by Nina Levine
I laughed. “You’ve got no clue but I do love you. Now, get your ass off the bed and help me carry my stuff out of here.”
As we entered the living room, we ran into Blake who’d just walked through the front door. He pulled me into a hug and we stayed like that for a few moments. It would be tough leaving him as I’d come to depend upon him over the last two years. He was my voice of reason when my level of crazy hit epic proportions, and he was the steady influence in my life.
“You know where I am if you need me, baby girl,” he murmured in my ear and then let me go.
My eyes met his and I smiled at him, “Absolutely. You’d better keep your phone close all the time because I’m sure I’ll be calling you often. I’ll need you to talk some sense into me when I lose my shit. Okay?”
He nodded and grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “I mean it, Maddy, if you need me, I’m there.”
A phone started ringing and I looked around to catch J staring intently at Blake and me. He stood in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, and I hadn’t heard him come in. It was his phone ringing but he wasn’t rushing to answer it.
“Are you going to get that?” I asked with a brow raise.
He stared at me for another moment before finally silencing the phone. “What?” he barked into it and walked back into the kitchen, away from us.
I turned back to Blake and Serena. “Are Rowan and Faith able to come and say goodbye?”
“No, they’re busy, but I think they’ll both give you a call later on,” Blake answered. He jerked his head towards J and asked, “What was that all about?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea.” And I really didn’t. J could be a moody bastard and I figured he was just in one of his moods, especially because of what was happening with Nix and the club.
“Are you sure you want him to take you back home? I could drive you,” he offered.
“No, I’ll go with J,” I said quickly and Blake raised his eyebrows at me.
Shit. That was pretty eager of me. Fuck, this wasn’t good. I needed to keep my distance from J.
“No, maybe you could drive me.” I changed my mind and looked to Blake who was nodding in agreement.
“Madison is with me,” J growled, and I turned around to find him almost right behind me. He caught me by surprise and as I stumbled back a little, his hand shot out to catch me from falling. His arm snaked around my waist and he held me firmly. I looked up at him as he stepped closer to me; our breath mingled and my stomach clenched with that feeling of anticipation that I hadn’t known since we broke up. “You’ll ride with me. It’s safer,” he ordered.
“I think Madison can make her own mind up,” Blake retorted.
J tore his eyes from mine to glare at Blake. “Did you not fucking hear me the first time? She rides with me.”
“You’re joking, aren’t you?” Blake snorted. “Madison is a grown woman and can make her own decisions.”
“Do I look like I’m fucking joking?” J challenged, and I realised it was time to cut in before this got out of hand. Blake was still being polite, probably for my sake, but if push came to shove, he wouldn’t hesitate to take J on.
I laid a hand on J’s chest and said to Blake, “It’s okay, I’ll ride with J. He’s right. With Nix off their radar it’ll be safer for me to stick with him.”
Blake and J continued glaring at each other, and I pushed on J’s chest and pulled myself out of his hold. “Are we going?” I asked him impatiently.
He looked away from Blake to me and nodded. “Yeah, I’ll get our stuff and meet you outside.” With that, he gathered up our belongings and headed out to his bike, shooting Blake one last glare before he left.
“Like I said, moody,” Serena stated and looped her arm through mine as we followed him out. She turned her head to me with a wicked glint, “I bet he’s fucking intense in bed, right?”
“Oh, my God! We are not going there.” I shook my head in exasperation. Serena had a one track mind most days.
She laughed and I couldn’t help but join her; she really was the sunshine in my life.
I grabbed Blake and Serena in a group hug. “I’ll call you once we’re there. Should be in about four or five hours.”
J was waiting for me on his bike. Sensing his impatience, I finished my goodbyes and climbed on behind him. Apart from the other night, it had been years since I’d been on the back of a bike and it felt good. I’d missed it. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I tried to wipe away the thoughts of just how good it felt to be on his bike. He pulled my hands together so I was holding him tighter and pleasure shot through my body at his touch. I wondered if he felt it too, but quickly dismissed that thought; after all, he was the one who hadn’t wanted to pursue a relationship again two years ago. I doubted he’d changed his mind.
We took off and I settled in for a long trip. It would give me some time to sort through my feelings about going home. And about J. After I moved, I’d never heard from him, and hadn’t intended to see him again. I didn’t want to want him again, but the heart can’t be led. I was trusting and hoping like hell that my heart knew J had the power to break me again.
9
Jason
I leaned into the doorframe of the clubhouse bar, crossed my arms in front of me and settled back to watch the duel between Scott and Madison. We’d been back barely fifteen minutes and they were already at it.
“I don’t want you going to see Crystal now because I can’t go with you. I’ve gotta be somewhere else.” Scott’s body tensed as he argued with her. He and Madison had a long history of battles, both as stubborn as the other.
“I can take a prospect with me,” she suggested.
My eyes wandered down to her hips where she had placed her hands. She wore the tightest fucking jeans, and I figured all the assholes in the room were probably mentally undressing her. I wanted to tell them to all fuck off, but I had no right to those thoughts anymore.
