Kushiel 03 - [Moirin 02] - Naamah's Curse

by Jacqueline Carey

  I didn’t even care when I sensed Bao on the move once more. Wherever he was, he was travelling slowly and in the same direction.

  “Yes,” Batu agreed when I remarked on it. “If he is with General Arslan, he is going to the gathering of tribes.”

  “What happens there?” I asked, curious.

  He stroked his chin. “There will be feasting and games. There will be delegates from other nations. Strategy is discussed. The Great Khan will make his wishes known to us.”

  I raised my brows. “Oh?”

  Batu’s shoulders moved in a faint shrug. “Do not be concerned. I do not expect there to be talk of war, Moirin. The Emperor of Ch’in’s hand has been strengthened in this last year, in part thanks to you. Of that, I will not speak at the gathering. But we have agreements with others regarding securing the overland trade routes. Vralians, perhaps even northern Bhodistani. Some will be present.”

  “Oh,” I said a second time, frowning. I knew the names. Bhodistan—that was the birthplace of Sakyamuni, the Enlightened One, whose followers travelled the Path of Dharma.

  Vralia…

  I knew that name, too.

  Berlik had fled there—Berlik the Oath-Breaker, the last great magician of the Maghuin Dhonn.

  The last shape-changer.

  He had met his death in the northern wilds of Vralia, hunted down by the relentless D’Angeline prince he had betrayed. In the end, Berlik had sought out his death, seeking to make atonement. He had knelt in the falling snow and bowed his head to the sword. Prince Imriel had slain him and wept at the deed. When I was ten years of age, my mother had taken me to visit the green mound in Clunderry where Berlik’s severed head was buried, a reminder of my people’s folly.

  I shivered.

  “Do not be afraid, Moirin,” Batu said, mistaking my unease. He leaned over in the saddle and patted my shoulder awkwardly. “I promise you, no one speaks of war this year, only treaties and strategy.”

  “I am glad,” I said sincerely.

  He lowered his voice. “So am I.”

  Eight days into our journey, Bao stopped moving and stayed in one place.

  Bao knew I was coming; he had to know. The spark that burned in me, burned in him. And at least he was not fleeing it.

  That was something.

  Much of the entry into the campsite is a blur in my memory. There were gers and tents erected, that I remember. There were Tatars, more than I could count—and other folk, too. Vralians in thick, woolen clothing trimmed with a great deal of fur. After so long among the Ch’in and Tatars, it came as a shock to me to see Western features, and fair skin and light eyes and hair on many of them. There were others I thought must be Bhodistani, with warm brown skin, clad in many layers of bright attire.

  Bao.

  I felt his presence like a drumbeat in my heart—in my heart, and on my skin. So close; ah, gods! I barely took stock of the camp, wandering like a blind woman, driven by my diadh-anam’s insistent pulse.

  Batu understood. “Go,” he said gently to me. “Go, and find him.”

  I went, following the call of my soul.

  There were folk milling everywhere—folk, cattle, horses, and dogs. Astride Ember, I picked my way through them. Even here, people paused to stare. The Vralians in particular whispered and murmured amongst themselves. I wasn’t sure why, since it didn’t seem green eyes would be unusual for their kind. I supposed it was because I was dressed as a Tatar, despite my green eyes and half-D’Angeline features.

  It seemed the games had already begun. Outside the perimeter of the vast campsite, I caught glimpses of boys racing on horseback. Within the camp, I passed men wrestling, stripped to the waist and grappling with one another.

  I heard the sound of staves clattering.

  My diadh-anam flared inside me.

  Even at a distance, I picked Bao out of the fighters. Although his back was turned to me, there was no mistaking his acrobat’s agility, his quickness and grace, coupled with the sense of unbridled glee with which he fought, toying with his opponents. The air felt thick and dense around me, and I struggled to draw breath. Forcing myself to breathe the Breath of Wind’s Sigh, I approached slowly. Some yards from the makeshift fighting ring, I drew rein to watch.

  Bao froze, his head tilted.

  He knew I was there. Although he did not turn around, he knew it. I saw it in the tension of his strong, lean shoulders, the taut cords at the back of his neck.

  The two husky Tatars he was fighting shouted and converged on him, staves whistling through the air.

