by Delisa Lynn
“Can you go with me, please?” he begs. “I can’t do this alone.”
“Yes, I'll go with you. I’ll call the airline and get us tickets,” I say as I grab my phone. “Where's Brody?”
“He’s at the loft,” he says, sitting on my couch.
“Okay, I’ll throw some things together.”
I call the airline; the earliest flight is in the morning.
“Evan, you need to get some sleep. You can stay here. We’ll go get your bags before heading to the airport.”
I can’t stand to see this strong man like this; it’s killing me inside.
“Thanks, you’re such a great friend,” he says.
He leans in and kisses my lips. I know he’s hurting, so I don’t say anything. I just touch my lips when he pulls away.
“I’m so scared. My mom was my dad’s world. She was one of the strongest women I know. How is my dad going to live without her?”
“I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. Let’s get some sleep.”
As I lie next to him, I feel so sorry for him. He lies in my arms and cries. I have never lost anyone. I wish I could make all his pain go away. I know I'm crossing boundaries by lying in my bed with my arms wrapped around him. Liam would be so pissed if he found out that Evan kissed me. I don’t think Evan knew what he was doing when he did it.
“Thank you again, for being here for me,” Evan says.
“That’s what friends are for.” I try smiling through my tears.
“Lila, I really love you!”
“I love you too,” I reply. “You're one of my best friends. You've helped me deal with so much lately.”
He kisses my cheek and stares into my eyes. I’m hoping he doesn’t kiss me again. I don’t want to tell him not to; he’s already upset. Oh God, please don’t kiss me.
He rubs his finger across my cheek, lifts my chin up and kisses me again. Oh fuck, why me? I don’t know what to do. I want to stop him. It feels so good, but I know it’s wrong.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Please, can I just kiss you and hold you? I need you more than anything right now.”
I know I shouldn’t, but I kiss him back. I realize I'm not wearing anything but my thong and T-shirt when he starts rubbing my legs. He was so upset, I didn't have a chance to put anything on.
I notice his kisses are getting stronger and stronger. I want to tell him to slow down, but his kisses feel wonderful. His mouth feels so damn good on mine.
He runs his hands up and down my back, then sticks his hands up my shirt. I let him rub my breasts and kiss my neck.
“I’m so sorry; do you want me to stop?”
I shake my head. Did I just say no? I can feel how aroused he is against my leg. Damn it, what am I getting myself into? Still, I feel like I need him as much as he needs me. I can feel myself getting moist.
He takes my shirt off and kisses my breasts. It feels wonderful. I can’t do this. But I don’t stop him. He kisses my stomach, working his way down.
“Do you want me?” he asks. “Do you want me to make love to you?”
I don’t know what to say. I want him to fuck me so bad and so hard. I know it’s wrong; I’m in love with someone else. Evan is here, though. He can give me what Liam can't.
“Evan, promise me this won’t change things. I’m not going to tell you to stop because I want you as much as you want me.”
He pulls my panties off and starts rubbing my clit. Damn, I’m already coming.
“You're so wet, darlin’.”
I straddle his waist, kiss his neck, and work my way down his stomach. His body is so hot; he has more tattoos on his chest than I thought he did. I unzip his jeans, pull them off, and pull his boxers off. He's so damn hard. His beautiful package, the one I've been dreaming about for months, is right in front of me. I put him in my hand and stroke him up and down.
“Oh, that feels so good,” he says.
I climb on top of him and guide him through my opening. Once he's in me, I move as fast and hard as I can. I try to live for that moment and not let anything else come to mind, even though it's so hard not to. I do love Evan; he's a wonderful man.
I move even faster. He grabs my hips, brings me closer to him, and starts moving, pushing farther inside of me.
“Oh good God, I’m going to come.”
“E-E-Evan, right there, baby, come right now.”
As we come together, I fall on top of him, finding myself wanting more of him. I feel tears streaming down my face. I’m in love with Liam and just made love to Evan.
“That was wonderful and just what I needed. You're everything I thought you would be. I love you.” He pauses. “Are you okay?”
“We need to get some rest.”
He snuggles up to me and kisses my neck. I silently cry myself to sleep. What did I just do? I cheated on the man I love. When I wake up, I stand in the shower and cry my eyes out. I fucked another man while my man is God knows where.
Evan comes in to check on me and realizes I’m crying. I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around me. He holds me as we cry together. He cries for his mother, and I cry for Liam, but I know we're also crying because we can never make love to each other again.
***
We leave for the airport. Standing next to him and pretending we didn't have sex the night before is very awkward for me. He kisses me and acts like everything is okay between us.
Chapter Sixteen
Once we land in Utah, he gets a rental car and we head to his house. He lives in the country; it’s a very big house with lots of land. I see an older man standing outside with a dog when we pull up.
“Hey dad, how are you holding up? What happened?” Evan asks the older man.
“Son, we were in an accident and she was just fine, but after they released us to come home, she fell ill. The doctor thinks it may have something to do with her brain. The autopsy won’t be back for weeks.” He starts crying and hugging Evan.
Stepping back from the hug, he says, “Dad, this is Lila; Lila, this is my dad, Mr. Martin.”
