The 35th Golden Age of Science Fiction: Keith Laumer

by Keith Laumer

  The Yill offered orange cigars, stuffed one in his nostril.

  “I confess even I had not hoped that you would honor our Admirable so signally. Oh, it is a pleasure to deal with fellow professionals, who understand the meaning of protocol!”

  Ambassador Spradley made a choking sound.

  “This fellow has caught a chill,” T’Cai-Cai said. He eyed Spradley dubiously. “Step back, my man. I am highly susceptible.

  “There is one bit of business I shall take pleasure in attending to, my dear Retief,” T’Cai-Cai went on. He drew a large paper from his reticule. “The Admirable is determined than none other than yourself shall be accredited here. I have here my government’s exequatur confirming you as Terrestrial consul-general to Yill. We shall look forward to your prompt return.”

  Retief looked at Spradley.

  “I’m sure the Corps will agree,” he said.

  “Then I shall be going,” T’Cai-Cai said. He stood up. “Hurry back to us, Retief. There is much that I would show you of Yill.”

  “I’ll hurry,” Retief said and, with a Yill wink: “Together we shall see many high and splendid things!”

  IT COULD BE ANYTHING

  Originally published in Amazing Stories, January 1963.

  “She’ll be pulling out in a minute, Brett,” Mr. Phillips said. He tucked his railroader’s watch back in his vest pocket. “You better get aboard—if you’re still set on going.”

  “It was reading all them books done it,” Aunt Haicey said. “Thick books, and no pictures in them. I knew it’d make trouble.” She plucked at the faded hand-embroidered shawl over her thin shoulders, a tiny bird-like woman with bright anxious eyes.

  “Don’t worry about me,” Brett said. “I’ll be back.”

  “The place’ll be yours when I’m gone,” Aunt Haicey said. “Lord knows it won’t be long.”

  “Why don’t you change your mind and stay on, boy?” Mr. Phillips said, blinking up at the young man. “If I talk to Mr. J.D., I think he can find a job for you at the plant.”

  “So many young people leave Casperton,” Aunt Haicey said. “They never come back.”

  Mr. Phillips clicked his teeth. “They write, at first,” he said. “Then they gradually lose touch.”

  “All your people are here, Brett,” Aunt Haicey said. “Haven’t you been happy here?”

  “Why can’t you young folks be content with Casperton?” Mr. Phillips said. “There’s everything you need here.”

  “It’s that Pretty-Lee done it,” Aunt Haicey said. “If it wasn’t for that girl—”

  A clatter ran down the line of cars. Brett kissed Aunt Haicey’s dry cheek, shook Mr. Phillips’ hand, and swung aboard. His suitcase was on one of the seats. He put it up above in the rack, and sat down, turned to wave back at the two old people.

  It was a summer morning. Brett leaned back and watched the country slide by. It was nice country, Brett thought; mostly in corn, some cattle, and away in the distance the hazy blue hills. Now he would see what was on the other side of them: the cities, the mountains, and the ocean. Up until now all he knew about anything outside of Casperton was what he’d read or seen pictures of. As far as he was concerned, chopping wood and milking cows back in Casperton, they might as well not have existed. They were just words and pictures printed on paper. But he didn’t want to just read about them. He wanted to see for himself.

  * * * *

  Pretty-Lee hadn’t come to see him off. She was probably still mad about yesterday. She had been sitting at the counter at the Club Rexall, drinking a soda and reading a movie magazine with a big picture of an impossibly pretty face on the cover—the kind you never see just walking down the street. He had taken the next stool and ordered a coke.

  “Why don’t you read something good, instead of that pap?” he asked her.

  “Something good? You mean something dry, I guess. And don’t call it… that word. It doesn’t sound polite.”

  “What does it say? That somebody named Doll Starr is fed up with glamor and longs for a simple home in the country and lots of kids? Then why doesn’t she move to Casperton?”

  “You wouldn’t understand,” said Pretty-Lee.

  He took the magazine, leafed through it. “Look at this: all about people who give parties that cost thousands of dollars, and fly all over the world having affairs with each other and committing suicide and getting divorced. It’s like reading about Martians.”