  In the blink of an eye, Bao went from utter stillness into blurred motion, spinning and vaulting. No longer toying, he dispatched his opponents with ruthless efficiency. One went down with a hard blow to the back of his skull, sprawling to measure his length on the trampled grass. The other, Bao tripped and laid flat in a move too quick for the eye to see. Seeing the butt of a staff poised to crush his throat, the man called out an urgent surrender.

  Bao took a step backward, whipping his bamboo staff upright. He planted it in the dirt, standing with his head bowed.

  I swallowed hard and dismounted, my heart thundering in my breast.

  With his head lowered, his unruly black hair hung over his brow, obscuring his eyes. Absurdly, I thought how much it had grown since I had seen him last. I’d shaved it myself when Bao and Master Lo Feng and the others had taken on the guise of travelling monks sworn to the Path of Dharma.

  He was clad in felted trousers and thick Tatar boots, bare-chested save for a woolen vest with ornate embroidery. His chest rose and fell swiftly, and sweat glistened on his sleek brown skin.

  His knuckles were pale where they gripped his bamboo staff. I knew that staff well, bound with metal, carved with characters. It had been broken in two during the battle for White Jade Mountain.

  I had made it whole.

  I did not know how to do the same for us.

  There were onlookers idly cheering Bao’s victory. Sensing the rising tension in the air, their cheers faltered and fell silent. Without looking at me, Bao gestured to his second opponent. Nodding, the man helped his fallen fellow to his feet, slinging one arm over his brawny shoulders. Together they limped away. Everyone else kept a safe distance.

  Bao lifted his head and for the first time, met my eyes. “Moirin.”

  “Aye,” I whispered.

  His dark eyes glittered—whether with anger or something else, I could not say. I could not read his expression. His body was still and rigid, but I thought mayhap there was a reluctant tenderness lurking in the corners of his lips. His throat worked as he searched for words, his eyes searching mine. “You could not wait for me to choose?”

  “No.” I took a sharp breath. “No! Gods bedamned, Bao! You speak as though you were the only one to have a choice in this matter. Well, you’re not. You asked me to wait, and I did. I got tired of it. I chose to wait no longer.”

  He looked away. “I see.”

  Frustration rose in me. “Can you not at least face me, you infernally stubborn peasant-boy? Gods! If you weren’t willing to do that much at least, you should have run away. You had to know I was coming!”

  Bao’s hand slid down his staff. “I knew,” he murmured, his head averted. “I chose to stay.”

  “Why?” To my chagrin, I was crying. If his diadh-anam was burning half as brightly as mine, yearning to close the distance between us, I couldn’t imagine how he was resisting its call. It was taking every ounce of pride I possessed not to go to him, but I was damned if I would take those last few steps. “Why did you stay?”

  “Where is your Imperial entourage, Moirin?” Bao asked, not answering my question. He frowned toward the horizon. “You took me by surprise. I knew you were close, but I thought you would enter with fanfare. Did Ten Tigers Dai come with you? I would be pleased to see him.”

  “There is no entourage,” I muttered, wiping at my tears. “No Imperial entourage.”

  “What?” Bao stared at me as though m
y words made no sense.

  “There is no Imperial entourage,” I repeated with irritation. “Forgive me, I did not know you were missing Ten Tigers Dai so badly. I came on my own. Well, that is not entirely true,” I added. “I came with representatives of Batu’s tribe, who gave me hospitality during the long winter. They have been very kind to me. But it is not exactly an entourage.”

  “Moirin…” The blood drained from Bao’s face, leaving him ashen. He continued to stare at me in horrified disbelief. “Are you saying you set out in pursuit of me alone? Across the Tatar steppe? In winter?”

  “Yes, Bao,” I said with precision. “That is exactly what I’m saying.”

  The blood rushed back into his face, flushing his high, wide cheekbones. He began shouting at me. “Oh, you stupid, stupid girl, in the name of all that is holy—”

  I overrode him, my voice rising as I shouted in reply. “What else was I to do, Bao? You needed me to find a way to prove myself to you. How else was I to do it? Was I to wait forever in Shuntian like some poor besotted fool jilted by her suitor, praying for his return? You said yourself you didn’t know if you would come back! This was the only thing I could think to do! And if you don’t—”

  Without a word, he crossed the distance between us.

