Torn

by T. N. King

  Liam nodded realizing she was probably no longer talking about the plant.

  “What would you like to talk about?” Caroline asked, getting straight to the point.

  Liam had always liked that about Caroline. No beating around the bush with her. “I went over to Miranda’s house last night. We kissed and I believe that I may have crossed a line.”

  Caroline was silent for a long time. She crossed slowly to her desk chair and sat down. She let a long steady exhale. “You went against my instructions. I don’t know why I’m surprised. You’re no longer my subordinate, so there’s no need to follow them. I just thought that you respected my advice more than that, but that was an emotional oversight on my part and I won’t let it happen again.”

  Liam looked down slightly ashamed. She was right of course. And her speech was just a nicer way of saying I told you so.

  “Tell me what happened Liam.”

  Liam briefly explained to her what happened.

  Caroline stood slowly and crossed to the window. “As I predicted. Liam, I’ll only tell you once more, but I guess I must have not been clear enough. You won’t help Miranda by being a dominant. If you really want to help her, you must be a submissive once again.”

  Liam immediately became defensive. He rebelled against this idea completely. “I don’t know if I’m capable of doing that again,” he said tightly.

  “I don’t know if you are either. That’s why I’ve been advising against you being with Miranda. Miranda needs to believe in her own strength if she ever wants to get rid of Harrison. You can give Miranda that strength and that empowerment, but at the cost of giving up your own.”

  “I don’t know if I can do that, I think I would have to truly love someone to do that.”

  “Then ask yourself. Do you love Miranda?”

  Liam sat with Caroline in silence for a few more moments, until she stood up slowly and opened her office door. “Don’t you have a football game starting soon?”

  He nodded and slowly stood up. Considering everything that Caroline had said. He looked at the clock. She was right the game was about to start. “I’m scared my players are all going to resent me after what happened yesterday,” he muttered said looking down at his hands, ashamed.

  Caroline nodded, understanding. “Although, it’s painful try thinking about how you felt back when you were a student and how you’d like to be treated. It may be enlightening.”

  Liam sighed. Caroline was right. Like always. “I think I’ll take that advice.” He looked directly into her piercing ice blue eyes. “Thank you Caroline, for everything.”

  A small smile tugged on the corner of her mouth. “You’re very welcome, Liam.”

  Liam walked down that hall when his phone began ringing. He picked it up and saw that it was Jamie.

  “Hey Stoner, glad to hear that you’re still alive and that the high school bullies haven’t beaten you up yet.”

  He couldn’t help but smile at hearing Jamie’s voice. He could tell though by his casual playful tone that he had bad news. Everybody in the army had different coping mechanism to deal with the pain, sadness, and trauma of the army. Some guys suppressed only to have the trauma come back in vivid flashbacks. Liam, thanks to Caroline discovered early on that physical exertion and movement helped him cope and manage his pain. Jamie used humor and jokes to mask his pain. But with Liam being his best friend, he knew Jamie’s mask well and could almost always see through it. “Hi Jamie. Here to call me to tell me about my deployment?” he answered casually on the phone as he booked it the football field.

  “What how did-”

  But before Jamie could finish his sentence Liam could already tell where the conversation was going. “Let me guess. I’m being shipped off to the frontlines of Helmand.” He knew that being shipped off to Helmand was pretty much fatal. The momentary pause and silence on the other end told Liam everything he needed to know. That he was right.

  “I’m so sorry, man,” Jamie said quietly. He’d basically just given Liam a death sentence.

  “Why are you sorry? You’re saving me from all the wedgies and swirlies that I’ve been getting here,” Liam joked. He tried to give Jamie and out – a joke that he could latch onto – a way to escape.

  “Just you wait Stoner, they’ll be stuffing your skinny ass into to lockers soon enough.” Jamie chuckled although Liam could still hear the melancholy in his voice.

  “What day do I need to report on?”

  “November 15th.”

