We Will Change Our Stars

by Nicole Thorn

  I stopped to give her my full attention. “Stupid. Fucking. Humans. You are stupid, and you are human.”

  “Don’t call me stupid.”

  “Why?!” I yelled, storming up to her. She didn’t flinch, which almost surprised me. “You, Jasmine, are human. I don’t care if you see things that normal people don’t see. You are soft, and fragile, and human. You have an expiration date that you seem so willing to race to, not giving a fuck about who you take out with you. You can go off and get yourself killed if you want that, but don’t you dare put Jasper and Juniper in danger with you. You could have made my sister lose the most important person in her life, and I won’t forgive you for that. I know you don’t like the bodyguard thing, but I don’t care how you feel about it. One of us needs to give a damn about you. Now get the hell out of here.”

  The girl blinked at me, but she didn’t move aside until Jasper pulled her out of the way. Juniper took her hand and led her out of the kitchen.

  The oven beeped as Kizzy walked up to Jasper. “Well this could have gone a lot better. Nice to know that outings to speak with a teenager can even end in almost dying for people like us. Lesson learned.”

  Everything about my sister seemed so calm, and it felt like an odd turn that we took. I exploded and she stayed the picture of peace. She looked so much like her mother right then.

  “Jasmine really wanted to go alone,” Jasper said. “It took convincing to get her to let us go.”

  My voice sounded like a calmer growl when I spoke. “You still should have called me.”

  He nodded. “You’re right.”

  “Don’t make that mistake twice,” my voice warned him.

  Kizzy shot me a threatening look. She kissed Jasper, and he left to check on his sisters.

  Kizzy and I dispersed, beginning to bake the cookies. She set everything out for me, and I dumped it all in the bowl. I had the eggs out, and I attempted to crack one into a new bowl. I got a bunch of shell in it. I dumped it and tried again, only to fail. I grabbed one more egg, and I ended up crushing it in my hands.

  I gripped the metal bowl in my hand, and I hurled it across the room, screaming something incoherent as the bowl smashed into the wall, getting egg everywhere. Juniper would have a heart attack, but I didn’t care. She didn’t call me either.

  I stood there, hands shaking as they clenched. I almost couldn’t even hear Kizzy when she appeared at my side, hushing me. she moved me to the table and sat me down. Her lips pressed to my head, and she started cleaning my hands. I saw the reason for the pain when I looked down. I’d cut myself on a shell and the egg got in it. Kizzy wiped it all away, and she told me to stay there.

  She could have died. One look at that gorgon’s eyes, and Jasmine would be dead. Simple as that. She got one life, and when it ended, that’d be it. No second chances. No coming back from the brink. Everything about her was so damn human, and she used it to self-destruct.

  Jasmine only needed one second. Screwing up for one damn second, and she would die. One second, and she would be stone. Probably with terror in her eyes. And she would be gone from me. No going back. She didn’t care? She wanted me away from her. Maybe I should’ve given her what she wanted.

  I could’ve gone, I supposed. Kizzy would’ve been fine. She could keep Jasper and Juniper safe, and let Jasmine kill herself. I didn’t want to see it if I couldn’t do anything about it. Kizzy could come back to me once they died, and I would help her mourn. And she would let me help her, because she loved me. Jasmine did not love me.

  The smell of cookies filled the kitchen as I listened to Kizzy clean up. She should have left it for Juniper, but she wasn’t the kind. Even scared, Kizzy could function. Years of practice.

  I couldn’t get the thoughts out of my head. Those ones where I didn’t show up when I did. I couldn’t even describe how happy I had been that Kizzy wanted to spend some time with me. She told me Jasper suggested it, and that she should have made some time for me before. It didn’t even sadden me that she needed a reminder I existed. I should have been angrier with my sister for going along with this, but I wasn’t. Jasmine had been behind this, because she wanted to get rid of me. She wanted me gone so badly that she would betray me. Risk lives . . . I should’ve taken the hint. I should just go.

  Arms came around me, and Kizzy’s cheek pressed against mine. She hugged me from behind, and she didn’t try and offer comforting words. She knew better. Kizzy held me tight, and I felt everything she did. She was so scared, but she took this hit so that she could help me. She could shove her feelings aside so that I could be worthless.