  I felt his arms come around me, and I clung to him, shameless, my tirade forgotten. The twinned flames of our diadh-anams surged, and I thought the blaze must be visible to onlookers. I could feel people staring, could hear shocked whispers, but I didn’t care; and it appeared that Bao didn’t, either. Both of us were silent for a time. It seemed a moment too vast for words. At last, Bao pressed his cheek against my hair and spoke in a low voice. “Moirin, do you not understand that what I feel for you is so strong it terrifies me? It’s unnatural. I needed time to try and make sense of it.”

  “Yes,” I whispered against his bare shoulder. He smelled of clean sweat and his own underlying scent, like heated metal. “Believe me, I know. I feel it, too. But hiding from it will not make it go away.”

  He sighed. “No. I know.”

  I stole a glance at him. That was definitely tenderness lurking in the corners of his mouth, the hint of a reluctant smile. I lifted one hand to stroke the hard, chiseled line of his jaw. “Stupid boy.”

  “Stupid girl.” Bao lowered his head and kissed me.

  Higher and higher, the blaze within me climbed. Ah, gods! It was terrible and glorious all at once.

  I sank both hands into his hair, returning his kiss with ardor. The desire that had begun to rise with the coming of spring burst its last shackle. Naamah’s gift unfurled within me like an endless ribbon of gold, infusing every part of me. When Bao broke the kiss, I was dizzy and breathless with a need beyond longing.

  “Is there someplace—” I began to ask.

  Bao nodded, his eyes glittering. “Come with me.”

  He took my hand and I followed in his wake, half stumbling with the insistency of desire. I was vaguely aware of him ordering some fellow to secure my horse Ember, vaguely aware that the man obeyed with deference.

  With only a brief hesitation, Bao led me to a small ger. Unable to pay heed to aught but my own need, I didn’t hear what he said to its inhabitants, but whatever it was, they departed with alacrity, leaving us alone.

  Bao undressed me with fierce urgency, his hands and mouth staking claim to every inch of skin he uncovered; and I did the same to him. We grappled with one another, waging love like war. He bit and sucked at my throat, his callused hands caressing my breasts, pulling at my aching nipples. I licked the fresh, salty sweat from his bare chest, sinking lower to take his firm, throbbing phallus in my mouth until he groaned and tugged me upward, rolling me over effortlessly and pinning me to the carpeted floor of the ger.

  It was not a gentle coupling, at least not at first.

  The need was too great; the need of our long-separated diadh-anams yearning to be fully joined, driving the need of our willing bodies. What Master Lo Feng had done to us had erased the division between flesh and spirit.

  And when Bao entered me…

  I have no words to describe it. If our diadh-anams had shone like beacons before, now, reunited, they erupted like wildfire, blazing toward heaven. I felt as though my heart might burst the confines of my breast.

  “Bao,” I whispered, tears in my eyes.

  “I know,” he whispered in reply, wonder in his. “Moirin, I know.”

  For a long moment, we lay locked together without moving, marveling at the intensity of our joining.

  Slowly, slowly, it faded.

  In its place, Naamah’s gift reasserted its presence. Desire—this time simple and carnal—nothing more. I surrendered to it gratefully, kissing Bao’s throat, wrapping my ankles around his buttocks. He propped himself on his elbows above me, his eyes dark and distant with desire, thrusting slowly in and out of me.

  Stone and sea, it felt good! Again and again, I came beneath him, each shivering climax a physical echo of what I had felt when our spirits merged. Intangible brightness blossomed behind my eyes like a thousand flowers blooming at once, like stars falling from the night sky, tracing incandescent arcs across the glittering darkness. The bright lady smiled, placing a shining kiss filled with love upon my brow. It had been too long, far too long, since I had felt Naamah’s approval.

  Bao’s pace quickened.

  I urged him onward, my hips rising to meet him, willing him to spend himself inside me. At last he did, his entire body shuddering.

  I sighed, content.

  Bao rolled off me. “I ran away from this?”

  I laughed.

