Torn

by T. N. King

  The nervousness had dissipated as talking and massaging turned to not talking and hands falling lower on her back, which eventually led back to the bedroom-—the bedroom he’d obviously set the stage for, candles burning around the room and new sheets on the bed… it was nice, the way that they had fit together, without any arguing or flinching. There were no harsh words or touches, even if that grip that he found on her hips left them indented with bruises once more, they were the kind of bruises that she liked receiving from him. It had been a good night, followed by another good morning that followed much the same pattern before she had to shower for work. Something that was also drawn out by his joining her in that small shower in the first place, but again, she hadn’t minded, just the opposite. It was wonderful, draining that tension that she hadn’t even been aware of building at the base of her neck away little by little… until it wasn’t.

  It was an innocuous question at first, calling to her from the bedroom while she was straightening her hair, asking about Mason coming over that day and her having to realize that she had forgotten to tell him that Mason had cancelled, she’d gotten so distracted by everything else that she’d never even gotten around to it. First with Aaron getting upset that he hadn’t been consulted, which in hindsight she realized could have probably been diffused somewhat with her informing him then that Mason had already cancelled, but her brain had been elsewhere. And had been kept elsewhere too, lips turning up at the corners even in her reflection as she pushed another section of hair back to get to the underside. She’d informed Aaron then, but she hadn’t been ready for his suddenly appearing in the bathroom doorway, staring at her and further questioning it as if she were hiding something. Asking her what else he had said, what they had talked about, and generally making her nervous all over again.

  His behavior seemed off, something she’d managed to push to the back of her mind up until it persisted for several more days following. It was only when he came home to find her on the phone with her mother, asking her about Mason and if she had noticed anything weird with him that it calmed down. Her mother, of course, had said that she hadn’t noticed anything off, but she’d mentioned that he was working more hours recently and had been late to dinner the other night as well. After a few more minutes, they’d ended the call and Aaron had been right there, staring at her in that same creepy, searching manner that set her hair on end in the first place. “What’s going on?” So close to her side that she almost had to twist in order to see him properly. “And why are you asking about Mason so much lately?” At least, he didn’t sound angry about it, just questioning, and she didn’t quite know how to answer it, her shoulders half lifting before dropping.

  “He’s just been weird,” she answered finally, her fingernails pushing her cuticles back one at a time without lifting her gaze. That shoulder to her side bumping into her and forcing her eyes up finally, another half shrug moving her shoulders and her nail almost scraping too hard across that cuticle it had been working on. “He’s not talking to me much, and just… generally being weird,” she explained, her fingers stilling completely at that smile that stretched over Aaron’s face. She didn’t know why he was smiling, and he wasn’t exactly explaining it either, just doing more of that staring he was doing. “What?” The word slipped out before she could stopper it, waiting for that reaction to turn negative, or for him to say something that finally clued her into why he had been acting like he’d been the past few days.

  “I’m just glad we can talk about him now without me getting jealous,” his answer was even around a smile, fingers pushing at the waves of her hair in a way that coaxed the smile right back out of her as well. He sounded sincere on it, yet somehow the pit of her belly was still twisted up, her smile more forced by the minute. Not that Aaron seemed to notice, which was a good thing. Instead, she had to force it all the wider, her face leant all the further into the hand at the side of her face with a turn, lips pressed into Aaron’s wrist in appreciation and gratitude both.

  “Me too.” And she was, she knew she should be more than what she could actually feel as well, there was just some kind of blockage. Some film that had come down between her mind and the rest of the world, that worry still niggling in the back corner of her mind and …. Something felt off. Not that she could explain it, or even talk to Aaron about it, with the mood he was in and how reassuring it all should’ve been. “I appreciate it Aaron,” because she needed to acknowledge it out loud, face shifting even more to kiss further up his wrist. She did want to be excited about it, she did want to feel those emotions that she knew she should have been… she just felt … numb to it, her concern with Mason overriding too much of the rest of her life.

  She wanted to care about it, and his hands were doing their best to make her less numb, even if he didn’t know that was what they were doing, shifting over her thighs until he could pull her up and over the center of his hips, fingers indenting the denim of her jeans unforgivingly. “It’s what you wanted, right?”

  This felt like a trap, the question posed as if it was a real inquiry, and she was hesitant to answer, especially when it meant he might stop moving his hands at any particular junction in response to her response. “Yeah,” she answered instead, warily shifting over the top of his thighs, her eyes dropping to the point of his chin instead of having to focus on his searching eyes. “I just think that I’m homesick.” Because this far away she couldn’t stop by and check on Mason, she couldn’t check with her mom like she wanted, or show up unexpectedly at her dad’s office to insist that he talk things through for her headspace to clear. “Like I miss doing little things with my family, like the movies with my dad… shopping with my mom… you know? Bugging Mason and playing video games…” Or bugging Mason period, but she figured it was best to leave that part unsaid.

