Miss Communication

by Jennifer L. Holm

  Of course! The Coffee Shoppe!

  I ran to it as fast as I could, slowing down a block or two before so that I could catch my breath. It was definitely a personal record.

  Ms. DiMaggio would be proud, I thought.

  I looked into the window and saw that Felicia and her friends were ordering drinks at the counter. I needed a way to get close without them seeing me. I waited for them to sit down with their drinks at their favorite table in a corner. It was weird to me that they liked that table so much, seeing as it was close to the bathroom. Maybe it was because they liked being able to touch up their hair and makeup whenever they…OH MY GOSH—that was it!

  THE BATHROOM!

  Felicia and the girls predictably took their phones out to take pics of their matching lattes. Right at that moment, I walked in and hurried toward the bathroom. They were too busy playing with filters to notice me, so at the last second, I turned around and popped my head into the frame.

  Snap! Felicia took a pic with me in it. Then I disappeared into the bathroom, unnoticed. I did it!

  I hate to admit it, but I hung out in the bathroom until Felicia’s FiveCircle avatar moved to a new location.

  That was the salon right next door. I weighed my options. On the one hand, I could just go out the front door like a normal person and walk to the salon.

  Or I could peek out the bathroom window and hope to get a glimpse of the girls from the parking lot side.

  Yeah, this was more me.

  I climbed up on the sink and peeked out the window. Sure enough, I could see Felicia, Belinda, Melinda, and Berry through a window opposite me, sitting in pedicure chairs oohing and aahhing over celeb pics in gossip magazines.

  That was it!

  I walked out of the Coffee Shoppe and over to the salon. I took a deep breath and walked in like I owned the place. Chimes on the door announced my arrival, and, as expected, everyone looked up to see me standing there.

  “Well, look who it is,” Melinda laughed.

  “Here for a pedicure, Babymouse?” Belinda asked.

  “More like a pathetic-cure,” Berry said, and they all burst into laughter.

  “May I help you?” the woman at the front desk asked me.

  “Yes,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm. “I’m here for my weekly whisker threading.”

  “I see,” she said. “Right this way, ma’am.”

  The woman had me sit on a large reclining chair, right across from the girls. I was a little nervous, as I had never had my whiskers threaded before. But could it be any worse than burning them off with a cream, and later with a SCORCHING-hot straightening iron? I guessed I was about to find out.

  The woman leaned over me to see what she was working with.

  “Hmm,” she said. “It looks like you only have half of your whiskers.”

  I couldn’t see the girls, but I heard them snickering in the background.

  “Yeah—I—uh—” I stammered, trying to find words that wouldn’t embarrass me further.

  “You know, that look is very popular in Europe right now,” she continued. “You’re ahead of your time, my dear.” I let out a deep breath of air I had not even realized I was holding in.

  “And better yet,” she said, “I’ll only charge you half price.”

  Now I was the one laughing. But that only lasted a minute before she began forcibly removing stray whiskers and I had to try with all my might not to scream like a maniac.

  After a while, the aesthetician stopped so I could take a look in the mirror. This was pretty easy because the whole room was lined with mirrors.

  “Let me know what you think,” she said.

  I looked into the reflective glass, but instead of checking out my perfectly threaded whiskers, I saw Felicia and crew getting ready to take a selfie. I smiled as they took the photo, fully knowing that my reflection was visible in the mirror behind them.

  It scared me a little, how good I was at photobombing. But what scared me more was how much trouble I was going to be in if I didn’t get home soon!

  Home again, I hurried inside, kicked off my shoes, and dumped my backpack in the hallway. I needed to check all my apps!

  Mom walked into the kitchen.

  “There you are,” she said. “I was starting to get worried!”

  “Oh, you know me,” I said guiltily. “Just enjoying some fresh air.”

  Mom walked over and took a close look at my face. “Something looks different about you,” she said, puzzled. “Your whiskers look neater.”

  “Something like that.” It wasn’t untrue.

  “So how was school?”

  “Not bad,” I replied. “I learned a lot of new things.”

  “That’s great! Like what?”

  “Mostly about new apps and stuff,” I replied.

  Her smile faded. “I’m a little worried you’re focusing too much on the digital world and not enough on the real one, Babymouse.”

  “Mom, I’m doing great in school,” I replied. “I’m really on top of things.”

  It was mostly true, aside from the language arts paper fiasco.

  “So your Rome report is ready to go?” she asked. “The one worth eighty percent of your final grade?”

  I checked my phone. Sure enough, I had a “Report on Rome due!” notification in my Whiz BangTM calendar.

  “Yes,” I said. “And you will be happy to know I actually finished it a long time ago.”

  “That’s great!” Mom said. “I’d like to look it over.”

  “It’s GONE??!!” I screamed. “What am I going to do? I don’t even have the original handout the teacher gave us in class!”

  “First, calm down. Then let’s think of a solution, okay? Maybe a friend can lend you the worksheet.”

  “But I don’t have any friends! Just look at SoFamous! I’m a tragic nobody!” I cried dramatically.

  “Babymouse, you have plenty of real-life friends. Why don’t you ask Wilson?”

  Now, that was actually a pretty good idea.

  I ran to Wilson’s house as fast as I could (without the help of any fitness apps, I might add).

  The gang was already there. They’d been working on their reports all afternoon.

  “Hey, Babymouse!” Penny said.

  Georgie waved, and Duckie gave me a high five.

  I explained what had happened, and they were sympathetic.

  “Rome wasn’t built in a day, Babymouse, but it looks like your report will be!” Wilson told me with a smile.

  Georgie showed me some cool sources on the Internet.

  Duckie helped me with footnotes (and jokes).

  We depicted the finer points of ancient Roman fashion. #TeamToga

  Best of all, Wilson’s mom made us delicious cupcakes.