Scott was pacing. Jesus Christ, if he was like this with his sister, what the fuck would he be like with an old lady? He didn’t do relationships and that was probably a good thing because his over protectiveness wouldn’t be appreciated by many women. I should fucking know. I had those tendencies too, and it had caused no end of problems between Madison and I when we were together.
“Fuck it,” Scott swore, and tipped his chin in my direction. “J will go with you then.”
I pushed off from my leaning spot and walked towards them. Madison swung around to face me, a frown on her face.
“J doesn’t have to go with me.” She looked wildly around the room until her gaze stopped on Stoney who sat in the corner. She jabbed a finger towards him. “Stoney can go with me.”
“I will go with you, Madison,” I growled. “Get your stuff and we can leave now.”
“Madison.” We all stopped and turned at the voice of our president. Marcus Cole was a commanding presence and I watched Madison shrink a little. She’d always had a difficult relationship with her father. He was a man used to being in control and unfortunately for him, had raised a daughter who was too much like him, so they were constantly arguing.
She composed herself. “Dad.”
“Go with J for fuck’s sake. Not sure why you have to always fucking argue with everything.” He could be a bastard sometimes and I squeezed my fists, itching to punch him for being so harsh to her.
“Nice to see you too,” she seethed.
Marcus ignored her and turned to me. “Take her to see Crystal and then bring her back here. I want her staying at the clubhouse until we find Nix.” With that, he strode out of the room without a backwards glance at Madison. Hurt crossed her face, and I fought the urge to pull her close and wrap my arms around her. Instead, I silently stayed where I was, waiting for her to make the next move.
“Nothing much changes around here, does it?” she asked no one in particular and threw her hands in the air. “Fuck! Is it any wonder I didn’t want to come home?” She directed this on
e at me.
Shit, I didn’t want to get into family fucking politics. It had been a long day and it wasn’t over yet. I pointed at the front door. “Time to go,” I said, walking towards it and then looked back over my shoulder at Scott. “I’ll check in with you later, see where we’re at.”
He nodded. “Yeah. Later, brother.”
Madison
Well, my father hadn’t changed much since I last saw him, still as controlling as ever. He and Scott were the same. How the hell was I going to get through this visit? And J, well, that was a whole other headache. The mixed signals he threw out gave me whiplash. One minute he acted as if being around me was a hardship and the next he looked at me like he used to.
I followed him outside and walked to his bike while he stopped and spoke with a guy I had never seen before. They discussed something in hushed tones and I could tell from J’s facial expressions that he wasn’t happy with whatever had been said. He muttered something at the guy before shaking his head at him in disgust. This couldn’t be good.
“What was that all about?” I asked as he approached me.
“Nothing you need to worry about,” he dismissed me.
My blood boiled. “Why do you, Scott and Dad do that? Why can’t you just answer my questions rather than always dismissing them?”
J turned his angry eyes to me. “Not everything is about you, Madison. Seems to be something you still haven’t figured out.”
I flinched at his words and swallowed back my hurt. His anger felt undeserved. I’d changed a lot in the last two years but he seemed set on believing I was still the same person. Taking a deep breath, I attempted to explain where I was coming from. “Yes, I know that, but with what’s happening, I figured it might be about Nix. And that is about me.”
“Yeah, baby, that is about you,” he snapped back at me. “But this isn’t. Now get on the back of the bike and let’s go.”
Oh, no he didn’t. “What does that mean, J? The bit about that being about me.” There had been an ugly tone to his words that I didn’t like and I struggled to understand their origin.
He leant down into my face and the anger emanating from him stunned me. “Perhaps all of this shit wouldn’t be happening if you hadn’t dated Nix.”
Tears threatened my eyes. “I can’t believe you just said that,” I whispered, staring at him in shock and confusion. He stayed bent and in my face, glaring at me while the hurt feelings and unsaid things from years ago sat painfully in the space between us.
Finally, he stood back and broke eye contact. “Crystal’s staying with Brooke, so be prepared for that.” He changed the subject just like that; just like he always used to do and it hurt just as much now as it had then.
Brooke was J’s sister, and we had a long, hard history. Back in school we were close, but the year after we finished school, a misunderstanding had come between us. It was a silly misunderstanding, about a guy, and she’d hated me ever since. Bec, however, had remained friends with Brooke, so she’d continued to be a presence in my life. However, we did our best to keep out of each other’s way. When I started dating J, she’d been pissed off and had done her best to break us up. Brooke was the only family J had left after both their parents had died in a car accident and he was very close to her. She was his younger sister and he looked out for her and made sure she was always okay. When she began her campaign against us, it had almost worked because J always made excuses for her behaviour. I’d often felt like I came second to her and had threatened to walk away from the relationship a couple of times. It all came to a head about a year into our relationship and J had been forced to take a stance. He chose me, but it was always clear how much he loved Brooke, and from then on, I tried hard not to put him in the middle again. I think Brooke did the same because she stopped trying to separate us.
We pulled up at Brooke’s house about fifteen minutes later. J was still shitty, and stalked into the house ahead of me. I watched as he entered the building and greeted Brooke. She looked past him at me, her face a blank mask. I was surprised when she gave me a tight smile and gestured for me to come in.
