Catwalk

by Deborah Gregory

  “The dashiki tops were cute—I would wear one of those even for performing,” claims Benny Ninja, observing the house leader with fresh eyes.

  “I loved the jumpsuit, but it needed more structuring—it was too baggy and unflattering for the average man,” observes Mr. Sitomer.

  “I did not design that for the average man,” bellows C. C. Samurai.

  “Contrary to popular belief, the average customer is extremely size-conscious—always looking for pieces that will flatter their fit,” reports Vanna Snoot, crossing her legs.

  “Actually, only one house designed a collection that could be flattering to women of all sizes. Pashmina, the addition of a plus-size model who actually wore clothes that fit sublimely—the pink satin bustier and skirt that draped to a flattering length—was innovative. I could carry the collection with confidence that it would sell,” Mr. Sitomer weighs in.

  “Contestants, give us a moment to confer,” announces Ms. Lynx. We nod like helpless lambs. I glance at Shalimar to convey my congrats. She smiles weakly.

  A few minutes later, the judges gaze at us. “Okay, judges, have we made a decision?” Ms. Lynx queries, looking at each of her professional judges.

  “Yes,” says Tarina Tarantino, smoothing the edges of her fuchsia wig with her long acrylic-tipped fuchsia nails accented by diamond-shaped rhinestones.

  “The winner of Fashion International’s thirty-fifth annual Catwalk competition is … the House of Pashmina,” announces Ms. Lynx.

  “Omigod!” I shriek involuntarily. Much to my chagrin, I also grab my cheeks with my palms, resembling a preschooler trying on her first pair of ruby slippers.

  Aphro lets out a banshee shriek in the background, despite the warning to be seen and not heard.

  “Congratulations. Your collection was packed with personality—I loved it,” says Mr. Sitomer, beaming at me.

  Standing up, Ms. Lynx instructs: “House leaders, I’m going to ask if you would please leave the stage now—except Pashmina.”

  C. C. Samurai winks at me as he leaves. Shalimar Jackson looks like she’ll be spending the evening shooting off letters to everyone from her attorney to the style Supreme Court in a vigilant effort to get this decision overturned. After the four house leaders head to seats in the audience, Farfalla comes up the side steps to the stage with a bronze Big Willie trophy, artfully crafted like a dress form, in her hand. She hands me the trophy and hugs me.

  I’m so tearful, I can’t hide it.

  “Will the rest of the members of the House of Pashmina please come to the stage,” Ms. Lynx orders.

  My crew heads down the side aisle and makes their way to the stage to stand with me. Farfalla is holding Lupo’s camera and shooting the photos for our Catwalk competition scrapbook. The Teen Style Network continues rolling until we are all in place on the stage.

  “Despite the turns and twists that were experienced this year, you really came through. Pashmina, Nole, Felinez, Diamond—the vision was exceptional in every way. And I want to commend the entire team for doing an exemplary job. You represent the essence of what William Dresser, our founding father, had in mind—continuing the outstanding legacy of the fashion industry.”

  The judges clap loudly.

  “And I want you to remember this: the experience you have shared together as a team over the course of this school year is essential to your success in the fashion industry. There is no question you all have bright futures. And they were made even brighter by the invaluable insider peek you were given preparing for your fashion show. You cannot be a member of the fashion industry—a fashion, jewelry, or accessory designer, a model, photographer, or buyer—if you do not believe in working together as a team. Fashion is a collaborative effort, and no one person creates the vision that ultimately drives the commerce of the six-hundred-billion-dollar fashion industry. Remember that—and thanks to your experience in the Catwalk competition, you probably always will. Congratulations. This was the chance of a lifetime, and you won. Enjoy it. And we’re going to have the experience of a lifetime in Firenze, Italy—I guarantee you!”

  We clap loudly. Nole, who is standing closest to me, whispers, “The first round of gelato is on you, Miss Purr. I won the bet.”

  “What bet?” I ask, confused.

  “You’re always reneging, Miss Purr,” Nole says, shaking his head. “Always reneging.”

  “I beg to differ,” I retort.

  “Oh, really?” Nole says, waiting to hear.

  “Really. I told you we would win the Catwalk competition if you stuck with me!” I squeal proudly.

  “Yeah, you sure did. But I told you if I guessed the color of your bloomers, you’d have to buy the first round of gelato! Now, if you don’t mind getting unstuck, I’d appreciate it,” says Nole, sweating and pulling away.

