Lust

by Victoria Christopher Murray

  29

  Damon

  Those three hours in my office did my mind good. Sitting behind that desk, where I’d made all kinds of decisions, helped me to see my situation with more clarity.

  There was nothing nefarious going on with my wife. What could have been going down, anyway? Basically, deceit fell into three categories: money, drugs, and sex. Well, she had all my money, so I knew she wasn’t out there caught up in some kind of scam or scheme. Drugs? Nah, not the way my girl hated my past; that’s why she was still so leery of Trey. Finally, there was sex—that one almost made me laugh out loud. Tiffanie involved with someone else? My wife had been a virgin when I got with her. She wasn’t going anywhere.

  The bottom line was, my wife wasn’t like all those females I’d dealt with in the past; she wasn’t scandalous, she wasn’t gold-digging . . . she was just Tiffanie. All the things that I’d conjured up in my mind, all the things that had me twisted had no basis. I was trippin’ over a text and an orgasm. And not every situation had an explanation.

  I had it together now that I’d had time to work it through logically. Yeah, my gut was still trying to talk to me, but I’d figured that out, too—it was all because of the years I’d spent in the streets. My gut kicked in no matter what, but I was gonna ride on intelligence and common sense on this one.

  “Something’s got you all happy.” Magic, the key man in my crew, looked at me sideways from where he sat behind the wheel. “You over there practically singing.”

  “I’m supposed to be happy, son. I just got married.”

  He shook his head. “Yeah, all right. If that’s what it takes to be happy, then I’m gonna be one sad cat ’cause I ain’t trying to be hooked up like that anytime soon.”

  “Oh, you will when you meet the right one.” I nodded. “’Cause when she’s right, there won’t be anything that you can do about it.”

  “Trust me, I can’t afford to take that plunge.”

  We laughed together, but what he said was true. There were a couple of guys who rolled with me from the old days, and Magic was one of them. I didn’t even know his real name; he was always known only as Magic, and it had nothing to do with his basketball skills. It was more about his life skills, what he could do on the streets. And what he’d done in his past made him wary of getting too close with anyone.

  He brought the SUV to a stop in my driveway and then both of us hopped out and got a bag out of the back. I almost trotted to the front door, anxious to see if Tiffanie was here.

  When I stepped inside our house, I called out, “Yo, Tiff, you home yet?”

  There was nothing and that made me smile. Because once I’d gotten my head clear, I remembered that I had to carry my wife over the threshold the first time she stepped back into our home. Not that I was superstitious, but I wanted to have it all covered.

  “Thanks, Magic,” I said to my boy when he brought the other bag and my golf clubs inside.

  “Yo, no problem. You need me for the rest of the night?”

  “Nah, I’ll be good. The first night back with the wifey; we’re just gonna stay in.”

  He grinned, gave me dab, and then said, “I’m just a phone call away.”

  I locked the door behind him, then clicked on my cell and pressed the last number called.

  “Hello, Mr. King,” the voice said.

  “Are you close?” I asked.

  “Open your door.”

  I took two steps, did as I was told, and there was Glory, the proprietor of one of the catering companies I worked with, who made a dish that was one of Tiffanie’s favorites.

  “Wow, that was quick.” I grabbed one of the shopping bags from Glory and the other lady with her.

  “I had all the ingredients I needed and with your offering to triple my fee, I couldn’t get here fast enough.”

  I laughed with her as I led her into the kitchen, then left Glory and her helper to take care of their business. Just as I was heading upstairs to get ready for my wife, the doorbell rang. Trotting back down, I opened the door, and then my day got better.

  “Son, what are you doing here?”

  Trey laughed. “Everybody is asking me that today.” When I frowned, he added, “I just came by to see you.”

  “Well, I’m glad you did.” I pulled him into one of our brother hugs. “So what’s been good?” I asked as I led him into the living room.

  He didn’t answer me, though. His eyes scoped the place, the massive ceiling, the crystal chandelier that hung in the center of the foyer, the furniture that had been purchased and arranged by one of California’s top designers, whom I’d flown in to take care of our home.

  I said, “Oh, that’s right, you haven’t been here.”

  “Nah, bruh.” Trey’s eyes still weren’t on me when he said, “You came up.”

  He was right about that. Even though we had been stackin’ back in the day, what we’d had was new money and new money often had no class. But I’d changed all that when I started hanging out with a different crowd of achievers and shakers who never tried to impress anyone but themselves. I was new money with an old attitude.

  “I have to say, this place is fresh.”

  I thanked Trey, but I wasn’t into showboating anymore, so I changed the subject. “I’m glad to see that you’re still here.”

  “I told you I would be.”

  I nodded but kept my thoughts to myself. He didn’t need to know that I was still bothered by the fact that he wouldn’t talk to me. Wouldn’t tell me what was going on with him. But instead of asking him more questions that he didn’t want to answer, I asked, “How’s Ms. Irene?”

  He leaned back on the couch and paused. I knew what that was about. The chesterfield-style sofa was upholstered in cashmere, which felt as good to sit on as it did to wear. Finally, he said, “She’s good.”

