Disillusioned

by J. S. Cooper

  “What do you mean?”

  “Have you ever seen a mountain overlooking the ocean?”

  “No, I’ve never seen that.”

  “I wish I could trust you, Bianca. I wish I could tell you the truth and know that you’d understand—”

  “You wish you could trust me?” I laughed. “I will never trust you again, never.”

  “I wish you would.” He grabbed my arms and pulled me to him. “Don’t you understand, Bianca, this is more than both of us. This is about a past that neither one of us understands.”

  “What would you have me do, Jakob?” I asked softly. “What would you have me do?”

  “Forget everything.” His voice was tense as he pleaded with me. The muscles at the side of his jaw were clenched. “If you want to be safe, you need to forget everything.”

  “I don’t care about being safe. I want answers. I want to know if my mother was murdered. I want to know if your father had her killed just so he could have a successful business.”

  “Do you think it’s as simple as that, Bianca? Do you think that life is ever as simple as that?”

  “You know the answers. You know secrets that I don’t. And I don’t know why you won’t tell me.” I gulped. “What are you afraid of, Jakob? Are you scared that I’m going to take all of your money? Are you afraid that this hotel, your planes, your cars, everything you own, is going to belong to me? Is that why you kidnapped me? Is that why you tried to frighten me off? At what point did you come up with this plan? Was it the first time that David asked you to meet me or the fifth? Is this why you never wanted us to meet?” I froze as thoughts ran in my head clumsily.

  “David never told me you were anxious to meet . . .” Jakob frowned as his voice trailed off.

  “Sure he didn’t. I’ve been wanting to meet you for a long time, Mattias. You know that. David called you repeatedly while we were together, but you’d never accept our invitations. And meeting you—or should I say Mattias—was all I talked about on the island. Oh, how you must have laughed at me!”

  “I never laughed at you.”

  “How gullible I was,” I continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “From the first moment, when I came to in the trunk of the car, you must have been laughing at me. How easy I was to fool.”

  “Bianca, what we had, what we shared, it was—”

  “Shut up.” I glared at him, my heart feeling as if it were going to explode in sadness and confusion. “Just shut up. I don’t want to hear what you have to say. I don’t want to listen to your lies anymore.”

  “Maybe the person you’re maddest at is yourself.”

  “Why would I be mad at myself?” I snarled at him, but I knew that he was partially right. Even now a part of me wanted to trust him. I’d let my guard down when I had no idea who he really was. I had given myself to him. Even now my body craved his touch and wanted to go back to the hotel room with him. I wanted to be touched, consumed, taken, by him. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare that had become my life. I wanted him to be my Jakob, my protector, the man who’d made me believe there was someone out there for me. And that made me hate myself and my weakness for this man.

  “Maybe because you ignored the true clues, the answers that were sitting right in front of you. Maybe you know what the truth really is and you just don’t want to admit it to yourself.”

  “You have a gift.” I shook my head sadly. “You have a gift for manipulating people. If I wasn’t so strong, you might have made me believe this was all in my head, that I was the one in the wrong.”

  “The truth always wins out, Bianca.” His eyes narrowed. “And we do pay for the sins of our fathers and mothers.” He sighed. “But none of this is in your head, Bianca. We both know that. It just might be that we’re on opposite sides of the truth.”

  “The opposite of the truth is falsehood,” I said softly. “You’re on the side of lies.”

  “It could be that we’re both on the side of the truth. But that’s something we still need to figure out. I just hope that I can do it soon.”

  “Let’s hope so.” I stared at him, wondering how I could both love and hate so deeply the man in front of me. “I certainly hope so.”

  three

  I didn’t open my eyes until the plane landed in New York. I felt like a stranger to my own city as I stood in the taxi line with the small brown bag a nameless air steward had given me along with a wad of bills. I opened the bag slowly, wondering what Jakob had sent me home with. The bag contained my cell phone, a cardigan, an envelope, and a bottle of water. I stared at the items blankly, my mind still fuzzy from the plane ride. I couldn’t believe I was finally back in civilization. I couldn’t believe he had let me go, just like that. Why had he kidnapped me if he’d been so willing to let me go so easily? My heart felt heavy as I realized that the end had come before there had even been a beginning. I had already failed.

