We Will Change Our Stars

by Nicole Thorn

  I pulled my hand out, and gave Nemo a little fish food before I shuffled off to the kitchen. It stayed dead silent and far too early for me to start cooking, so I might as well have gotten some cake.

  I’d just opened the cabinet when I heard a rustlin’ in the other room.

  I lurked around the corner as quietly as I could, because the emotion I tasted in the air told me I needed to be unseen. It felt heavy. Like soaked clothes on someone’s back. It made me uncomfortable, but it didn’t feel new. Grief. The kind that could not be shaken.

  Jasmine wore a dress and shoes. Black. I didn’t like the color on her. It looked unnatural, and it stood out on her light skin. I wanted to make her look happy, but I couldn’t think of a way. Her eyes seemed painted with darkness, probably from lack of sleep. I couldn’t even tell with her anymore.

  If she kept up the way she did, she would die young. The girl was entirely human, and she didn’t seem to think that it mattered much. She drank poison, and didn’t think to keep herself out of dangerous situations. I had nightmares on occasion. Ones about her. Horrid dreams where she’d be drunk and alone one night, stumbling her way home. The wrong person or people find her. Hurt her like Kizzy had been hurt. Jasmine wouldn’t be able to fight it off, and she probably wouldn’t even tell me it happened. I’d have to feel the wrongness in her chest and then go hunt them down. Then I would rip them to pieces.

  I watched Jasmine as she gathered her keys, and walked out of the house. Well, I couldn’t let her go off when she felt so upset. I doubted she wanted to go off drinking, because she had beer in the house. I wanted to dump it all down the sink. Jasmine didn’t need it. It just acted as something to fall back on. She wouldn’t let that be me, but she would let it be poison that would kill her one day.

  When I thought she wouldn’t notice me, I slipped out the door. Thank the gods I had gotten dressed for the day. I didn’t have time to get ready if I needed to. With my shoes on and my keys in my hands, I went down the porch in time to see Jasmine drive off. I had to hurry to get my car turned on.

  I followed behind her, carefully out of her sights. I wished that I had gotten different powers, like my siblings. They could manipulate minds different ways than I could. They couldn’t always Charm, but they could make them see things. Or not see them. That would have some in handy right now, but I was an unlucky person, as it turned out. Ripped up by furies, hit by a car, the world wanted to hurt me.

  The drive took a while, and I hoped that Jasmine headed off to get something to eat. No such luck. She had dressed too nicely for that anyway. So, I kept following her until I started putting pieces together.

  Snow fell ever to the ground, and it made the black cars stand out. They parked all along the street as I figured out what this was.

  I looked out at a cemetery, and at the people in black that stood under a canopy. They sat in seats while some stood off, looking at nothingness. I saw a woman in the front, and she wasn’t even crying. No, she looked too broken for crying. She stared at the hole in the ground, looking utterly lost. The woman was older, but stunning. She had to be the wife of the man in the large photo set up. I’d seen grief like that. I could feel everything that everyone around me felt, and I could feel hers from my car. It unnerved me, and I almost turned around. But Jasmine parked way off at the end of the road, so I followed her there.

  I got out of my car after Jasmine got out of hers, and she saw me. Of course, she saw me. I didn’t say anything, because I knew that she was in pain. I took her up in my arms and held her until I felt her breathing even out.

  “Baby,” I said into her ear. “Tell me what happened please.”

  Jasmine looked up at me with watery eyes. “There was this man the other night . . . ”

  We ended up on the hood of my car, her in my lap as she told me the story. She felt so weak on me. Her head rested on my shoulder and her hand limp in mine. It had been a bad night for her when she crawled into my bed. She needed comfort, and she chose me. I wanted to believe it had been on purpose.

  “I’m sorry, love,” I said to her when my lips pulled back from her hair. “I can’t imagine how awful that was for you.”

  “He’s gone,” she said. “I didn’t know him, and I’m still so upset that he’s gone.”

  Jasmine looked up, and pointed her head at the funeral. I offered to walk over there with her, but she didn’t want to bother the family. So instead, she stayed on me, and let me cover her with my sweater so she wouldn’t catch her death. I rubbed her leg in an effort to warm her. She still felt so cold, and goosebumps raised all over her skin.