  “Yeah, but you didn’t have to guess—you saw them at the first fitting!” I protest.

  “Whatever!” squeals Nole.

  Fifi moves in closer and so does Angora. “The competition may be over, but we’re going to be a team forever. Promise?”

  I kiss Angora and Fifi, my best friend since kindergarten, even though she swears it’s the first grade, and I make a promise I plan on keeping: “You two are stuck with me for life, like it or not.”

  FASHION INTERNATIONAL 35th ANNUAL CATWALK COMPETITION BLOG

  New school rule: You don’t have to be ultranice, but don’t get tooooo catty or your posting will be zapped by the Fashion Avengers!

  CIAO, MANNY HANNY!!!

  Talk about the wildest ride in the history of the style amusement park. According to the press coverage, this year’s Catwalk competition was the closest in the competition’s history. Okay, believe that. OH. Sorry. In case you haven’t heard, the winning team for this year’s Catwalk competition is the HOUSE OF PASHMINA! That’s right, right now we’re busy packing for our trip to Firenze, Italy, where we will stage our fashion show for the second time as the opening for the Pitti Bimbo collection.

  But hang on, I know it’s the tradition for the house leader of the winning team to offer some words of wisdom for next year’s candidates, so I will fulfill that duty without any grudges. Here’s some battle-plan advice: Make sure to pick your team members carefully, because you will be stuck with each other for a whole year—and things will get unbeweavably hairy. To that end, no question to potential applicants is off-limits. Try these questions on for size: Do you have a portfolio? Do you have a girlfriend? That’s right—ask that latter question in braille, Swahili, and sign language just to be on the safe side. My sordid experiences have taught me that some fashionistas get a thrill out of withholding valuable information on their applications—dating and otherwise! Secondly, pick people who are good at what they do—not at what they want to do. Then let your team members do their assigned tasks so that you don’t get overburdened with the little stuff.

  For the rest of my advice, see my next blog entry, which I’ll be posting when I arrive in Italy. (I’m going to share with you the Catwalk Credo my house created. You should create your own credo to distribute to your team members, but hey, feel free to bite my flavor, too.) Last but not least, remember, every generation of fashionistas has been inspired by those who came before them. So I guess you’re it!

  Okay, forgive me for being Hello Kitty, good-bye, but I’ve got five pieces of Louis Vuitton luggage to fill with our Catwalk collection before the team members of the House of Pashmina hop on a plane. I guess I only really have one thing left to say: Ciao, Manny Hanny. For two long, memorable weeks, I’m going to miss you and all your inhabitants!

  Posted by Feline Groovy at 06:30:10

  Glossary

  Adorable Hair: New York’s premier locale for purchasing human hair sold by the ounce, used for weaves and extensions. Everyone from Naomi Campbell’s hairstylist to Jessica Simpson’s has been spotted at Adorable’s.

  Aka: Also known as. As in “Did you see Shalimar Jackson, aka the Shallow One, posing on the school steps this
morning like she was Michelle Obama at a press conference?”

  Awky gawkster: A boy who is awkward and prone to gawking. As in “Why would I go out with Panda and his crew? They’re just a bunch of awky gawksters.”

  Babble flow: Talking in a stream-of-consciousness style that doesn’t quite connect all the dots. As in “I don’t mean to interrupt your babble flow, but I gotta catch the train to get home and clean my room before my mother has a meltdown.”

  Basta with the pasta: Enough already. As in “Basta with the pasta. You have to help us come up with a Wild Card Challenge that will knock Shalimar out of the running!”

  Brujería: Spanish for “witchcraft, sorcery.” As in “Come on, Fifi—isn’t there a brujería spell you can place on the judges so we can win the Catwalk competition?”

  Cara: Italian for “sweetheart, dear.” As in “Hang in there, cara! You’re furbulous!”

  Catmare: A vividly horror-frying dream in Technicolor, involving scary creatures.

  Chérie (or chéri for a boy): French for “sweetie, dear, precious, darling.” Pronounced “sheree.” As in “Oh, chérie, I wish I was tall like you so I could be a model, but I hear the circus is always hiring—so don’t worry about me!”

  Chill to the maximus: Relax; act like a veggie. As in “Win or lose, after the Catwalk competition is over, I intend to chill to the maximus.”

  Code Pink: To call an urgent meeting with your crew in order to remedy a time-sensitive problem or strategize a future course of action. Aka Code Blue, for crews who prefer a less girly hue.