  “Where you going, ma’am?” the taxi guy asked as the next yellow cab pulled up.

  “Manhattan.”

  “Cross streets?”

  “Sorry, what?”

  “What’s the address?” He sounded annoyed as he looked past me to the long line of people waiting.

  “Oh.” I bit my lower lip. “Forty-Second Street, Times Square.”

  “You wanna go to Times Square?”

  “Yes.” I nodded. That wasn’t my address, but I didn’t want to go directly home. I needed to be around lights and people. I needed to be anywhere but home right now.

  “Okay, go up to that cab.” He pointed a few cabs ahead and I walked up to the cab. I looked inside and froze as I saw Steve behind the wheel. My face grew red and my body grew heavy as I stood there.

  “You going to Times Square?” the man said in a slightly accented voice, and I nodded and took a deep breath as I stared at the man’s dark skin. This was not Steve. He was not Steve. I needed to stop freaking out.

  “Yes, thanks.”

  “Back from vacation?” he asked conversationally as we pulled off.

  “No.”

  “Work trip?”

  “No.”

  I saw him peer in the rearview mirror. “You’re not going to be sick, are you?” He frowned as he looked back ahead at the traffic, the mirror showing his furtive glances back at me.

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Good.” He pulled into traffic. “I don’t want to clean up any—”

  “I’m not going to be sick,” I snapped, wanting him to shut up. I opened the bag again and turned on my phone. The battery was fully charged and I waited for my texts and voice mails to come through. I was positive that I was going to have millions of texts from Rosie. She must have been so worried about me. I waited for the phone to download all my messages and called my voice mail. I was surprised to hear, “You have two new voice mails.” Only two? That was weird. I pressed one to hear the first voice mail.

  “Bianca.” Rosie’s voice was loud and I could hear music in the background. “The bartender told me that you left with some guy. I can’t believe you didn’t even tell me bye. Call me tomorrow with all the details. I can’t wait to hear about your wild night. Love you.” Then she hung up. I frowned as I realized that someone had told Rosie that I’d left with someone. Did she not even realize that I hadn’t been in town for weeks? But looking back, I realized that it hadn’t been weeks or months. It felt like a lifetime, but had only been about a week and a half, if that. Time had lost all meaning on the island. I pressed SAVE and then listened to the second voice mail.

  “Bianca, it’s Larry. I think we should talk. Give me a call when you can. It’s about your father.” His voice sounded somber, and my heart started pounding. What could my father’s lawyer have to tell me? I pressed SAVE and then called him back right away. The call went to voice mail and I hung up. Then I decided to call Rosie, but the call went to voice mail as well. I took a deep breath and looked at the Manhattan skyline as we drove across the bridge.

  My mind was running a hundred mile
s a minute as I realized that something still felt off. Very, very off. I didn’t know what was going on, but for some reason I knew this wasn’t the end. I made up my mind in that moment that I wasn’t going to stop my search for the truth. There were still too many unknowns, and I was going to find out exactly what was going on. I was surprised at my fervor, after everything that had happened. Maybe it was that Jakob had just let me leave, or his comments about my parents’ marriage. Maybe it was that Rosie had only called once. Maybe it was that Larry had called to talk about my father. Maybe it was everything combined. Whatever it was. I knew this wasn’t the end. I wasn’t done. I still didn’t have the truth. Yes, my heart was broken. Yes, I felt scared and unsafe. Yes, I didn’t know whom I trusted or if I could even trust my own thoughts and emotions, but I knew that I wasn’t giving up. Not now. I wasn’t about to disappear as Jakob had suggested. I was going to get to the bottom of this.

