We Will Change Our Stars

by Nicole Thorn

  “Close your eyes!” I screamed at my friends. All but Kizzy listened.

  My sister pulled another arrow from her quiver, and shot it directly up into the sky. It whistled as it flew, and I didn’t get to see where it landed, but I heard the scream.

  I wanted to make her scream.

  I started running through the trees, hoping the bitch would follow me. She should know what was stuck in her. Better fight someone with a sword than arrows. I called after the monster, and hurried away.

  I stopped a hundred feet away, my back to a tree. I needed to get behind the gorgon if I wanted to do this right. I didn’t want to die here. But maybe Kizzy would want to keep my stony body in the house. Jasmine might want to smash me to pieces if she got the chance.

  I heard the crunching of branches and dead leaves, and my heart pounded. She was coming. That meant my friends would be safe, at least. So, what if I would die? I might get to make some cool new friends in the underworld.

  When it got too quiet, I started lifting my shield up to look around. I couldn’t see my friends anymore, but I saw a great many stone animals. Okay . . . so I would definitely die. Super. I had a bunch of dirty laundry to do, and now someone would have to burn it.

  The hissing had me taking off. The gorgon reached my side, and that wouldn’t do. I took off like a little bitch until I could get to another hiding spot. She stayed right on me, but moved slower. The arrow had hit her hip this time.

  With all this running, I wouldn’t get to hide, so I did something stupid instead. I closed my eyes, and I swung my sword wildly in the air. I felt it connect with something, and the gorgon screamed in pain. I took a cautious look at the ground, smiling when I saw a few snakeheads.

  I laughed. “Well look at that. They still hiss.”

  She screamed in anger at me, and then I started running again. I could hear my sister not too far behind us, and I didn’t want to let her be in more danger. The gorgon just had to turn, and Kizzy would die.

  Kizzy ran, and I doubted she could get a good shot in like that. I yelled out to her to stop, and she was smart enough to get my meaning. I didn’t stop running until I heard the arrow stick. I turned, and saw the gorgon hissing back at my sister, who had her eyes shut.

  I smiled at the mistake the gorgon made, and I swung my sword at her, severing her head from her body in one motion. It fell to the ground, and I looked away. Her eyes could still end me even if she died.

  Everyone caught up to me, panting as they did. Medusa closed the dead gorgon’s eyes, and then I could stare at the body. I wasn’t done playing yet. She didn’t suffer like I wanted her to. She didn’t cry, or beg, or scream loud enough. She didn’t get what she deserved for almost killing the person I loved. This didn’t feel enough, and couldn’t do anything about it.

  “Well.” Medusa smiled, putting her hands at her sides. “That was fun to watch. You guys should have a TV show or something.”

  Kizzy frowned, and kicked the body. “I lost three arrows.” She looked at Jasper, so sad. “Three.”

  He rubbed her shoulder. “I know. We’ll get you ice cream on the way home.”

  Jasmine stared at me, eyebrow arched and lips parted. “Just . . . handled that sword really well . . . Cut her head right off. Mmm.”

  Lust . . . wonderful. It made me want the real thing that I wouldn’t get. Like Kizzy tucked under Jasper’s arm, with him kissing her hair. I wouldn’t be that for someone sick enough to not notice it missing in her life. I felt like I could give her all the affection in the world, and Jasmine would only see the stalking, and the possessive side of it. I knew I was a bit much, but I did it out of love. I didn’t want to hurt her or ruin her fun. I just wanted her to live long enough to know what real happiness felt like.

  I had to look away from Jasper and Kizzy, because I couldn’t handle it anymore. My fingers kinked and unkinked at my side as I soaked in all the wrong things from Jasmine. It had to be possible, right? That she would want me for more than what it felt like. That maybe more than being in bed with me, she wanted to lie there and let me hold her. Or she might want me to kiss her forehead and tell her how much I loved her. Hold her while she cried about something. I just couldn’t tell, and I couldn’t ask her. It wouldn’t be right to take advantage of her like that.

  “We should figure out what to do next,” I said, hiding my misery with a blank face. They couldn’t know how upset I was. Kizzy would worry. “And hide this body.”

