Playing Pretend

by Bester, Tamsyn

  “You think what you did in there is considered a romantic gesture?”

  I frown. “Yes, I actually do.”

  “Then you’re as clueless as every man in this city.”

  “Look, Annabelle, I appreciate that you brought her tonight, I really do, but I tried and it didn’t work. You can drop the ‘Caleb is a heartless asshole’ act. I’m done.”

  “I never took you for someone who gave up so easily.”

  Annabelle’s haughty tone triggers my annoyance.

  “I tried Annabelle, and you know what, Kadence is the one who walked away, again. What more do you want from me?”

  “To try harder,” she snaps. “You think putting her in the spotlight like that,” – she points to the doors of the hotel – “Is going to make her forgive you? If so, you really don’t know her at all.”

  “I made a fucking mistake.” It’s my turn to snap. “And I have paid dearly for it from the moment Kadence walked out of my life. I can’t make her want me, or love me, or choose to forgive me.”

  “She’s already done all of those things, Caleb! She’s just too stubborn to admit it.”

  I stare at Annabelle, surprised by how loud she can scream for someone who reminds me of a pixie.

  “Now, if you’re serious about her, I have to tell you that she’s probably on her way to the airport.”

  “The airport?”

  “She’s supposed to fly home to see her Mom, but I have it on good authority that her Mom doesn’t want her to get on that plane.”

  Annabelle lifts a brow, and then I get it.

  I know how to get her back.

  Fuck the big romantic gesture.

  I’m going to do this my way.

  THE TAXI STOPS outside of JFK and I throw money at him before jumping out. I dart past security, and run towards domestic departures. I scan the screens for a late flight to Charlotte but when I don’t find it, I head towards the information booth. The lady working behind the desk is chatting away on her cellphone, so I grab it out of her hands.

  “Hey! What the -”

  “I need to find the terminal for JetBlue or Delta airlines domestic departures.”

  She scowls at me, and once I hand her phone back, she reluctantly pulls up the information on her computer screen. She grumbles the terminal numbers, and I set off running towards the first. Scanning the boards for Delta Airlines, I growl in frustration when I spot no flights to Charlotte. Next is Terminal five, for JetBlue Airlines, and my body sags as soon as I see a flight to Charlotte.

  Dammit.

  It’s boarding.

  I find the check-out counter, and ask the lady if all the passengers have already boarded.

  “I’m sorry, sir. Unfortunately, the gates are now closed, and all passengers are on the aircraft.”

  My fist comes down on the desk, and she jumps.

  “Fuck!”

  I look around, hoping against all hope that Kadence chose not to get on that flight. I don’t see her anywhere.

  I start towards the exit, contemplating my next move and when I step outside, I find Alfie waiting for me at the curb. He says nothing as I climb into the backseat, and I’m grateful for it. Not that he ever says much, but I know he took quite a liking to Kadence, and I half expected him to chew my ass out for giving up so easily.

  I ask him to take me home, rather than back to the party. My Father and I planned it so that he could continue should I be indisposed. And by indisposed I mean running half way down the fucking street while Kadence tries to get as far away from me as her heels can take her.

  Planning to run after her if she left just seems silly now, especially when there was no guarantee that she would even show up.

  I loosen my tie, and pull it off before removing my jacket. After all the pointless chasing, I feel stifled by the confines of my clothing.

  That’s when I realize it has nothing to do with my clothing at all and everything to do with the possibility that perhaps I wasn’t meant to find Kadence and stop her from leaving. It’s the thought of not being with her that’s stifling me, and now I will always wonder if I tried hard enough. I rub my hands down my face, cursing myself to hell and back for not doing more. I should have bought a damn ticket to Charlotte if that’s what it would have taken, but instead I admitted defeat.

  Perhaps it’s better of this way.

  Perhaps it’s time to acknowledge that Kadence may be better off without me.

  Even if I’m not better off without her.