  “You didn’t want to tell anyone else?” I asked.

  She shook her head and spoke in monotone. “Kizzy and Jasper have been through enough, and Juniper . . . ”

  “Yeah,” I sighed. “But I wish you told me. I would have . . . I don’t know. I would have done something. Held you tighter, or tried to make you laugh. I can’t stop things from hurting you, love, but I can stop you from hurting all alone.”

  Jasmine swallowed, and pressed her forehead to my shoulder. Her voice came in a whisper. “I just see so much . . . stuff. I don’t like it.”

  “I know.”

  I watched the funeral, listening to people speaking about the man called William. Everyone cried, and I felt that too. I saw who had to be his children, and other family. They looked too much like the man in the picture. Their hearts weighed heavy with his loss. It was a shame when this world lost a good man. It had so few.

  I picked Jasmine up, and I set her on her feet. She shivered and buried herself into my sweater even more. “Would you like to go pay your respects?” I asked.

  She shook her head again, eyes wide. “No. I don’t belong here. They wouldn’t want me.”

  I put my hands on her cold face, and I looked at her as softly as I could. “You feel grief for this man, and that’s all you need to belong here. If you’d like, I’ll go with you. You don’t have to do anything alone.”

  When she stayed silent, I took her hand and started tugging her along. I walked slowly so she’d have time to calm down. She wouldn’t want to cry for this.

  The talking part seemed to be over, and now they all stood around, trying not to look as the casket lowered into the earth. I’d have to have Kizzy set up some magic there. Get him some nice flowers by his gravestone. Something that couldn’t die and wither away.

  Jasmine clung to me as we approached. I stopped at a tree, fifty feet away. Some of the guests started leaving, I assumed to go to some kind of gathering for after. I’d never been to a funeral. I didn’t know what to do.

  “Stay here,” I said to my friend.

  She made a sound, but I left her anyway. I approached the lone woman who couldn’t stop looking at the picture in her hands. I couldn’t let Jasmine leave without saying anything. She’d regret it.

  “Excuse me,” I said kindly. The woman looked up, and her emotions hit me hard. Grief could be difficult, because it had so many things all wrapped up onto one. Misery like nothing else, fear, despair, sometimes happiness mixed in when you thought of those things you lost. I had to swallow all of this, because I came here to take care of Jasmine. “My name is Zander,” I said. “I’m so, so sorry for all you’ve lost.”

  The woman swallowed and nodded. “Thank you, honey. Did you know Bill?”

  “I didn’t. But my friend . . . ” I turned and pointed. “She met him. It was only once, but she, well he left an impression.”

  The woman smiled, and light wrinkles appeared at the corners of her eyes and lips. “Sounds like him.” She waved to Jasmine. “Come on,” she said.

  Shockingly, Jasmine scurried over. She settled up to my side. “Um, hello.”

  “Hi, sweetheart.” She extended her hand to shake Jasmine’s. Afterward, Jazz folded up her arms. “What’s your name?” the woman asked.

  “Jasmine,” she said timidly. I thought she wanted to run, but she didn’t try. I would have had to chase her, and that would
have looked terrible for the both of us. But she was braver than she knew. I knew it for the both of us.

  “Cathleen,” she responded. “I’m glad you came today. I’m sure my husband would have been happy too. When did you meet him?”

  “A week or so ago. He helped me get home.”

  I let Jasmine and the woman talk for a little while as I wandered around the cemetery. So many bodies all in one place, and underground. I didn’t like thinking about death. I knew I probably wouldn’t die for a very long time, and when I did, it would be ugly. A demigod couldn’t die naturally, and that was our curse. There would be no dying in my sleep, next to my wife. If I married, my spouse would probably be mortal, and I would have that misery to deal with. Losing people . . . that day approached.