  Jakob must have had a reason to kidnap me. Aside from just trying to scare me and figure out what I knew. That couldn’t have been it. My heart felt hollow as I thought about Jakob. My stomach sank as I thought about his clear blue eyes and his light kisses. I closed my eyes and thought back to my time on the island. I could almost smell the salt water and I could feel the slight sting in my eyes after swimming all day. I could remember the feel of the wind on my face as my hair hit my cheek. If I concentrated hard enough, I could feel Jakob’s lips on my skin, his fingers grabbing my waist and pulling me toward him. I could feel the heat in my stomach as his erection pushed into me. I could feel his need, his desire, his passion. My throat caught as I opened my eyes. It had all been a lie. An illusion. Jakob had never cared about me.

  “I can’t get up into the middle. You have to walk. That okay?”

  “That’s fine.” I pulled out my cash. “How much?”

  “Fifty dollars.”

  “Here you go.” I handed him three $20 bills. “Keep the change.”

  “Thanks.” He grinned. “Need help with anything?”

  “No.” I shook my head, grabbed my bag, and got out of the car. I slammed the door and disappeared into the crowd without another word. It felt weird to be back in the sea of tourists and natives all walking somewhere with a purpose. All going their own ways, not bothering to pay attention to those around them. What stories did these people have? Where were they from? What did they do for a living? What secrets did they hold? Why were they really here? I felt safe in the crowd of nameless and faceless people. I knew why I was here. I was here to remember what it felt like to be in a city with millions of people. Something in the sounds of beeping horns, screaming kids, and buskers was beautiful. The cacophony allowed my mind to focus on something other than the deception that had occupied my every second for the last two days.

  I walked down the pedestrian mall in the center of Times Square and stared up at the bright lights surrounding me. They advertised Broadway shows, businesses, TV shows, everything and nothing. I spun around until I felt dizzy. Stopping, I looked around to see if anyone was watching, but no one was paying attention to me. It made me smile, and then I started laughing. I could do anything I wanted and no one would think it was strange—I would just be part of the makeup of the city. That was why I loved New York—anything and everything was accepted. Though that was part of the reason I hated it as well. I didn’t want to be nameless. I wanted to be noticed. I wanted . . .

  My phone beeped and I grabbed it from my bag. I frowned at the text message from “unknown.” It’s not over yet, Bianca. It’s not over until everyone pays. Enjoy the bright lights. Darkness will soon be yours again, but don’t fear. I’m always here.

  I dropped the phone and looked around me slowly. Was Jakob here? Who had sent the text? Was I being watched? I shivered as I bent down to pick up the phone, relieved to see that it hadn’t broken.

  Who is this? I texted back, but a failure message bounced back to me right away: Sorry, this phone doesn’t accept text messages.

  Frowning, I put the phone back in my bag. I walked over to the McDonald’s and took a seat against a wall. All of a sudden, the random crowds of people didn’t seem so safe anymore.

  Pulling out my phone again, I called the only other person I could think of. The one person I knew had to know something.

  “Bianca,” David answered on the second ring, and I almost cried out in relief.

  “David, is that you?”

  “Yes.” He sighed and lowered his voice. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m back in New York.”

  “What?” His voice dropped even lower and I could hear the shock in his voice.

  “Surprised Mattias let me go?”

  “Bianca, you’re not safe.” He sounded worried. “I don’t understand what’s going on.”

  “What are you talking about? Why didn’t you tell me about Mattias? He kidnapped me, David. I was on a—”

  “Bianca, listen to me. You need—”

  “How could you do this to me? Why didn’t you tell me?” I was so emotional, I couldn’t even think straight. “I really liked you, David, and you used me. You should have—”

  “Bianca, I wasn’t using you.” He sighed. “Listen to me, please. Let me help you.”

  “Why? Why should I trust you?” I cried out. I could see several people staring at me as I talked. I jumped up and walked out of the McDonald’s and down the street quickly. The lack of safety in the crowd could not outweigh my need to hold a private conversation.