  Liam froze in his tracks. That was a week from now, the exact day of E.B. High schools’ football championship. A thousand thoughts flew through Liam’s mind at once. His first thought was that this could be his out. He’d managed to fuck up at this high school for a second time. He couldn’t make it here as a student and he could make it here as an adult. He had somehow managed in short time here to have turned not only Harrison, but also all the players on the team, and Caroline against him. And now he had probably turned Miranda against him too with his behavior last night – Caroline had been right of course. He hadn’t been ready for his attraction to Miranda and lost control instantly. This place was always cursed for him and the sooner he got out the better.

  But regardless of all of these feelings, Liam still had a sinking feeling in his stomach. He’d already seen his influence on some of the players and on the team as a whole and truly believed in his heart, that they could win the championship and that he could help get them there. He also thought of Miranda and of Elise and how good last night felt, before he fucked up completely, and how that deep down in his soul he hoped Miranda would give him a second chance – because last night was the first time in Liam’s life that he understood what it would maybe be like to be a part of a loving family. There were things he felt that he’d never felt before. Comfort. Safety. Belonging. Security. He just wondered though he was deserving of it.

  “Liam, did I lose you?”

  Jamie’s voice brought him back to reality. “No, I’m still here. November 15th got it.”

  “Are you’re ok Stoner? You haven’t really seemed like yourself lately.”

  “I’m fine. Ready to be back.”

  “Alright. Take care of yourself Liam.” Jamie hung up.

  The conversation seemed to haunt Liam’s thoughts until he found himself standing in front of the locker room door. He hesitated for a moment. He had no idea how any of the players or Harrison was going to react to the incident that happened in the locker room yesterday. Surely, they had all heard of it by now. He knew Mark Eggers was a known bully on the team, but the team had no reason to have any loyalty to Liam.

  He slowly pushed the door open. He heard the familiar ruckus and chatter before a big game. Guys psyching each other up, the sounds of pads being put on, after the game plans being made. As per usual, Harrison was nowhere to be found. Liam knew exactly where he was, in his locked office probably polishing off one of his bottles of scotch.

  As soon as all the players saw him, a hush settled across the locker room.

  Liam knew that he had to say something, something to cut the tension. “Guys, listen up, I am sure you all have heard about what happened between your teammate Mark and me yesterday in the locker room. I want to first off apologize.” Liam sensed that he had their attention.

  They all shifted their bodies towards him and were listening with hawk like attention.

  “It is my job as your coach to set an example for you guys. To be the same kind of role model my high school football coach was for me. And I’ve failed you.” Liam waited for players to yell out it protest or to throw something at him, yet, nothing came. They continued to listen attentively. “I should have communicated to Mark with my words, not with intimidation. I lost my temper and that was not okay, I’ve apologized to Mark and replaced his phone. Because Mark had broken some rules he will not be back.” This was the first thing that Liam said that got a response for the guys on the team.

  “Mark was a pervert,” one yel
led out.

  “He was a dick head,” another player shouted out.

  Liam was surprised. It seemed as if the players were still on his side. “Settle down guys, Mark is still figuring himself out, and so am I for that matter. I should’ve told Mark that what he was doing was wrong and hurtful, instead of using brute strength. I got the game confused with real life and that’s not okay. School should be a safe environment. Now, the school has deemed me fit to continue to coach, but you guys deserve to choose who you want to coach you and lead you. So if you want me to leave I’ll leave, but if you want me to stay I will happily and try to do a better job in the future to be the role model that you guys deserve.”

  “We want you to stay Coach Stone,” a player shouted.

  “Yeah, you actually show up to practice on time,” another player yelled out in the back.

  “Yeah and sober,” yet another player muttered loudly.

  “We can tell you care about the team and the sport.”

  “Yeah you care about having us improve, not just getting the title, although we also want to get the title,” a player in the front said.

  “Yeah, you work hard and we know you’re not getting paid much.”

