HER SECRET, HIS DUTY

by Carla Cassidy

  “I don’t want to know the sex ahead of time,” she replied. She took another sip and then stared down into her cup, as if the topic of conversation was making her uncomfortable. But, when she looked back at him it was with a soft smile. “All I care about is having a healthy baby.”

  “If you don’t know the sex of the baby then how will you know what color to paint a nursery?”

  “There are more colors than pink and blue,” she replied. “I’m planning to paint the guest bedroom a bright yellow with lots of bold primary color accents. I’ve heard using bright colors stimulates a baby and helps them learn.”

  Emotions rose up inside him as he gazed into her eyes, where the love for her unborn child radiated. “You’re going to make a fantastic mother.”

  “I know I will,” she replied with an easy confidence. “I know what it’s like to grow up feeling unloved and unwanted. I know all the things I didn’t have as a child and this baby is going to be the most important, beloved thing in my world. I intend to spend each and every moment of the day and night letting him or her know that.”

  He remembered the vision he’d had of children laughing in a swimming pool, the joy that had filled him as he’d experienced the love of his imaginary family.

  He wanted to be part of Debra’s family. He wanted to be as important to her as the child she carried. It was the very last thing in the world he should want. He took another drink, finding it suddenly bitter.

  Pushing back from the table, he stood, needing to get out of there, needing to get away from her. “I should go and let you get settled back in here,” he said.

  An oppressive force pushed against his chest and he knew it was the ever-present desire he felt whenever she was near him. It wasn’t just a desire to hold her in his arms. He wanted to hear the ring of her laughter, watch her as she cooked. He wanted to know her opinions about everything from the weather to religion, from baby diapers to politics.

  She was dangerous to him. He knew it in his heart, in his very soul. She was dangerous to everything he’d dreamed about, everything he wanted in his future.

  He left the kitchen and didn’t realize she’d followed him to the front door until she called his name. He turned back to face her.

  “Did I say something wrong?” she asked, obviously confused by his abruptness.

  “No...nothing like that.”

  “Then what? I can tell something is wrong,” she said, her green eyes so soft, so inviting.

  Something snapped inside him. He pushed her up against the foyer wall as his mouth captured hers. He’d lost his mind, given in to the raw driving need inside him. There was no right or wrong, just his desire for her.

  She gasped in surprise and he plunged his tongue into her mouth as she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him close...closer.

  His hands slid up under the back of her sweater, reveling in the feel of her silky bare skin. She moaned in pleasure as his fingers worked to unclasp her bra.

  Wild. He was wild with the taste, the scent of her. Reason had left his mind as he moved his hands around to cup her bare breasts.

  Trapped between the wall and him, Debra made no attempt to escape, but rather turned her face to break their kiss and then pulled her sweater over her head. It dropped to the floor, along with her bra and once again their lips met in a fiery kiss that filled the void in his soul, that stoked the flames of his passion for her even higher.

  He wanted her naked and gasping beneath him. He wanted a repeat of the night they’d shared. He’d wanted it since he’d put her in the cab the morning after.

  “I want you, Debra,” he finally managed to gasp. “I’ve wanted you again ever since we spent that night together.”

  It was as if the sound of his voice shattered her, splintered the moment and harsh reality intruded. She shoved against his chest and quickly leaned down to grab her sweater to cover her nakedness.

  “This is madness,” she whispered, her eyes glowing an overbright green. “I won’t lie, Trey. I want you, too. But we both know we can’t do this. It would be a mistake for both of us.”

  He suddenly felt small and selfish. He backed away from her. “Of course you’re right.” He released a deep sigh, but he wasn’t sure if it was a sigh of regret because she’d stopped him or one of relief because she had.

  “I know your hopes and dreams and I want those for you, Trey. I also know that I’m a complication you don’t need in your life.” She remained leaning against the wall. “You will do great things, Trey, and you need the right woman by your side. We both know I’m not that woman.”

  She straightened and took a step back from him. “This...energy or chemistry or whatever you want to call it between us can’t be allowed to flourish. I think it would be best if we see as little of each other as possible in the future. I understand that we’ll run into each other at the estate, but there’s no reason for you to come here anymore.”

  “You’re right,” he said. “Of course you’re right. And now I’ll just say goodbye.”

  He turned and lunged through the door. He didn’t look back as he strode to his car. Once inside he stared at the front door, which was now closed.

  Closed. Debra had to be a closed book in his life. Making love to Debra wasn’t fair to her and it certainly wouldn’t be fair to Cecily.

  Duty versus passion, he thought as he drove away from her townhouse. Passion waned, but duty and dreams lived on and ultimately Trey knew that Debra was right. He would do the right thing and choose his duty over any crazy desire that was probably fleeting.

  Chapter 11

  It had been two days since Debra had almost lost her mind in Trey’s arms, two days ago that they’d nearly made a terrible mistake.

  She was back at her desk, although her thoughts weren’t on her work and she forcefully kept them off Trey. Instead she wondered how much longer she could keep up the pretense that everything was just peachy in her personal life.

