The Very Essence of Love

by Andreea Catana

  Mr. Bennet said nothing but took his daughter’s hand in his and asked her to leave him alone. She did, and after a few deep breaths to steady herself, approached Lydia’s chamber, where Mrs. Bennet was still consoling her daughter, about what she thought must be a terrible misunderstanding.

  “Mama, I need to speak with Lydia and it is better if I do it alone,” Elizabeth spoke with determination against her mother’s stubbornness to allow such a discussion to be carried out without her. At last, she left and Elizabeth waited until the steps in the hall ceased and she could be sure they would not be overheard.

  “Mr. Wickham warned me about you, Lizzy. He told me I am not to say anything to anyone, especially you, because you will ruin it all.”

  “Mr. Wickham is a clever man I see.” Elizabeth gave her observation with a lot of sadness, realising how carefully Mr. Wickham had arranged it all. She choked on her words and asked her again, “Tell me, Lydia, are you and Mr. Wickham… I mean… Did you engage in anything else with him? I know you are aware of more things than a young lady of your age should know.”

  “No!” Lydia protested, childishly upset. “I would have done, but he said we had to wait until we were married. He respects me, no matter what you say.”

  “Of course, Wickham did not want Lydia’s meagre dowry, he wanted the greater prize. Two young ladies he has fooled with his charms.” Elizabeth, ashamed that she had once fallen victim to the man’s charm, kept her thoughts to herself, and realised she was doing so for Lydia’s sake as well as Miss Darcy’s.

  “What did he ask you to do for those earrings?” Elizabeth resumed after a moment. “Please, tell me the truth, Lydia. I beg of you.”

  Lydia refused to look at Elizabeth while she delivered her question, making Elizabeth fear that she would never get her answers.

  “He asked me to deliver a letter to Netherfield Park. To Miss Darcy. Yesterday. He said they were good friends and he wished to send her his greetings”

  “So, that’s how he did it,” Elizabeth thought, instantly closing her eyes in pain. “He used Lydia’s gullibility for his own purpose.”

  “And you believed him.”

  “Yes, why should I not? Mr. Wickham loves me. While you and Jane were in London he came to see me almost every day. He is not the man you think he is. He is most careful and attentive. He was most interested in my family, even in learning news of Jane when she was taking care of Miss Darcy in London. He asked me constantly about her.”

  This new element of the conversation came as another surprise to Elizabeth, suddenly realising how Mr. Wickham had kept himself informed all this time about Miss Darcy. “Contemptible!”

  “I am sure,” Lydia went on, “that Mr. Wickham will clear himself of all these accusations Aunt Phillips has brought against him. And you shall all have to ask for his forgiveness because you misjudged him so.”

  Suddenly, compassion appeased Elizabeth’s anger. Her sister was not much older than Miss Darcy, who had been deceived by the same man twice under different circumstances. What would have happened if she had not arrived at the crossroads this morning? Would Miss Darcy have left with Mr. Wickham, convinced of his words? Elizabeth wished to believe so much that she would not have done but was not sure of her answer. She felt shame, she felt guilt, even though none of it was her fault, for having unwittingly helped with Mr. Wickham’s plan.

  She had most of her answers, but Elizabeth found none of them satisfied her.

  When Mr. Gardiner returned, Mr. Bennet summoned him to his study and they discussed for a long time the situation that had arisen in the family. Being a sensible man, Mr. Gardiner recommended the rational solution of involving the magistrate. Mr. Wickham’s action was, after all, deemed to be unworthy of an officer of his Majesty’s army and could not - and should not – be tolerated for moral or other reasons. The women in the house, except Elizabeth, were asleep when her father and her uncle returned and she could not find out any details about what had happened.

  It was revealed, however, in the morning, much to Lydia’s dismay and heartbreak, that Mr. Wickham was detained just before he attempted to make his escape with the jewels he had stolen and other money he had on his person. His possessions were fewer than his debts and more horrors came to light when he was apprehended.

  Some details were kept from the ladies’ ears for propriety’s sake, but what had transpired surpassed everyone’s imagination.