“Well, Lila, you are even prettier than Evan said you were.”
“Nice to meet you, Mr. Martin. I’m sorry for your loss,” I reply, unsure of what else to say.
Evan and his father need to make the service arrangements. I assumed I would stay at a hotel, but there aren't any close by. Evan suggests we just stay here. I feel really uncomfortable. I text Brody to see when he'll be here, but he isn’t leaving until the next day. Nikki can't join us.
I go to dinner with Evan and his father that night. I can see where Evan got his good looks from.
“Lila, my boy tells me you're going to be a lawyer as well.” He is such a cute old man.
“Yes, sir, I am. I’ve always dreamt of being a lawyer.”
“That’s great, young lady. I hope you and my son have a great future together. I wish my wife could’ve met you. She’s heard so many lovely things about you from Evan.”
Did he just say future together? What the hell has Evan told them? I just smile at the two men sitting here, staring at me.
After dinner, we go back to Evan's house. I don’t know what Evan’s intentions are and where the hell I’m going to sleep. I’m so tired, I just want to curl up and read until I fall asleep. I decide to soak in a hot bath. Evan’s room is really big, and he has his own bathroom. I lie in the tub and relax until I have an unexpected visitor. It’s the damn dog.
He sits there and stares at me.
“What are you looking at?” I ask him. He walks over to the tub and tries to get in with me. I yell Evan's name. He comes running upstairs.
“Are you okay? Oh no, Bear, get out of here boy! Lila doesn’t need your help. Go on, get!” Evan warns.
“Thanks. I think Bear wanted a bath.” I can’t stop laughing. Evan stares at me.
“You're so beautiful,” he says as he leans in and brushes a strand of hair away from my cheek.
> I turn away. “I need to get dressed. And where are we sleeping?”
“We both can sleep in here. My dad doesn’t mind.”
He leaves and I rush to get dressed. I slide on a pair of NYU sweats and a sweatshirt. When I walk into his bedroom, he's lying on the bed with only a pair of sweats on. His bare chest has me squeezing my legs together.
I lay across the foot of the bed. He smiles, then crawls over to me and places his body directly above mine.
“Thank you for coming with me. It means a lot.”
“You’re welcome. Let’s call it a night, kay?”
“Sleep, sweet Lila; you're such a good woman. I wish you were mine,” he says as he curls up behind me.
I don’t move; I just lie there and, once again, feel myself silently crying.
***
I awake to the Martin men cooking breakfast. I walk down the stairs and take time to admire all of the photographs. There are at least twenty lining the wall along the staircase. They’re of Evan when he was younger and of the three of them – his mom, his father, and Evan—together. There are some of Zander and Brody with Evan. I can see the happiness in Mrs. Martins face. She looks like she was an amazing woman.
When I walk into the kitchen, I hear Evan and Mr. Martin talking, but they stop when they see me. Evan is still wearing his sweats, except this time has on a NYU T-shirt that fits very tight and shows off every ripple he has. I bite the inside of my jaw as he approaches me.
“Good morning, darlin’,” he says as he kisses my cheek.
“Did you sleep well, sugar? I know that son of mine sleeps like a grizzly bear,” Mr. Martin says.
I laugh. “I slept very well, sir.”
Evan smiles as he sets a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast with grape jelly in front of me. “I know it’s not the café’s bacon, but it’s just as good,” he says.
“Oh, it smells and looks wonderful. You made it?” I ask as I take a bite.
“I sure did.”
***
I’ve never been to a graveside service before now. I watch as everyone gathers around the grave. Evan squeezes my hand once the lady quits singing. It’s Evan’s turn. He sings “Hallelujah” by Jeff Buckley. I sit next to him as he plays his guitar and sings the last song for his mother.
I’m trying to stay strong for my Evan, but it’s very hard. I have to watch him try to hold back all of his emotions and tears so he can finish his song. His dad walks over and sings along with him. I watch the two Martin men sing their hearts out for that beautiful woman they will never see again. We all place flowers on her casket and head back to the Martin’s.
“Thank you so much for being here, Lila. It means more than you will ever know.” He leans down and kisses my nose.
“I’ll always be here for you,” I reply.
Once I say that, he gives me a confused look. I don’t know what he's thinking. I hope he knows we're just friends and everything that has happened can’t happen again.
***
When Evan and I arrive back in New York, I discover that I haven’t received any more letters from Liam. Summer is over and fall is here. Classes are starting soon.
Addison came out to see me before her classes started. I want to tell her about me sleeping with Evan; I just don’t know how. I know she'll be mad at me.
We go shopping and sure enough, we run into Alyssa!
“Well hey, Lila. Where is Evan? You two sure do spend a lot of time together. You even ran to Utah with him when his mom died.”
Damn, this skank doesn't shut up. She just keeps talking.
“Hello, Alyssa. This is my friend, Addison. I’m not sure where Evan is; I’m not his keeper. Evan and I are just friends.”
Oh my God, I just want to pull all her stringy hair out of her head.
“By the looks of things, you guys are a lot closer than friends. But if you need me to take him off your hands, I can. I have no problem admitting my feelings for him, unlike some people.”