  This morning when she’d driven through the side entrance to come to work, Jerry Cahill had been on duty. He’d motioned her on through and it was only when she parked and glanced in her rearview mirror that she’d seen him glaring at her.

  Obviously he’d been questioned about her car accident and wasn’t too happy about being called on the carpet. Still, he wasn’t uppermost in her mind as she contemplated the past two days.

  Things had begun disappearing again. Her favorite pink mug had been missing this morning when she’d gone to the cabinet to retrieve it for a morning cup of tea. Yesterday she’d been half-crazed when a throw pillow she normally placed in the center of her bed was found in the bottom of the clothes hamper.

  She was obviously suffering some sort of a mental breakdown and it not only frightened her for herself, but also for her baby. Her hand fell to her lap and she rubbed her belly in a circular motion. Her slacks had felt tighter this morning. The baby was growing and she was losing her mind.

  What if she cracked up altogether? What if she wound up in some mental institute? Then what would happen to her baby? If she gave birth would somebody hand the baby to Barry to raise because everyone thought the baby was his?

  She shuddered at the very thought.

  Despite her desire to keep Trey out of her thoughts, he kept intruding. She wasn’t sure what caused her more stress: the thoughts of losing her mind or her overwhelming feelings for Trey.

  He’d held an unexpected press conference the day before and had officially announced his decision to run for the office of state senator. Cecily had been at his side, as she should have been, as it was supposed to be. They had looked perfect together, poised and at ease in front of the cameras.

  But, for the first time in her life, Debra understood why some women chose to be mistresses. It wasn’t always about money or the thrill of forbidden fruit, sometimes
it was just about love.

  She loved Trey enough to want any piece of himself that he could give to her. Fortunately she loved herself enough not to compromise her true wants and needs, her very soul, by becoming his mistress. And in any case, she knew the core of him, she knew who he was as a man and knew he would never take a mistress. It wasn’t in his moral fiber to do such a thing.

  Debra was an all-or-nothing kind of woman when it came to love and commitment. Besides, Trey hadn’t spoken to her about love, he’d told her he wanted her, that he desired her, and that would never be enough for her.

  The Friday morning flew by as she focused on the usual work that kept Kate’s schedule running smoothly. At noon she stopped and went into the kitchen where Myra fixed her a sandwich and some coleslaw. She ate quickly, grateful that she didn’t encounter any other members of the family, and then returned to her office.

  She wasn’t in the right frame of mind to put up with Sam’s moodiness and although she’d spoken to Thad a couple of times over the past few days, he’d had no new information to give her as to who might have been responsible for her car accident, an accident she still refused to believe was a specific attack on her personally.

  She’d just settled back at her desk when a knock fell on her door. Kate poked her head in. “How about we have a chat in my office?” she asked.

  “Sure,” Debra agreed. She picked up a memo pad.

  “You don’t need to bother with that. We won’t be talking about anything that requires note-taking.”

  “Okay.” Debra got up from her desk and followed Kate into her office. As Kate sat behind her desk Debra sank down into one of the chairs in front of her.

  “I just wanted to check in with you and see how you’re doing. How you’re feeling.” Kate leaned back in her chair, obviously relaxed.

  “To be honest, I think my pregnancy hormones are making me a little crazy,” Debra replied. “I’ve been misplacing things and finding them in strange places. I’m having a little trouble concentrating, although it isn’t affecting any of my work for you,” she hurriedly added.

  Kate smiled. “I wasn’t concerned about that. I remember when I was pregnant with Sam I had the same kind of issues.”

  “Really?” Debra asked.

  “Really. Of course, Trey was two at the time and he didn’t help my sanity any. I remember one day I took him to the park to play and then an hour or so later I got into my car and realized I was about to drive off without him.” She laughed and shook her head. “Thank goodness I had Maddie here to keep me at least partially sane.”

  Debra’s relief was enormous. Maybe all of the strange things that had been happening to her really were due to hormones gone wild.

  “One of the things I wanted to talk to you about was next Sunday I’d like to have a family continental breakfast on the patio. The weather has been so unusually lovely I thought it would be nice to get everyone together and discuss the ramifications of my running for president.”

  “Is there something you need me to do? Pastries to be ordered or anything like that?”

  “No, Myra will take care of everything. I’m just telling you because Sunday is your day off and I’d really like for you to be there.”

  “I’d love to come,” Debra replied, pleased to be included.

  “My decision will affect you as well as the family,” Kate continued, “so I want you to have a voice in the process. Are you planning on taking off time when the baby is born?”

  “Maybe just a couple of weeks,” Debra replied, although the idea of leaving the baby at all with anyone for anything was painful.

  “You know, there’s no reason for you to leave the baby while you work here. We can set up one of the bedrooms as a nursery and Maddie would love to take care of a little one again.”

  “Really? So I could bring the baby to work with me?” Debra’s heart expanded with happiness.