  When the cookies finished, Kizzy went to take them out of the oven. She gave me one, and she wouldn’t leave until I ate it. I couldn’t even taste the thing. It felt like cardboard in my mouth.

  Kizzy grabbed the bucket and a lighter before she dragged my ass out to the backyard. She dumped some cookies into the bucket, and then she moved to the wall. Slowly from the vines, she produced a lily. It looked like the most perfect thing I’d ever seen. White that bled into pink, with freckles in the middle. Kizzy plucked it, apologized, and then placed it in the bucket.

  Once we set it all ablaze, we waited. I shoved my hands into my pockets, and the only picture in my head was of Jasmine. She laid dead in my arms. Not stone, but flesh. The dead looked so much like they were sleeping. I felt her body cooling in my arms, and I felt how still it made the air.

  It took a couple of minutes, but our mothers appeared along the side of the house. Mom wore a suit that had clearly been made for her. Pinstripe right down to the skirt, with pink heels. Her blonde hair had been pulled up in a curly mess. Everything about her should have looked bright, but the worry in her eyes changed that. It darkened her.

  Demeter looked much the same in her eyes. But her clothes always seemed more . . . down to earth. Jeans and a black shirt today. Her eye color changed since last I saw her. They had turned black, reflecting how she felt about the winter.

  “Oh, sweetheart,” my mother said, hugging me. She held me in both arms, not allowing me to move. “Zander,” she whispered. “I could feel your anger from Olympus.” She pulled back, and hard blue eyes stared into mine. “You need to calm down, darling.”

  “I don’t know how,” I admitted weakly.

  She smiled, and it looked broken. “You’ll learn,” she said, patting my cheek. “You’re only a baby. But I need you to know that hate is poison, to you and all around you.”

  I blinked. “She almost died.”

  Mom nodded. “She did, love, she did. And she will almost die another thousand times before she does. Every human does. Don’t lose yourself in this pool of fear. Don’t let it drown you.”

  I shook my head, staring at the grass below. It had become dead and brown. “I don’t know if I can even look at her right now.”

  “I know,” Mom said. “But you’ll have to. She didn’t want to hurt you, Zander. She doesn’t understand.”

  No, she didn’t. She didn’t know what was wrong with her, and she didn’t know that her rejection of me stung.

  “How long?” Demeter asked Kizzy.

  “An hour. I didn’t get a good look at it, but the others might have. I’ll get them.”

  My sister went into the house to bring out my least favorite three people in the world right now. But we had to get them if we wanted them to properly fill our mothers in. Kizzy and I only caught the tail end of that stupid little stunt. Jasper knew it had been stupid, and I felt sure Juniper had been aware the whole time. Had Jasmine figured it out yet?

  I couldn’t believe how furious I felt. I literally couldn’t comprehend it. My mother had a word for it. “Fear,” she said to me. “What you’re feeling is fear more than anger, honey.”

  I combed my fingers through my hair, locking them behind my head. “Fear?”

  “Obviously,” Demeter said, stepping to us. “Think about it. You love them, and they almost died. You saw how close they came to it.”

  “Jasmine
,” Mom said. “He saw how close Jasmine came to dying, and it scared him. Like it scared him when the fury hurt her. His fear wasn’t taking the form of anger then. He was nurturing. Which can sometimes be just as bad.”

  My sister led the seers into the backyard, and she had Jasper’s hand in hers while the girls walked behind. Jasmine had her eyes on the ground, and I had been wrong before. Because I couldn’t look away from her.

  Oh no. No, no, no. Oh, I am stupid, aren’t I? I knew before, I ignored it because it would have been easier not to feel. But a person like me couldn’t ignore the feeling of being in love. And I was in love with that human girl with a death wish. I loved her for her faults and perfections, and for all the reasons she didn’t know existed. Like the little spark of joy Jasmine got when she dropped a Cheeto in the tank after swiping it across the water, or the specific way her hips swayed when she got sleepy. How they cocked out when she crossed her arms. How she could say my name with ownership and not even notice. How she made me entirely hers, and she didn’t even see it. She didn’t see why I did what I did, or why I felt so angry. Jasmine had gotten so lost, and I wanted to help her find her way back home.