  The Oracle brought word of my and Jasmine’s doom, so that day may come sooner rather than later. I didn’t think I’d have to deal with watching the people I loved die. Kizzy was immortal, and I thought I would be lucky enough to have only her in my life. But of course, she fell in love. One day, Jasper would be dead, and Kizzy’s whole world would fall apart. I wouldn’t be able to fix that for her. I wouldn’t know how to make her stop crying. She and I would age for a few more years, then no more. The seers would age for the rest of their lives. Constantly reminding us of their mortality. We’d see them gray, and wrinkle, and fade away. We’d hear their hearts stop beating. I would hear Jasmine’s heart . . .

  I turned around and moved fast before my body registered what I did. It made all my choices for me, because it needed to be where Jasmine had gone. I needed her hand in mine and I needed her heartbeat in my ears. I needed the sound of drums to remind me that I had a long time before the silence that I may or may not live through. I thought I had been wrong about a demigod dying of natural causes, because the thought of Jasmine’s heart stopping made mine want to.

  She knelt on the ground, talking to the coffin. They wouldn’t cover it until everyone left. But I watched Jasmine throw a handful of dirt in like the others had.

  Jasmine looked so much like an angel. Too beautiful for this place. She had dirt on her hands and knees, and tears on her cheeks. Mismatched eyes saw nothing at all, and I wanted them to see me. God, I wanted her to see me. Just once.

  I dropped to my knees beside her, and leaned back. Jasmine didn’t look at me, and I tried not to be crushed. I listened to her heart beating in her chest, and felt grateful for the sound I wouldn’t always have. My time with her felt so limited, and she drank it all away. Jasmine lessened it every day, and she didn’t care. She wanted to be numb. I didn’t. I wanted to feel everything, even if it hurt. Even the feelings that hurt were beautiful. It made me feel so human.

  I felt human today, being there with all this death and darkness. Knowing I could be part of it soon. To die or have someone die. It always lingered around the corner. A threat I couldn’t shake, and the price for loving mortals. A price I would pay, because it was worth what I got in return. The beautiful pain of love. It was so wonderful, how much it hurt.

  “Do you want to go home now?”

  Jasmine stared at the coffin, and then her dirty hands. “I don’t know what I want, Zander.”

  No, of course she wouldn’t. She didn’t know much of anything in her life. So many pains were so deep in her that she could ignore them. And she’d be able to . . . right until she couldn’t anymore. That day would come, slowly but surely. So, what could I do for her?

  I picked Jasmine up, and stood in one stride. She let me, because she didn’t have any fight in her. Not for the things that she should fight for. She fought for the bad things. The things that she thought weren’t a big deal. Drinking, going out. Oh, she’d fight tooth and nail for her distractions, for what killed her. But she wouldn’t fight for herself. I’d be there for her, to do that, if she wanted it or not.

  I took Jasmine past the few people left, and to my car. I would have to get Kizzy and Jasper to get hers. No way in hell would I let her drive. She watched the people as I got her into the car, but her eyes didn’t see anything. I wanted to make that all go away. The only way I could, would be to Charm her, and I wouldn’t do that. I wouldn’t wish away all her pain. As much as it hurt, it belonged to her.

  I buckled her in as the last of the cars drove away. I saw the big machines come in to bury the man, and I couldn’t make Jasmine look away from them. She watched, and she cried. I kissed her cheek.

  When we got to the house, I parked in front of it, and left the engine running. I didn’t want to move yet, because I didn’t know what to do with Jasmine. I felt as lost as that woman at the funeral. So many paths, and I didn’t know which one to take. How did people do this?

  This felt like something I needed to take care of. With everything going on, I wanted to at least make one thing better. Death, I couldn’t fix death. Gods, what do I do?

  “I don’t like being sad.”

  The voice whispered at my side, and I looked to see Jasmine with her head on the window. Her fingers curled around her dress, and then they let go again. She repeated the cycle over and over again. She did it until I took her hand.

  CHAPTER SEVEN:

  Bad Things Come in Threes

  Jasmine

  I’m going to be sad today. It wouldn’t be fair to all the people that loved me, especially Zander, who felt like he had to fix me, even though I wasn’t broken. No sadness for Jasmine. I popped out of bed with a cheerful bounce, and then continued that cheerful bounce all the way into my bathroom. Zander came out of his room, so I gave him a wave, and then closed the door in his face.