  “I must confess, I always found Mr. Wickham odd,” Mrs. Phillips said when it was revealed to her. “I have often found that charming boys like that have something terrible to hide. Better someone less good looking, like my late husband, than a scoundrel that is pleasing to the eye.”

  Mrs. Bennet spent most of her morning in tears, fearing that the scandal would ruin Jane’s nuptials as well. “I could not bear it if Mr. Wickham destroyed the rest of my family as well. I hope Mr. Bingley pays no attention to any of it, for it would be most cruel.”

  Her fears were forgotten later on when Mr. Bingley came to visit Jane and offered his regrets for what had happened. He was as happy as he had been on previous days, no shadow of doubt had been cast upon his intention of marrying Jane. Elizabeth desired above all things to learn anything about Mr. Darcy but she could find out little. Mr. Bingley limited himself to telling her that Mr. Darcy had left that morning for Pemberley with Miss Darcy, and she found herself content not to speak further on the subject.

  The blow of his departure was terrible for Elizabeth, although she was successful in hiding it. She knew she could not overshadow her sister’s happiness with anything that afflicted her. Still, when she found herself alone in her chamber, she could give way to what she was really feeling. She sobbed with pain in her heart.

  “Mr. Darcy gone? I find it now indeed to be the end of my hopes of ever having a chance to explain myself to him. He must see me as a culprit in aiding Mr. Wickham for certain. The injustice of it! Now, I must resign myself that the next time we shall see each other it is going to be at Jane’s wedding and we shall never be more than strangers who knew each other once.”

  Chapter 23

  A week after she received the news of Mr. Darcy leaving for Pemberley, Elizabeth’s life returned to its regular course. Jane’s arrangements for the wedding were nearly complete, Lydia was much calmer now on account of Mr. Wickham’s imprisonment and Mrs. Bennet was displaying the same amount of enthusiasm over her first-born daughter being a bride as before.

  The only moment of tranquillity Elizabeth could find was in the morning, when she woke up early to take her daily walk. She preferred it so, for it gave her pleasure to indulge in the scenery in a moment when all nature was coming to life.

  Jasper was her regular companion for these walks. The dog, like herself, was an early riser and with the Gardiner twins usually tired from playing the day before, she found his company refreshing.

  It was under such circumstances that Elizabeth started her day that morning, with Jasper guiding her towards the pond, barely waiting for his companion to reach him before bounding on ahead again. His impatient bark alerted Elizabeth that she should hurry, for he was very impatient to start his sniffing.

  “Do not dare go into the water, Jasper!” The dog gave her a short look, as though pondering whether he should listen to Elizabeth or not. “You have already caused me enough trouble each time we have been on a walk. For once, you could indulge me.”

  Jasper did acknowledge her petition with a whiny bark and sprung onto the path to chase a small bird. Elizabeth smiled, content with such a small victory, and followed him at a quick pace before he disappeared completely from her sight. Elizabeth called his name a few times, fearing she had lost him to the water of the pond, but when she reached the place she always felt most secure she stopped, as she recognised the figure of Mr. Darcy, playing with the little dog.

  Elizabeth felt her throat go dry, unable to utter a word. When their gaze met for the first time, his calm countenance gave way to a smile that El
izabeth found alluring. Countless thoughts roamed through her mind, overwhelming her with the possibility that she might be dreaming his presence there.

  “I did not mean to startle you,” he said, on observing Elizabeth’s expression of confusion, “I’d hoped I would find you. Your sister mentioned a few times that you liked this place and usually walk in the mornings to see the dawn here.”

  When she heard him speak, Elizabeth took a breath of relief, knowing he could not be a fantasy. Then she blushed, rewarding him with a tentative smile and said, “It is the best place around here to see the day begin. And sometimes to see it end again.”

  It was Darcy’s turn to pause, struggling for words. She could see that his proud nature made what he had to say even more difficult. She could not help wondering what his next words were going to be, whether he was here for an end or a beginning.

  “Miss Elizabeth, I am here because I feel I owe you my deepest gratitude, and I believe I speak also on behalf of my sister, who could have been ruined if it had not been for you.”

  “How is Miss Darcy?” she succeeded in saying.