  Almost an hour later, Alfie stops outside the Puck building and I greet our doorman, Paul, before taking the private elevator up to my penthouse. Of all the emotions fighting for space in my head, it’s disappointment that wins. Disappointment in myself for being reckless enough to throw away the best thing that has ever, and will ever happen to me. Disappointment in knowing this could have possibly been my last chance. I flick the lights on, and stop in my tracks when I see Kadence standing in front of the glass doors leading onto the terrace. She’s still in her gown, and I can’t help but think she’s a figment of my imagination. I want to see her so badly that my mind is conjuring her up. Then I hear her voice, and I know she’s really here.

  “Everything is so small from up here,” she murmurs, keeping her back to me.

  “You’re supposed to be on a plane,” I reply. Seriously? The love of my life is here and that’s all I can say?

  Dumbass.

  Kadence turns and when she faces me, my heart stills. In fact, everything stills.

  “For some reason I couldn’t do it. I wanted to,” she starts towards me. “But it turns out the reason I wanted to leave became the reason I want to stay.”

  “Must be a pretty good reason.”

  Good one, I chastise myself. You might as well give yourself a high-five in the face for originality.

  Kadence’s lips turn up into a half smile. “I’m still deciding.”

  “Well then,” I take a few steps closer until I can feel the warmth radiating from her body, “We should make a list of pros and cons so that we can make sure you’re making the right decision.”

  “The ‘cons’ already outweigh the pros,” she says. My optimism plummets. I look down because I know I’m not undeserving of how she feels.

  “I guess you wish you’d taken that flight after all, huh?” I sound dejected, and truthfully speaking, I am. I thought this was fate’s way of giving me one last chance to make things right, but it turns out fate would rather sucker punch me instead. If nothing else, I will consider it penance for every stupid decision I have ever made when it comes to Kadence.

  “Not exactly.”

  I look up, momentarily knocked off kilter by the way Kadence seems to be staring into my eyes. So sincere, and honest, but also reluctant. If she’ll let me, I will replace that reluctance with certainty, and I will keep it that way as long as she’ll have me.

  “I just want to know one thing.”

  “Of course.”

  Kadence sighs. “Did you mean it when you said you loved me?”

  I straighten, and make sure to keep my eyes locked with Kadence’s, blue to green and green to blue. Just us.

  “I’ve never meant anything more.”

  And it’s the truth.

  “How can I believe you?” she asks. From the expression on her face I can tell she’s struggling with whether or not she can trust me.

  I want her to.

  I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything more than to have her trust again, and to prove that I’m deserving. The chances are I will never be worthy, but I’m prepared to spend the rest of my life trying if that’s what it takes.

  I thought tonight was the big romantic gesture, that as soon as she knew about the project that I’d been working on, was inspired by her, she would see how much she means to me.

  But now I’m the one who sees that it wasn’t romantic at all. It was desperate. The real romantic gesture is to not pretend.

  “Watching you carry on with
your life has been agonizing, but I knew it was what you needed. I knew not having me around was the best thing for you because of how badly I hurt you. But you see, I’m selfish enough to want you in any way I can get you, even if that means keeping an eye on you from afar. I’ve been on hold since you walked away from me Kadence, and I don’t want to live on ‘pause’. I want to hit the ‘play’ button. With you, always with you.”

  Kadence sniffles, and I pull her into me, brushing her cheeks with my thumbs.

  “You hurt me,” she whispers.

  My mouth opens, ready to tell her I know but she silences me with a delicate finger over my lips.

  “But I’ve been living on hold too. I’ve tried to forget you, forget what we had, but I couldn’t. When I saw you tonight I realized that my life isn’t a life without you, and everything in it means nothing if I can’t have you. I’m scared to trust you, and I’m terrified of taking a chance on us, but I would regret not taking that chance at all. I’ve spent more time missing you than I have moving on, and I don’t want to miss you anymore, Caleb.”

  “Then don’t,” I tell her. “I’m right here.”

