Playing Pretend

by Bester, Tamsyn

“I – I…um….” I stuttered, tripping over all the words that were on the very tip of my tongue. Somehow I doubted telling him I didn’t want to sit so close to him would bode well.

  “No,” I finally managed.

  I fell silent when Caleb’s eyes hardened, his lips drawn into a tight line. He made me uncomfortable. Intimidated me.

  “You pissed my date off,” he murmured.

  My lip curled in distaste, and then I reminded myself exactly whom I was talking to.

  “You should find nicer dates.”

  Well shit, so much for not saying the first thing that came to mind. Not that I could really help it. It was the first time we’d spoken since my disastrous morning a few days ago, and I had to admit I was caught a little off guard.

  “I appreciate the advice,” Caleb buttoned up his suit jacket, and took a step backwards, “But considering you’re here alone, I don’t think you’re qualified to make such a suggestion.”

  My jaw dropped, and I caught the smirk on his face as he spun around and headed towards the stage. Our encounters up until now had been awkward, and stilted at best, and I always ended up comparing it to my past memories. Unfortunately, I was starting to realize that the Caleb I knew, and the man with his back to me were no longer the same person.

  TO SAY THAT DINNER was cumbersome would have been the understatement of the century. It was difficult to believe there was any correlation between the Caleb who had commented about my lack of a date, and the man who commanded attention on the stage. His speech was moving, enthralling even, and had garnered the absolute attention of everyone in the room. Even the wait staff had paused their duties just to listen to him speak about the future he envisioned for the company his father had spent his life building from the ground up.

  When his speech was over though, I went right back to being affronted by the pompous son of a bitch.

  I engaged in conversation with Aaliyah, Macy and Annabelle, grateful that I had switched my seat with Jennifer’s after all. Watching her and Caleb’s date compete for his attention was entertaining, but it was the look Caleb kept shooting me from across the table that brought the greatest satisfaction.

  It was a little past midnight when the last of the guests trickled out. I was exhausted, and my feet hurt, but after my first successful event, I was pretty thrilled too. I was on a high when I climbed into my car and headed towards my apartment, running through all the pluses of the evening that made it memorable.

  That high only lasted until I pulled into the street alongside my apartment block. I felt everything inside me plummet at the sight of police cars, and fire trucks. Black smoke filled the sky, dimming the stars and the moon, and when I climbed out of my car to see what was going on, I saw the bright orange flames engulf the first ten floors of the building I lived in.

  My apartment and all its contents were gone.

  I snapped out of my daze, but as soon my brain registered the severity of the situation, and just how screwed I was, panic took hold of my lungs, making it hard to breath. I tried thinking of someone I could call, and when I couldn’t think of anyone, my eyes started burning, and my throat closed. I could have called my mother, but really, what could she do? She was in Matthews, North Carolina for crying out loud.

  It was late, and I didn’t want to bother Aaliyah, especially because I knew she didn’t go home alone, and there was no way I could give Annabelle a call either.

  I had no one.

  Not a single person I could reach out to for help.

  Unless…

  No, don’t even go there, Kadence. I stopped that thought in its tracks, before I gave myself the time to consider calling him.

  All I could do was stare, horrified and completely paralyzed, as police officers and fireman rushed around in a frenzy trying to control the angry blazes, and make sure all the tenants had evacuated in time.

  I felt like I was watching a movie. A really bad one. And for the second time in my life, I watched it all fall apart.

  It was only once the carnage had been cleared, and the streets stripped of all activity that I managed to come up with some semblance of a plan. It wasn’t ideal, and I had no idea whether or not it was going to work, but I had to give it my best shot. I may have been a little battered on the inside from life’s latest punch to the gut, but that didn’t mean I wouldn’t go out swinging.

  I opened the trunk of my car, and bit back tears of relief when I saw the small suitcase I kept there for emergencies. Obviously this qualified as just that.

