Duke Grandfather- The Whole Story

by James Maxstadt

I snorted, and laughed, loudly, right in her face.

  And then I was moving, not of my own volition. My feet were sliding across the floor and I was moving faster and faster directly at the door, which opened as I reached it. When I went through it, it was as if a rug was jerked out from under me, and I went sprawling into the street. As a final humiliation, a bucket suddenly appeared out of thin air above my head, and I was dowsed with ice-cold water.

  The door to The Witch’s Kettle slammed shut, and I could move on my own again. I jumped to my feet and ran at the door, determined to get back in and collect on what was owed me. But when I reached it, I was repelled, violently, and tossed unceremoniously back into the street again, narrowly missing a passing carriage.

  I howled my rage and frustration and threw myself at the door again, with the same result. And again. And again. By the time I landed in the street for the fifth time, I was sore, and it was beginning to sink into me that I wasn’t getting back inside.

  Picking myself up, I dusted off the dirt and filth as best I could, and headed home.

  Oh, the dramatics when I got there. Where were you? What were you doing? Why are you all wet?

  It gave me a headache. I growled something about being wherever I felt like being, and went to bed. Even with all the yammering going, on, I managed to fall asleep.

  When I woke up the next morning, the sun was already climbing high into the sky. I had slept late, even for me. Well, what of it? If anyone deserved a rest, it was me, after all the times I saved this stinking city. Let me take some time for once, and let the city move on without me. I’d be out there soon enough, saving it from itself.

  I got up, but Lilly was gone already, back to her supposed “job” with the Watch. I snorted, amused by the thought of someone being tied to the same place day after day, rather than free to do whatever they wished, like I was. Lack of ambition was the only reason I could think of that would account for it.

  My day stretched ahead of me however, and I mulled over what I should do with it. Yesterday was fun, and I thought of going back in and getting a few more nuisances from the Board. But really, why should I do that? Why limit myself to what the Watch felt was reasonable, or to waiting for someone to work up the courage to post a complaint in the first place?

  There were plenty of nuisances walking around the street every day, waiting to be put down. I could use the gun on the first one, and then if the next wasn’t the same race, they’d find out that I was a pretty good swordsman too.

  That plan was sounding better and better when I heard the door open. I sighed and prepared myself for a lecture, assuming that it was Lilly coming home to check on me like I was some sort of baby. I turned, arms already crossing, ready for the worst.

  But it wasn’t Lilly. Instead, the man who came in was taller than me by a good three inches, but thin to the point of being lanky. He wore his hair long, down to his shoulders, but it was always clean, and he would toss it to try to get a girl’s attention. It worked more than you would think, too. As always, he was dressed in the latest fashion, from his boots to the silk shirt, tucked into the wide leather belt at his waist. He wore a sword, a light dueling model, but I wasn’t even sure that he knew how to use it.

  “There you are,” he said.

  “Jessup,” I replied, letting a hint of frost into my voice. “What are you doing here?”

  “Came to find you. I thought maybe Lilly finally neutered you all the way.”

  There was a little flicker of red in my vision when he said this.

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “Oh, come on, Duke,” he laughed. “Let’s face it. You’ve been off your game for a while now. Working more often and even when you’re not, you hardly ever come to the tavern anymore. I think you’ve let her get to you.”

  “Not all of us were born with silver spoons in our fat mouths,” I told him.

  He laughed at me again. “Say what you want. I only came to see if the mighty Duke Grandfather was still alive. Now that I see you are, sort of, I’ll be going. It’s almost lunch time, and I’ve got a mug of ale with my name on it. See you around, Duke.”

  He sneered at me and turned to go.

  I reached out, grabbed his arm and spun him back around to face me.

  “Let’s go then, tough guy,” I told him. “Right now.”

  He looked down at my hand on his arm, then around the kitchen that we stood in.