  “How do I know it’s for real this time?”

  The ambivalence in her voice breaks me because I did that to her. I only have one thing left to do that might set her at ease.

  With a shaky hand, I lift her palm, and press it over my heart.

  It thumps loudly, and out of rhythm but I want Kadence to know she is my rhythm.

  “Feel that?” I ask her. “That’s yours.”

  Kadence’s bottom lip trembles, but I feel her fingers flex against my shirt.

  “Then you should know that I couldn’t get on that plane because you and Braelynn are here, and I don’t want to be anywhere that you’re not.”

  And just when I thought I couldn’t want this woman any more.

  “You love Braelynn?”

  “Yes,” breathes Kadence. “She’s a part of you, so how can I not?”

  I shake my head, and a small chuckle escapes.

  Way to ruin the moment. Idiot.

  “What?”

  “I’m standing here expecting you to disappear,” I tell her. “You’re too good to be true.”

  Kadence leans in, her breath hot on my lips. “I’m real, Caleb, and I’m here, but I need to know that you are too.”

  My mouth twists up to the side. “I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you.”

  “And if I run?”

  I bring our mouths closer, and whisper, “Then I’ll catch you.”

  Caleb

  5 Months Later

  KADENCE LETS OUT a heavy breath, and falls onto the bed beside me. She just stepped out of the shower, and being the smart woman she is, decided to forgo pajamas and wear one of my dress shirts. Seeing her like that makes me possessive, even though I’m certain she’s all mine. I can’t help it. She’s gorgeous.

  “Who knew throwing a party for a one-year-old would be so much work.”

  I chuckle, and pull her into my side. “I told you we should have gone out. It’s not like she’s going to remember anything.”

  Kadence looks up at me. “You can’t go out for your child’s first birthday. You have to throw a party, even if she can’t remember it.”

  “Well you pulled out all the stops,” I reply, rubbing my fingers through her hair. “And I love you for loving my daughter.”

  Something in Kadence’s expression changes, and she stills.

  I frown. “What?”

  Kadence sits up, and starts fiddling with her hands. “There was something I wanted to talk to you about.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing’s wrong, I just…”

  I sit up, and rest against the headboard. In the five months that Kadence and I have been together, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her so nervous. Not even when she decided to come back to work for me, and take over my entire P.R team.

  “I wanted to know what you thought about me…” she hesitates, searching my eyes for whatever she needs to continue. “How would you feel if I said I wanted to adopt Braelynn?”

  I stare at her, shocked in the best way imaginable. With the way things have been going, I’ve wanted to make things official and give Kadence my last name. I’ve just been worried that it’s too soon for her.

  But now…

  “Never mind.” Kadence backtracks, and tries to climb off the bed. “Forget I mentioned it.” I reach for her hand, and pull her back.

  “You can’t adopt her.”

  Kadence’s face falls, and she looks hurt.

  “Of course,” she replies, unable to look at me. “I don’t know what I was thinking.” I place my forefinger under her chin, and make sure she understands my reasoning. I wanted to wait, but there’s no time like the present.

  “It’s not because I don’t want you to. When you adopt her, I want you to have our last name.”

  Wide eyes meet mine, and her mouth opens.

  “Oh no, I wasn’t hinting at a proposal -”

  I hold my hand up, silently telling her to hang on while I reach for my nightstand. The small light blue box suddenly feels bigger than I remember.

  I turn back to Kadence. “I’ve had this for over a month.” Her eyes dart between me and what’s in my hand. “I was going to wait until your birthday next month, but I can’t think of a better time than when we’re talking about becoming a real family.”

  I shift so that I’m on my knees, and then open the box.

  “Oh…” Kadence gasps.

  Nestled inside is a platinum band with a 2.5 carat princess-cut diamond. The woman at Tiffany’s told me I couldn’t go wrong, but when Kadence remains quiet I start to second guess it.

