To Love Again

by Andria Large

  “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it,” I reply as nonchalantly as I can on the outside, while inside pain lances through my heart. I keep forgetting to keep my distance. He needs to heal before I can touch him.

  Jack studies me for a moment before turning and making his way upstairs. I return to the kitchen and stop right in front of Finlay. “Come on. Let’s go out back for a minute.”

  Finlay reluctantly gets up and follows me out the back door. The garden is fenced in. It’s not huge, but there is a patio with a table and chair set. I sit down and Finlay sits across from me.

  “I can’t believe you’ve been mad at me for this long and never said anything.”

  “I can’t believe you left me behind and never thought to visit.”

  “I’m very busy—”

  “Don’t give me that shite, Warwick. You dropped everything for this guy. Why?”

  “He needed my help.” I frown.

  “What about me? What about when I need your help?”

  “Do you need my help?”

  “Not right now, but there have been times where I could have used my big brother.”

  “I’m only a phone call away, Finn.”

  “Fuck your phone call. I don’t want to call you! I want you here where I can talk to you like we’re doing now.”

  “I-I’m sorry—”

  “Why does he mean so much to you? Enough to make you take a leave from work to bring him here.”

  I shrug. “I just felt the need to help him, to take care of him. He’s been through hell.”

  “He’s a grown man. He can’t take care of himself?”

  “You don’t know what his ex has done to him, Finlay.”

  “Nor do I care. I’m just trying to figure out why you do.”

  “What the fuck does it matter? It’s who I am. I’m a doctor. I help people in need. You’re not going to make me feel guilty about helping someone,” I snap. I’m starting to get angry now. He just wants to fight with me, not resolve anything. “I brought you out here so we can talk and work this out, not have you question my actions.”

  “It hurts me, along with the rest of our family, that you don’t ever come to visit. Then out of nowhere, this nobody comes along and you’re on the first plane over because he needs to hide from his ex. Tell me something isn’t wrong with that.”

  “I’ve said I’m sorry—”

  Finlay pushes to his feet. “Well, your ‘sorry’ isn’t good enough for me right now.”

  He stomps back into the house. I sit there for a moment, going over the conversation in my head. I understand what he’s saying and I really don’t have an answer, other than not wanting to take the time off of work. Yeah, I was wrong and I apologized, but he doesn’t want to hear it. I don’t know how to make this better if he doesn’t want an apology.

  JACK

  AFTER MY shower, I brush my teeth, then go to my room to get dressed. I’m not going downstairs in my sweatpants and T-shirt again. So I put on jeans and a different T-shirt. I towel dry and brush my hair, then go to look at myself in the mirror over the dresser. Damn, I look loads better than I had before the shower. And I took some aspirin while I was in there, so that’s starting to kick in too.

  I can’t remember the last time I had a hangover this bad. It’s been years. Definitely before I met… him. I’m not even going to say his name anymore. He needs to be gone from my mind and life.

  I go downstairs and stop in the doorway to the kitchen. I look for Warwick, but I don’t see him. The back door flies open a moment later and one of his brothers comes storming in.

  “I’m fuckin’ leaving,” he shouts angrily and stomps his way through the kitchen.

  “Finlay,” Libby calls after him, but he ignores her.

  He stops when he sees me, narrows his eyes, then brushes past me, bumping his shoulder into mine. He slams the front door, shaking the entire house. I stare at it, wide-eyed and wondering what the hell just happened.

  When I turn to look at everyone in the kitchen, I see Warwick step in from the back door. Shit, they must have had a fight. I hope it wasn’t about me, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it was with the way Finlay glared at me.

  Warwick catches sight of me and gives me a soft smile. “Hey, you look much better, mate.”

  I roll my eyes. “Yeah, I know. You don’t have to point it out.”

  He chuckles. “Come here. Let me introduce you.” He waves me over.

  I walk through the kitchen to go and stand next to him. He put his arm around my shoulders without me flinching away this time. I don’t know what happened earlier. I had been doing fairly well with him touching me. I honestly think it was because I was tired and out of sorts.