  “I don’t see any taps, or a serving girl for that matter.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “You didn’t think I was going to fight you, did you?” He laughed again, and shook his arm loose. “I’m not that stupid, Duke. I’m sure you’d beat me. That’s your lifestyle, not mine. But the Duke Grandfather I know would have given me a good run downing ale, although I still would have prevailed. With what you’ve turned into? Domesticated? Not even a contest.”

  If there was one thing that Jessup was good at, it was throwing out the insults. My fist was curled and it was taking a lot of self-control not to unleash a haymaker right onto his pointy chin. But what would that prove? He already admitted that I could out fight him. Not that I was ever in question about that. But to imply that I couldn’t out drink him as well? And never could?

  No, some things, as a man, you have to prove.

  “Let’s go,” I growled. “You run the tab. Whoever goes down first pays it off.”

  “Sure you’ve got the money?”

  I growled at him, and he laughed at me again, but turned and led the way to The Barman’s Choice. I followed along behind, aware that he was secretly laughing at me and, I was equally sure, mocking me to everyone he passed. Soon enough, he’d learn to regret that.

  In all the years that I’ve known him, Jessup has never worked. He came from a wealthy family, one of several children. I don’t know how many siblings he has, and I don’t think he does either. His father is perfectly content to put money in an account for him, as long as he stays out of the newssheets, and doesn’t embarrass the family; which he accomplishes by staying in taverns most of the time.

  I used to find him amiable and good-natured, but now I could see him for what he was; a simpleton, who let his family’s money rule his life, which he was wasting away. After I showed him who was the better man, my relationship with him was done, and he could sit in the corner and rot for all I cared. I had better things to do with my time.

  I took a corner seat at the tavern, chasing away an old man who was already there. My fame and prestige came at the cost of making enemies, and I didn’t want any of them sneaking up on me here. Plopping down, I waited while Jessup summoned over the serving girl, some floozy that he obviously knew, and told her to bring us two ales, and then keep them coming until one of us slid out of their chairs.

  She laughed, sounding like a crow if you asked me, and went to do as she was told.

  We sat silently, staring at each other, while we waited for our drinks. I glowered at him, trying to intimidate him, but he looked back at me with a slight smile playing about his lips.

  Finally, the drinks came. We both picked up our mugs, he saluted me with his, which I ignored, and we drank. The first one was easy, and I was on a mission, so it was gone in a matter of seconds. Jessup lowered his first, and watched me with a bemused expression.

  “Wow, something to prove?” he asked.

  “Shut up and drink,” I said.

  He smiled, picked his mug back up and drained it. Then we waited for the serving girl to bring us another, and then another after that.

  After the fourth mug, the call of nature began to get insistent. Not that I would tell Jessup, but he was better than me at holding off, so I got to my feet first, steady as a rock, despite the gentle swaying that the room was doing.

  “Be back in a minute,” I said. “Get two more. At least.”

  I lurched my way to the back, used the facilities, and then found our table again. There were two more mugs of ale waiting, and Je
ssup was already into his.

  “Couldn’t wait, huh?” I mumbled. “Fine. I’ll catch up.”

  I picked up my mug and took a swig. It was beginning to lose its flavor, but I wasn’t about to tell him that. Jessup looked stone sober, no sign of the ale affecting him. I was horrified when I realized that it was starting to hit me pretty hard, and that I could lose this match. I needed to do something drastic if I was going to have any chance, so I picked up my mug and drained the whole thing in one go.

  “Let’s see you do that, you big dandy,” I said.

  He shook his head, that same bemused, mocking smile on his face, only now it seemed different. Somehow…sadder maybe. What he had to be sad about was beyond me, but whatever it was, it was his problem.

  The room was definitely swaying now, and starting to spin. I barely registered it as Jessup looked up to the door, and nodded. I saw a flash of red, like a robe, and maybe some blond hair, and then the world went away.

