Dark Chaos

by Ginny Dye

  “I refuse to let fear stop me from doing what I think is right.” Rose swallowed the butterflies swarming in her throat. “General Butler is a fair man. He was the one who first opened up these camps to contrabands. I can’t believe he would let this continue if he knew.”

  “One man can’t possibly control everything around him,” June protested. “It’s just gonna keep happening. You know how it is. People don’t care nothing about blacks except how much money they can make off them.” Her voice was bitter.

  “And as long as people like you give up and look the other way while it happens, things aren’t ever going to change,” Rose stated simply. She leaned forward and squeezed June’s hand. “I won’t be foolish, but I certainly will do something. At least I’m going to try. It’s the only way I can live with myself.”

  “I wish I was as brave as you,” June said quietly. “I just ain’t.” She paused for a long moment then shook her head. “I remember when my daddy ran away and got hung for it. They came after the rest of us - Mama and us kids.”

  Rose listened, her heart aching for the pain and fear radiating from June’s eyes. Moses had told her this story.

  “They whipped us all,” June whispered. “It almost killed Mama and Sadie. Sadie never walked right after that. Me and Moses still got the scars.” She paused. “I guess they whipped the courage right out of me.”

  “You’ve got plenty of courage,” Rose replied firmly. “It’s just that some of us are meant to do more. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t one of those people, but I am. The only way I can live with myself is to try to make a difference.”

  “Don’t you get scared?” June asked.

  “All the time,” Rose admitted then smiled slightly. “My mama used to tell me there wasn’t anything wrong with fear unless you let it control you. She used to tell me that brave people felt the same amount of fear as scared people - they just decided to ignore it and crash right through it.” She leaned forward, her eyes burning. “Things will never change for our people as long as we sit back and let it happen. We aren’t the first people to be treated wrong in this world, you know. It’s been happening since the beginning of time, I imagine. For some reason, folks always like to have someone they feel they have power over.”

  “Well, if it isn’t going to change...” June began.

  “I didn’t say things couldn’t change,” Rose interrupted. “I said it’s been happening for a long time. It’s the people who stand up and decide to fight for themselves that see change.” She raised her head, the light of battle shining in her eyes. “Things have already changed so much. More and more of us are claiming our freedom. When this war is over, we’ll all be free! It’s happened because people have been willing to stand up and proclaim that things won’t stay the same!”

  “You sound like a crusader,” June said.

  Rose sat back and laughed. “I guess I do.” Then she sobered. “Our little boys will grow up in a different world than we did. They won’t be slaves. They will have a chance to make something of their lives.” Rose gazed down at John. “I intend to do everything I can to make sure he gets his chance.”

  June nodded slowly. “When you put it like that,” she murmured. She looked down at Simon for several moments then straightened. “I’ll keep listening at the fort. I’ll let you know everything I hear.” She stood, settled Simon on her hip, and then reached for his blanket. “You be careful. I’m going to drop off Simon at Mammy Sadie’s and get to work.”

  Rose watched her go and then began to bounce John on her knee absent-mindedly, her thoughts racing. A knock on the door interrupted her. “Come in,” she called.

  Diedre entered the cabin. “Good morning, Rose.”

  Rose looked at her closely. “What’s wrong?”

  Diedre sank into the chair June had just vacated. “I got me something big to think about.”

  Rose waited quietly. She knew Diedre would talk when she was ready. John gave an unhappy whimper, and she shifted position so that she could feed him.

  “They want to send me and the children north,” she announced suddenly.

  “Who does?” Rose asked sharply.

  “The Freedmen’s Friends Society. They think me and the children will have a better chance of a good life if we go north.”

  “From the sound of your voice you don’t seem too convinced,” Rose observed. She had heard about the Society offering to ship ex-slaves north. She had received mixed reports. Some of the ex-slaves wrote back glowing letters describing their new lives, but other letters were full of homesickness and unhappiness.

  Diedre shook her head. “They tell me the children will have the chance for a better education up there. I reckon that’s a good thing. Me and Wally never got none down here.” She sighed. “I wish I could talk to Wally about this.”

  “How do you think he’d feel?” Rose asked carefully. Wally had been gone for several months now - serving as a sailor on one of the navy’s ships.

  “He’d want what’s best for the children,” she said slowly. “He’d also feel real bad about leaving our farm. I guess I would, too.”

  “Things will be different here when the war is over,” Rose replied. “All the ex-slaves can’t up and move to the North. Some of us will have to make our lives down here.”

  “You planning on staying down here?” Diedre asked, leaning close and fixing her with a burning gaze.

  “Moses wants to be a farmer,” Rose said. “There is no better land than the South for farming as far as he’s concerned. There will be just as many children here who need a teacher as there will be up north.”

  “It ain’t gonna be easy,” Diedre said sharply. “If the North wins this war, there gonna be a lot of mad white people around here. They ain’t gonna take kindly to black folks trying to act like their equals.”

  “We are their equals,” Rose said calmly. “And I never said I thought it would be easy.” She paused. “I used to think I wanted to live in the North. I thought it would be easier - that I would find less prejudice.” She shook her head. “People are people, no matter where they are. Our race has a long battle in front of us. Wherever we live,” she said firmly. “The South is my home. We’ll stay here and carve out a life for ourselves.”