  “You know baby, maybe you could go home this weekend…”

  Not the response she’d been expecting, her eyebrows rising and her fingers stilling from where they’d started to tap against his shoulders.

  “Go shopping with your mom, maybe fit those other two in…” His laugh more open than she’d heard it in a while, his face lifting up to hers and his lips pushing against the bottom of hers.

  Maybe fit those other two in… it sounded good, and with how good of a mood he was in over her family, over Mason. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to try and better foster those relationships between he and her family…and yet somehow, she still wished she could ever just go home by herself to do those things and not have to play mediator between all of it.

  But she was supposed to be excited. Her lips stretching up in the grin that should have already filled her face, turning her own face down so she could fit her lips fully against his on his next pass over them. “Thank you Aaron.” Because it was required, because she was grateful, and her other thoughts were bratty and uncalled for. More than likely all of that was due to the stress of her two jobs and the overtime of Mason worry and money worry that she had been putting in combined. “We can probably swing it so we can all go see a movie with my dad, if that’s easier.” Compromise where it was due, except by all it would probably be just she, Aaron, her mother, and her father. She doubted, no matter how much progress they might be able to make this weekend that Mason would be game for that just yet.

  “Oh, babe, no- I meant you could go yourself, since I’m not going to be a whole lot of fun here this weekend, I have that test this weekend… oh hell, I probably forgot to tell you about that too, for that economics class. And you know how much economics turns me around… I’m just going to be with my study group like the other night, except we’re hoping to put even more time into it with the test coming up….”

  She shouldn’t have felt relief at the thought of him staying here for the weekend while she left, and she definitely shouldn’t have been excited- both things that she tried to immediately hide and squash back down. She had thought that he’d already taken the last of his economics tests, but then his late n
ight study sessions made more sense now that she knew he hadn’t. And if that was all he was going to be doing. “Aw… well then, its extra sweet, you suggesting I go.” She needed to be actually disappointed that he couldn’t, instead of just pretending to be, her hand pushing the hair back from his forehead to clear the way for her face to fit against his. Instead, lingering just a moment longer than she had the last time as if it were some sort of silent entreaty to make up for how off her thoughts were. “I know my mom’s going to be over the moon.” And her dad would be excited too, even if it was last minute… she would just need to text them tonight to let them know she’d be driving down tomorrow. The only one she wasn’t sure about reception wise was Mason… but that was something for her to deal with when she got there. “She’s going to think you’re even more of a gentleman,” teased lightly, her breath fanning out over his lips before following with the rest of her mouth, tongue depressing the bottom curve of his top lip even as she moved her hands around to tangle in the hair at the back of his head.

  She couldn’t focus anymore. Not on Mason and her worry there. Not on Aaron and his weird behavior. She didn’t want to think about her job, going home for the weekend, her own grades in school…. She just wanted to not think. Just for a little bit, and with the way that Aaron’s hands were pushing up the back of her shirt, rough calloused palms against the smooth skin beneath it, it seemed like it was a plan he was willing to oblige her on.

  Chapter Thirteen

  It had been a special kind of hell since leaving Nicole and Aaron’s apartment that night. Mason hadn’t known whether to text Nicole and tell her what it was he’d seen or if he should have done something more than walk away. He couldn’t afford another assault charge on his name, especially against that same kid that had been such a big deal last time…he couldn’t afford to have even less contact with Nicole when they’d been adjusting things so well. Only he wasn’t adjusting any better now, he wasn’t sticking in the frame that he had concocted with the help of Dr. Friedrich, he was thinking about how bad Aaron really was for Nicole, and about how much better he would be in his place. He’d had that woman, who certainly wasn’t Nicole, tied up to the bed that they shared, something that Mason was sure that Nicole didn’t know about herself. Just like he was sure Aaron wasn’t planning on telling her any time soon, and that was on top of the rest of the issues that had already been outlined between them in Mason’s eyes.

  It was just the idea of even less contact than he was allotted now to have with her. Not that there had been much in the days following his discovery. He didn’t know what to say to her, or what he was even allowed to say to her. He didn’t know how to broach any of the things that had been occupying his thought process since seeing Aaron and that girl. So he hadn’t said anything, even to the text messages he had received asking him what was going on. Something that had apparently become enough of a big deal for Nicole to have asked Marie, if the text he’d gotten from her was anything to go by. Checking in on him, she said, but it coincided too closely to Nicole’s last unanswered text for him not to think that she had gone and said something of some sort to her mother about all of it.