  I seemed to be spending an awful lot of time in bed lately, but this time when I woke up, I wished I hadn’t. My head was pounding like a troll was in there beating on the doors of my brain. My stomach was queasy, and I wasn’t sure that I wasn’t going to get sick if I tried to move.

  But, I needed to get up, and…and what?

  I really wasn’t sure. I could go to the watchhouse, and see about some work. Or even better pop in on Lilly and see how…

  The events of the last two days became clearer in my mind, and I sank back into my pillow. What had come over me? My thoughts seemed like they belonged to someone else, that I was reading about some two-bit villain in a melodrama.

  Lilly. With the things I had said I was sure that we were done. The best thing that ever happened to me, and I blew it by acting like a total ass.

  And Jessup. I knew the man for years, but after the things I said to him, and the way I treated him, I was sure that friendship had gone the way of far too many others in my life.

  There was a noise from the hallway, and I turned my head to see Lilly come into the room, carrying a plate with a few pieces of toast on it.

  “I didn’t think anything more than this was a good idea,” she said, setting it down near me. “It’s going to be a long day for you, but you’ll get through it.”

  Then she looked at me and smiled. I couldn’t return it. I couldn’t even trust myself to look at her. I looked down at the blanket covering me instead.

  “Lilly, I…” I started.

  “Hush,” she interrupted. “Potions don’t always work the way they’re supposed to. Healing is an art, not a science. I guess we went a little heavy with the brimstone in yours.”

  “What?” Now I did look at her.

  She laughed gently, and sat down on the side of the bed.

  “Do you really think you suddenly changed into such a jerk without some outside help? It was the potion. It was supposed to tamper down the memory of what you experienced, but it was too strong. Instead of helping, it tipped you too far over in the other direction. We needed to even you out, so I enlisted Jessup to help me.”

  “The ale.”

  “Yep. He held on until you left the table, then he dumped another potion into your mug. We knew you’d refuse to take it, with the state you were in, so we needed to trick you.”

  I stared at her.

  “That was pretty risky, wasn’t it?” I asked. “What if Jessup couldn’t have lasted?”

  “That wasn’t that hard,” another voice said, and Jessup himself came into the room. “I know the serving girl, Shireen. She’s a sweetheart. Every other mug she gave me was a small bit of ale and mostly water.”

  He laughed again, but now, I was glad to hear it.

  “Not that I couldn’t have beat you anyway,” he said, and this time I laughed with him, which set off fireworks in my head.

  “Like I said,” Lilly said, noticing my wince, “it’s going to be a long day for you. But by tomorrow, you’ll be fine.”

  “What then?” I asked.

  “Then, it’s back to normal. Or almost, anyway.”

  “Almost?”

  “You’ve got one stop to make. The Witch’s Kettle. I convinced them to let you in. But I’ll leave it to you to explain to Camelia exactly what happened.”

  That was fair. I had acted like a complete ass to several people, and she was one of them. I’d make amends there, and then start getting back to the important things in life.

  We still had a lot of wedding plans to make, and someone was still out there, targeting Capital City.

  THE PIPES OF WRATH

  It turned out that the important things in life mostly revolved around wedding plans. Who knew there were that many flowers that could be used to decorate a place? Not only types, but colors! And not a place, but a couple of them; one for the ceremony itself and one for the party after.

  I asked Lilly if she wanted to get married at her parent’s place, outside of the city. She told me that she appreciated it, but knew that I hated going outside of the walls if I could help it, so no, we would find a place here, in the city. I suggested a couple of nice taverns, but her look quickly told me that they were not viable options after all.

  Thank all the gods for her sister and her friends. Most of the burden of planning fell to them, leaving me time to pursue my other interests. That was mostly drinking with Jessup, of course, who drank for free the next time I saw him as a thank you for the help he gave Lilly when I was out of my mind. I worked some too, of course. But I knew I was back to my old self when that took its rightful place in my priority list. Way down, near the bottom, slightly above “do the dishes” and “walk the dog”, which we didn’t even have.