  Inside it I stashed two sets of clothes, some underwear, a pair of shoes, a toothbrush and toothpaste, and a comb. Beside it was a small fleece blanket that had seen better days for sure, but given my current situation, I wasn’t about to ignore its opportune existence.

  I sent a silent thank you up to the heavens, grateful for this tiniest of silver linings. I’d completely forgotten about the contents in my trunk, having packed it for the few nights I did ever go out in college. My mother had always told me to be prepared for anything, and for once, I was glad I listened.

  I hauled it out, and dropped it onto the passenger seat as I lowered myself back into my car. After checking my purse, I counted my change, and tallied what I had in the way of savings. I had ten more days before I got my first paycheck, and didn’t have enough to rent another apartment just yet. I didn’t even have enough for a hotel room for the night.

  Resting my forehead on my steering wheel, I tried to rally some kind of will, some kind of resolution to get myself through this, even if it was just enough to get me through until the light of day.

  I pulled away from the curb, and mindlessly drove back towards Callahan Industries. Their basement was still open and it was the only place I could think of that was safe enough to go to, at least until morning.

  I might have had a plan, but fate? She had something else up her sleeve.

  AFTER THE WORST night’s sleep imaginable, I woke up with a kink in my neck, and an imprint on my cheek from the hard, crusty material of my backseat. The only plus side was that I hadn’t overslept, and had enough time to sneak into the building to use the gym showers. It was my first decent hot shower in days, and even though I didn’t feel any more hopeful about my predicament, my sense of desolation evaporated after standing under the strong, hot spray. I stayed as long as I could, long enough to switch off the part of my brain that had me feeling sorry for myself. I wasn’t going to make it if I ended up drowning in self-pity. That just wouldn’t do. I was made of tougher stuff than that, and it was just a matter of showing my true grit.

  I managed to go about my workday as if nothing was wrong, faking a smile when I spoke to my friends, and lying when they asked about the dark circles beneath my eyes. When my mother called, I told her everything was fine, and as much as I hated lying to her, I knew it was for the best. I didn’t want to ask her for more help than she’d already given me, especially after promising her that I could make it on my own, but most importantly, I didn’t want to steal her happiness by giving her reason to worry about me. If there was one thing I could do, it was pretend, and pretend I did. I wasn’t sure if I could pull it off for ten more days, but I had to try.

  It was Thursday, and after a third night of sleeping in my car, I’d somehow convinced myself I could get away with doing it for another week. However, I had the sneaking suspicion that Aaliyah was onto me when I discovered that she’d left a small duffle bag under my desk, filled with a few more outfits for work. She never brought it up though, and neither did I, simply because I was too proud and possibly too ashamed.

  Everyone had left for the day, so I went through my new nightly routine of waiting until well after nine p.m. before going downstairs to the basement. I was surprised when Macy didn’t question why I was staying so late, but was too exhausted to question it.

  I should have.

  I should have realized that between her and Aaliyah, my secret wasn’t as well hidden as I’d thought. I should have had the foresight
to consider the flaws in my plan, and the possibility that I would slip up.

  Walking through the dark basement, I headed towards my car, checking over my shoulder to make sure I was alone. With practiced silence, I climbed into the back of my car, and started changing. I’d just removed my bra, my ratty t-shirt held above my head, when my back door flung open.

  I shrieked loudly, and scrambled closer to other side of the backseat to get away from whoever had found me. I was expecting the security guard, or maybe even a passer-by who might have seen me changing, but who I got instead was a severely pissed off Caleb.

  I clutched my chest, my breaths fast and uneven.

  “What the fuck, Kadence?” he bellowed. His expression was hard, and wreaked strongly of fury. His bulky frame was even more menacing as he bent forward, filling the doorway of my car.

  “C-Caleb,” I paused, wondering how I was going explain myself out of this, “What are you doing?”

  “The real question is what are you doing?”

