Dark Chaos

by Ginny Dye

  “Price gouging!” James snorted. “Who cares what fish costs if we lose our capital? I’ve heard that the new Union general, Hooker, has over 125,000 men sitting on the other side of the Rappahannock.”

  Carrie listened with a sinking heart. Of course, she knew of the buildup of the troops – was aware the Union army had been sitting just forty miles from Richmond almost all winter. The Union army, severely demoralized after their stunning loss at Fredericksburg under General Burnside, had been rebuilding and regrouping under the leadership of General Hooker. It wasn’t news to her; it just wasn’t anything she wanted to hear right now.

  Thomas cut into James’ hot words. “I think Drew is right. General Lee is quite a capable commander.”

  Carrie shot a quick look at her father. His voice carried none of the confidence his words did.

  “You can’t possibly think General Lee can defeat an army twice his size,” James protested. “Why, we’re going to have another Antietam on our hands. No one really claimed that to be a Southern loss, but losing 20,000 men is not my idea of a victory. The South can’t stand many more battles like that. And from what I can tell, Lee doesn’t have nearly the same strength in his defensive position that he held at Fredericksburg.”

  Carrie felt the bile rise in her throat at the mention of Antietam. The horror of the last eight months - imagining Robert dead or horribly wounded when he had been declared missing in action at Antietam - was still fresh in her memory. What if she had regained him only to lose him to another Union bullet?

  “What I think,” Thomas said sharply, “is that this is no time for such talk. In case you have forgotten, Mr. Botler, my daughter is getting married today.”

  James scowled. “She won’t be the first to become a soldier’s widow. Pretending the situation isn’t critical doesn’t change the reality,” he said harshly.

  Carrie had heard enough. She put her hand on her father’s arm to stop his angry barrage of words. Fighting to keep anger and fear from her voice, she turned to James. “There is not a person in this room who can change the reality of this horrible war, Mr. Botler. There is also not a person in this room who cannot benefit from closing out the darkness for a while and letting what little good there is in this mess to become a more present reality. It’s called grasping for whatever good there is in a bad situation. It’s called hope. It’s the only thing any of us have to hang on to.” She took a deep breath. “I realize my getting married today doesn’t change the fact Hooker may cross the river tomorrow. But for just one day, I want the good things in my life to overrule the bad. Is that such a horrible thing?”

  James flushed and lowered his eyes. “I’m sorry, Miss Cromwell. I guess I’m just worried.”

  “All of us are worried,” Janie chimed in. “But I’ve heard a lot of the people in Richmond talking. The last year has toughened them. They made it through last summer when McClellan tried to take the city. They have endured one of the hardest winters anyone can imagine. Now it’s spring. They have chosen hope. They will live their lives as if the city might not fall in the next few days. There is nothing any of us here can do. It’s up to General Lee and his men. We will deal with whatever consequences come. In the meantime, we will live our lives.”

  James nodded slowly. “I won’t bother you with anymore of my talk,” he promised. “I have a job to do. I guess I’ll go do it.” He shoved his chair back from the table and reached for his hat on the nearby hat rack. “Congratulations, Miss Cromwell,” he said sincerely. “I hope you have a wonderful day.” He moved toward the door then stopped. “I truly do apologize. It’s just that I find myself feeling sick inside when I think of the North coming down here and conquering us. I can’t help being angry.” Nodding briefly, he crammed his hat on his head and strode out.

  There was silence until James had exited the room.

  “I’m sorry, Carrie,” Thomas said. “I didn’t want anything to spoil your day.”

  “It’s all right,” Carrie smiled. “Today, I have Robert. Today, we’re getting married. For just one day, I’m not worrying about tomorrow.”

  Carrie fidgeted restlessly as Janie arranged her hair. She lapsed into stillness then seconds later shifted her weight again.

  “I declare, Carrie Cromwell, if you don’t sit still it’s going to look as if a flock of birds made a nest in your hair!” Janie finally burst out in exasperation.