  But there were guests that were going to be coming in from out of town. Bryer and Iris, Lilly’s parents, of course, were coming, but so was Wally Worthington, her father’s business partner and his family. While they were all staying in one of the fancier hotels that Capital City had to offer, they would certainly visit us here at home as well. That meant the place needed to be cleaned and tidied up, and even though the wedding was still weeks away, we apparently had to start now.

  “Ugh,” I said, as I moved a sofa away from the wall so that the floor underneath could be cleaned. “How did those get there?”

  It was a crime scene. The bodies were strewn across the floor like there was a massacre. Some were old and dried up, obvious victims of a long-ago crime, but others were fresh, recently killed.

  Lilly came and looked over my shoulder, letting out a shriek that went through my head like a headman’s axe through a fat man’s neck. (Pardon the graphic image, the carnage under the sofa put me in that mood).

  “Ewww! Duke, get them out of there! That’s disgusting!”

  “Oh, come on.” I stirred the lifeless husks with my toe. “It’s just a few roaches.”

  I was a little grossed out myself, but you don’t live your life in one of the biggest and busiest cities of the world without encountering a pest or two. True, this was more than a couple, but then again, I probably hadn’t moved that sofa since I moved in and found it there. It was one of the things that I was amazed Lilly hadn’t gotten around to changing out yet. In a sense, this was her fault.

  When I turned to share that amusing observation with her, I saw her face and decided that the prudent course of action was to keep it to myself. Instead, I turned back to the task at hand.

  “I’ll get the broom. They’ll be gone before you know it.”

  “Good,” Lilly said. “Then move all the rest of the furniture and check there too!”

  Yep, I had a feeling that was coming. Sighing, I set to work.

  Later that evening, we sat in one of my favorite taverns, “The Untapped Keg”. I loved the name of the place, so full of mystery and potential. Plus, it wasn’t quite as much of a dive as a lot of places I frequented, had good food, and Lilly kind of liked it too. It was her suggestion to come here for dinner, after a full day of cleaning and sweeping up dead bugs.

&
nbsp; As we sat and ate, and drank, we half listened to the sound of the city from outside the windows. It was a nice evening, warm, but not oppressive and a gentle breeze. I requested a table near the window, which was thrown open so that the patrons could enjoy the night air.

  You could hear fragments of conversation as people passed by, the sound of children playing in the next street, and occasionally, bits of music wafting through the air. It was pleasant, and even though I hated cleaning the house, both Lilly and I were relaxing in the glow of a day’s labor, neatly accomplished.

  “Oh,” she suddenly said, looking around, “I love this song.”

  I listened and could hear a jaunty tune being played on a pipe, the high pitched notes skirling away into the evening. People along the street stopped and looked around, smiles on their faces as the man responsible came into view.

  He was a young man, thin, with straw colored hair that stuck out from beneath a peaked cap, set rakishly on his head, with a large feather stuck into it and bobbing along with him. He wore bright yellow pants, and a lime green jacket over a shiny, purple shirt. His thin lips were pursed as he blew for all he was worth across the mouthpiece of his pipe, but he still had the presence of mind to wink and smile at those he passed, especially the young ladies.

  I never heard the song in question, but I had to admit that it was catchy. It had the sort of rhythm that set your foot to tapping and if you weren’t careful, would sweep you up and set you to dancing, or some other such foolishness.

  The player stopped directly across the street from our window, so we got a good view of him. He set himself and then really let go. The catchy tune that he was playing got even more rambunctious, and he twirled and danced around as he played. Others joined in, and before long, there were several couples, and not a few individuals, whirling like dervishes in the street along with him.

  “Come on!” Lilly said, rising to her feet, and holding her hand out to me.

  “Come on, what?”

  “Duke Grandfather! Get your butt out of that chair and dance with me. Or do I have to go ask one of those nice young men over there to do it?”