Forever Fredless

by Suzy Turner

  When I eventually opened my eyes, he'd gotten back into the taxi and was zooming off into the distance. I put my finger to my lips and watched as the tail lights disappeared. I’d lost all my strength. I was in a daze. That kiss. That amazing kiss.

  CHAPTER THREE

  'Kate. Kate. Are you in there?'

  I woke to the sound of Jo’s voice and her tapping on the door. Confused, I looked around. I was on the floor in the hotel room.

  'Kate – I’m sorry but I need something from in there,' she giggled quietly as she tapped again on the door.

  I stood up and hobbled over, noticing that I was only wearing one shoe.

  Opening the door, she whispered, 'I’m sorry sweetheart. I didn’t mean to interrupt you and lover boy but… darling! What’s the matter? What happened? Oh… God. He didn’t hurt you did he? That... that... bastard!'

  I shook my head before bursting into tears.

  Half an hour later, after consuming all the contents of the mini bar, I was cuddled up in bed with the girls. We were just starting on the booze from the other room. As is usually the case with hotel mini bars, though, the contents left much to be desired. One whole bar was barely enough to get a single person drunk, let alone four of us – and we were all up for it. All were feeling desperately sorry for me, while I remained totally dazed and confused. All I kept thinking was ‘why?’ and ‘what on Earth had I done wrong?’ But every time I thought about it, I just couldn’t work out what it might have been. Everything was hunky dory until I told him my name. Maybe I should have told him it was Valentina after all. Would it have made a difference? I really didn’t know.

  'I mean… it was going so well. We were both so into each other, and it wasn’t like it had ever been with anyone else. It just seemed so much deeper. I mean, I've never tried to bring a man back to my hotel like that before, it was so out of character for me and then, then, look what happened.'

  'Men can be absolute bastards, sometimes,' said Anna, even though she’d never had a problem with a man in her life. She’d married her childhood sweetheart, John, when she was just nineteen. And he was the world’s most adorable guy. He wasn’t the brightest spark in the world, but John wouldn’t hurt a fly. He was lovely. Everyone adored him.

  We all nodded, clinking miniature bottles and downing the last few drops of the alcohol.

  Bastards, we all thought.

  'You’re absolutely bloody right. Bastards. Absolute bloody bastards. All of ‘em,' hiccupped Liz, who’d also drank rather a lot at the club earlier, 'I’ve never never, ever, ever been treated right by one single bloody man. Bastards!'

  She was right, though. Even her dad had done a runner, just after she was born. She was 24 and had only had one serious boyfriend – Richard. A total Dick if you ask me. A real two faced bastard. She was better off without him. Liz was a tad naïve, but to be treated the way she had – it was totally unforgivable.

  'Bastard. Just like Richard. Bastard,' she muttered again before bursting into tears.

  It’s funny how I was the one that was having a crisis, but it was me who ended up doing the consoling.

  'There there, Lizzie. I know, I know. Richard’s a bastard. I just wish you’d get over the idiot,' I said as I stroked the top of her head.

  I guess it didn’t really help. Her crying became more intense and her whole body shuddered uncontrollably, making the bed shake violently. Anna rolled her eyes as if she’d seen it hundreds of times before.

  Truth is, she had. We all had. Of course we were sympathetic, but we’d all seen it coming. We’d warned her about him, but nothing we ever said made the slightest bit of difference. To Liz, Richard had been ‘The One’. She had hoped to marry him and have four kids. I shuddered at the thought of anyone having Richard’s kids. He didn’t deserve them. Liz should have children with someone who worshipped her.

  We knew Richard would never settle down. We knew he was a two-timing jerk, who used her for sex whenever he felt the urge.

  He had finally ‘dumped’ her six months earlier. The problem was by the manner in which the love rat had done it. He couldn’t possibly have let her down gently, with a bouquet of flowers or something like that. Oh no. Richard had to have the last laugh, didn’t he? He had to completely humiliate her. Why? We would never know. He was just such an evil man and the way he'd ended their so-called relationship had proved that, in more ways than one.