  All the guys including Liam laughed at this. Liam was touched. He didn’t realize the effect that he had had on these guys. He was just trying to do the best job possible. He also couldn’t help but notice the digs they’d made against Harrison. “Guys, thank you for the kind words and for choosing to let me coach you. I promise in the future to always use my words and not my body to communicate. I will never be a bully and you all shouldn’t either. Now get suited up and let’s win today ok?” He was hit with a wave of cheers from his players. A smile spread across his face. And he felt a little pang in his heart realizing he wouldn’t be here for the guys’ championship.

  ***

  Liam looked at the board concerned. The game was tied and there was less than a minute left in the game – time for one more big play. E.B. had control of the ball. Harrison called a time out. Harrison had showed up 5 minutes late to the game, and unsurprisingly to Liam his breath reeked of booze. He hadn’t spoken a single word to Liam the entire game – hadn’t even acknowledged him. Liam knew something was up. Harrison had never treated him fondly, especially not after that staff meeting, but this was a new level. He’d tried to reach out to Harrison a few times during the game to talk to him to see what was up, but each time Harrison treated him like a ghost, like he wasn’t even there.

  “Huddle up guys,” Harrison barked at the players as they ran in. “Guys, what the fuck are you doing out there? It’s like you’ve never played before. You’re embarrassing me. We should be creaming this team. Fucking put on your big boy pants and man up,”

  Liam cringed at Harrison’s harsh words. At this point of the game, he knew all the guys were tired and worn out. Harrison should be building them up with encouragement not tiring them further with his harsh words of criticism.

  “Okay guys we got one play to win this game and we’re going to do it with a counter play,” Harrison ordered.

  Liam hesitated and felt the team hesitate too. They’d already run many counter plays and the opposing team’s defense was onto them. They had blocked the last two counter plays. “Harrison what about a Bootleg play, fake them out with a handoff and have our quarterback run it into the end zone. It’s crazy enough that they won’t see it coming—”

  Harrison turned and faced Liam for the first time all day and seethed at him. “Shut up Stone, I’m the head coach and what I says goes. We’re doing the counter—”

  “With all due respect Harrison, I think they’ll be able to predict the counter play, the defense predicted the last two and stopped our players right in their tracks—”

  “Shut your God damn mouth, Stone!” Harrison screamed right in his face.

  Liam didn’t flinch. The ref blew his whistle and Liam watched as the players confused and demoralized ran out onto the field.

  Harrison turned away from Liam and faced the field.

  Liam could feel the heat of Harrison’s rage radiating of his skin, towards Liam.

  Liam watched the guys line up on the field and to his astonishment when the whistle was blown he watched as the quarterback faked the handoff and ran straight into the end zone. Liam could help himself, he screamed with sheer joy and abandonment as they scored the winning touchdown – with his play. They’d won and it was because his team had trusted him. Pride swelled up in Liam, as the stands emptied out onto the field. The high school fans surrounded the victorious players.

  Suddenly, Liam felt a large hand grip his shoulder and roughly pull him back.

  “Stone, my office now.” Harrison’s voice was deadly emotionless.

  Liam turned around and it had seemed as if Harrison’s eyes had grown black with fury. He knew that look in Harrison’s eyes. It was a look that was devoid of empathy. He also knew that if he were to follow Harrison to his office it would most definitely get physical, but he worried if he’d refused to go to his office and tried to avoid the conflict, Harrison’s anger would just boil up further, and he could lash out maybe against someone else, maybe against Miranda. A shiver went down Liam’s spine. He couldn’t let that happen.

  Liam nodded towards Harrison and let him lead him to his office.

  As soon as Liam was in Harrison’s office Harrison locked the door. Liam didn’t say anything. There was no point. He just looked at the locked door and then to Harrison and then raised his eyebrow.

  “You think you’re so smart don’t you Stone?” Harrison practically slurred as he reached for an almost empty scotch bottle and finished it off.