Addison walks closer to her. Oh shit, she looks like she's going to knock this bitch out.
“It was nice meeting you, doll. Now, if you'll excuse us, we are here to shop, not learn about your love life. Oh wait, Evan didn’t want a love life with you, did he?”
Then we walk away.
“Ads, I fucking love you and your bitchy ass!”
“Okay, what the hell was that all about? Who the fuck was that?”
I’m so pissed that I can feel tears getting ready to roll down my face.
“That’s Evan’s ex-girlfriend.”
“I figured that, but what the hell just happened?”
“I fucked Evan, okay! There, I said it. I cheated on my Liam with Evan. The saddest part is I liked it and I love Evan, too. Go ahead, yell at me! Punch me!”
She hugs me. “Lila, you're human. You have needs. That cousin of mine couldn’t expect you to just sit here and not fulfill your needs. You're a beautiful woman, and he should have known you would meet someone else.”
“I love Liam so much! I don’t want anyone else. I feel so bad; I didn’t mean for it to happen. Evan’s mom had just died and he was upset. He kissed me and one kiss led to another. What the fuck should I do now?”
“I’m not sure what to tell you. You’re a strong woman. I would suggest not telling Liam until you see him.”
“I don’t want to tell Liam at all.”
“I know, sweetie. Let’s just go have lunch and have fun!”
“Good! I can use some laughs.”
I love Addison so much. She's the sister I’ve always wanted.
***
Evan and Brody come over to have dinner with Addison and me. We made these dinner plans before we ran into Alyssa.
“Addison, please be nice to Evan.”
“Why wouldn’t I be? He's just a man who is obviously in love with a terrific woman. He can’t help how he feels. He better not hurt you, though. I’ll let him know exactly how crazy your best friend is.”
“I love your crazy ass so much.”
“I love you too. That’s why I would hurt anybody that hurts you. I’m still punishing that idiot brother of mine.”
I laugh at her.
During dinner, Addie asks Evan if she can speak to him outside. I'm not sure what she told him, but he seems to be okay when they come back inside.
“Lila, have you heard from Nikki?” Brody asks.
“I haven’t in a few days. Why, what’s going on?”
I can feel where this is going. I hate to lie to poor Brody.
“Oh, I’m just curious. She won’t return my calls.”
Damn, why would she hurt Brody? He's such a great guy. I can’t believe Nik left him like that.
“If I talk to her, I’ll ask her what the hell is going on.”
He hugs me. “Liam is very lucky to have a great girl like you.”
Damn you, Brody. I just lied to you and you're complimenting me. “Oh Brody, I’m not so sure about the great part.”
“I know what happened. Don’t be so hard on yourself about it.”
“You know?”
“Yes, Evan tells me everything. He loves you more than anything. I know he's going to be crushed when Liam comes home.”
“I love him too, but my heart is Liam’s.”
Brody hugs me as tight as he can. “I love you, Lila. You’re such a strong woman.”
“Thanks, I love you too. Nikki doesn’t see what is right in front of her.”
***
I take Ads to the airport and cry all the way there. I miss being able to see her every day. Evan goes to the airport with us; on the way back, I ask him what Ads said to him.
“She told me if I hurt you in any way, she would come here and personally shove her foot up my ass and rip my balls off.”
“Oh, Evan, that’s my Ads!” I can’t help but laugh.
“Are we okay? I mean, are we still as close as we used to be?”
“Of course we are. Nothing will ever change our friends
hip. I’ll always be here for you!”
We end up going to the movies and having coffee at The Corner Café. The waitress thinks we’re a couple because we go there so often. I guess it looks like it because of how close we are.
When my classes start, I study as much as I can. I have two months until Liam comes home. I still haven’t heard from him. We are planning to have a huge welcome home party. Nikki is going to come, and I've invited Brody and Evan. I hope that isn’t a bad idea. Evan knows I’m going back to Liam.
***
Evan started working more, so we aren’t spending as much time together. I miss him a lot. With him and Brody both working, I’m alone a lot, unless I go out with Heather and Margie. But they both have boyfriends and work, so they rarely get to just hang out anymore.
However, being alone so often gives me more time to focus on Liam’s birth mom. The agency still doesn’t have any information. I start calling the private schools in that area. Someone has to know this lady.
***
Liam
“Vin, if anything happens, can you give this to Lila for me?” I ask as I run my hand through my hair. The look on his face scares the shit out of me.
“Ellis, nothing is going to happen, but I’ll hold onto this and you can get it back when I see you.”
“I just have a weird feeling. I want her to know how much she means to me. It would mean a lot to know that you're the one that gives it to her. You’ve become a great friend.”
I one-arm hug him. He sighs, then hugs me back.
“You're crazy, man, but I love you and you'll be fine.” He releases the hold he has on me. “Hopefully after this, we can all meet up for drinks.”
“Sounds like a plan, but if you don’t hear from me, please make sure she gets that,” I say as I give him a fist bump.
We’re heading out. It sucks that my buddy Vinnie has to stay behind. He’s stationed to go out with another unit. We're going to Colorado.