  Diedre shook her head. “They ain’t gonna like it if I tell them we don’t want to go. Seems like they think it would be best.” Her voice grew fretful. “I wish my Wally was here to tell me what to do.”

  “Well, he isn’t,” Rose said firmly, marveling that this was the same woman who had so fearlessly delivered her baby. “It’s your responsibility to make the decision for your family. You have to do what you believe is best.”

  Diedre blinked at her then straightened. “I reckon you’re right,” she said in a stronger voice. “You think my children can get all the learning they need down here?”

  “I think it will take time for things to change,” Rose said. “But I think they’ll change. As long as there are enough of us willing to help make it happen.”

  Diedre sat taller. “I reckon I’ll be one of them people,” her eyes suddenly shining with pride.

  Rose breathed an inaudible sigh of relief. “Good. I would have missed you terribly if you had gone.”

  “One of these days my Wally and me will load up a wagon and take our children back to our farm. We’ve been legally free for a while now. One of these days we’re going to be treated like we’re free,” Diedre said firmly. “Things are gonna change.”

  Rose stood and handed John to her. “Can you hold him while I bank the fire?”

  Diedre looked down tenderly. “He’s sound asleep.”

  “All it takes is a good meal,” Rose agreed. “I guess it takes a lot of energy to grow as fast as he’s growing.”

  Diedre nodded. “I thought we was going to lose both of you the night he was born,” she said gruffly. “Ain’t never had a baby come into the world as rough as your little John did.”

  “He’s a fighter,” Rose replied. “He
will have to be,” she added softly, staring at his glowing dark skin and curly black hair. “He has no idea what he’s gotten himself into.”

  The streets were thronged with people as Rose wove her way toward the school. Even though it was the end of September, hot humidity still groped at her. Boisterous children raced barefoot through the dusty streets; laundry flapped on clothes lines, and people’s voices could be heard everywhere. As Rose passed one ramshackle cabin she heard the voices of two women raised in heated argument. She frowned. The cloying heat and incessant overcrowding had stretched tempers to the breaking point all over the contraband camp.

  “I told you I ain’t gonna take it no more!”

  Rose started and turned as the door to the cabin flung open, and the voices shrieked out into the road.

  “You can just get yerself right out of this here cabin!” Two women appeared on the porch as they screamed at each other.

  Rose sighed and started forward. Peacemaker had been added to her endless list of duties as the long summer had worn on. She shifted John to her hip and tried to decide what to say.

  “I said get out!” the larger woman yelled, giving the other a mighty shove that sent her toppling into the dust outside the cabin.

  Within seconds a crowd surrounded the cabin and stared in fascination as the two women continued to scream at each other. Rose understood they were hungry for any kind of entertainment they could get, but she couldn’t see the attraction of two women fighting like dogs.

  “Let me have that boy,” an urgent voice sounded in her ear.

  Rose nodded and handed John to Mammy Sadie. “Thank you,” she said gratefully; then Rose stepped up to the woman sprawled in the dust and extended a hand.

  “Don’t you help her up, Miss Rose!” the larger woman yelled.

  “Now, Candice, you know I’m not just going to leave Tonya down here,” Rose said soothingly. “What’s going on here, anyway?” She fought to keep the exasperation from her voice. She knew it wouldn’t help.

  “That Tonya done stole my one good dress for my little Angel,” Candice said angrily. “She knows I done been saving it.”

  Tonya ignored Rose’s hand and heaved herself up from the ground. “You a fool to be saving that dress,” she retorted. “My little Fannie be walking around in a dress full of holes while you got that perfectly good one stuck away in a box.”

  “It’s my Angel’s!” Candice screamed.

  Rose stepped between the two women before they went at each other again. “Why are you saving the dress?” she asked calmly. She was sure she knew, but if she could get Candice talking reasonably things might simmer down.

  “You know why, Miss Rose,” Candice protested. “My little Angel almost died a few months back. If the fever takes her again, I won’t have nothing good to bury her in if Tonya steals that dress,” she said anxiously. “My little girl might not have had much, but she ain’t gonna be put in her grave dressed like a rag doll.” Her voice was stubborn.

  Rose listened quietly. She had grown used to this feeling. Whenever the barrels of supplies came from the North, the best clothes were snatched up quickly, never to be seen again. Rose had finally discovered the women were hiding them away for anticipated funerals. Nothing she had said could change how they felt about it. She had decided to try a different approach.

  She turned to Tonya. “May I see the dress, please?” Her voice was kind but firm. Tonya hesitated then handed it over reluctantly. Rose looked it over carefully then glanced up at Candice. “This isn’t really such a nice dress,” she lied casually. “I’ve got a lot better ones put away for funerals.”

  “What you talking about?” Candice asked sharply.