  Kizzy nodded. “Yeah. We can bury it or burn it.”

  “Oh, fire,” Medusa said. “I’ve started a lot of fires . . . ”

  I blocked her out, trying hard to compose myself. I already had two breakdowns today. I didn’t need to subject them to another. It would’ve been best for everyone if I just didn’t feel anything anymore. No fear for my humans, no bitterness that my sister didn’t need me, and no love for the girl who didn’t want to live. I should’ve shut it all down. Let her live her half-life.

  I should let myself be empty.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN:

  Tremors

  Jasmine

  Tequila. It is a beautiful bitch. All golden and liquid, and it burns you like all beautiful bitches eventually burn you. Oh, but what a glorious night. All those little shot glasses filled with wonderful flavor, and all those nice boys willing to buy me more and more if I just sat and talked with them.

  I hadn’t, though. I could have. Maybe even should have, considering how yesterday had gone, but I didn’t. After we had gotten back from the gorgon hunt, I had left the house immediately. It had been too much for me. Almost getting killed, getting yelled at, meeting Medusa, crashing the car, getting yelled at again. I needed to decompress, so I had left the house, and ignored Zander calling my name.

  He hadn’t come after me, which was something I suppose. Of course, between Jasper and Juniper, he probably couldn’t get past them. My brother and sister could be kind that way.

  And Kizzy wouldn’t have let Jasper get himself killed, so that helped too. I would have to thank her later, when I saw her again. When the tequila buzz didn’t make me quite so fuzzy. I wasn’t drunk anymore. Nope, I was hungover, and it felt miserable. I would need to get something for this headache. This made tequila a bitch.

  I couldn’t remember the second half of last night. I remembered the first half just fine. Getting to the bar, and sitting on the stool. Smiling at the nice man behind the bar who immediately poured me tequila because he knew me so well. I remembered the boys coming over, and sitting on either side of me. They had been so sweet, but very inept. Clearly their first time in a bar.

  They had bought me drinks, and we had chatted for a while. Until it became apparent they wanted a little company, and then I had declined the next drinks, and went to the next bar. It had only been the right thing to do. I wouldn’t go home with either of them, and I hadn’t been interested at all.

  It was too hard to be interested in them when I kept thinking about Zander and his rudeness. How he had screamed at me. I hadn’t done anything wrong. I hadn’t gotten hurt, but he acted like I might as well have leaped off a bridge, and into shallow water.

  Thoughts of Zander, and the things he said had fueled my drinking well into the night. That was when things started getting fuzzy. I vaguely recollected walking down the sidewalk, and falling into the street. I remembered having the phone to my ear, and Jasper’s voice coming out of it. It pretty much ended there.

  If I had to guess, I’d say that my brother came and got me. Brought me home, and then put me on the couch, because walking up the stairs with a drunk could be a lot of work. Especially when you didn’t know if they would throw up, like the trashcan next to the couch suggested.

  Blearily, I pulled my phone out of the pocket of my skirt, and looked at the time. It looked like there were two clocks, so I had to focus hard to see what it told me. Past noon. I had been asleep for about twelve hours. I had to pee, and throw up, and get my head to stop pounding like a jackhammer found its way
in there.

  Oh, and brush my fuzzy mouth until it didn’t feel so fuzzy.

  I sat up slowly. All the pain in my head redirected to my nose. The world turned watery, and winced. That’s right. My face met the back of Juniper’s seat the day before. Now, I pretty much throbbed from the head up, and wanted nothing more than to crawl back under these covers, and go to sleep.

  It would feel nice, too. Just to sleep away the day. I wouldn’t have to deal with gorgons who wanted to kill me, whatever else would come after me, insane Oracles, or visions that broke my heart. Or disappointing Zander. If I wanted honest, I wanted to avoid that more than I wanted to avoid almost anything else.

  I didn’t know what he wanted from me. He looked at me with all the love in the world sometimes, and sometimes he looked at me like—

  Being an alcoholic at twenty-one is just wonderful. Something to be so proud of. You’re right. How fucking dare, I give a damn about your suicide attempts? Here,take it. Take it and go get yourself killed. Go in there, little human, and face a monster. You can see the future, so obviously you’re big and bad, huh?

