If Ever I Fall: Book 3 of The Six Series

by Loveday, Sonya

  Nothing—there was no life left in him, even though the warmth hadn’t left his body.

  “Leave him. Once we get everyone back to the church, Grant will send a team in to recover the body,” Oliver answered.

  Getting back up to my feet, I moved around everyone. Taking Ace’s flashlight and Oliver’s, I lit the tunnel up enough for them to walk safely back to the entrance while carrying the girls.

  The sound of our footsteps alerted Eli we were coming long before he could even see the double beams I held in my hands.

  “Don’t shoot. It’s just us, Eli,’ I said, announcing us to keep him from firing his gun in our direction.

  At once, the darkness receded and we stood in the waning light coming from the cave entrance. Eli’s eyes bulged when he noticed the girl in Oliver’s arms.

  “Well, that’s interesting,” he said, shaking his head. “You go in with one and come out with two. Where’s Robert?”

  “Dead,” Oliver answered, setting Liv down beside where Grant lay.

  “How’s he doing?” I asked.

  Grant’s eye’s fluttered open as he answered. “I’m fine. Hurting, but fine.”

  The storm had finally broken. The wind died down along with it, making it safe enough for an evac extraction.

  Oliver wove his way around everyone, disappearing to the rocks below where Nadia waited.

  Lowering myself to sit opposite of where Ace set a groggy Airen down, I allowed myself to look into her eyes as she opened them.

  For a few brief seconds, we watched each other. I owed her an explanation. By the look in her eyes, she knew what I had to say wouldn’t be good.

  Maybe it would make things easier if she hated me. I could walk away knowing her anger would one day turn into resentment, and she’d eventually forget about me.

  Eli moved in front of her, speaking to her about her injuries. I tipped my head back, allowing myself to grieve the loss of her while no one watched.

  THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT me grounded was the connection of our eyes. I held it for all I was worth, willing him to see past the guilt he felt.

  I needed him to see I didn’t hold any grudges. That I wasn’t broken by the moment. Any of them, for that matter.

  If anything, it made me stronger. Forced me to accept that life was perfectly imperfect… and that it was all right to be that way.

  So long as he kept his eyes on mine, we could see past all of it and into one another. He’d been my strength whether he knew it or not.

  A strength I never thought I’d need, but that I found myself reaching for in him. If he shut me out, I’d never be the same.

  I’d survive it, surely, but I didn’t want to have to face it without him.

  See me, Aiden. Don’t push away. I still need you. I willed my thoughts at him, hoping they’d penetrate the foggy look in his eyes.

  Even though our eyes were caught in silent communication, I was aware of everything around me. Could hear them as they spoke to one another.

  Beside Grant, Liv lay curled in a ball. Her once straight, flowing hair was matted to the side of her head. Bones stuck out prominently as her dirty clothes hung from her frame.

  Every single person around me had in some way been affected by my uncle’s madness, but that would be no more. He was dead, no longer a threat to humanity. No longer a threat to my family.

  My heart stuttered as Aunt Brenda and Mum popped into my thoughts, filling my eyes with tears. Were they still alive?

  Aiden’s face pinched. When he noticed the tears, his nostrils flared and his fist clenched. I wanted so badly to slide along the stone floor and tuck my head up under his chin. It would feel safe there, warm even.

  Before I could scoot forward, Eli knelt down in front of me, severing the connection Aiden and I shared.

  I wanted to shove him aside, but it was too late. Peeking around Eli’s shoulder, I saw Aiden close his eyes.

  A sense of heaviness descended over me like a cold, wet blanket. I knew in that moment I’d lost him, and it hurt like hell.

  THE DOOR TO THE HOSPITAL room swished open before I could place my hand on the knob.

  We stood there staring at each other, both unsure of what to say.

  I’d avoided her for two weeks after we were picked up at the cave. I wish I could say it was a blur of time, but that would be a damn lie.