  He’d invited her round to his place for a 'romantic, intimate, dinner together'. Liz, being the hopeless romantic she'd always been, took hours to get ready. She bought a new outfit for the occasion. He’d even given her a key to let herself in (first time ever), which she’d done excitedly. Then she’d walked around his enormous penthouse flat calling out his name, looking for him. What she was greeted with hadn’t exactly been what she’d been hoping for. She’d actually found him in bed with not one, but two other women. He’d seen her of course; in fact, he’d looked straight at her and continued to have sex while the three of them all laughed drunkenly. What an asshole.

  'There’s room for one more,' he’d hiccupped, before saying, 'Well... actually this is what I wanted from us, Lizzie, but as you were never up for it, I guess, this is it. You’re dumped.'

  I mean, can you believe that men even say that anymore? Isn’t that what kids say?

  As you can imagine, it was taking her quite some time to get over such a humiliating experience. I’d be surprised if she’d ever be able to trust a man again.

  It had crossed my mind that Jo hadn’t said a word about the ‘men are bastards’ issue. But then she had no reason to think such a thing. Poor Jo had suffered more than all of us put together. She had experienced something tragic – she had lost her husband to cancer when her daughter was still very young. She’d been totally heartbroken when he’d died. Of course, she'd known it was going to happen; after all, he had been ill for such a long time. But nothing ever prepares you for the loss of the love of your life. And Charles was certainly the love of her life. He had been everything to her, and more. Yes, he was a lot older than her, but the age gap had made no difference to their love at all. If anything, it had made it stronger.

  It was Charles’ illness that had brought me into Jo’s life. She had advertised for a nanny to help look after her daughter, Carly, when she was just two years old. Jo was twenty-eight and I was 18. We’ve been best friends ever since. I helped her cope through her husband’s final days and afterwards. The three of us became really close as a result of that awful tragedy.

  I guess that night my crisis wasn’t really a crisis at all.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  It was early the following Monday and the snow, which had also fallen in London, had subsided and was replaced by rain, the kind that soaks you from head to toe. Luckily, I had just managed to run down the steps to the tube before it came down really hard, and so I stood, in the dry tube station, waiting for the train that would take me into the city centre to work.

  We’d got back from Lincoln the previous afternoon. Poor Liz had been nursing a hangover and had spent much of the train journey running to the toilet to throw up. Fortunately, the rest of us were well enough to look after her and to make sure nobody else tried to get into the toilet while she heaved and vomited all over the place.

  We made sure she'd got home okay. Still living with her mum, we knew she was in good hands.

  Anna had phoned John to ask him to pick the rest of us up and take us home.

  Jo lived in a lovely big house in Maida Vale with Carly, and I rented their basement flat, which I loved. I’d lived there ever since I’d been their nanny. Jo wanted me to stay there rent free, which I had done until she no longer needed my services, but when I found another job I’d insisted that she accepted some kind of rent. I knew she didn’t need the money, but it was only right.

  Anna lived with John, about ten minutes away from us, and Liz lived in a not-so-nice area a little further afield, so she sometimes stayed with Jo at the weekend.

&nb
sp; The train arrived and as I stepped onto it, someone caught my eye, sitting at the very back. He was reading a newspaper, so I couldn’t be sure if it was him or not, but the hair colour was the same, and so was the length. I caught my breath, not knowing what to do. I felt the colour running up my neck to my cheeks. My breath quickened, as did my heartbeat. Marc. What was he doing here? Was it really him? Surely not?

  Locating a free seat in the middle, I sat down quickly and just as the train began moving again I turned tentatively, straining to see if it was him or not, but several people were blocking my view of him, making it difficult to make him out. At Paddington, he stood up and started walking in my direction.

  Oh Jesus.

  Deciding to be brave, I stood up and turned towards him with a big sexy smile. Only I soon realised it wasn’t him. Cringing, I turned back feeling totally embarrassed and then promptly tripped over the briefcase of the person next to me. I fell, smashing my head onto the hand rail in front of me.

  'Are you alright?' asked the man whose briefcase it was.