  “I don’t see a problem at all.” Kate grinned. “My goodness, we’ve been together so long, Debra, I feel like you’re giving birth to my grandbaby. It will be nice to have a little one in the house once again.”

  Debra prayed the expression on her face didn’t change, although the weight of her lies about the father of her baby slammed into the bottom of her heart. “Your family has always been like my own. You know I think of you as a surrogate mother.”

  A wash of pain flickered across Kate’s face, gone so quickly Debra wondered if she’d imagined it. She stared at a family photo on her desk. “I always did want a little girl.” She looked back at Debra. “But fate gave me three strapping boys who have been the joys of my life.”

  “And this baby will be the joy of my life,” Debra replied, feeling terrible that Kate would never know that the child she carried was her first grandbaby. “But, you can count on me to juggle motherhood and work with no problem.”

  Kate gave her an affectionate smile. “It never occurred to me otherwise.”

  Minutes later back at her desk, Debra thought of the Sunday morning breakfast. She would have to see Trey again. It would be the first time she’d seen him since they’d practically attacked each other in her foyer.

  He’d started it, but she’d desperately wanted him to finish it. She’d wanted him to drag her up the stairs to her bedroom and make love to her. It had only been a surprising flash of sanity that had saved them both from making another mistake. Whatever it was between them was strong and just a little bit frightening in that Debra had almost no control in her desire for him.

  At least Kate had managed to put her at ease a bit as far as her forgetfulness was concerned. She smiled as she envisioned Kate getting into her car to leave a park and suddenly realizing the car seat where Trey should be was empty. Now that was the height of absentmindedness.

  By the time six o’clock came she was ready to call it a day. She knew the unusual fatigue she suffered was from her pregnancy, a fatigue that hopefully would pass when she went into her second trimester in the next few weeks.

  On her way home she thought about stopping in at some department store to pick up a few pairs of maternity pants and skirts. It wasn’t going to be long before the clothes she owned would no longer fit her belly bump.

  It was a fleeting thought. She was too tired to shop. She’d make plans tomorrow to take off an hour early and shop then. It would be nice to have something comfortable to wear to the breakfast on Sunday.

  At the moment she just wanted to get home, eat some dinner and curl up on the sofa in front of the television where hopefully a good sitcom or crime drama would chase away thoughts of the man she loved, the man she was certain would be the next North Carolina senator...as long as she stayed out of his life.

  * * *

  Trey felt as if he were living some sort of weird double life. During the days he worked at Adair Enterprises and then in the past three evenings he’d had two business dinners to attend and had dined with Cecily the other night.

  He hadn’t slept with Cecily since the night he’d slept with Debra. He’d made a million excuses to Cecily about their lack of intimacy. Too busy, too tired, not good for his public image to be seen coming and going from her house before they were married, the excuses had fallen from his lips with a surprising ease.

  He knew that Cecily was frustrated with him, but she took each of his excuses in stride, telling him coyly that they’d catch up on lost time once they were married.

  The truth of the matter was that Trey couldn’t imagine making love to Cecily when his passion and his emotions were still tied to Debra.

  And it was emotion and fear for her that had him doing something crazy each night. When darkness fell he found himself parked across the street from Debra’s townhouse where he’d remain until the wee hours of the morning.

  He knew it was crazy, but he couldn’t help himself. Even though there was no
concrete evidence that somebody specific had targeted Debra by cutting her brake line, Trey believed danger had touched her and wasn’t finished with her yet.

  He was afraid for her, and so he had taken it upon himself to be her secret nighttime bodyguard. Anyone who got too close to her house while she slept peacefully inside would have him to deal with.

  He had a conceal-and-carry permit and a 9 mm with him on these nightly surveillance details. He was dead serious about seeing that no harm came to Debra or the baby she carried.

  The only downfall of these nightly visits was that each morning when he got to his office he directed Rhonda to hold all his calls for a couple of hours so he could catch up on his sleep.

  Tonight was like the past two nights. It was just after midnight and although it was Saturday the neighborhood was quiet. Debra had turned off the light in the house around nine or so, letting him know she was having an early night.

  He yawned and slumped down a bit in the seat, trying to find a more comfortable position to sustain for the next couple of hours.

  Was he being foolish? Maybe, he conceded. But he’d rather be foolish than take a chance and have any harm come to Debra. Did he intend to do this nightly vigil every night for the rest of his life?

  Definitely not, but he would be here until something or someone managed to make him believe that the cut brake lines had been as Debra had believed, an accident of the wrong car being targeted and not something personal against her. Only then would he stop this madness and get on with his life.

  His life.

  He stared unseeingly at the center of his steering wheel. He should be thrilled with the direction his life was traveling. Since the dinner party and the press conference the donation dollars had begun to pour in, Chad had put together a machine made of devoted people to work campaign headquarters, which was being set up in a downtown storefront.

  Banners and signs had been made to hang on the outside of the building and it always jarred him just a bit to pull up and see his own face smiling from one of those signs.