  “Bianca, there are things you don’t know.”

  “Yeah, I gathered that.”

  “Where are you?” he whispered. “Let me—”

  “Hold on,” I whispered into the phone as I stopped at a newsstand and stared at the front page of that day’s Times. The headline read, “FTC Approves $10 billion Bradley Inc. Merger, Deal Signed This Week.”

  “I gotta go.” I hung up fast before quickly picking up the newspaper to read the article.

  “Hey, lady, this isn’t the library. You buying that paper?”

  “How much?”

  “What does it say on the paper?” he snapped.

  I handed him a twenty. “Keep the change.” I walked away quickly and heard him muttering something about entitled trust-fund kids. As if. I walked to the corner, stepped back against the wall, and opened the paper so I could read the article about Bradley Inc. I read it ferociously, swallowing every detail whole and letting it fill my mind. As I read it a second time to make sure I’d fully understood, my jaw dropped.

  Bradley Inc. was being purchased by another corporation and last week had been the week when the information went public. The paperwork was to be signed in the upcoming days and then the merger would be complete. I didn’t understand all the intricacies of the article, but everything in me was telling me that this was why I’d been taken to that island. Mattias wanted to make sure that I wasn’t around to ruin the merger. However, why had he let me come back before the merger was complete? It didn’t make any sense. Unless he knew that it was too late for me to stop the merger. Or if he cared about me more than he cared about the merger. I wanted to slap myself for my last thought. Wishful thinking, Bianca.

  I pulled out my phone again and tried to call Larry. Unfortunately the call went to voice mail again. I’d call him again tomorrow, but for now I needed to go home. I needed a good night’s sleep, and I needed to digest everything that had happened the last couple of weeks.

  I decided to walk back to my apartment instead of taking a cab. I still hadn’t counted how much cash I’d been given, and I didn’t want to spend it all before I had a chance to figure out whether I still had a job, or what else had changed in my absence. I had just reached my door when my phone rang.

  I answered quickly, expecting to hear Larry’s voice. “Hello?”

  “Bianca.” It was Jakob, his tone soft and silky. I was immediately transported back to the island and his arms.

  “What are you doing?”

  “How are you?”<
br />
  “I’m sure you already know. You’ve been following me.”

  “What?” His tone changed.

  “I got the text message saying it wasn’t over.”

  “What text message?”

  “Don’t play dumb.” I opened the bag and was glad to see my keys in there.

  “Bianca, what did the text message say?”

  “Why should I tell you what you already know?” I looked behind me as I opened the door to my building and hurried in, running up the stairs as quickly as I could. I heard him sighing as I ran, but I didn’t say anything.

  “I trust you found your apartment as you left it?”

  “Why are you calling me?” I snapped.

  “Bianca, listen to me. I’m not the bad guy here.”

  “You didn’t kidnap me?”

  “I did.” His voice was hoarse.

  “And you didn’t know I am Bianca London, daughter of—”

  “I knew who you are,” he cut me off. “Listen to me, Bianca, there are things that you don’t know.”

  “I know that. Neither you or David have to tell me that again.”

  “You spoke to David?” His voice was short and I could tell from his tone that that upset him. Why would he care if I spoke to David?

  “Yes.”

  “Listen to me, Bianca. David cannot be trusted.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “He’s not your friend.”

  “And you are?”

  “Bianca, do you remember on the island I told you I would never let anything happen to you? You have to trust me.”

  “You made a mistake letting me go. The merger’s not complete.”

  “The merger’s not complete?” He repeated my words softly. “What?”

  “The paperwork hasn’t been signed yet. I can still make sure it doesn’t go through.”

  “The merger with Bradley Inc.?” He spoke slowly, his voice furious. “You know about that?”

  “Yup, you made a mistake. It hasn’t been finalized. I read the newspaper today.”