  I winced, and felt the tears well up in my eyes again. Yeah, and sometimes he looked at me like I was this terrible burden that he wished he could dump on the side of the road. Like he wished he’d never stopped for me that day at the grocery store.

  I’d been drunk then too. I could barely remember it. I had been outside the store because gummy worms had sounded amazing, even though I absolutely hated anything gummy. I’d run the whole way, and I’d been so close, and the next thing I knew, I’d smacked into a hard chest, and fell to the ground. I remembered staring up at Zander, and thinking something about how attractive he looked.

  “She’s safe!” I shouted, so that he wouldn’t realize how hard I tried to picture him naked.

  “Whoa,” the big fella said as he pulled me to my feet. His hands went to my hips, and I liked that a lot. More than I should have, considering I didn’t know this guy. Jasper would be so ashamed of me if he could see this. Not that I would stop it. This stranger could totally feel me up if he wanted, and I’d let him. That was how hot he looked. “You okay, baby?” he asked, and I almost swooned.

  “Yeeah. S’all good. Just trying to catch my movie. Where is it?” Movie? What movie? What the hell am I saying? Oh, dear lord, his hotness had completely wiped away my coherent thoughts. What was I supposed to do when he realized I acted like a crazy person? Kiss him. That was what I’d do.

  He did something weird with his face that made me wish I could hide under the bushes by the store. “The theater is six miles away. Are you alone?” He sounded so concerned, and I couldn’t fathom why. I hadn’t done anything concerning. Oh, wait. I plowed into his chest. Was that concerning?

  “Aren’t we all?” I slurred, saddened. Visions of lost children had been plaguing me all day, but I couldn’t say that to this fella. He’d think me insane. Besides, I had my beer. That took care of everything sad.

  He nodded, and for a second I saw two of him, and felt overwhelmed. I couldn’t talk to two of them. I could barely talk to one without asking him to take his shirt off, because that would make the holding thing he did so much better. “Sure. I mean did someone drive you here? How did you get here?”

  The fella talked to me like I was a child. I wanted to yell at him, but . . . “Um. I can’t remember. Maybe a bus. Maybe a phoenix.”

  “In Seattle?” he snorted. “Silly.”

  A girl I hadn’t even noticed sighed from next to him, like she was so put out, but unsurprised. “We’re bringing her home, aren’t we?” she asked, and I immediately felt like a burden. Like I had somehow ruined their days by bumping into the soft tall one with blond hair.

  He looked at her. “I’m not leaving her here. Someone might hurt her.”

  Aw, that was sweet. Not that I’d let him get away with thinking something so idiotic. “I CANNOT BE HARMED!” I shouted. “FOR I AM OMNISSASANT!” That didn’t come out right. I moved my tongue around in my mouth, trying to get it to obey me, but nothing would come out right.

  “Omnipotent?” the hot one asked.

  “YES! I am Zuul.”

  Without warning, he hauled me off my feet, and I was not happy about it. I liked the ground. It told me where up was. “Okay, Zuul, I’m taking you home.”

  Since I had been flung over his shoulder, and completely disoriented, some of those words I didn’t want coming out, came out. “You have a nice butt,” I told him. I wanted to slap it, but my arms felt like noodles. I got close, but didn’t manage to hit it until we almost reached the car, and I had been right. It was a nice butt.

  “Thank you,” the boy said, putting me into the car. I flopped around like a fish out of water before settling. “What’s your real name, baby?” he asked me, his eyes filled with so much concern and care that I felt small. I didn’t understand why he acted so nice to me, but I should’ve given him something back.

  “Jasmine.” I smiled. “Like the princess and the flower. Do you like flowers?” I asked.

  He smiled back, and something in my chest felt warm and loose. “Sure. So, does my sis over there. She’s Kizzy. I’m Zander.”