  “I still like to read about the stars. There’s nothing wrong with it.”

  “Reading all that junk just makes you dissatisfied. You want to do your hair up crazy like the pictures in the magazines and wear weird-looking clothes—”

  Pretty-Lee bent her straw double. She stood up and took her shopping bag. “I’m very glad to know you think my clothes are weird—”

  “You’re taking everything I say personally. Look.” He showed her a full-color advertisement on the back cover of the magazine. “Look at this. Here’s a man supposed to be cooking steaks on some kind of back-yard grill. He looks like a movie star; he’s dressed up like he was going to get married; there’s not a wrinkle anywhere. There’s not a spot on that apron. There isn’t even a grease spot on the frying pan. The lawn is as smooth as a billiard table. There’s his son; he looks just like his pop, except that he’s not grey at the temples. Did you ever really see a man that handsome, or hair that was just silver over the ears and the rest glossy black? The daughter looks like a movie starlet, and her mom is exactly the same, except that she has that grey streak in front to match her husband. You can see the car in the drive; the treads of the tires must have just been scrubbed; they’re not even dusty. There’s not a pebble out of place; all the flowers are in full bloom; no dead ones. No leaves on the lawn; no dry twigs showing on the trees. That other house in the background looks like a palace, and the man with the rake, looking over the fence: he looks like this one’s twin brother, and he’s out raking leaves in brand new clothes—”

  Pretty-Lee grabbed her magazine. “You just seem to hate everything that’s nicer than this messy town—”

  “I don’t think it’s nicer. I like you; your hair isn’t always perfectly smooth, and you’ve got a mended place on your dress, and you feel human, you smell human—”

  “Oh!” Pretty-Lee turned and flounced out of the drug store.

  * * * *

  Brett shifted in the dusty plush seat and looked around. There were a few other people in the car. An old man was reading a newspaper; two old ladies whispered together. There was a woman of about thirty with a mean-looking kid; and some others. They didn’t look like magazine pictures, any of them. He tried to picture them doing the things you read in newspapers: the old ladies putting poison in somebody’s tea; the old man giving orders to start a war. He thought about babies in houses in cities, and airplanes flying over, and bombs falling down: huge explosive bombs. Blam! Buildings fall in, pieces of glass and stone fly through the air. The babies are blown up along with everything else—

  But the kind of people he knew couldn’t do anything like that. They liked to loaf and eat and talk and drink beer and buy a new tractor or refrigerator and go fishing. And if they ever got mad and hit somebody—afterwards they were embarrassed and wanted to shake hands.…

  The train slowed, came to a shuddery stop. Through the window he saw a cardboardy-looking building with the words BAXTER’S JUNCTION painted across it. There were a few faded posters on a bulletin board. An old man was sitting on a bench, waiting. The two old ladies got off and a boy in blue jeans got on. The train started up. Brett folded his jacket and tucked it under his head and tried to doze off.…

  * * * *

  Brett awoke, yawned, sat up. The train was slowing. He remembered you couldn’t use the toilets while the train was stopped. He got up and went to the end of the car. The door was jammed. He got it open and wen
t inside and closed the door behind him. The train was going slower, clack-clack… clack-clack… clack; clack… cuh-lack…

  He washed his hands, then pulled at the door. It was stuck. He pulled harder. The handle was too small; it was hard to get hold of. The train came to a halt. Brett braced himself and strained against the door. It didn’t budge.

  He looked out the grimy window. The sun was getting lower. It was about three-thirty, he guessed. He couldn’t see anything but some dry-looking fields.

  Outside in the corridor there were footsteps. He started to call, but then didn’t. It would be too embarrassing, pounding on the door and yelling, “Let me out! I’m stuck in the toilet …”

  He tried to rattle the door. It didn’t rattle. Somebody was dragging something heavy past the door. Mail bags, maybe. He’d better yell. But dammit, the door couldn’t be all that hard to open. He studied the latch. All he had to do was turn it. He got a good grip and twisted. Nothing.

