened between you and Matt last night.

  Sincerely,

  Carter

  Subject: Re: Re: Re: Truth or Dare

  I picked DARE. That’s a TRUTH. That’s cheating! But since we’re speaking of Matt…Gah! I should’ve said no to being his date tonight. Why is he wearing a yellow tuxedo?

  Embarrassed,

  Arizona

  Subject: Awaiting the Dare…

  You were definitely better off coming to prom alone. I’m starting to think I should’ve done the same.

  My date keeps asking me questions about when I plan on becoming a professional athlete. Tell me what happened between you and Matt, or, actually tell me anything. I need some intelligent conversation. My date doesn’t speak much.

  Sincerely,

  Carter

  Subject: Re: Awaiting the Dare

  Meet me at the punch bowl in fifteen minutes.

  You’re welcome (in advance) for the distraction,

  Arizona

  I walked over to the punch bowl minutes later and met Arizona. “I’ve got five minutes before she notices I’ve been away too long.”

  “I’ve got ten.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the ballroom.

  She tugged on all the doors as we walked down the hallway, until she finally found one that would open: A janitor’s closet.

  “We needed to have the conversation in here?” I asked
. “Are we in grade school again? Twilight zone, maybe?”

  “It was awful.” She slumped against a small chair. “Absolutely awful.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Losing my virginity.” She shook her head. “I’m hoping the next time will be better…”

  “There aren’t any do-overs on virginity...That’s…not how that works.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I meant sex. I figure he’ll try to do it again tonight, and I’ve heard some girls say it gets better with time so I can only hope.”

  “I hope it’s better for you, too…” I sighed. “Sorry it wasn’t what you thought it would be.”

  “It’s not your fault…” She looked up at me. “So, when do you plan on telling the media hounds what college you’re attending? You know all of those greedy-eyed recruiters are waiting with bated breath.”

  “You’re not?”

  “Why would I be?”

  “Because I haven’t told you either.”

  “But I know you so I’m pretty sure it’s an easy guess.”

  “Out of forty six schools with full scholarship offers on the table?” I crossed my arms. “Try me.”

  “When I get this right, you owe me a trip to Martha’s Waffle Place. Your treat.”

  “When you get this wrong, I’ll take you to the IHOP down the street.”

  She smiled. “South Beach University.”

  I was silent.

  “Is that it?” she asked. “Did I get it right?”

  “Nope.”

  “Liar!” She laughed. “I can see it all over your face. “You should accept the facts by now. I know you better than you know yourself.”

  “No, you just think that you do.”

  “Want to bet on that, too?”

  “As a matter of fact—” I stopped talking as the doorknob turned, as the door suddenly opened.

  In walked Mr. Florence, the same janitor from years past. He looked back and forth between Ari and me, shaking his head.

  “Thank you,” he said. “Thank you both very much for being the perfect sign that I really do need to retire…Now, get the hell out of my closet…”

  Track 20. All You Had to Do Was Stay (4:49)