  “Moirin.” He raised one hand to his lips, kissing my fingertips. “Let us be serious, now. Truly, do you know what of this is real, and what is the result of Master Lo’s art?”

  “No,” I admitted, stroking his chest. I felt at peace for the first time since he had left me. “But, Bao… we’ll never sort it out apart. Can we not figure it out together? At least the endless clamor of my soul has gone silent. Is it not the same for you?”

  “Uh-huh,” Bao agreed. “That part’s nice.”

  I laughed again. “Well, mayhap in the silence, we’ll be able to listen to our hearts again.”

  The wooden door of the ger banged open. I squinted against the sudden stream of ordinary sunlight. A small, sturdy figure stormed into the ger, haranguing Bao at the top of her lungs. He rose to his feet, clutching a blanket around him, and replied in an aggrieved tone, both of them speaking too quickly for me to follow. Having said her piece, the young woman stormed out in a huff, slamming the door behind her.

  “Bao?” I asked. “Who was that, and why is she furious at you?”

  “Ahh…” He ran one hand over his rumpled hair and gave me a sheepish look. “That was my wife.”

  TWELVE

  I stared at Bao. “Your wife?”

  “It was a long, cold winter!” he said in a defensive tone, yanking on his felted trousers. “Will you tell me you of all people slept in an empty bed, Moirin?”

  “I… yes!” Even as the words left my mouth, I remembered that I would have been happy to spend the winter in Shuntian with Snow Tiger if she had permitted it, and my denial emerged with rather less conviction than I intended. Bao raised one eyebrow at me. “In fact, I did,” I said indignantly. “Ask Batu, or any of his people.”

  Bao tugged on his boots. “Well, I’m sorry. But it’s complicated.”

  I sighed. “Oh, gods bedamned! Fine. I’m the last person to deny you the right to take pleasure and comfort where you find it. But, Bao… a wife?” A pang squeezed my heart. “Do you love her? Is that it?”

  “It’s complicated,” he repeated, shrugging into his woolen vest. “You see, she’s the Great Khan’s youngest daughter.”

  At a loss for words, I continued to stare at him. Now, belatedly, I remembered how folk in the campsite had deferred to Bao, how everyone in the ger had departed swiftly at his command. Insofar as I’d noticed, I’d assumed it was b
ecause General Arslan had acknowledged him, or even just because of his prowess as a fighter. Never in a thousand years had I thought it was because he was the Great Khan’s son-in-law.

  “I’d better go to her.” Bao stooped before me, crouching on his heels. “Terbish is the name of the fellow I asked to see to your horse. He’ll escort you to your tribe’s camp.”

  “I don’t need an escort!” I shouted at him.

  “I don’t love her,” he said abruptly. The words lay between us in an uncomfortable silence. “But Erdene is the Great Khan’s daughter, and I suspect you are not one of her favorite people right now. Accept the escort.”

  I closed my eyes. “Fine. I’ll accept the escort.”

  “Thank you.” Bao straightened, waiting until I relented and looked at him. “I am sorry, Moirin. I didn’t do this to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you.”

  “It’s complicated,” I said dully.

  He nodded. “I’ll come find you later. We have a lot to talk about.” He tried a faint smile on me. “Somehow, I thought there would be time for talking first. I should have known better, huh?”

  I didn’t answer.

  As soon as Bao left the ger, I dressed in a hurry. My body was still singing with the aftermath of long-denied pleasure and my diadh-anam was quiet within me, but there was a maelstrom of confusion and betrayal in my heart.

  It wasn’t entirely fair, of course. But… a wife?

  True to Bao’s word, the man Terbish was waiting for me, holding Ember’s reins. I nodded my thanks to him. He walked beside me as I rode slowly back to Batu’s camp. Now folk were definitely staring, and I heard a murmuring susurrus of gossip that was all too familiar. I gritted my teeth, refusing to feel embarrassed. It wasn’t my fault that I’d just engaged in a very public display of affection, and what was doubtless an obvious bout of intensive lovemaking, with the Great Khan’s son-in-law.

  Back at the tribe’s camp, a pair of Vralians with ornate chains around their necks were talking with Batu through an interpreter. Seeing me return, Batu dismissed them and hurried over to me, his kind eyes soft with concern. I could tell that the news had travelled fast.