  Which was enough to leave him paranoid, only not even a full two hours after receiving that line of questioning came the text from Nicole announcing her impending, Aaron free visit…. And the one from Paul asking if he would be available to be at the house when she got in so they didn’t have to leave the house unlocked after, yet again, Nicole announced her losing her copy of the house key. So this was what he’d been doing, sitting in the Carter’s empty house, thinking too closely on all of the different aspects of what he now knew and what that meant. How to break it to Nicole, waiting on her to show up so he could start that entire process…and thinking it would have been a lot less work in the long run just to have videotaped the whole thing he’d witnessed to send to her while she was at work rather than hold off like he had. Hindsight was twenty-twenty though, even if his planning beforehand hadn’t been nearly so clear, or if he’d even had a plan, he couldn’t remember much past the searing irritation and following numbing series of questions that he had for himself concerning the whole ordeal.

  What he did remember was too visual of imagery of Aaron buried deep inside the female he had there, which was something he had no actual wish to replay in his head again and again- and something he couldn’t erase from his memory no matter how hard he tried. His shoulders were wound too tightly, muscles bunched up beneath his skin hard enough that they were almost driving his shoulders to up beneath his ears. Just like the muscles along his spine and his ass nearly asleep from how long he’d been sitting on the couch. The television wasn’t on, there was no food from still waiting on Marie and Paul to bring it by later tonight. So he was just sitting…eye twitching when the notification on his phone went off, fully expecting it to be Nicole with some reason that she wasn’t going to be coming home, but even more surprised when it was Aaron’s name that popped up on his screen.

  Not that he’d ever saved his name to his phone, which meant that Nicole must have saved it there last time he had let her play on that app she liked. ‘Thnx 4 lookin out. Guess we’re even for the whole almost killing me thing.’ The words swimming in front of his eyes again and again until they almost blurred. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say to that, he sure as hell wasn’t keeping his silence for Aaron. Hell no, he wasn’t even keeping his silence for Nicole… He hadn’t said anything for his own reasons, selfish and convoluted as they were… his fingers hovering over keyboard and trying to formulate a response right up until the sound of the front door opening interrupted him.

  “Mason? I see your car in the driveway, you owe me!” Called out loud enough that he would have been able to hear it even if he’d been upstairs instead of in the living room. Then Nicole’s laugh following her words and preceding him pocketing that phone entirely, shoving off of the couch and following that laughter until he could see her, struggling with extracting herself out of that gray coat and kicking the door closed behind her at the same time.

  “Goddamnit Mason, don’t just stand there, where’s my apology? Where’s my help? Oh, damnit!” Her whole body nearly toppling off to one side with the contortions she was putting herself through. “Why didn’t you come out to the apartment? You didn’t even give me a reason you know, you just said you weren’t coming- and why aren’t you answering my texts? You didn’t even answer my text about coming ho- oh crap.” And again, toppling at least this time to the other side with another mumbled series of cursing and only her one arm freed from the now twisted fabric she was trying to get off of herself.

  “Well you didn’t ask,” he answered, hand pulling at the bottom of his face to hide the laughter there despite her inability to see it beyond that sweater covering her face, just like it was covering whatever mumbled response she gave to that, nearly elbowing him in the eye with her free arm when he tried getting behind her. “And you’re not exactly letting me Nic.” Hands capturing her shoulders to stop all of her flailing movements and slide up beneath the fabric in an attempt to free her from it. “There we go.” Fingers twisting to get that other arm out, careful not to pull her hair too much, watching her face all flushed slowly appear. Not that it took much more than fully getting her head out of the sweater before he recognized that flush, eyes running along the profile of her face, her eyes boring a hole into the corner of his jaw and refusing to move.

  She wasn’t flushed from the effort of getting out of the sweater, she was blushing, her teeth catching at the corner of her lips like they were forcing his gaze there. He needed to move, and he knew it, just like he knew he needed to open his mouth and tell her any one of the things he’d meant to start off with telling her. Instead, he was leaning in, hands dropping that sweater somewhere behind her and closing around her hips instead, whole body hauled off center towards his own before she could do much more than jerk her gaze up to his in question. Not that there was one there long—her fingers
fitting against his chest and the rush of air that left her lips hitting somewhere just on the center of his chin. He dropped his face more center to hers, his lips opening to catch that next breath, ragged inhale of his own filling what little silence there was left.

  It was a bad idea, the likelihood of him getting hit, of things taking a drastic turn for the worst and his whole life being upended by her reacting unfavorably was so high that it should have been enough of a deterrent to keep him from so much as attempting the move. It should have been enough to stop his hands from pushing her back into the closet door where he was supposed to have hung her sweater up in. It served as balance now, her lips lighting back to life beneath his and dismissing whatever worry that she might not want him to be doing exactly what it was he was doing. Her lips opening under his and the noise that left his throat nearly choked from the force of her using the very door he’d pushed her into to push back into him.