  “Just what I said,” Rose responded. “I got several barrels of nice clothing a few weeks back. I took the best clothes and put them aside. That way, whenever we have need of some for a funeral, they will be there. I’m not so naive to believe we will get through the winter without someone dying.” She paused, staring Candice straight in the eyes. “I also know how important it is for our children to be dressed well and warmly if they are to survive the winter coming. Our hiding clothes from each other will only mean more children will die. Is that what you want?”

  “Why, of course not!” Candice sputtered indignantly.

  “I didn’t think so,” Rose said kindly. “I promise you that if something happens to your little Angel that she will have the right clothes for her funeral.”

  Candice stared at her for a long minute then turned to Tonya. “I reckon you can have that dress,” she muttered. She turned to go back inside then swung back. “And I reckon you can stay here.”

  Rose breathed a sigh of relief as the crowd melted away. She took John from Mammy Sadie’s arms. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t you get tired settlin’ all these fights?” Mammy Sadie asked, her round face glowing with sweat, her compassionate eyes regarding Rose closely.

  Rose shrugged. “Teaching is easier,” she admitted. “I dream of the day when that will be all I have to do.” She turned away. “I’m late. I have to be going.”

  The school was already full when she entered. Now that the camp was so crowded they were teaching in shifts. Two hundred children, ages eleven through fourteen, were crammed into the building designed to accommodate about fifty. There was the expected amount of whispering and giggling, but for the most part they were remarkably quiet. Two new teachers recently sent down by the Missionary Alliance were standing next to the wall and waiting. Rose smiled at them warmly, remembering her first days in the camp. She placed John in his little crib then walked to the front of the building.

  “Good morning.”

  It was late afternoon when Rose finished teaching. At least for that shift. By eight o’clock, the room would be crammed full of adults eager to make up for the years they had spent with no education. Rose loved teaching them, loved watching them soak up knowledge like the ground during a spring rain.

  “Can I watch John for a little while?” a small voice asked eagerly.

  Rose turned and smiled. “I was hoping you would ask,” she said in relief. Annie was one of her favorite students. The little girl standing in front of her bore no evidence of her brutal rape the year before by marauding Union soldiers. Her face and eyes beamed with confidence and joy. It had taken Annie a little while, but she had conquered her fears. Annie was determined nothing would keep her from school. She dreamed of being a doctor. Rose encouraged her every way she could.

  Rose kissed John and placed him in Annie’s willing arms. “I have to go over to the fort for a little while. Will you take him to my house in a couple of hours if I’m not back? June will be there by then.”

  “Sure thing, Miss Rose,” Annie said brightly, catching the hand John was waving about in excitement.

  Rose smiled. John loved Annie. They would be fine together. Gathering her things, Rose stepped out into the bright sunlight. It took her only a few minutes to walk to Fort Monroe. The sun was still shining brightly, but a bank of clouds on the horizon predicted a late afternoon storm. Rose welcomed it. Rain was needed to cool things off - including the tempers flaring throughout the camp. It had been weeks since their last rain.

  As Rose strolled toward the fort, she thought about her plan. She really had no idea that General Butler would see her. He was a very busy man, but she had to try. Surely if he knew what was going on, he would try to put a stop to it.

  The man working the desk looked up pleasantly as she entered the room outside General Butler’s office. “May I help you?”

  “I’d like to see General Butler, please,” Rose said firmly.

  A flicker of amusement shone in his eyes. “Do you have an appointment?”

  “No,” Rose admitted. “I will be happy to make one and come back later if necessary.”

  “What makes you think he’ll want to see you?” the man continued, not unkindly. “The general has a lot of people who want to see him.”

  “I think he will wa
nt to hear what I have to say,” Rose said evenly. “It will only take a few moments.”

  “Well, why don’t you tell me what you have to tell him? I’ll make sure he gets the message.”

  Something told Rose to proceed very cautiously. “I would rather talk with him myself,” she said courteously, realizing she had begun to tread on dangerous grounds.

  An angry spark appeared in the uniformed man’s eyes. “You’re one of those teachers over in the camp, aren’t you?”

  Rose saw no reason to deny it. “Yes.”

  “I thought so,” he grunted. “You don’t sound as stupid as the rest of them.”

  Rose flushed angrily but held her tongue. Her priority was gaining an interview with General Butler. “May I make an appointment with the general?”

  “I reckon so,” the man said slyly. He flipped open the book lying in front of him. “I think he’ll have some time just before Christmas.” He slammed the book shut and laughed.

  Rose ground her teeth. She had not expected to find a man like this working for General Butler. “I see.” She cast around in her mind for a way to accomplish her mission.

  Suddenly the door to General Butler’s office swung open. He strode out, then stopped, and looked at her. “Hello,” he said graciously. Then he turned to the man at the desk. “Where is Sargeant Creighton, Manning? I was expecting him ten minutes ago.”

  “I don’t know, sir,” Manning replied. “I haven’t heard anything.”

  Butler frowned. “If he comes, tell him to come back tomorrow. I have something I need to take care of.”

  “Yes, sir,” Manning said instantly.

  Butler turned to stride from the room, then spun back around, and looked at Rose. “Have you been helped?”

  Rose hesitated. “I was just here to make an appointment with you, sir.” She saw Manning frown over the general’s shoulder.