  I could go her whole life without telling her how I loved her, because I knew it she didn’t need it. She needed balance, and to wake up like her brother did. Kizzy and Jasper worked because they were so damn similar. They could lean on each other without being a crutch. I didn’t think Jasmine could do that with me, because Kizzy couldn’t. Something about the way I offered help was wrong. So, I could help Jasmine get on her feet, and then I would leave her to it.

  “Jasper,” Demeter smiled as she greeted him. “You are very lucky Kezia didn’t slap you.”

  “Mom,” Kizzy hissed. “It’s not his fault.”

  “No,” I said. “It’s Jasmine’s.”

  Mom flicked my arm. “Knock that off, Zander. Get it under control.”

  I didn’t want to control it. I wanted to go find that thing that almost killed Jasmine, and then tear it to pieces with my bare hands. I wanted to turn it into nothing at all. I wanted to scream, and to destroy . . . and I wanted Jasmine to see me. I wanted her to look at me and see me. But that wouldn’t happen.

  “I know,” Mom whispered in my ear. “Trust me, sweetie. I know. This too will pass.”

  “Tell me what happened,” Demeter asked the seers.

  Jasmine did most of the talking, going through the entire story while I seethed in place. How could I feel so much love and so much anger for the same person at the same time? It felt like a war in my chest. I wanted to scream at her for putting herself in danger, today and every other day, and I wanted to shove her against a wall and take her. I wanted to make her mine like she had made me hers. I felt greed and lust and a hundred other things, each more aggressive than the last.

  “Why did that thing try to kill us?” Juniper asked.

  Demeter raised an eyebrow and sighed. “It would seem the gorgon was sent here. I don’t see any other reason for one to attack. They’re only violent when someone is in their territory.”

  “And this is not theirs?” I asked.

  “No,” Mom said. “They’re never somewhere where people could easily stumble on them. They want to be alone.”

  I knew so little of the creatures, because it was hard to know what really happened and what humans made up. I’d never seen a gorgon in person before I smashed the bitch with my car. Even then, I hardly got a good look at her. It would have killed me, supposedly.

  “Who can control a gorgon?” Jasper asked. “And why pick them as the attacker? I feel like something else would have been easier to hide.”

  Mom shrugged. “Maybe it was all they had, and they didn’t want to do it themselves.”

  They talked, but all I could focus on was Jasmine and how quiet she had become. Her eyes stuck to the ground and I wanted that look of hers to fade away. I wanted her smiling and happy. But I screamed at her. Called her stupid. I ruined this.

  Tue, I had been terrified. Scared out of my mind at the thought of her dying on me. I’d never been this scared before. Even with the furies after me and Kizzy. I knew Kizzy could handle herself. Broken didn’t mean helpless.

  I wanted more than anything to walk up to Jasmine, brush her fingers with mine, and take her hand. I wanted our fingers to lace and I wanted her to look at me like she wanted me there beside her. Not like I was the annoyance that kept her from having fun. Sure, the thought of her having a drunken one night stand with someone made my stomach turn, and made me want to murder a man that didn’t exist, but that didn’t cause my worry. Anyone could take advantage of her if she went out there alone. They could come along wanting money, or something worse, and she couldn’t get avoid it.

  I snuck away from my mother during the conversation, because my anger melted away with every second I looked at Jasmine. She didn’t notice me until I sidled up beside her. I made my wants a reality when I intertwined our fingers. She looked up at me, eyes bigger than normal. I did my best to show her everything she couldn’t see. Love and hope and mourning what would never be.

  Jasmine squeezed my fingers.

  “It needs to die,” I said, and all eyes came to me. “I want to hunt the bitch down and finish what I started. I’m not stopping ‘til she’s dead.”

  “We need to know who sent her,” Kizzy said. “Killing her would make it hard to get information out of her.”

  “Assuming she’d share,” Jasper said. “Which I doubt. She’ll probably just kill us.”