  'I’m really sorry. Oh shit, you’re bleeding. Jesus,' he said as he helped me up and I nodded.

  'Yes, yes, I’m fine. No, it wasn’t your fault at all,' I mumbled before realising that no, no I wasn’t fine. In fact, I wasn’t alright at all. And then, of course, I passed out.

  oOo

  'Kate? Kate? Can you hear me? Jesus, she looks awful. What did you say happened to her? She fell off the tube? No, she fell on the tube. Oh o...o..k, right.'

  I could hear Jo’s voice. Where was I? There was an awful smell. I mean really awful. I couldn’t quite place it. It was a really clean smell, but yucky clean. My head throbbed. What the hell? Where the hell was I?

  'Jo?' I managed to utter. It didn’t half hurt when I spoke though.

  'She’s awake, Mum.'

  I recognised that voice.

  'Carly?'

  'Shhh, sweetheart. It’s okay. Carly and I are here now.'

  I opened my eyes. I was in hospital.

  'What the hell happened?' I asked, wincing.

  'We were hoping you might be able to tell us. The doctor said you fell on the tube – but we’re a bit confused, darling. Don’t you remember? Mind you, the doctor said you probably wouldn’t remember what happened. In fact, he said you might even have mild amnesia from the knock to your head.'

  No, she was right. I couldn’t remember a thing about being on the tube, except for actually getting on it.

  'Miss Robinson? Miss Kate Robinson?' asked a woman in the doorway.

  'Yes, this is Kate Robinson,' Jo answered for me.

  'Hi, I work on hospital reception. When you were admitted, a man who said he was responsible for your fall accompanied you. He was really concerned. He waited here until your friends arrived, but had to rush off so he asked me to give you this and ask you to please call him if you need anything. He was very apologetic. He was really nice,' said the young woman blushing.

  She handed Jo the business card and then quickly left the room.

  'Paul Walker. Looks like you might have found yourself a boyfriend, Kate,' Jo said, laughing. 'You have a pretty bizarre way of finding men.'

  'Paul Walker?' screeched Carly. 'Not THE Paul Walker... the actor,' she added, her eyes wide open with excitement.

  'No, sweetheart, sorry to disappoint you, but it says here that he's a web designer.'

  I rolled my eyes and shook my head. But it hurt. It really hurt.

  A boyfriend? After my little incident with Marc at the weekend, the last thing I wanted was a boyfriend. I’d been put off men for good.

  I didn’t have to spend much longer at the hospital, so a few hours later I went home with Jo. She made me stay in one of the guest rooms so she could ‘mother’ me and make sure I was really okay. She’d called the office earlier in the day to let them know what had happened. Everyone was really worried and they’d even sent a bunch of flowers to the house.

  I worked with a great bunch of people at Liberty – a women’s monthly magazine. I’d got the job nearly eight years ago, after working for Jo for a few years. Initially I’d been the office junior, but they soon discovered I had a talent for writing, so I’d been encouraged to write a few articles each month. I loved it.

  'Kate, I’ve run you a nice hot bath. Take your time. There’s no rush. We won’t bother with dinner until about eight o’clock,' Jo said as she came into the bedroom with some clean pyjamas for me to wear.

  'Thanks, Jo, I don’t know what I’d do without you.'

  'Oh, and Julianne said to take all the time you need to get better.'

  'I feel so silly. All I did was fall over and everyone’s rallying around me as if I’ve just had major surgery or something,' I sighed gratefully.

  'Yes, but it was a bad fall. You got concussion, for goodness’ sake. Enjoy the attention while it lasts,' she winked, 'now get in that bath and relax.'

  A lovely warm bath was exactly what I needed and Jo’s bathroom was absolute heaven. It was like a huge Roman room with large circular pillars and a gorgeous roll top bath, which stood in the centre. I sank down into the water, noticing that she’d put some of her favourite (and expensive) bubble bath in it. It wasn’t until the bubbles enveloped me, that I realised how achy I actually was. The hot water began to work its magic and I slowly started feeling (semi) alive again. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander. Naturally, my thoughts took me to Fred and I smiled as I imagined him lying in the bath opposite me. Just the thought made my body tingle delicately. I started thinking about what he’d look like now. A thought which naturally led me to Marc.