  Carrie sighed heavily and settled down again. “Are you almost done?” she said impatiently. “I’m sorry,” she apologized immediately. “I’ve never been known for my patience,” she said ruefully then smiled brilliantly. “Can you believe it? I’m really marrying Robert today.”

  Janie nodded calmly. “Your captain should be arriving any minute.” She pushed down on Carrie’s shoulders firmly. “Two minutes and I’ll be done with this. Can you possibly sit still for just two more minutes?”

  “I suppose,” Carrie said meekly then let her thoughts take her mind off her enforced confinement. Robert had been promoted from lieutenant to captain as soon as he had reported back to his unit. She couldn’t care less about his military status - she simply wanted him alive. His rank of captain would only make him more valuable to the Confederate war cause. She squirmed suddenly and peeked up at Janie. “You don’t think they’ll make him fight in this new battle, do you? He’s only been home a week. Surely he’s not strong enough for that.” She knew her voice sounded pathetically hopeful.

  Janie paused then tried to sound reassuring. “I’m sure they can do without one captain long enough for you to have some time together.”

  Carrie knew Janie didn’t believe what she was saying, but she decided not to press it. She may have only illusions to make her happy, but she would live in them until reality forced her to do otherwise.

  Janie inserted the last pin, glided over to the wardrobe, and lifted the white dress off the hanger. “Is the bride ready for her gown?”

  Carrie rose in one fluid movement and raised her arms obediently. “Have you ever thought about applying for a job as a servant?” she teased. “You seem to have a natural affinity for it.”

  Janie stuck out her tongue. “Unless emancipation truly takes place, I just don’t think it would pay well enough. I would have too many slaves to compete with.”

  Carrie laughed along with her then sobered. “Oh, Janie, this war just has to free the slaves. What if things are still the same when this horrible war is over?”

  Janie shook her head firmly. “Not one word about the war,” she said sternly. “This is your wedding day. The war will still be here tomorrow. For today you’re just a beautiful bride about to be married to a dashing man.” She settled the dress over Carrie’s head, buttoned it into place, and then took a step back. “Even with such a simple gown, you are absolutely lovely,” she said with deep admiration.

  Carrie spun to gaze into the mirror above her dresser. “Father wanted to buy a much more elaborate gown, but I wouldn’t let him. I think it’s criminal to spend gobs of money on a wedding dress when so many people are starving.” She twirled as she looked at herself critically. The dress was very plain, but she had to admit it was becoming. The lines hugged her slender waistline then fell outward in graceful folds. “I wish Mother was here,” she said softly.

  “She would be very proud of you,” Janie reached over to tuck in a final errant strand of hair.

  Carrie stared into the mirror for a moment before moving away to stand by the window. A warm breeze filled the room with the fragrant perfume of spring flowers and swirled the light blue curtains into a graceful dance. Once again Carrie felt her heart fly over the treetops to Cromwell Plantation. “Mother used to talk about the day I would get married. She had plans to make it the social event of the season. There was nothing she liked more than large parties attended by the right people,” she said affectionately. “It used to drive me crazy because I just didn’t care about things like that, but before Mother died we had learned to accept each other. I miss her,” she
said wistfully. She scowled and swung around to give Janie a fierce hug. “Absolutely no more sad thoughts. I have Robert and Father and wonderful friends like you. My life is incredibly rich.” Humming a catchy tune, she pulled Janie into a wild dance around the room as she determined to chase the goblins of sadness away. Soon the girls’ laughter filled the room and cascaded through the house.

  Janie finally pulled away, gasping to catch her breath. “You will be a mess,” she accused between gulps of air.

  “Pooh,” Carrie scoffed. “You put enough pins in my head to secure it in the midst of a gale.”

  Suddenly a knock sounded at the door. “Is anyone else invited to your party?” a deep voice called.

  Janie flew to the door and swung it open. “Your daughter is all ready, Mr. Cromwell. I’ll see you downstairs.”

  “Most of the guests are here,” Thomas responded, not taking his eyes off Carrie. “Pastor Anthony and Robert should be here any minute.”