  Every day since Airen had been taken to the hospital to be treated for her injuries had been nothing but torturous for me.

  Knowing exactly where she was didn’t help either. It only made it worse. Made my decision eat away at me until I felt like there was nothing left but an empty shell.

  I could never love Airen the way she deserved to be loved. The way I wanted so desperately to love her.

  She bit her bottom lip, sidestepping me as she walked at a fast clip away from me.

  I hung my head, knowing that if I didn’t go after her, didn’t at least try to explain it to her, that I’d never get another chance.

  Grant and Nadia had decided I needed to go back to the States for a little bit. The ticket they’d bought was tucked into my suitcase, sitting in the car.

  “Airen, wait!” I called after her, running to catch up.

  She stopped, but she didn’t turn around.

  I reached out, stopping myself at the last second before my hands touched her shoulders.

  I could feel her heat—smell the light perfume she wore. The combination of the two reached inside my chest and squeezed my heart until it threatened to stop beating.

  “What do ye want, Aiden?” she asked, her voice barely a whisper.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, matching the soft tone of her voice.

  “Yeah, me too,” she answered, and then walked away.

  I left my heart there on the floor of the hospital as I walked out without saying good-bye to Brenda. I’d already said them to Mina at her funeral.

  Airen didn’t deserve me hanging around, trying to be her friend. Too much had happened. Too many secrets had been kept from her. Leaving was for the best. It was what I had to do. And it hurt like fucking hell.

  I DOUBLE CHECKED THE ADDRESS from the email on my phone with the one on the door. It was definitely Josh’s apartment. What didn’t make sense was the location of it. I thought he would have lived a little closer to the university. Raising my fist, I pounded on the door, waiting for him to answer.

  The chain lock stopped it from opening fully as Josh peeked out through the crack.

  “Aiden? What are you doing here?” he asked before closing the door and pulling the chain lock free.

  Dragging a deep breath into my chest, I let the first of many lies I’d end up telling Josh fall from my lips. “I’m on leave and decided to come check out the college hotties you’re keeping all to yourself, asshole. Now let me in.”

  He pulled the door open slowly, revealing a sparse living room.

  “Guess I can’t sleep on your couch then…” I said, pointing out the fact that he had no couch.

  Something like embarrassment flashed in Josh’s eyes. He tried hiding it, but it was too late. I’d already seen it. Maybe coming to see Josh wasn’t just my salvation. What if it was his too? “Don’t worry; the floor works just fine.”

  Josh’s eyes snapped, life springing back into them. “What the hell makes you think I’ll let you stay here with me? You could be cramping my style, ya know?”

  I laughed at him, moving further into the small apartment and heading for the kitchen. “I’m hungry,” I said, pulling the refrigerator door open.

  It was empty. Jesus, how the hell was he even getting by?

  “I haven’t gone shopping yet. I just cleaned that out last night. It’s a good thing too. There was a box of pizza that had its own colony of mold about to storm the apartment.”

  He could lie to me all he wanted. I knew lies. I told them more than I cared to. “Well, in that case, go get your shoes. Dinner’s on me.”

  Something like relief crossed his face as he
spun away and disappeared into the room at the end of the short hallway.

  Josh locked the door behind us as we made our way down the street to a sandwich shop.

  Seated under brighter lighting than what was in his apartment, I could see the dark circles sitting prominently under his eyes.

  Things hadn’t worked out so well for me in Scotland. Grant and Nadia sending me to Pennsylvania seemed like a reason for them to push me away so I could get my shit together.

  Seeing Josh and the way he looked made me wonder if they knew how he was doing and sent me so that Josh and I could somehow work through our demons together. Hopefully, we landed back on the other side of living.

  There was only one way to find out. “So, I think I’ll be sticking around for a while,” I said, watching him look at me in confusion.

  “I thought you were just on leave,” he said, wiping his face with a napkin.

  “I’m not on leave. I didn’t make it with the army,” I answered, telling the truth for once. Even if it wasn’t the full truth.