  “All right. So the wanker that just stormed out was Finlay. Over here is Ainsley, then we have Crispin, Courtney, and Conrad,” he introduces, pointing to each brother as he says their name.

  They all look fairly similar. I can definitely tell they are brothers.

  “Guys, this is Jack McClellan.”

  I get bombarded with a barrage of handshakes and claps on the shoulder, along with “Nice to meet you.” Once we’re all acquainted, I turn to Warwick.

  “Did Finlay leave because of me?” I frown.

  “Don’t you worry about him, Jack. He’s just got a stick up his arse,” Ainsley says, waving a dismissive hand.

  “Yeah. It’ll get straightened out,” Conrad adds.

  “Hey, tell us, mate, what kind of work do you do?” Crispin asks.

  As I get caught up in conversation with Warwick’s brothers, I notice him wander over to his parents, who are standing on the other side of the kitchen. He talks with them quietly, eventually getting hugs from both of them and what looks like reassuring words. Now I’m really curious as to what is going on. Not that it’s any of my business. It’s his family issues. I don’t need to be snooping around in them.

  Libby puts out a bunch of snacky stuff for us to munch on. She said it’s too late for lunch and that we’d never be able to eat dinner. I believe it was Crispin who made a comment about them being growing boys and they could eat an entire horse and still be hungry.

  Warwick is sitting next to me, but he isn’t paying attention to the conversation much. He seems in his head, which isn’t like him. At one point the brothers get into a heated discussion about football—soccer to me—so I take the opportunity to talk to Warwick.

  I nudge him with my elbow. “Hey, are you okay?”

  Warwick blinks and shakes his head as if to clear it. “What? Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “You seem distracted.”

  “I’m just thinking about what my brother said to me, that’s all. No worries.”

  “Is there anything I can do?”

  He gives me a sad smile. “No, mate. But I appreciate the offer. He needs time to cool down.”

  “It has something to do with me, doesn’t it?” I ask quietly.

  “Yes and no. It’s more me than you. He’s upset I haven’t visited in three years, but when you needed help, I was on the first flight over.”

  I frown. “Why have you not visited in so long?”

  “I don’t know. I was wrapped up in work. I didn’t think it was a big deal until now. I tried to apologize to him, but he doesn’t want to hear it.”

  “Gotcha.”

  “Let’s forget about it. I don’t want this to ruin the rest of my day with my family.”

  “Okay,” I reply and pat his knee.

  The rest of the day is mostly spent eating, drinking, and Warwick and his family catching up. I sit there and enjoy the family dynamic. You can tell they all love each other very much. I’m an only child, so I don’t know what it’s like to have siblings. It looks like fun. I really need to see my parents. I told them I was going away for a while, but I didn’t tell them where. I did promise to keep in touch, though. Hopefully when the month here is up, I can go and visit them.

  “How long are you staying, Warwick?” Ainsley asks.

&n
bsp; “A month,” he answers.

  “So you’ll be here for our birthday?” Courtney asks excitedly.

  “When is it again?” Warwick asks, his lips twitching.

  “June 15, ya sod,” Conrad huffs.

  Warwick chuckles.

  “My birthday is in June too,” I say.

  Warwick whips his head around to look at me. “It is? When?”

  I nod. “The twentieth.”

  “How old are you gonna be, Jack?” Crispin asks.

  “Thirty-four.”

  “Old man,” Ainsley teases.

  “Don’t remind me.” I chuckle.

  “That’s okay. Warwick has got you by two years,” Hugh chimes in.

  “Thanks, Dad,” Warwick replies dryly.

  I reach over and place my hand on his forearm. “Are you sensitive about your age?” I coo.

  “Oh, you too? Fuck off.” He laughs.

  I laugh with him. It feels good to be able to tease someone and not run the risk of getting the shit kicked out of me. I feel like I can breathe again. I’m alive again. And it’s all thanks to the gorgeous smiling man next to me.