  “I’ll make sure everything is taken care of,” Janie said reassuringly then shut the door.

  Thomas turned to Carrie. “You look absolutely beautiful,” he said in a strained voice. He walked closer. “Just as pretty as your mother was on our wedding day.”

  Carrie’s eyes welled with tears at the look of tenderness on his face. “I wish she could be here.”

  “I have a feeling she knows what is happening,” Thomas replied softly. “And I’m sure she would approve.”

  Carrie moved closer and wrapped her arms around her father. “Can you believe it’s actually happening? That I’m going to be married?”

  “I wasn’t sure you’d ever find a man good enough for you.”

  “Good enough - or one who could put up with my stubbornness?” Carrie teased.

  “That was something I took into consideration,” Thomas admitted with a playful smile. Then he sobered. “Robert Borden is getting the most wonderful girl in the world. Strong-willed, tender, loving, intelligent...”

  “You make me sound perfect!” Carrie laughed. “I’m afraid Robert knows the truth already. It’s too late to trick him.”

  “I know exactly what Robert thinks of you, Carrie. If he didn’t love you as much as I do, I wouldn’t let him marry you,” Thomas said firmly. “He loves you the way I loved your mother. That kind of love can weather a lot of storms and make your life very rich.”

  “I’m incredibly rich,” Carrie said, wrapping her arms around him tenderly. “I have you, and I have Robert.” Unbidden, images of Rose, Moses, and Aunt Abby flashed into her mind, but she pushed them away resolutely. Someday she would be able to share with them the happiness of this moment. For now, she would simply live it as fully as she could.

  Suddenly she stepped back and stared at her father. “Why are you standing with one arm behind your back?” she asked suddenly. He pulled his arm around and held his hidden treasure out to her. Carrie reached forward slowly and took the magnolia blossom he was cradling in his strong hand.

  “It’s the first one of the season,” Thomas said. “Your mother used to tell me how she would fill the house with magnolia blossoms the day that you got married.”

  “I remember,” Carrie whispered, caressing the milky white bloom with her fingers. Then, fighting tears, she lifted the blossom and inhaled deeply. “So fragrant,” she murmured, burying her face in the single flower.

  “I couldn’t fill the house, but I’ve watched that bud for the last few days and hope it would bloom in time. I went out onto the porch this morning and found it lifting its head toward the sun.”

  Carrie smiled. “I think it’s a sign. Magnolias have always been my favorite flower. Rose and I used to pretend each bloom stood for one of our dreams. We would wait for them to bloom then wish on them.” She gazed at the flower, remembering.

  “And what is your wish today?” Thomas asked.

  “That Robert and I will have a long life of happiness together,” Carrie replied instantly. She cupped the bloom, lifted it to her face, and kissed it gently. “That is my magnolia dream for today.”

  Just then a knock sounded at the door. “Pastor Anthony and Robert are here,” Janie called. “I think all the guests are, too.”

  “I was just getting ready to come down,” Thomas called, kissing Carrie warmly on her cheek. “I’ll be waiting downstairs for you.”

  CHAPTER TWO

  Carrie stood at the top of the steps and fought to control the pounding of her heart. From where she was standing and waiting on the top step of the long staircase, she could see Robert’s wavy, dark hair. Abiding by her wish not to mix the war with their marriage, he was dressed in a dark blue suit instead of his Confederate gray uniform. The firm set of his shoulders and his erect carriage made it almost impossible to believe he had spent months paralyzed before recovering, after his wounds in the battle at Antietam.

  Pastor Anthony, facing the stairway, glanced up and caught Carrie’s eyes. A warm smile spread over his kindly features. Carrie smiled back, her heart full of appreciation for this man who had become such a dear friend. They had grown close during the last year as Carrie had worked closely with him to bring medical care to the black residents of the city. She had known instantly that he should be the one to marry them. A frown flitted across her face. Pastor Anthony had agreed immediately, but she was sure she had seen a brief flicker of uncertainty flare in his eyes before he smiled and nodded. She had pushed it aside, but in quiet moments she had wondered about what had seemed a flash of fear. Now, as before, she brushed it aside. It was probably just her imagination.