  Josh studied me for a minute, and then blew out a deep breath. Chuckling, he tossed the napkin on the table before saying, “Looks like we both failed. I lost my scholarship money. I’m not in college.”

  Shock rolled through me, making my mouth open and close without a hint of what to say. Finally, I said the only thing I could think of. “What the hell happened?”

  Josh shook his head, rolling his eyes up to the ceiling as he said, “Long ass story, bro.”

  I settled back against the bench seat, draped my arm over the back, and said, “Lucky for you, I have all the time in the world to hear it.”

  “Yeah, well, it’s not something I want to talk about right now,” he answered.

  I nodded, understanding that whatever it was he’d been through was his and his alone to share if he wanted to. The last thing I’d expect was for someone to spill all of their secrets.

  I knew I wouldn’t. They were mine and mine alone to torture me.

  Airen’s face fluttered through my thoughts, and I let the image linger there longer than I normally did.

  Josh kicked me under the table. “You look tired. Ready to head back?”

  I pushed myself out of the booth, dropping enough money on the table to cover our meal plus the tip, and then followed Josh out to the street. Winter was coming in Pennsylvania.

  Scotland would be beautiful in the winter. Stomping my feet against the chill of the air, and the memories I couldn’t shake, I fell into step with Josh.

  “I can’t tell you how good it is to have you here,” Josh said, his words coming out with puffs of white.

  “Mark and Paige are getting married. Did you know that?” I asked, settling into the old way all of us used to talk about random things whenever they popped in our heads.

  “Yeah, Paige called me a few weeks ago. She said, and I quote, ‘You assholes better get time off together at the same time, or I’ll find each of you and kick your asses. She’s pretty scary when she wants to be. Glad Mark’s the one who gets to tame that one,” he said, laughing.

  “What’s scarier is trying to get everyone together at the same time. I guess it’s doable though. Probably have to start working on it now,” I said as something like happiness brewed up inside of me.

  The Six back together again like old times would definitely be something to look forward to.

  “Good, I’ll let you round everyone up then, because there’s no way I’m calling to tell her I can’t get anyone to return my calls,” he said, giving me a exaggerated face of mock fear.

  “Consider it done,” I said, slapping my hand against his shoulder.

  Yep, it was good to be back to something like normal after the crazy adventures my life had taken me on since we graduated high school.

  One thing was for certain. No matter where I went or what I did, Airen would always haunt me, but I would always have my friends. That would have to be enough.

  WAITING FOR MY EYES TO adjust to the dim lighting of the church, I willed my heart to slow. My decision hadn’t been an easy one, but it was the right one. The only hitch in my plan would be Nadia.

  Candlelight flickered towards the pulpit, highlighting the open-armed statue of Mary.

  Saying a prayer silently, I made the sign of the cross, hoping I wasn’t too late.

  She was sitting there at the back of the church. Her head was bowed, and her eyes were closed.

  “Hello, Airen,” she said, startling me.

  “Nadia,” I said as she slid over, making room for me on the pew.

  She lifted her head to look towards the front of the church and said, “I know what you’ve come to ask me.”

  More nervous than I’d been before walking into the church, I clutched my hands in my lap. “I need to know…”

  “Pennsylvania. We sent him to Pennsylvania. But, Airen…” She paused briefly as her hand reached out to cover mine. “I want you to fully understand what it is you’re asking of him by accepting you into his life.”

  “I’m not asking him to accept me into his life. I just have to see him again,” I said, biting the inside of my lip until I tasted blood.

  “If you show up on his doorstep, that’s exactly what you’ll be doing. He walked away to keep you safe. That doesn’t mean he walked away from his feelings. You’re special to him, and there isn’t a thing I can do to change that.”

  Her explanation bristled me. “How special could I be if he spent the last two weeks completely ignoring me?”

  “More than you know,” she said. A soft sound escaped her, almost like a laugh. “Had you not come to me, he would have eventually come to you. We sent him to Pennsylvania to see if being away from here—away from you—would help him through this.”