  Chapter NINE

  WARWICK

  I’M GLAD I found out when Jack’s birthday is, because I have plans. Big plans. I’m going to make this the best fucking birthday he’s ever had. I’m going to throw him a surprise party, with surprise guests. He’s gonna flip. I’ve got two weeks to make this happen and my first task is to call Jack’s parents. I scroll through the list of called numbers and find the ones not listed in my contacts. Jack called his boss and his mom from my phone, and I’m guessing the longer call has got to be his mom’s number.

  Shutting myself in my bedroom while Jack is taking a shower, I hit Call. It rings about three times before a female voice answers.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Mrs. McClellan?”

  “Yes?” she replies hesitantly. “Who’s this?”

  “My name is Warwick Aldridge. I’m Jack’s friend.”

  “The one who is helping him?”

  “Yes.”

  “Is he okay?” she asks, and I can hear the panic filling her voice.

  “Yes, ma’am, no worries. I’m calling because I wanted to make Jack’s birthday really special, and I couldn’t think of anything more special than his parents.”

  She sniffles. “Oh, that’s so sweet. What did you have in mind?”

  “Wellll, how would you and your husband feel about coming on a little paid vacation to England?”

  “England?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Is that where you and Jack are?”

  “Yes. He wanted to get as far away from Greg as possible, and I couldn’t think of anywhere better than where I grew up.”

  “Oh my God. First of all, thank you. Thank you so much for helping my baby and getting him away from that asshole, Greg,” she says, her voice wobbly with emotion.

  “You’re welcome,” I reply softly.

  “And second. Yes, we would love to come to England for Jack’s birthday. We haven’t seen him in over a year.”

  “Great! I’ll set everything up and call you with the details. Remember, this is a surprise, so if he calls, don’t mention anything.”

  “Okay. Thank you so much, Warwick. You have no idea how much this means to us.”

  “You’re welcome. We’ll talk soon, yeah?”

  “Yes.”

  We say goodbye and hang up.

  I open my bedroom door just as Jack opens the bathroom door. His hair is wet, his skin glistening from not being dried all the way, and he’s got his towel slung low around his slim waist. I would give anything for him to invite me into his room right now.

  His gaze catches mine, and I do my best to stay cool even though inside my blood is heating as it travels south.

  “Whatcha doin’ over there?” Jack asks with a small smile.

  I hike a thumb over my shoulder. “’Bout to go crank one out in my room if you stand there any longer.”

  Jack’s smile fades and what looks like desire flashes in his blue eyes. He swallows hard and without a word, turns, walks into his room, and shuts the door quietly behind him. Jack knows I’m attracted to him. It’s not a secret. I will say that’s the boldest I’ve been with him recently. But seriously, I can’t handle him standing there, looking sexy as fuck in just a towel. I want him, which is stupid because I can’t have him.

  Fuck it, I’m jerking off. I turn around and go into my room, then shut and lock the door behind me. I get undressed as I walk over to my bed. I sit my naked arse up against the headboard and take my already hard cock in my hand.

  I close my eyes and imagine it’s Jack’s mouth on me, his head bobbing as he takes my cock into the back of his throat. I pump my hand faster at the visual. I scoot down and stick my middle and ring fingers in my mouth to wet them. I then bring them down to my hole where I push them in past the tight ring of muscle. My breath catches and I start to fuck myself as I jerk my cock. I rock my hips, pushing my dick into the circle of my hand.

  My orgasm builds fast and it only takes another minute before I’m coming on my stomach with a low moan. I sigh and drop my head against the headboard. That felt good. Too bad it’s only short-lived. I’m going to be doing a lot of wanking off if I keep catching glimpses of Jack mostly naked.

  I clean myself up and get dressed before heading downstairs, where Jack is sitting on the couch watching TV. His gaze meets mine as I hit the bottom step. He cocks a knowing eyebrow, and I can only shrug in return. Yeah, he knows what I did; he’s not stupid. He smiles and shakes his head as he turns back to watch the TV.