  I’d wanted the best for him ever since. So many people wouldn’t have bothered being nice to me, but he had, and that made me feel guilty. He was still so nice to me . . . Most of the time. Except for the times, he acted like a dick. But I had jumped all over him just as much as he had jumped all over me.

  One of us needed to apologize, and I didn’t think he would. I wanted my friend back. Not the weird stalker who called me an alcoholic, and yelled at me for leaving the house. I wanted Zander. The guy who brought me home because he didn’t want me to get hurt, and the guy who ran around a grocery store with me on his back while my brother tried to shop.

  I wanted to go back a few months, and fix whatever had gone wrong. And tell past me not to be stupid, and get these feelings for Zander. The ones that made me want to be around him even when he yelled at me, and making me feel bad. The ones that told me that he was the only one that would hold me exactly right. It felt stupid to fall for him, because he had looked at me yesterday and had been . . . disgusted.

  Because I am human. Because I am weak. Because I am me.

  I pulled myself into sitting position, and put my face in my hands, breathing past the wave of nausea and dizziness. When I looked up again, I stared at Nemo, happily swimming around in his tank. Not a care in the world. His two mouths opening out of sync as he moved.

  Then a little puff of fire came out of one mouth, and popped out of the top of the tank.

  I blinked. Rose to my feet, and went into the kitchen, where I heard noise. Zander stood at the sink. He looked like a mess, and I wished I could have cared more about that. He put the dishes in the dishwasher exactly the way Juniper liked it, and I wondered when he learned how to do that.

  He looked up at me. “Jasmine?” he said. “I—”

  I grabbed him by the arm, and hauled him into the living room. I shoved him in front of the fish tank just as Nemo’s other mouth opened, and another puff of fire came out, rising to the top of the tank. It dissipated quickly, so I didn’t have to worry about the house burning down. I looked at him. “Did you see that?”

  “Yes. Yes, I did,” Zander said, staring at the tank.

  “Oh, thank gods,” I said, plopping down on the couch, and putting my face in my hands. The last thing I needed was hallucinations.

  “I think he’s gotten bigger again, too,” Zander said, sitting on the couch next to me. I glanced at my pet, and thought Zander was right. I tried hard not to speculate about Nemo, so I pushed those thoughts aside. I had to speak with Zander about stuff anyway.

  I sat back against the couch, and stared at the blank television screen, hoping that it would somehow be able to tell how to fix this thing that had broken. I couldn’t even remember how it broke. How was I supposed to fix it?

  It was the fury, I think. The one that hurt me. Zander
had been babying me since then, although even before that, he’d look at me like I missed something vital. I couldn’t remember when that started. It had happened at the same time that Kizzy started looking at us like that too.

  Rubbing my hands down my thighs, I glanced sideways at Zander. He stared at the screen much the same way that I did. His face looked tense. It was an expression he never used to have. He was eighteen, and shouldn’t have looked that severe. I was twenty-one. I shouldn’t have looked this severe either.

  If we had been wholly normal humans, then we’d be out partying, and having a great time. We’d be going to college, and figuring our shit out. Instead, we were quite possibly in the second battle for our lives.

  Zander finally broke the silence. “You went out last night.”

  “I did,” I said.

  “I can smell the tequila on you,” he continued, and his voice sounded more strained than it had been before. “How much did you drink?”

  “I don’t know,” I said, shrugging. “Enough.”

  That, apparently, had not the right answer. He shot off the couch, and started pacing the living room. “Enough? Jasmine, one sip would be too much. You shouldn’t be drinking at all.”

  “Why not?” I demanded. “There’s nothing wrong with drinking every now and then.”

  “You drink every fucking day!” he shouted, coming at me. I didn’t think he meant to be threatening, but it gave me that impression. I didn’t shrink into the couch and hide. I would not let him see that he could scare me, because he couldn’t. Not because he wouldn’t hurt me. Everything could hurt me, and Zander especially.

  He could break me into two, and it wouldn’t be all that difficult either.

  I refused to show him, because I refused to let him think he won. I wouldn’t bow down to him because he thought that he knew what was best for me. No one but me who could tell me what to do. Not Zander. Not my brother or sister. Not Kizzy. Not—