  He heard the mail bag bump-bump, and then another one. To heck with it; he’d yell. He’d wait until he heard the footsteps pass the door again and then he’d make some noise.

  Brett waited. It was quiet now. He rapped on the door anyway. No answer. Maybe there was nobody left in the car. In a minute the train would start up and he’d be stuck here until the next stop. He banged on the door. “Hey! The door is stuck!”

  It sounded foolish. He listened. It was very quiet. He pounded again. The car creaked once. He put his ear to the door. He couldn’t hear anything. He turned back to the window. There was no one in sight. He put his cheek flat against it, looked along the car. He saw only dry fields.

  He turned around and gave the door a good kick. If he damaged it, it was too bad; the railroad shouldn’t have defective locks on the doors. If they tried to make him pay for it, he’d tell them they were lucky he didn’t sue the railroad…

  * * * *

  He braced himself against the opposite wall, drew his foot back, and kicked hard at the lock. Something broke. He pulled the door open.

  He was looking out the open door and through the window beyond. There was no platform, just the same dry fields he could see on the other side. He came out and went along to his seat. The car was empty now.

  He looked out the window. Why had the train stopped here? Maybe there was some kind of trouble with the engine. It had been sitting here for ten minutes or so now. Brett got up and went along to the door, stepped down onto the iron step. Leaning out, he could see the train stretching along ahead, one car, two cars—

  There was no engine.

  Maybe he was turned around. He looked the other way. There were three cars. No engine there either. He must be on some kind of siding…

  Brett stepped back inside, and pushed through into the next car. It was empty. He walked along the length of it, into the next car. It was empty too. He went back through the two cars and his own car and on, all the way to the end of the train. All the cars were empty. He stood on the platform at the end of the last car, and looked back along the rails. They ran straight, through the dry fields, right to the horizon. He stepped down to the ground, went along the cindery bed to the front of the train, stepping on the ends of the wooden ties. The coupling stood open. The tall, dusty coach stood silently on its iron wheels, waiting. Ahead the tracks went on—

  And stopped.

  He walked along the ties, following the iron rails, shiny on top, and brown with rust on the sides. A hundred feet from the train they ended. The cinders went on another ten feet and petered out. Beyond, the fields closed in. Brett looked up at the sun. It was lower now in the west, its light getting yellow and late-afternoonish. He turned and looked back at the train. The cars stood high and prim, empty, silent. He walked back, climbed in, got his bag down from the rack, pulled on his jacket. He jumped down to the cinders, followed them to where they ended. He hesitated a moment, then pushed between the knee-high stalks. Eastward across the field he could see what looked like a smudge on the far horizon.

  He walked until dark, then made himself a nest in the dead stalks, and went to sleep.

  * * * *

  He lay on his back, looking up at pink dawn clouds. Around him, dry stalks rustled in a faint stir of air. He felt crumbly earth under his fingers. He sat up, reached out and broke off a stalk. It crumbled into fragile chips. He wondered what it was. It wasn’t any crop he’d ever seen before.

  He stood, looked around. The field went on and on, dead flat. A locust came whirring toward him, plumped to earth at his feet. He picked it up. Long elbowed legs groped at his fingers aimlessly. He tossed the insect in the air. It fluttered away. To the east the smudge was clearer now; it seemed to be a grey wall, far away. A city? He picked up his bag and started on.

  He was getting hungry. He hadn’t eaten since the previous morning. He was thirsty too. The city couldn’t be more than three hours’ walk. He tramped along, the dry plants crackling under his feet, little puffs of dust rising from the dry ground. He thought about the rails, running across the empty fields, ending…

  He had heard the locomotive groaning up ahead as the train slowed. And there had been feet in the corridor. Where had they gone?

  He thought of the train, Casperton, Aunt Haicey, Mr. Phillips. They seemed very far away, something remembered from long ago. Up above the sun was hot. That was real. The rest seemed unimportant. Ahead there was a city. He would walk until he came to it. He tried to think of other things: television, crowds of people, money: the tattered paper and the worn silver—

  Only the sun and the dusty plain and the dead plants were real now. He could see them, feel them. And the suitcase. It was heavy; he shifted hands, kept going.