  He was right. Getting information from someone who was the definition of ‘if looks could kill’ would be impossible. We needed another lead.

  “What do we do then?” Juniper asked, standing farther from the gods than any of us. “We need information, and we need that thing to not be running around, turning people to stone. Who knows how many people it got on its way back to where it came from?”

  I didn’t want deaths of innocent people. Just because they had been unlucky enough to live near two demigods and the seers, didn’t make them cannon fodder. So, the creature would die today. Simple as that.

  “Do you think it went after Callie?” Jasmine asked.

  “No,” Demeter said. “She’s alive. I can feel her.”

  At least we had that. If the kid died, Jasmine would’ve been devastated, and probably blame herself, then drink herself sick. I really should’ve thrown out the rest of that beer she had. I knew the others didn’t like her drinking either. It worried us all.

  “So, you don’t know what’s happening?” Kizzy asked her mother. “You saw the attack, but you don’t know who caused it?”

  She shook her head. “We’re always trying to watch you kids, but we can’t be a million places at once. There are rumblings that have our attention, and we need to take care of our duties primarily. We don’t like it, but this is the life we lead.”

  Great, so this had been a waste of time. If the gods couldn’t help us, we were entirely on our own with someone who had fucking gorgons on their team. How could we compete with that? We had someone who could Charm humans and someone who could make plants grow. And three suicidal seers. We’re fucked.

  “What do we do?” I asked, needing advice.

  Mom sighed. “The best we can do is tell you where the gorgon was headed. We can’t be sure, but things like gorgons really like cavernous spaces. Dark, secluded, and empty. There are lots of woods around here, as well as mountains. I imagine she’s there. If you go up to your bedroom right now, you’ll see what I left you. It’ll guide your way and help you not die.”

  Well that sounds peachy. “Um . . . okay.”

  Mom smiled brightly. “I hope you like it.”

  Demeter rubbed Kizzy’s arm in a side hug. “Should be a fun day for you. I left you a present in your room too. It’s not charmed with the same thing Zander’s is, but I think you’ll like it anyway. I had it specially made for you.”

  “Thanks,” Kizzy said, sounding as confused as me.
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br />   When our mothers left, we all headed up to Kizzy’s bedroom. Which turned out to mean Jasper’s. Way to be subtle, Demeter. Oh well. But we went in, and Kizzy had a weapon on her bed.

  “Holy hell,” she said, rushing to see it. A bow and a quiver of arrows. I knew the markings instantly, and Kizzy did too when she picked it up. She plucked at the thing before running her fingers over the carvings on her new toy. “Artemis,” she said. “This is a bow made by Artemis. For her Hunters.”

  I picked up the quiver, looking at one of her arrows as I grinned. “The emblem is on the arrowheads, Kiz.”

  She gasped. “No fucking way.” She grabbed it from me, and took the arrow out, along with the arm guard.

  “What does that mean?” Juniper asked, keeping a distance from the girl with the arrows.

  Kizzy smiled at her. “The bow is just a bow, but the arrows . . . They always find their target.”

  “Always?” Jasper asked.

  “Always. She doesn’t give these out lightly, which I imagine, is why she only gave me ten. We’ll need to make them count.”

  Kizzy almost shivered with pure glee, which was odd, since she usually didn’t like this kind of thing. But I let her have her joy. God knew she’d suffered enough.

  Next, we went to me my room, and my present looked much plainer than Kizzy’s. A sword in a sheath laid on my bed. Black and gold with no decoration. Much like the shield next to it. It felt so heavy that a human would struggle to move with it in their hands.

  I pulled my sword from its sheath, and I smiled at it. It looked simple, but beautiful. The balance felt utterly perfect when I tested it, making everyone run to the wall.

  With the sword in my hands, I understood what my mother had meant. The gentle vibrations that rocked through my body spoke to me loud and clear. Like the echoes of whispers, telling me what I wanted to know.

  “What?” Jasmine asked, daring to approach me.

  I stared at the magnificent sword in my hand, listing to what it said. “The sword,” I said. “It’s telling me where to go. I know where to find the gorgon.”