  Coinky dinky: A coincidence of the highest order. As in “How is it possible that Shalimar happens to be at the same club where I was meeting Zeus? That’s quite a coinky dinky, don’t ya think?”

  Connecs: Connections; hookups. As in “Do you have any connecs for woven metallic leather? All I need is a yard—and I’d appreciate your assisterance, mucho!”

  Dribble-drabble: Blather; babble. As in “Stop with the dribble-drabble about Zeus. We know you’re hooked, lined, and sinking!”

  In flagrante: Latin phrase meaning “caught red-handed.” As in “Yesterday, my nose was twitching, so I picked it and Caterina and her crew caught me in flagrante! Nowhere is safe in this shantytown—not even the school stairwell!”

  Faux pas: From French for “false step.” A social boo-boo. Pronounced “foe pah.” As in “You were supposed to meet me at Dingoes Diner at eight. I can’t believe you left me standing there with the hoodrats. That was a major faux pas!”

  Ferocious feline: A fierce female. A ferocious feline is a force of nature to be reckoned with.

  Gagulating: To be super upset. As in “Did you see Zeus canoodling with Alyjah Jade in the corner booth at the Lipstick Lounge after she performed? I was gagulating!”

  Goospitate: To break out in goose bumps; to swoon over someone; to become breathless or hypnotized by someone. As in “Benny Madina is cute—but Zeus is the one who makes me goospitate. Too bad he has a girlfriend already!”

  Kaflammatory: Inflammatory squared; inciting drama. As in “It’s not a good idea to yell ‘Fat girls need love too!’ outside a Jenny Craig center. That’s très kaflammatory, don’t ya think?”

  Keep it moving: To avoid getting caught up in drama and kaflamma. As in “Someone just told me they saw Ice Très with Shalimar at Googies Diner. I don’t know why he stood me up, but I’m gonna keep it moving.”

  Kibitzing: An affectionate Yiddish term for “yakking, schmoozing, joking, shooting the breeze.” As in “Would you stop kibitzing already with Ms. Lynx? She’s not gonna let you slide on the Design Challenge—and we gotta get to Mood Fabrics before they close!”

  Kvetching: A yiddish term for complaining or whining. As in “Stop kvetching about how hard your day was in school. My feet are killing me from waiting on customers all day so I can pay the bills around here!”

  LV: Louis Vuitton—considered pretentious by some, prestigious by others, but the most knocked-off design house around the globe. As in “When your own initials are not enough, strive for status strokes by toting real instead of Chinatown fake LV.”

  Modelpreneur: An enterprising model like Heidi Klum or Kimora Lee Simmons who builds a fashion empire.

  Moi: French for “me.” Pronounced “mwah.” As in “Are you going to Bloomingdale’s sans moi? How could you?”

  Not cute: Catwalk code for appearing out of place; being caught in an embarrassing, uncomfortable, awkward situation. As in “Did you see Shalimar trying to get in the mix with Ice Très at the Lipstick Lounge? Not cute!”

  Peep: To uncover intel or clues. Also Bo Peep: to uncover clues or intel—big-time. As in “Did you Bo Peep that situation with, ahem, Curtis Clyde and Benny Ninja in the auditorium? I couldn’t believe it!”

  Pinkizzily: Catwalk code used to express the power and influence of the shade of pink. As in “I’ve got a date with Ice Très—time to get pinkizzily!”

  Schmooze: A Yiddish word for sucking up, cheesing. As in “Shalimar is always schmoozing with Mr. Confardi, just to keep the extra Kibbles ’n Bits coming her way!”

  Serving it cutely: To wear something furbulously; to be decorated beautifully. As in “I just saw the new Betsey Johnson pink floppy sun hat. I could serve that cutely!”

  Sham-o-rama: The one place that’s always open for “bizness” in the urban jungle; everywhere you turn, someone is trying to pull the acrylic over someone else’s eyes in the name of getting ahead. Don’t fall for it!

  Spill the refried beans: To kiss and tell; to gossip. As in “I saw you hanging out with Zeus. Were you getting smoochy? Come on—spill the refried beans, already!”

  Très: French for “very.” Pronounced “tray.” As in “You look très tasty today in the go-go boots!”

  Vampira Sisterella: A perpetual early riser who awakens at the crack of dawn to shower—sucking up all the hot water—scarf down the leftover lemon meringue pie, and snag the choicest items at designer sample sales.