  There was something white on the ground ahead, a small shiny surface protruding from the earth. Brett dropped the suitcase, went down on one knee, dug into the dry soil, pulled out a china teacup, the handle missing. Caked dirt crumbled away under his thumb, leaving the surface clean. He looked at the bottom of the cup. It was unmarked. Why just one teacup, he wondered, here in the middle of nowhere? He dropped it, took up his suitcase, and went on.

  * * * *

  After that he watched the ground more closely. He found a shoe; it was badly weathered, but the sole was good. It was a high-topped work shoe, size 10½-C. Who had dropped it here? He thought of other lone shoes he had seen, lying at the roadside or in alleys. How did they get there…?

  Half an hour later he detoured around the rusted front fender of an old-fashioned car. He looked around for the rest of the car but saw nothing. The wall was closer now; perhaps five miles more.

  A scrap of white paper fluttered across the field in a stir of air. He saw another, more, blowing along in the fitful gusts. He ran a few steps, caught one, smoothed it out.

  BUY NOW—PAY LATER!

  He picked up another.

  PREPARE TO MEET GOD

  A third said:

  WIN WITH WILLKIE

  The wall loomed above him, smooth and grey. Dust was caked on his skin and clothes, and as he walked he brushed at himself absently. The suitcase dragged at his arm, thumped against his shin. He was very hungry and thirsty. He sniffed the air, instinctively searching for the odors of food. He had been following the wall for a long time, searching for an opening. It curved away from him, rising vertically from the level earth. Its surface was porous, unadorned, too smooth to climb. It was, Brett estimated, twenty feet high. If there were anything to make a ladder from—

  Ahead he saw a wide gate, flanked by grey columns. He came up to it, put the suitcase down, and wiped at his forehead with his handkerchief. Through the opening in the wall a paved street was visible, and the facades of buildings. Those on the street before him were low, not more than one or two stories, but behind them taller towers reared up. There were no people in sight; no sounds stirred the hot noon-time air. Brett picked up his bag and passed through the gate.
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  For the next hour he walked empty pavements, listening to the echoes of his footsteps against brownstone fronts, empty shop windows, curtained glass doors, and here and there a vacant lot, weed-grown and desolate. He paused at cross streets, looked down long vacant ways. Now and then a distant sound came to him: the lonely honk of a horn, a faintly tolling bell, a clatter of hooves.

  He came to a narrow alley that cut like a dark canyon between blank walls. He stood at its mouth, listening to a distant murmur, like a crowd at a funeral. He turned down the narrow way.

  It went straight for a few yards, then twisted. As he followed its turnings the crowd noise gradually grew louder. He could make out individual voices now, an occasional word above the hubbub. He started to hurry, eager to find someone to talk to.

  Abruptly the voices—hundreds of voices, he thought—rose in a roar, a long-drawn Yaaayyyyy…! Brett thought of a stadium crowd as the home team trotted onto the field. He could hear a band now, a shrilling of brass, the clatter and thump of percussion instruments. Now he could see the mouth of the alley ahead, a sunny street hung with bunting, the backs of people, and over their heads the rhythmic bobbing of a passing procession, tall shakos and guidons in almost-even rows. Two tall poles with a streamer between them swung into view. He caught a glimpse of tall red letters:

  … For Our Side!

  * * * *

  He moved closer, edged up behind the grey-backed crowd. A phalanx of yellow-tuniced men approached, walking stiffly, fez tassels swinging. A small boy darted out into the street, loped along at their side. The music screeched and wheezed. Brett tapped the man before him.

  “What’s it all about…?”

  He couldn’t hear his own voice. The man ignored him. Brett moved along behind the crowd, looking for a vantage point or a thinning in the ranks. There seemed to be fewer people ahead. He came to the end of the crowd, moved on a few yards, stood at the curb. The yellow-jackets had passed now, and a group of round-thighed girls in satin blouses and black boots and white fur caps glided into view, silent, expressionless. As they reached a point fifty feet from Brett, they broke abruptly into a strutting prance, knees high, hips flirting, tossing shining batons high, catching them, twirling them, and up again…