  “So, did she talk you into moving back home yet?”

  “Nah, but I’m giving it serious consideration because of you.” I raised an eyebrow but said nothing as he continued. “I thought about what you said, about us partnering up again. And like you said, we’re boys. Always have been. So I want to get down to the business of taking care of business.”

  That made me grin big-time. “So you’re really considering my offer?”

  He nodded. “Enough to wanna sit down and talk it all out, you know, figure out what my role will be.” He paused. “But yeah, I’m thinking about staying ’cause there’s a lot of good stuff going down here.”

  I was going to ask him about that other business he’d talked about on my wedding day, but I got a bit distracted by the look on his face. “A female,” I said. “You met someone.”

  His side-smirk was the only answer he gave me.

  I chuckled. “Is it the girl you met at the Willard?” Again he said nothing and that made me laugh more. “She must be serious if she’s got you mute.”

  His smirk became wider, but he answered my question with a question. “How’s married life?”

  Now I gave him my own wide grin. “It’s everything.”

  “Really?” He seemed surprised. But I guessed a man who’d never been in a committed relationship had no way of knowing what it was like to have that one girl love you.

  So I schooled him. “Son, at the risk of sounding too sensitive, I can say that this is the way life is supposed to be.”

  He shook his head like I’d gone down in defeat or something.

  “I’m serious.” I laughed. “All you cats still out there, going from one chick to another, you don’t know the real deal. What I have with Tiff, this is the way God planned it.”

  He gave me a long look, like he was studying me and my words. “I don’t know. I’ve never met a female that I could trust. Not one. Not yet.”

  That made me remember. “Is that why you said what you did? Right after Reverend Cooper came
and talked to me?”

  He frowned like he didn’t know what I was talking about, but I didn’t know why he was playing possum like that. Trey remembered, he always remembered everything. That was one of his problems; his memory was too long. He held grudges that in the past had led to wars.

  But for some reason, now he was pretending like he didn’t remember anything. So I let him and I took on the role of reminding him. “You told me that you hoped Tiffanie didn’t hurt me.”

  “When did I say that?” The way he asked that question made me wonder—maybe he really didn’t recall his words, and that made me feel a little bit better.

  I reminded him of where we’d been minutes before my wedding, but inside, I gave my own self dap, because that was another point where those doubts in my head hadn’t made any sense. Trey hadn’t really been talking about Tiffanie; he had just been talking off the top of his head about his own experiences.

  He said, “Well, I don’t remember that, but it makes sense that I would say it.”

  That took my grin away.

  He finished with, “I just know that females . . . are females.”

  I shook my head. “Not Tiffanie.”

  He shrugged. “I hope you’re right.”

  “No hope here, son. It’s all knowledge. I know who I married.”

  For some reason, my words seemed to crack Trey up, but before I could ask him what was up with that, I heard Tiffanie’s key in the lock. That made me forget all about Trey, and I jumped up and dashed to the door like a sprinter. Before Tiffanie could push it open, I was there, making sure she didn’t step a foot inside.

  She looked confused and I grinned. “Welcome home, bae.” I stepped outside and swooped her into my arms. Her purse dropped, but that didn’t matter to me. “I wanted to carry you over the threshold.”

  The look on her face turned into a soft smile, a loving smile. “Didn’t we already do this?”

  “But that was at the hotel. This is our home. Welcome home.” I kissed her, and with our lips still together, I stepped into our house.

  30

  Tiffanie

  The guilt had felt like a heavy overcoat that was too heavy to wear. But then Damon rescued me, meeting me at the door and taking that coat of guilt off me. Did I still have regret? Was I filled with remorse? Yes, and I would probably feel that way for the rest of my life.

  But as I’d sat in my office and gone over it all in my mind, I resolved that nothing would happen with Trey again. I just had to find a way to stay away from him until he returned to Atlanta. And if I were ever alone with him, I made a vow that I’d get out of there.

  Now, as Damon kissed me, I was so grateful for the bathroom in my office, where I’d stripped and washed up (all water, no soap) and rinsed my mouth over and over. At least he wouldn’t smell Trey, even if I could still feel him.

  Our lips were still together when Damon carried me inside. Then I slid down his body and opened my eyes.

  Trey!

  If I’d been any kind of woman, I would’ve fainted right then. Because there was no way that I could stand here and take the humiliation, since I didn’t have an explanation for what I’d done.

  I trembled as I looked from Trey to Damon, back to Trey, and finally settled on my husband. How was I going to explain what had happened this afternoon? And the night before our wedding?

  But I corralled my thoughts. If Trey had told Damon what happened, my husband wouldn’t have greeted me the way he did. Still, I stood there, as frozen as an ice sculpture, and watched Trey step out the door. I wanted to kick it shut, then pray that somehow the door had hit him, hurt him, killed him.

  But in seconds, Trey was back and handed me my purse that I’d dropped outside.

  “Welcome home, Tiffanie.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek. I squeezed my legs together before my body betrayed me.

  It took everything inside me not to snatch the purse, but I had no gratitude to give him, so I said nothing and stepped away.