  What a face too. Now that I had forgiven him for nearly getting himself killed, I could appreciate it again. I also should get him something, because he did, ya know, get hit by a car. That couldn’t have felt great.

  I frowned as I shampooed my hair, thinking about that driver I couldn’t see. I thought if I gave myself a couple of days to think about it, I might change my mind about how weird that felt. The opposite happened. The more I thought about it, the weirder it became. It shouldn’t have been this hard to see him. Maybe I could get Jasper to have a vision about it, and see what he saw.

  I’d need something of Callie’s for that to work, since Zander threw out his bloody shirt. Since he chose to be completely unhelpful. Which meant that I’d have to go to Callie’s to get it, which meant either taking Zander or ditching my humongous shadow. Hmm.

  Two birds and one stone! Brilliant ideas! I did a little dance in the shower to celebrate how smart I could be, but it backfired on me when shampoo got in my eyes. Oh, the sting . . .

  When I stopped cursing, I finished my shower, and quickly dried off. My hair could go insane today. I bet Zander would think it looked adorable that way, and I wanted to see his eyes light up. Not that I should’ve wanted that. Or should’ve been thinking about him like that at all. I mean . . . He was really cute, and fun to watch, sure. But he wanted to take care of me, and I didn’t feel all that interested in a gilded cage.

  I pulled on my favorite rainbow shirt, and the shortest black skirt I owned. It passed the bending over test, and that was all that really mattered. Finally, I yanked on a pair of stockings. One was bright orange, and the other was bananas. Because bananas are fucking cool, that’s why.

  Makeup? Nah. I could be cheerful without slapping war paint on.

  I poked my head out the bathroom, and the scent of bacon immediately greeted me. Ooh. Bacon. Almost as cool as bananas. I could have gone down there, but I had a mission that I would not fail on. I bounded down the stairs, and into the laundry room without missing a beat. The next second, I popped out to Jasper’s garage.

  Kizzy laid on the couch, passed out. Her pinkish hair covered most of her face, and on occasion she’d make this really cute sound that wasn’t quite snoring. Jasper worked on something. He used to never eat, or sleep . . . Or really do anything that would be good for him.

  Now that Kizzy had come around, she could make him eat, and he slept more regularl
y. But there were still days when he couldn’t do it, so she’d sleep down here with him, and Jasper would work on something. Right now, it looked like he made a stylized pot. It had to be for Kizzy.

  Jasper jumped when I rested my elbow on his shoulder. I could hear his music blazing in his ears. It sounded like Five Finger Death Punch. I would’ve been so down for rocking out to that, but I came here on a mission. He pulled his earbuds out. “Hey, Jasmine. What are you doing?”

  “Saying good morning to the most awesomest brother on the planet, duh,” I said. “What, you think I have ulterior motives?”

  “Yes,” Jasper said. “I definitely think you have ulterior motives.”

  “Why would you think that? I’ve been nothing but good to you and Kizzy. I didn’t even try to get her to look at really hot guys with me the other day when it was ladies’ night at that strip club.”

  “You’re not allowed out of the house anymore,” Jasper said, sighing heavily.

  “I’m cool with that. I have a hunky man in the house now too.”

  “You’re not allowed out of your room,” he said instead.

  I sniffed, dismissively. “Anyway. I’m hurt. Truly hurt that you would think so little of your sister. You’ve only got two you know. And I was just going to try and help you and Kizzy out, but if you don’t want my help . . . ”

  He set down his little clay thing, and crossed his arms. He looked absolutely covered in clay, but somehow managed to seem a little intimidating, which amused me. “Jasmine,” he said patiently. “What are you getting at?”

  I grinned at him. “Zander misses spending time with Kizzy. Doesn’t she miss him at all? I mean, it wouldn’t be that hard for the two of them to go out, and have a brother/sister lunch, now would it? You could survive a couple of hours without her, right?” I made my eyes big and round, because I knew Jasper couldn’t handle my puppy dog looks. Neither could Juniper, but she could hold out longer.