  Carrie focused her attention back on the room, watching as Janie walked to the piano and settled down, her fingers poised over the keys. Thomas stood and climbed the stairs to stand beside her before he lovingly pulled her arm through his. Janie looked up, winked, and began to play the wedding march.

  “I guess this is it,” Carrie whispered as they began the descent of the stairs. Down below, the two dozen or so guests rose to turn to watch expectantly. Huge sprays of apple blossoms filled the room with their feathery beauty. Carrie was glad her father had agreed to keep the wedding small.

  “This is it,” Thomas agreed quietly, his arm squeezing hers gently. “Robert Borden is about to be the luckiest man alive.”

  Carrie glanced up and caught Robert gazing at her. A smile shone on her face as the full reality of the moment sank in. His responding smile made her breath catch. She was really marrying this incredible man. They had weathered the storms of their relationship and found their way to this day. The stairs disappeared as she floated to meet him, the rest of the room dissolving in a haze. Robert held her gaze, his dark eyes penetrating her heart. She wanted to both laugh and cry with the wonder of the moment. For today, it was just the two of them. Nothing, and no one, could steal this day from them. Reality blurred as the magic settled in.

  She vaguely heard Pastor Anthony speaking to the audience, his voice seeming to come from a great distance. She felt her father release her arm and place her hand in Robert’s. Only then did she tear her eyes away from his face and turn to Pastor Anthony. The look on the pastor’s face told her he knew exactly what she was feeling. Slowly his face came into focus, and his voice rang clearly. Once again reality settled in, the magic still lingering.

  “Carrie Cromwell, do you take this man…?”

  “I now pronounce you man and wife,” Pastor Anthony said joyfully. “Robert, you may kiss the bride.”

  Carrie lifted her face joyfully, substance once more fading into fantasy, as Robert’s lips lowered to meet hers. Every particle of her being lifted to meet his as his mouth settled on hers tenderly. Every portion of her leapt to quivering, exuberant life as their love met, mingled, and meshed them into one.

  Sometime later Robert raised his head reluctantly. “I love you,” he whispered.

  “And I love you,” Carrie responded, trying to slow her pounding heart.

  Pastor Anthony turned them to face the room. “It is my pleasure to present Mr
. and Mrs. Robert Borden.”

  It was several hours before the last guest left. The sun was sinking low on the horizon, a cauldron of clouds boiling in the eastern sky. The soft green of the trees stood in stark contrast to the gray cumulus, outlined boldly by the last rays of bright sunlight. An occasional puff of stiff breeze, amidst the calm that portends a storm, kicked up puffs of dust from the road.

  Once again Carrie found herself longing for the quiet and privacy of Cromwell Plantation. She and Robert had nowhere to go. Every house and hotel in Richmond was crowded to capacity, the bulging city barely able to contain the throngs war had heaped on it. The novelty of ladies marrying soldiers bound for the front had long passed. It was nothing but a commonplace occurrence now, not deserving of special favors. The newlyweds would stay where they would be living for the duration of the war - in Thomas Cromwell’s house.

  Robert lifted his hand once more to wave at the last departing wagon then turned to Carrie. “I think we’re finally alone.”

  Carrie flushed at the bright gleam in his eyes but held his gaze. “I wasn’t sure we ever would be,” she replied, grateful her father had made sure the house would be empty for at least that evening.

  Robert continued to stare deep into her eyes then quietly extended his hand. Carrie grasped it, and together they entered the house. The calm before the storm retreated before the advancing clouds, and a strong breeze blew through the hallway, which caused the chandelier to sway gently, and a tinkling noise following them up the stairs. Carrie barely noticed. She seemed to float up the stairs as Robert’s gaze held and lifted her.

  “Should we shut the window?” Robert asked as they entered what was now their room.

  “It will be a while before the storm arrives,” Carrie replied. “I’d like to leave it open. I love the feeling of the warm wind dancing into the room.”