  “She is much more calm now. We have had a chance to speak and time to heal some of the wounds caused by that man.”

  “I did nothing, Mr. Darcy,” Elizabeth spoke in sadness, suddenly recalling how Mr. Wickham had re-entered his sister’s life. “Quite the contrary. I believe that I and my family owe you an apology.” Elizabeth paused, mortified by what he was about to learn.

  “I do not understand,” he spoke in a serious tone that demanded her explanation. Elizabeth spoke again, sparing no detail of how Lydia and even Jane, though unknowingly and unwillingly, participated in Mr. Wickham’s plans. She felt it was only fair of her to do so, no matter how difficult it was or how damaging it could be. When she had finished, she dared not look at his face, for fear she would only find disappointment or disgust.

  Mr. Darcy listened attentively to her words and when she had finished he drew closer to her, which both elated and puzzled Elizabeth extensively. His eyes did not leave her own. She was staring at him, hardly even able to breathe.

  “I have nothing to reproach you or your family for, Miss Elizabeth. I believe I was in the wrong myself to not trust Georgiana enough to speak to her of what I did when Mr. Wickham tried to destroy her life for the first time. I did it because I believe I was entitled not to give any explanation to anyone. Miss Elizabeth, you were right. I am a proud man. I thought I knew all my faults and their exact measure, but your reproach at Hunsford made me realise I knew not the extent of them.”

  Darcy’s voice was calmer than usual, with a mix of sadness and regret, trying to dissipate the tension between them.

  “If I recall our previous conversation, I feel I should be ashamed of what I said to you.”

  “You should not, Miss Elizabeth, for it did me good, even though I did not know it at the time. Indeed, it moved something inside me. Your words started something in me that I could not prevent from shifting. Sometimes my words fail me, with all that I wish I could say, but I will say simply that I love you and I hope it will be sufficient, for I do not think that grander words can express the depth of my feelings for you.”

  Elizabeth was not prepared for the renewal of his feelings, nor was she prepared for the elation that instantly gripped her heart. She knew she had to allow herself this feeling, for it was born of a journey of a thousand aches, of her overcoming her prejudices and of him overcoming his pride. She stepped into his embrace, resting her head on his chest, where she could feel his heart beating as fast as hers.

  “Mr. Darcy,” she cried softly, “You need no grander words; your simple declaration gives me hope as never before.” Darcy lifted her face to his, rejoicing in her words and in her gaze. Elizabeth rewarded him with a smile and in that moment, he took her hands and placed them on his face, enjoying the warmth they gave. She bowed her head timidly and rested for a moment more in his embrace.

  “I thought I had lost you, Miss Elizabeth! Elizabeth! My Elizabeth! There were so many times you eluded me, that I believed you to be indifferent or attached to someone else.”

  Elizabeth parted from him and looked at him in earnest.

  “I could never. I am not,” she declared, blushing with the voluntary admission of her feelings. “I suspect I have never been indifferent, but like you, I had my flaws that prevented me from realising it sooner. Mr. Darcy, your fears have been my fears as well, making me always wonder if I would ever see you again.” Then in a voice softened by hope, she added, “I am content that you are here. I am.”

  His eyes locked with hers. It was the anticipation of a kiss that made her shiver. She closed her eyes, happy to catch a last glimpse of his face before doing so, her lips parted slightly in sweet expectation of his lips upon hers. Her hand moved across his back, in a gentle caress, while his hands cupped her small waist making her breathe deeper.

  She enjoyed his forwardness, as she enjoyed the fact that it was him touching her for the first time – the simple thought of him being here with her elated her beyond expression. There had been no feeling before this. Elizabeth felt her world had been until then only in pale colours and now she was fully aware of how rich this world was, not only in sights, but also in sounds, tastes and touches.

  When they kissed, his mouth moved softly on hers at first, then more boldly, until she felt only the taste of happiness on her mouth. She felt she finally had reached her home in him; they were one in feeling and thought, never to part again.

  They both breathed heavily when it was over, but both in happiness. Darcy pulled her again to his chest, in a tight embrace.

  “Oh, Lizzy… I do not wish to ever have to part from you.”