  Somehow it didn’t seem as hard with all my friends around me. I got the project done (barely) and caught up on what was happening in everyone’s lives.

  “Thanks for having me over, Wilson,” I said as he walked me to the door.

  “No problem. We’ll do it again soon.”

  He gave me a high five.

  As I walked home, I realized how much FUN I’d just had. Which was kind of weird, because no one had used any of their devices the whole time.

  That’s when I realized that even though all those fancy apps were designed to make me feel more connected, they actually made me feel pretty LONELY.

  I missed being with real live people.

  That night before bed, I turned off my phone for the first time.

  And it felt good.

  The next morning, I woke up with a start. My mom was downstairs yelling my name.

  “Babymouse!” she called. “Are you awake? You’re going to be late for school!”

  I looked at my cloc
k. It was eight-thirty already!

  Eep! I’d overslept by a whole half hour.

  How had this happened?

  I rushed to the bus stop, just in time to see the big yellow monstrosity pulling away.

  “WAAAAAIT!” I screamed, chasing it down the street. My backpack was open, and papers, pens, and pencils were flying everywhere. Felicia and her friends were sitting in the back, watching and waving to me mockingly.

  Georgie had craned his neck around to see what was going on. When he saw me running like a crazy person, he motioned to the bus driver to stop.

  Moments later, the bus pulled to the side of the street so that I could get on. I was a sweaty, panting mess. I climbed aboard and mumbled, “Thanks,” to the bus driver before collapsing into the seat next to Georgie.

  “Sorry I didn’t see you sooner,” he said. “I didn’t notice anything until I saw the video on Felicia’s account.” Ugh.

  Penny moved back to sit by us.

  “Want to borrow a brush?” she asked, handing me both a brush and a mirror. I did my best to freshen up and get everything reorganized in my bag. It was then that I realized the terrible truth: my Rome report, the one I had spent all night REdoing with my friends, must have fallen out during the chase.

  “Georgie, let me see that video you were telling me about,” I said, panicked.

  He handed over his phone, and I clicked “Archive” and then “Most Recent.” There I was on the screen.

  It went like this: Me running awkwardly, shoelaces everywhere, with my glorious, most PERFECT Rome report flying out of my backpack like a dove being released into the sky by a magician. I watched as it flew gracefully through the air and landed in a big mud puddle, just as a camper rolled over it—PLOW!—smashing it into tiny, mushy bits. Then, more embarrassingly, there was me screaming “WAAAAA­AAAAA­AIT!” in slow motion over the sounds of a gaggle of nasty giggles from Felicia and her friends.

  Once I got to school, I went into the bathroom to take some slow, deep breaths before class. I was so angry! The first bell rang, a warning to everyone to get to class or risk getting detention.

  I hurried back to my locker to get my books. On the way there, a kid I had never seen before walked over to me.

  “I think this is yours,” he said, handing me my report on Rome. The FIRST one.

  I was in total shock. “You had my Rome report this whole time?!”

  “I found it on the hallway floor a while ago,” he said. “I’ve been texting you over and over again to return it, but I think you blocked me.”

  I was grateful but kind of annoyed.

  “Thanks, but WHY didn’t you just look for me IN PERSON to start with?? You could have just given it back to me a week ago! I had to write the whole report all over again!”

  He shrugged. “My parents have a rule against talking to strangers, so I thought texting was better. Anyway. See ya.”

  Then he walked away.

  I got to homeroom and took my seat just as the bell rang. People were talking about what was trending on PA2ME. I couldn’t hear much of what they were saying, but one thing was clear. Kids were agreeing it was “hil-hair-ious!”

  I pulled out my Whiz BangTM and turned it on. I did a quick look through all my social-media accounts to see which one was blowing up.

  Talk about bombing out. Maybe technology wasn’t for me.

  Le sigh.

  Insights into Ancient Rome

  By

  Babymouse

  Rome was an incredible civilization, although they had no Wi-Fi. Bummer.

  For communication, they used men on horses who traveled from town to town, carrying messages. They actually built roads for the horses to ride on, which was considered a big advancement at the time.

  Rome was ruled by emperors and the Senate. There were a lot of emperors over the years, and I think my favorite was Hadrian. He had a cool beard (very hipster-ish).

  While nothing can top French fashion (ooh la la!), Rome had a few good looks. They were big into togas and sandals. Togas were basically sheets that were draped around the body. They look very comfortable.

  In terms of hairstyles, many men and women wore wigs in ancient Rome.

  Dining was different from what we know today. People would recline on low couches to eat their meals. This had to be better than the cafeteria, in my opinion. And while there were no cupcakes (weep!), there was something called a honey cake, which sounds pretty tasty.

  Chariot racing was popular in ancient Rome. It was a lot harder than just skateboarding, and I bet it would have even more followers today.

  Romans spoke a language called Latin, which is apparently dead now, which seems harsh to me. (Who kills languages, anyway?!?!)

  One common Latin saying was felix culpa. This translates to “a happy fault.” This means that sometimes you make a mistake that turns out to be good in the end. I have personally had a felix culpa recently.

  In total, ancient Rome was very interesting and sounds like it was a lot more fun than middle school.

  #FelixCulpa

  Jennifer L. Holm and Matthew Holm are a New York Times bestselling sister-and-brother team. They are the creators behind the Babymouse, Squish, and My First Comics series. The Eisner Award–winning Babymouse books have introduced millions of children to graphic novels. Jennifer is also the New York Times bestselling author of The Fourteenth Goldfish and several other highly acclaimed novels, including three Newbery Honor winners: Our Only May Amelia, Penny from Heaven, and Turtle in Paradise. Matthew is also the author of Marvin and the Moths with Jonathan Follett.

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