  “If you’re not ready…” I start, and then Kadence is shaking her head vehemently. “You’re not?”

  “I am!” she cries. “It’s just…”

  “You don’t like it.”

  Dammit. I’m fucking this up good and proper.

  “No, I love it! I just wasn’t expecting it.”

  “That’s kind of the point isn’t it?”

  “Oh God.” Kadence covers her face with her hands. Now I’m really fucking confused. “Did Aaliyah tell you to do this?”

  “What? No! Why would you think that?”

  “We had lunch a few weeks back and I might have mentioned that I couldn’t wait to marry you. That was presumptuous of me, I’m so –”

  I place the box beside me, and pry Kadence’s hands from her face.

  “Will you stop? I’m trying to propose to you and you’re making me feel like I’m doing a shitty job.”

  “If Aaliyah told you to then -”

  “Aaliyah didn’t say anything to me.” I huff out a laugh. “I want to marry you, Kadence.”

  “You do?”

  Jesus, this woman. Why does she sound so fucking surprised?

  “Yes!” I pick the box up again, and remove the ring. “I want to marry you, give you my last name, have more babies with you, fight with you, make love to you, and grow old with you. Now will let me get on with this fucking proposal.”

  Kadence nods.

  Thank God.

  “Kadence Kavanagh,” I start. “I love you more than life itself. I love that you love me, and my daughter. I love waking up to you every morning, and going to bed with you every night. I love that you drive me crazy,” Kadence laughs, her eyes welling up, “And I love that I drive you just as crazy. I love how imperfect our life is, and how you make it worth living. I love how you’re so open with me, and how you share your heart with me. And I love how you chose me, and keep choosing me, after all the mistakes I’ve made. I can’t promise that I won’t keep making them, but I can promise to be the best man I possibly can for you, and I promise to be the best father to our children when we decide to have them. And above all else, I promise to always be honest with you. So,” I inhale, “Make me the happiest man alive, and promise to be with me, and love me forever. You’re already
my soul mate, but will you be my wife?”

  I wait a beat, and then Kadence throws herself into my arms.

  “Yes!” she cries, “Yes, yes, yes.” She pulls back, her green eyes wet, but filled with happiness. “Nothing will make me happier.”

  She leans back, and I slip the ring over her delicate finger. It’s a perfect fit, the same way she fits me.

  “It’s beautiful.” She sniffles. “I love it.”

  I cup her face in my hands, and press her body as close to mine as I can. “I love you, Kadence, now and forever.”

  Kadence kisses me with fervor, and I move my hands down to unbutton the shirt she’s wearing.

  “Wait,” she sits up, and I groan at the loss of contact. “We can’t tell anyone yet.”

  “What?” I pull her down. “Why the fuck not?”

  “Because tomorrow is Aaliyah’s wedding day, and I don’t want to spoil it for her.”

  She’s always so thoughtful, especially when it comes to her friends. It took some time for Kadence to forgive Aaliyah, but once she did, they were attached at the hip. Annabelle came around too, which was good for me, and the three of them rarely go anywhere without the other.

  “Fine.” I trail my lips down her throat. “But after tomorrow I’m going to tell the entire fucking world that you’ve agreed to marry me.”

  Kadence moans, and her hips start moving. My dick hardens beneath my boxer briefs. She turns me on like no woman ever has.

  “I have to tell my mother first.”

  I slip my shirt from her shoulders, and trail my hands down her waist to her perfect ass.

  “I’d rather not talk about either of our parents when I’m about to fuck my fiancée.”

  Kadence lifts her head, and gives me a heart-stopping smile. “Fiancée.” She tests the word out. “I like that.”

  “Yeah?” I flip us over, and roll her beneath me. “Wait until I start calling you Mrs. Callahan.”

  She giggles, her hands moving up my arms. “Will you shut up and do me? Your fiancée can’t wait any longer.”

  “Hmmm,” I brush my lips across hers, teasing her. “How does my fiancée want it?”