  I stared at him, and tried to formulate a believable response. There wasn’t one. I’d spent the last three days living out of my car, and was so very tired of keeping up a false pretense.

  I raised my chin, refusing to be debased by my shitty circumstances, and defended myself with sarcasm. “Well, I was getting changed, until you showed up.”

  “Changed for what?” he snapped. His grip on my door tightened until his knuckles turned white, and the metal creaked in protest. I was sure he could break it off its hinges if he tried hard enough.

  “For bed,” I retorted. “What does it look like?”

  “It looks like you’re living in your fucking car!”

  I opened my mouth, willing my brain to come up with some smart-ass comeback, but I had nothing so I pinched my lips together, and looked down. He was right, and I was smart enough not to try convincing him that how he’d found me wasn’t at all what it looked like.

  The bite of humiliation warmed my cheeks, and I fiddled with the hem of my t-shirt with trembling fingers.

  I felt rather than saw the moment Caleb stepped back, and jumped when he yelled, “Goddammit!”

  It echoed, and bounced between the walls of the basement. I wondered what he must be thinking, what I must look like to him. The fear that he was going to tell me leave, or worse, tell me I was fired, had me inhaling a shaky breath.

  His shadow fell over my backseat again, and when I lifted my gaze, he bit out, “Get out. Now.”

  I hesitated, and then decided it was probably better if I just did as he said. I would have to deal with whatever he was going to say, but I had to find the courage to listen to him first. I climbed from the backseat, very aware that I had nothing but an oversized college t-shirt and cotton panties covering my body.

  Caleb’s eyes went from a chilling blue to the color of a midnight sky as he looked me over. His jaw tightened, his brows furrowed, and his fingers twitched where they rested on his hips.

  He was wearing a plain black t-shirt, and grey sweats with trainers on his feet. It was obvious he’d just come from the gym, and again I wished I’d factored that into my ridiculous plan.

  “You want to explain what’s going on here?” he asked harshly. I didn’t like the way he was talking to me, the way his tone was filled with derision, and judgment. It made me feel small, and so insignificant, like I was nothing more than dirt on his shoe.

  That angered me, enough to have me lashing out.

  “Why would I do that when you’ve drawn your own conclusions?”

  “Kadence.” He growled my name. “Do not test my patience.”

  A realization so sharp, and so severe hit me then. He knew exactly who I was.

  And it only fueled my ire.

  “Fine.” I threw my hands up, and scowled. “I’m living in my car. You caught me.”

  “That’s pretty obvious, but I want to know why?”

  “Don’t yell at me!” My voice cracked, and I fought the urge to crack under his scrutiny, his apparent disdain. I sucked in some much-needed air, feeling far too vulnerable and worn down. “The building I lived in caught fire the night of the Gala, and I didn’t have anywhere else to go, so I thought I could stay in my car until next week, just until I got my first paycheck.”

  “You planned on staying in your car for another week?” Caleb’s incredulity hit me hard, not that I needed it to make me see the ludicrousness of that idea.

  “I didn’t have another choice!” I said loudly.

  His response was to scoff, and I had to admit that it hurt.

  “I highly doubt that,” he said. “We both know your parents would be able to help you if you asked.”

  My face fell, as did my resolve, and I looked down, biting my lip to stop it from wobbling. I couldn’t even be happy that he remembered me. All I could do was shake my head.

  “If you’re going to fire me, or tell me to leave then please do it now.”

  Caleb moved closer, and instinctively I moved back.

  “I don’t understand,” he muttered, his voice a little softer than before.

  “You’ve spent the last three weeks pretending you have no idea who I am,” I told him. “You don’t have to understand.”

  Caleb’s face remained stoic, but I saw the wheels turning as he processed what I’d said. He was silent for a beat, and then another, and I expected him to finally tell me to leave.

  He expelled a labored breath, and pinched the bridge of his nose before he said, “Pack your stuff. I’ll have my driver come get you.”