  “Hey, I called my friend who’s a tattoo artist. He said he can fit you in next week,” I say as I go and plop down next to him.

  “Awesome.” Jack grins, his eyes lighting up with excitement. “I’ll start looking for some pictures.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  “So what are we going to do today?”

  “How about I take you around Birmingham, show you the sights?”

  Jack smiles, and it reaches all the way up to his eyes. “I think that sounds like a great idea.”

  “Oh good. If you two are going out, I’ll give you a list for the grocery store. You can stop on your way back,” my mum says as she walks by us to go upstairs.

  “Sure, Mum.”

  AFTER TAKING Jack around Birmingham—which I can tell he thoroughly enjoyed—we stop at the grocery store to pick up stuff for dinner. We get everything we need, then head to the house. There is another car parked in the driveway when we get there, and I know exactly whose it is. I hope he didn’t come here to cause more trouble.

  “Who’s here?” Jack asks.

  “Finlay.”

  “Oh.”

  “If he says anything to you, just don’t take it to heart. He’s angry, and when he gets like this, he says things he doesn’t mean,” I say.

  “Okay.”

  We grab all the bags, then walk into the house and go straight to the kitchen, where Finlay is sitting at the table with our mum having a cup of tea. Jack and I set the bags on the counter.

  “Oh great! Thank you, guys,” my mum chirps and gets up from the table.

  I sneak a glance at Finlay, and he doesn’t look angry or upset. He looks more defeated and resigned. Maybe that’s a good thing? I ignore him for the moment as I start putting the food away.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see Jack move in the direction of my brother. What the hell is he doing?

  “Hey, man, we didn’t exactly get to meet yesterday. I’m Jack.”

  I watch Finlay’s eyebrows lift in surprise as he shakes Jack’s hand. “Finlay.”

  “Nice to meet you.” Jack smiles.

  “You too,” Finlay replies softly. Seems like he doesn’t know what to think of Jack now.

  Bloody charming bastard. How can you hate someone who is nice to you? Smooth move, Jack, smooth move. I try to hide my smile as Jack returns to unloading
the bags with a bright smile on his face.

  “So how did you like Birmingham, Jack?” my mum asks.

  “Oh, it was great! It’s different from the US, but not, if that makes sense,” he responds.

  She nods and smiles. “I understand. Glad you had a good time.”

  “Yeah, it was fun.”

  “Uh… Warwick?” Finlay says.

  I lift an eyebrow and glance at him. “Yeah?”

  “Can we talk for a minute outside?”

  I give him a nod, then follow him out the back door. As soon as the door snicks shut, he spins to face me.

  “I’m sorry for yesterday, Warwick,” he blurts.

  “I’m sorry too, Finn. You were right. I should have visited more often, and I had no excuse.”

  He nods. “Thanks.”

  I hold my arms out, and he smirks as he comes and gives me a hug. We slap each other on the back a couple of times before separating.

  “So what’s up with you and Jack? Are you two dating?” Finlay asks.

  “No. Definitely not. I just saved him from an abusive relationship. There is no way he wants to be intimate with anyone else right now.”

  Finlay frowns. “You like him, though. I can see it on your face when you look at him.”

  I shrug. “So?”

  “Are you planning on waiting around for the guy?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “That’s a lot of baggage to deal with,” he says, giving me a pointed look.

  “Yeah, I know. Believe me. I’ve met his ex.”

  “Piece of work, huh?”

  “Total sodding wanker.”

  “Great.”

  “Don’t worry about me. I’m taking it one day at a time,” I say.

  “All right.”

  We head back in the house where Jack is now helping my mother chop vegetables for dinner. I roll my eyes and shake my head.

  “How’d she rope you into that, Jack?” I chuckle.

  “Oh no. He offered, unlike my own children,” my mum replies snippily.

  “I’m going to head out. I’ll see you later, Mum,” Finlay says and gives her a kiss on the cheek.