  She moved back slightly, looking at his face, and said simply, “It shall never happen, for I am yours and yours alone.”

  Jasper gave a loud bark and they both burst into laughter as they realised that the dog had been watching their precious moment. As soon as she made eye contact with him, Jasper jumped into Elizabeth’s arms and nestled his nose into her neck.

  “I think Jasper is jealous,” Elizabeth jested while caressing the dog’s head.

  “I believe he has every reason to be, for I do not intend to share you with anyone else.” Darcy took Elizabeth’s hand, as Jasper sprung back to the ground, spinning around them.

  “Come, come with me,” he spoke, suddenly animated by a thought.

  “Where are we going?” Elizabeth asked, giving him a large smile.

  “I wish to speak to Mr. Bennet right away. I cannot wait an instant more for you to be mine.” Elizabeth stopped breathing for a moment, while she pondered what his words meant.

  “You wish to speak to my father?” she managed to say.

  “You do not wish it?” Elizabeth nodded, and then she gave out a loud “Yes!” following him.

  They walked all the way back, almost to the house, hand-in-hand. It was only when they could be seen from the windows that Darcy allowed Elizabeth’s hand to part from his and it was done under the storm of a hundred kisses. Elizabeth entered first, and upon seeing Mrs. Hill, she asked her to announce Mr. Darcy’s visit to Mr. Bennet. As she watched him enter her father’s study, she decided to retire to her chamber, in an attempt to avoid the party in the drawing-room, where loud voices engaged in trivial conversation could be heard. She felt her heart beating louder than ever.

  “I really hope Papa is going to say yes. Why should he not? Just because I am his favourite daughter?” Elizabeth laughed and passed from fear to utter happiness in a couple of seconds, remembering the changes the last hour had brought. It was incredible how much her life had changed. She did not know how much time had passed, until Mrs. Hill, most serious, came to tell her that her father wished to see her in his study. When she entered the study, she found him alone.

  “Lizzy, I must say these past few days have been full of unexpectedness. I am aware that you know Mr. Darcy has been here. I presume you also know the reason.”
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  “What have you told him, Papa?”

  Mr. Bennet sighed. “You know you are my favourite child, Lizzy. I know I should not say it, but unfortunately I feel it. Mr. Darcy had me at a great disadvantage and I told him the only thing I could.” Mr. Bennet frowned and looked directly at Elizabeth. “I told him that the only one who could give an answer to him is you, Lizzy. For if you do not want him…”

  “I do, I do want him, Papa! I love him!”

  “You love him? You despised him till yesterday!”

  “Because I was foolish and blind for not seeing who he is. He is not as we imagined him to be. He is generous and kind and humble…” Elizabeth laughed serenely as she spoke the last word.

  “Humble? Mr. Darcy?”

  “Yes, Papa… I do believe I have never met, nor shall ever meet, someone like him again. I cannot fathom my life without him.”

  “By God, you sound even more in love than Mr. Bingley is with Jane! I never thought I would see someone more smitten than that gentleman. And then you came, Lizzy.” He sounded amused, “I am bound to like all my sons-in-law, and from what I have seen, I think I like Mr. Darcy best. For he managed to get the best of my daughters.”

  Later that night, Elizabeth informed the rest of the family of her engagement to Mr. Darcy. That it was a surprise was an understatement. The sincerest congratulations came from Jane and Mrs. Gardner as Mrs. Bennet was much too impressed with the novelty and therefore reduced to silence, much to Elizabeth’s great satisfaction. It was only later when she realized that Lizzy would be the mistress of Pemberley with 10,000 pounds a year that she began to cry with happiness as well.

  “Mr. Bennet was right, Lizzy,” she said, “for telling everyone you have the greatest wit and mind of all of his daughters, for not everyone could get a gentleman of such wealth. Now I wish all my daughters had your wit and your mind, Lizzy!”

  On the following day, Mr. Darcy and Mr. Bingley came to see their brides. Mrs. Bennet, who was still under the spell of the news she had received, barely spoke to Mr. Darcy, which made Elizabeth glad. A suggestion was made for the party to go for a walk, which was received favourably by everyone.