  Marc with a ‘C’. Marc, what a gorgeous guy he was. I had come so close to spending a memorable night with a memorable man. It could have been the most unforgettable night ever. But then I suppose it was the most unforgettable night ever, just for all the wrong reasons. If only. God, there were too many bloody ‘if onlys’ in my life. I should have known really. He was too perfect for anything good to happen. The ones who look perfect never are.

  Apart from Fred, of course. I bet he looked perfect and would always look perfect. Fred… my personal Adonis. I smiled dreamily.

  'A penny for your thoughts,' said a voice in the doorway.

  I opened my eyes to find Jo coming into the bathroom.

  'Is everything okay? Do you need anything?'

  'No, I don’t think so, thanks. This is bliss. Just what I needed.'

  'So what were you thinking about, just then? By the look on your face, I’d say it was a man.'

  I laughed, 'How did you know I was thinking about a man?'

  She came and sat down on the edge of the bath. 'Sit forward and I’ll wash your back for you. Well, you just had that dreamy look on your face. I’ve seen it a million times before, and I think it’s about time you finally told me, especially considering we’ve been best friends for God knows how many years. Neither of us should have any secrets,' she laughed, gently sponging my back and shoulders, easing away the stiffness.

  'I’ll bet you have a few secrets, don’t you?' I asked, turning to look at her.

  Laughing, she squeezed out the sponge and handed it to me, 'Everyone has secrets, don’t they?'

  'Probably. But if you tell me your secret, I’ll tell you mine.'

  We laughed at the silliness of our conversation.

  'Okay, I’ll go first,' I said, clearing my throat nervously, knowing it was the time to finally tell her about Fred.

  'I’m in love with a guy who I haven’t seen since I was twelve years old.'

  'Everyone has a childhood crush, darling. That’s hardly secret material is it?' she laughed as she handed me the sponge while I lay back down in the water.

  'No, this isn’t a childhood crush. This is so much more than that. I was on holiday with Mum and Dad, in Skegness, and I saw this boy. He just made my heart flip and my stomach go wild with butterflies. It was love at first sight. I just know it. I know I was only twelve and he must have been thirteen or so, but I just k
now he felt the same way,' I garbled.

  'What’s this boy’s name?' she asked, fascinated.

  'That’s the thing, you see; that’s the problem. I have absolutely no idea. We saw each other for a few minutes and then I had to go. It broke my heart. And… and it’s never been the same. All I’ve ever dreamed about is seeing him again and being with him for the rest of my life.'

  Jo looked at me, her eyes becoming strangely watery.

  'Wow, now that is romantic. I guess he must be your soul mate,' she whispered, rubbing her eyes.

  'You mean, you don’t think I’m silly and a complete idiot?'

  'Of course not. Yes, it’s rather odd, but strangely beautiful. I think it’s wonderful. Wouldn’t it be amazing if you found him? Why don’t we try to find him?'

  I shook my head, 'No. It’s useless. I don’t even know his name, although I have taken to calling him Fred.'

  Jo looked a tad confused, 'Fred?'

  'Well, he needed a name. I got fed up of thinking of him as ‘the boy without a name’, and Right Said Fred were playing when I first saw him,' I shrugged.

  She shrugged her shoulders too. 'Fred it is, then'.

  We smiled at each other as I attempted to get out of the bath without my head throbbing.

  'Now it’s your turn,' I said, facing her as she handed me a towel.

  She nodded, 'Okay then. Here goes. I think I might be gay.'

  I grabbed the towel so quick that I nearly dropped it into the water.

  'Did you say gay?' I whispered.

  She nodded her head, looking deathly serious.

  'Wow – th… that’s some secret,' I said wrapping the towel as tightly as possible around myself. 'That’s kinda sudden, isn’t it?'

  And then her face suddenly broke out into this huge grin from ear to ear and she began laughing. In fact she laughed so much that she fell off the side of the bath.