  My eyes widened, and I would have rather had him tell me to leave than have me physically removed from the premises. This was so much worse.

  “Where do you expect me to go?”

  “You’re coming home with me,” he replied.

  What?

  I wanted to protest, but he turned around, and stalked away before I could formulate a coherent sentence.

  I was still standing there when a black escalade pulled up beside my car. An African-American man dressed in a black suit climbed out of the driver’s side, and strode towards me.

  “Good evening, Miss,” he greeted. “Mr. Callahan has instructed that I remove your belongings from your car, and take you to his penthouse.”

  “No,” I said. “I’m not going. You can tell Mr. Callahan that I politely refuse, and that I will vacate the premises in twenty minutes.”

  The man frowned. “He won’t like that, Miss.”

  “I don’t care,” I huffed. “You can tell him that too.”

  He pulled out a phone, and placed to his ear. I assumed he was calling Caleb, and I listened as he repeated exactly what I’d told him to, word for word. He grumbled something, and then held out the phone.

  “Mr. Callahan would like to talk to you.”

  I took the phone with some reluctance, but put it to my ear anyway. There was nothing more Caleb could say that he hadn’t already, and I was ready for this night to be done with.

  “Hello?”

  I inwardly rolled my eyes at myself. Idiot. Obviously it was Caleb on the other end.

  “If you want to keep your job, then I suggest you get into that car.”

  The line went dead, and my expression was a mixture of what the fuck and how dare he. He’d left me with two choices, neither of which were appealing, but if I had to choose between going home with Caleb, and spending another night in my car, then going home with Caleb was the obvious choice.

  But not necessarily the wisest.

  THE AIR INSIDE the car was hot, and the tension almost unbearable from the moment Caleb climbed in. He sat on the other side of the backseat, and said nothing as his driver-slash-bodyguard drove out of the basement and into the late night traffic. The frenzied tempo filling the streets of the city matched the tumultuous barrage of thoughts in my head, and through the silence I could feel the anger radiating from Caleb. His body hummed with it, and still he said nothing, wouldn’t even look at me.

  Between the time he’d pu
t the phone down in my ear, and now, I was sure he would realize the insanity of taking me home with him, but something inside me was hoping he wouldn’t change his mind. I was confused, but also relieved that I wouldn’t have to spend another night in my car.

  Minutes passed and I wasn’t sure how long we’d been in the car, the buildings outside blurring until we came to a stop outside the Puck building in Lafayette Street. Caleb climbed out, and surprised me when he held the door open for me while his driver got the few things I had from the trunk.

  Caleb’s brows knitted when he saw all I had was a single suitcase. “That’s all of it?”

  His driver nodded, and when Caleb’s eyes landed on me, I saw confusion colliding with doubtfulness. His distrust was obvious, so obvious that I could see the questions flitting through his mind, but rather than ask me, he walked into the foyer. I took my suitcase from the driver, thanking him for handling what I thought was an awkward situation with nothing but cordiality and quickly followed Caleb inside. He walked around the corner to a private elevator, and as soon as I stepped inside, the atmosphere shifted with a cold severity, making my apprehension grow inside my belly.

  In the course of two minutes, I’d asked myself at least a hundred times if this was the right thing to do, if I really had no other option, and every time the answer was the same.

  I was stuck.

  I needed help.

  And as reluctant as I was to accept it from the brooding man beside me, I wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth.

  I chanced a look at him, covertly trying to gauge his disposition, but his expression remained hard, and difficult to read. So I said nothing, and I continued to say nothing when the elevator dinged and opened into a grand atrium gallery that led into a double living room. The space was palatial, possibly the biggest penthouse I’d ever seen, but what had me staring in awe, with a wide-eyed expression to boot, was how warm, and welcoming it looked. Like a home. Lived in.

  I trailed behind Caleb, feeling more and more unsure with every step, wishing that he’d at least break the silence.