  “This?” I asked, not sure what she meant.

  “You, his guilt… it’s an Aiden thing.” She shrugged, adding, “He’s faithful to a fault. When he feels, he feels it with his all. And once I saw the way he looked at you, I just knew at one point or another, you and I would be having this conversation.”

  Taken aback at her honesty, I relaxed against the hard wood. “Aye, but ye’ve no really told me anything. I still don’t know what it is he does… what any of ye do. I think I have an idea, but…”

  “But Aiden needs to be the one who tells you. You have to hear it all from him, and then decide what’s best for you. It’s the only way,” she said, squeezing my hand before standing.

  I got to my feet, moving out of the way to let her into the aisle.

  She reached inside her jacket pocket. “Give him my best, will ya?”

  My hands trembled as I took the plane tickets in her hand. “How did you….”

  “Because I’d do the same thing in your shoes,” she said, turning to walk away.

  Clasping the tickets to my chest, I stood on legs that threatened to buckle. When the shaking became too much, I sat back down on the pew, lifted my head towards the ceiling, and offered a silent thank you to my answered prayer.

  Aiden had no idea the mess he’d made of my heart when he left me behind. He’d tried to apologize at the hospital, but I’d been so hurt after Mum’s passing that I couldn’t form more than a few thoughts even when strung together. I owed it to him to accept his apology and give him one of my own.

  He wasn’t going to get off that easy though. I was, of course, a woman feeling a tad bit jilted. And if Aiden thought he’d seen the last of me, he was sadly mistaken.

  Pushing myself up, I found the strength I needed to walk out of the church. After all, I had a plane to catch and a heart to claim.

  I JINGLED THE KEYS TO the new apartment in my hand, watching Josh’s expression as he looked around the empty space for the first time. “So… what do you think?”

  “I think you should have waited and talked to me about this first,” he answered, sighing as he leaned against the wall.

  That took me by surprise. I thought he’d be happy to get out of the one-bedroom shit hole he�
�d been living in.

  Plus, with me sharing the rent, he’d be able to maybe pick up a class or two and go back to college. “I don’t understand. I thought you’d at least be a little excited.”

  He hitched his shoulder. “I was gonna wait until my lease was up and head home.”

  Josh wasn’t a quitter. If anything, he was the only one of the Six that had his shit together before we all left home. Seeing him so defeated and unsure of himself hit me like a freight train. “And do what? Find some minimum-wage job and just get by? You’re better than that, Josh. You had plans. What happened to them?”

  He pushed off the wall, shoving his hand through his hair as the air crackled with the anger coming off him in waves. “Do you know how hard it’s been since I left home? Since we all parted ways? I can’t even function right. What does that say about me?”

  Watching him poke his finger against his chest as he asked his last question pissed me off. “You’re not the only one who had a hard time with leaving home, Josh. All of us had to make some pretty damn big adjustments when we set out on our own, but we did it. Why aren’t you in school and what the hell have you been doing these last few months?”

  He tipped his head back and laughed. It wasn’t a funny kind of laugh either. It was a laugh that said I was about to hear a whole bunch of shit I didn’t want to hear.

  Instead of lashing out like I thought he’d do, he turned his back on me and walked over to the large picture window in the living room.

  “I was held up at gunpoint my second day here. On my way to the bank of all things.” He sighed, kicking the toe of his shoe against the wall. “Lucky for me, I’d held back a little bit of money, or I would have really been screwed.”

  “Why didn’t you say something?” I asked.

  Had he called one of us, we would have chipped together and sent him enough money to help him get by.

  “Seriously? Everyone was off doing their own thing. The last thing I wanted to do was call everyone up and be all like ‘hey, how’s everything going? Can you send me some money?’” He shook his head. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he continued. “I had it handled. Well, I thought I had it handled. I filed a report and got with a sketch artist, but even if they caught the guy, I’d still be broke.”