“Madison, how are you?” she asked as I came through the front door.
Well, shit, I could make small talk too. “I’m okay. And you?”
Before she could answer, Crystal came running into the room. “Madison!” She threw herself into my arms and I was overcome with emotion. I bent down and wrapped her in my arms, smoothing her hair and pressing my lips to her forehead. My heart broke a little more for her and I fought back the tears. I struggled with the knowledge that this beautiful child was now alone in the world, and I was annoyed at myself for not coming to see her sooner.
“Hey, sweetheart,” I said, holding her a moment longer, and then I pulled away to take in her eyes. They betrayed her confusion, her loss and her heartbreak. If I was upset before, I was murderous now. How dare Nix take away her family? I kissed her again and then stood, keeping my arm around her.
J was watching me intently; his pissed off mood somewhat abated. He knelt in front of Crystal. “How would you like us to stay for dinner tonight, angel?” he asked as he ran his hand over her hair in a soothing gesture. “We could order in your favourite.”
He was gentle with her and my heart skipped a beat. It reminded me there was a softer side to J – in there somewhere, under all that rough biker bullshit.
Crystal nodded at him. “My favourite is pizza,” she said, her voice timid.
J smiled at her and said, “Okay, I’ll order that. You go and sit with Madison while Brooke and I organise dinner.” His tenderness was killing me. He was so hot and cold; one minute so angry with me that he was saying shit I didn’t know he had in him, and then this, this sweet talk to a child.
He stood and motioned for Brooke to follow him into the kitchen, leaving Crystal and I alone to talk. I hadn’t seen her in over three years, but before that we had been almost as close as a mother and daughter. Bec had been raising her kids on her own and I was her support, helping her out with money, babysitting and anything else she needed. Coming back into Crystal’s life now, after three years, I had been worried she might not remember me but I was relieved that she did.
I took her hand and led her to the couch. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry I haven’t been here for you. Not only now but also for the last few years. Things happened, and your Mum and I—”
She cut me off. “Mum told me that she never wanted to see you again. I know it wasn’t you who didn’t want to see me.” Her voice broke up as she got her last few words out and her shoulders drooped. Tears began pooling in her sad, green eyes and my chest ached at her grief.
I nodded. “I need you to know that I am here for you now, baby. I won’t leave you alone. Do you understand that?”
She started crying and I used every ounce of control to stay strong for her. The last thing she needed was me crying with her; instead, she needed to know I was strong enough for the both of us, that I would get her through this. I pulled her to me and hugged her, letting her cry. Crystal had always been a tough little girl, fiercely independent and I hadn’t seen her cry much over the years. She tended to bottle her feelings up and tried not to let us see what she was going through. I was sure it was her way of coping with all the crazy shit she had witnessed in her life. Bec had been as good a mother as she could be, but the men she had been involved with had often brought the crazy to her life and, as a result, the kids felt it too. Having grown up in the club lifestyle myself, I could always see why Crystal shut herself off like that because I had done the same as a child.
We sat there quietly and I held her close while she sobbed. I wondered if this was the first time she had let herself feel her grief. A week earlier, she had her family. Now she had no one. No one but me and a club of bikers who would, I guessed, do anything to protect her. In that moment, I knew I would make damn sure they protected her. Even if it meant moving back here; the place I had sworn never to return to.
Dinner was st
rained but Brooke, J and I did our best to keep it friendly for Crystal’s sake. After dinner, we moved back to the living room and watched some television. Crystal was subdued and fairly exhausted so Brooke suggested she have a shower and go to bed early. She agreed and headed off to the bathroom while Brooke went to clean up the kitchen. This left J and I alone, and we sat in silence watching the television. I had no idea what we were watching because my mind was racing with so many questions; not only about Crystal but also about him and me. I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about his angry outburst earlier.
I looked over at him and found him watching me. He didn’t break eye contact, just continued to watch me. My stomach tensed as unease washed over me; I didn’t know what he was thinking anymore. When we were together, I used to be able to read him most of the time, but over two years later, I had no idea of the thoughts running through his mind. Hell, maybe I never knew him as well as I thought I did. He had, after all, told me to leave right when I thought we had a chance to be together again.
I finally broke the silence. “Have you guys found Nix yet?” I went with an easy question.
“No, but Scott’s got a lead so he’s chasing that up tonight,” he answered, eyes still firmly on mine.
“What’s the plan for Crystal? Do you think she’s safe here?”
He dragged his hand through his hair and sighed. “We’ve got two guys watching the house. We’re doing what we can to keep her safe.”
“How long will she stay here with Brooke?”
“She’ll be living with Brooke now. It was what Bec wanted,” he said quietly, as he watched for my reaction. He would have known what was to come.
I shot out of the chair. “What the fuck, J? Why would she do that?”
He reacted sharply, standing and grabbing my arm. “Keep your voice down, Madison,” he snapped. “Bec and Brooke were close after you left. It’s definitely what she wanted.”