  “On the contrary, I’ve never thought of myself as smart. Listen Harrison, I’m sorry if it seemed as if I crossed a line today on the field, but as the assistant coach it’s my job to chime in with advice and it was the quarterback who chose to do my play, I didn’t force—”

  “Shut the fuck up!” Harrison yelled and he chucked the empty glass bottle near Liam’s head.

  Liam dodged it as it crashed against the wall splintering into pieces.

  “You need to be put in your place Stone, you worthless-” Harrison staggered towards Liam tripping on a chair. Harrison was a couple inches taller than Liam but had grown sluggish and out of shape. If they were in a larger space it would be easy for Liam to beat the inebriated Harrison, but in this small-enclosed space, Harrison had the advantage with his huge size.

  Harrison grabbed Liam roughly by the collar of his shirt forcing Liam’s face to be up-close and eye-level with his. His breath reeked and his eyes were red, puffy, unfocused, and glazed over with rage. “I saw you last night you little prick, I saw you going over to my wife’s house. You trying to fuck her? You trying to fuck my wife?” Harrison screamed into Liam’s face.

  Liam showed no hint of fear but stared directly back into Harrison’s eyes. “Miranda is not your wife Harrison, you’ve been divorced for over a year, and she is a grown woman and can see whoever she wishes.”

  Harrison growled as this tossing Liam back against the concrete wall.

  Liam quickly regained his balance and had enough time to dodge Harrison’s left hook, causing Harrison to punch the hard concrete wall.

  Harrison howled with pain and clutched his left hand, exposing his face to Liam. Liam knew that he could knock Harrison out with two strong punches, but as he raised his right hand, he heard Caroline’s voice in the back of his mind. You won’t help Miranda with brute strength, by being dominate, she has enough bullies in her life already, you’ll only help her by being submissive. Liam slowly lowered his hand. What had he just preached to his players in the locker room as well – to communicate, not to be a bully. Liam took a deep breath as he watched Harrison shake out his hand and preparing for another attack on Liam. Harrison swung again at him. Liam dodged and retreated to the other side of Harrison’s office.

  “Come on Stone, don’t be a bitch and fight back.”

&nb
sp; “Maybe I don’t want to fight you Harrison, maybe I just want to talk about the problems were having,”

  Harrison laughed in Liam’s face.

  “Pussy!” Harrison screamed in his face as he started charging towards Liam.

  Liam stealthily pushed Harrison’s chair out slightly causing Harrison to trip over the leg and fall flat onto the ground and onto some of the broken glass of his scotch bottle. Harrison yelled in pain and rage.

  Liam unlocked the door, slowly walked out of his office and into the locker room. But he quickly heard Harrison charge behind him ramming Liam face first into the lockers. Harrison had Liam pinned up against the lockers. Liam knew exactly how to get out of the hold Harrison had him. All he had to do was kick back and hit him in the groin. Instead, Liam took a deep breath and relished in the fact that once again he was a submissive. He felt a rush of freedom and strength come over him. Harrison began to pummel Liam, hitting him in the ribs again and again and again, but all Liam could do was smile, knowing that with each punch he was given, anger was draining from Harrison that Miranda would never have to endure.

  As he blacked out, Liam still felt his smile on his bleeding lips.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Miranda walked cautiously into the hospital room. Guilt washed over her as she saw Liam lying there. He had all sorts of tubes connected to him, his face was bruised and Miranda could see his whole torso was wrapped with bandages underneath his hospital gown. He was asleep and from the looks of it heavily medicated with painkillers.

  She pulled up a chair next to his bed. She sighed deflated. She felt 100% responsible that Liam was here. She knew Harrison had seen them together at her house. She was going to warn Liam after the game today, but she’d been too late. The only bright side of it all, if you could call it that, was that Harrison was finally caught in the act. The players had found Harrison standing over Liam’s unconscious body, beating him. The police were immediately called and Harrison was finally behind bars to Miranda’s relief. In retrospect now, it was a miracle that he didn’t do anything worse.