  “Did you get a lot of work done at the spa?” Damon asked me.

  Without looking at Trey, I nodded, then said, “I’m going to go upstairs and leave you and Trey—”

  “Don’t leave on my account,” Trey said.

  I had to force my head to turn, then force myself to speak. “I’m not doing this on your account. Everything I do is for my husband.”

  He smirked. “Everything?”

  I wanted to die a couple of deaths. It felt like I was cheating on Damon right in front of him. Trey and I were having this conversation and Damon had no idea what was going on.

  Leaning forward, I kissed Damon. “I’ll be upstairs.”

  He grabbed me before I could turn around. “No, really. Trey is leaving.” There was a smile on Damon’s face, but there was an edge in his tone.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Trey piped in. “I wanna leave you lovebirds to do whatever it is that lovebirds do.”

  He gave Damon dap and then, when he looked my way, I stepped back and swore that if he came near me, I would hit him upside his head with my purse and just explain it to Damon later.

  He must’ve read my mind because all he did was chuckle, fist-bump Damon again, and walk out the door.

  When we were alone, Damon gave me one of those looks that studied me, penetrated me, and made me grateful that he wasn’t a mind reader. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded. “I am.”

  His glance moved to the closed door, then came back to me. “Seems like something’s going on between you and Trey.”

  I shook. I swallowed.

  He said, “I know you don’t like him, bae.”

  “I don’t.”

  “I think it would be better if you got to know him.”

  “It won’t.”

  “Well, we’re going to have to figure this out because he’s staying.”

  I frowned. “Staying where?” That was a stupid question, because of course I knew the answer. But my prayer was that Damon was just telling me that Trey planned to stay on earth instead of going to hell where he belonged.

  “Here in DC.” As he told me what I already knew, he wrapped his arms around my waist. “But I don’t want to talk about my best friend.”

  If only Damon knew.

  “I want to talk about this surprise I have for you.”

  I didn’t think I could take any more surprises, but when I followed Damon into the dining room and saw the table already set, complete with candlelight (even though there was still some sunlight at five o’clock), my heart fluttered with love and my stomach rippled with shame.

  “Welcome to your first night in our home,” he said.

  I wasn’t going to mention all the times I had stayed here before because I knew what he meant. When he pulled out the chair for me, I sat down, even though all I wanted to do was go upstairs, get out of these clothes, and burn them. Damon sat at the head of the table and held my hand, until Glory came out.

  When she served the Brazilian fish stew (my favorite), I couldn’t even smile. And after Damon blessed the food and then chatted about the guest list for Jaleesa Stone’s event, I couldn’t even talk.

  “It’s going to be a zoo, but if her people don’t mind paying this kind of money, who am I not to take it? And they know that whatever I put together will be poppin’.”

  I nodded, because that was all that I could give him.

  It took him a while to realize that I hadn’t said a word, and he frowned. “What’s wrong? You’re not hungry?”

  Looking down, I realized that it wasn’t just my silence that was giving me away. My bowl, filled with cod and tilapia and shrimp and some of my favorite vegetables, was still filled to the brim. Putting down my spoon, I just said, “I’m tired. It must be the time change.”

  He glanced at his watch. “Yeah, what time is it in Dubai?” He paused for just
a second. “It’s between one and two in the morning. We’ve had a long day.”

  I nodded.

  “So, what’s going on over at Utopia? What did you work on today?”

  Even though I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut because I could feel the memory of that feeling coming on, I looked straight at Damon. I wanted to tell him about Sonia’s surprise, I wanted to tell him all that Sonia had done, but my lips began to tremble.

  The legs of his chair scraped against the floor as he pushed it back and then hunched down beside me.

  “Bae, what’s wrong?” His voice was no more than a whisper.

  I bit my lip. “I’m tired, I guess.” I swallowed, I blinked, and none of it worked. That first tear fell, so now I had to add another lie to my list. “And, I’m happy. So happy.”

  His lips curled up a little. “I have got to stop making you so happy.”

  “No.” Now I pushed my chair back. “Don’t ever stop. Please.” I stood up and when he stood with me, I laid my head on his chest and cried.

  Gently, he pushed my head back and once again tried to kiss my tears away. But this time they overflowed like a faucet, just running, never stopping.

  As I sobbed, Damon lifted me into his arms, and for a moment, I had another flash—of Trey doing the same just a few hours before. That made me hold Damon tighter, made me sob even harder.

  He cradled me as if I were his baby and carried me up the stairs. Now I trembled more. Because I was so scared.

  Damon was taking me to our bedroom, to our bed for the first night in our home as husband and wife. But, I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t sleep with Damon, not after what happened with Trey today. We hadn’t had intercourse, but what we’d done . . . it was sexual; some might say it was more intimate than intercourse. So I couldn’t be intimate with Damon now.

  That made me cry even more. When Damon laid me on the bed, that made me bawl. It wasn’t a trick, though it did the trick. It did keep Damon away, because I really couldn’t stop crying.

  And Damon, he was always such a gentle man; he understood. Not my tears; I knew he didn’t understand that. But somehow he knew that we wouldn’t be able to make love tonight.