Gabriel

by Melissa Meintjes

  Besides despising women for their usual quest for superiority and male subjugation, he hated women for the memories he possessed. Since he had been very young he had a sister called Julia, who would always make fun of him and seemed to enjoy sibling rivalry even though he had been her brother instead of sister, and therefore, should have been considered her friend. As children, Julia would routinely express shame if they had anything in common and always wanted something different from him. Although his mother interpreted Julia’s behavior as merely a desire to be unique, Gabriel interpreted the desire to mean, something more; he interpreted it to mean that she despised him, and thought so lowly of him that she wanted nothing to do with him. So he would often develop a desire to bully her, and therefore ostracized her from games and conversations with his mother.

  As young children, Julia and Gabriel went to a predominantly all girls Catholic school for two years, and there, Gabriel felt routinely bullied and abused by the girls who had not yet entered puberty. They did not see his beautiful male features as anything special other than that of a boy, and therefore felt no sexual inclination towards him; instead felt a sadism and a hatred of something different. The school contained only four boys, and therefore Gabriel Hatfield was an odd bird out, as the only boy in his class. No girl sat with him, and they always treated him like he was yucky to them. They would even say “ew.” If he sat too close to them. One time a girl, called Kate became his friend only to torment him, and make fun of him in front of the other girls. Through their mutual hate, she sought popularity. One day she decided to humiliate him. So she got him to sit in bird poop, and then made fun of him all day by calling him “poopy pants.” He began to cry when he realized it was true. He was then sent home and asked not to return, because they considered it best for him to go to a boy’s school. So his mother, called Brittney, placed Gabriel in to the public school system, while Kate only got detention.

  In Junior high, a short, stout, freckled girl, with long dark hair, and dark eyes called Gloria developed an obsession with Gabriel Hatfield, and decided to get close to Julia just to get close to him. She started talking to Julia during lunch, and they eventually became best friends. She started coming over to Julia and Gabriel’s house regularly and would constantly chat to Julia about other boys, because she felt shy about her feelings towards Gabriel; and so she never divulged them. When she thought no one was looking she would then constantly stare at Gabriel, in a hope to enjoy his beauty. She also started sending him secret love letters. One went as follows:

  Dear Gabriel,

  I love you, and I hope you love me too. You are my dream come true when it comes to a boy, and I will forever love you, even if you do not want me. Today I am too shy to tell you who I am, but maybe one day I will be woman enough for you.

  Love, your secret admirer

  Although the note gave her an initial burst of excitement, it did not satisfy her longing for a special connection with Gabriel, and so after about a month, of not noticing any difference between her and Gabriel, she decided to write again. The second note read as follows:

  Dear Gabriel,

  I am your secret admirer and since I am too shy to have a connection with you in person, I was hoping you want to get to know me in secret. If you write back to me and bury a note for me under your post box, I will respond within a week. If you write to me I will eventually have the courage to face you.

  I think about you often, am around your age, and like to read books a lot. What kind of books do you like to read. I hope to hear from you.

  Love, your secret admirer

  Gloria had left the second letter in his back pack, the way she had left the first and felt very happy to have a deeper connection with the boy she liked. Meanwhile, Gabriel felt angry over her anonymity and believed his secret admirer to be most likely Gloria, but since he did not know for certain, he never confronted her. He wrote back:

  Dear Secret Admirer,

  I do not know who you are and therefore do not feel comfortable talking to you. It is not fair that you know who I am but I do not know who you are. You could be anyone, and therefore I refuse to have such an unfair relationship with you.

  Whoever you are, I am sure I do not hate you, and therefore you should not feel shy.

  Sincerely, Gabriel

  Gloria’s heart skipped a beat when she saw that under the post box the soil had been altered and rushed to dig up the letter she hoped she would find. After reading the letter, she decided to confront Gabriel, instead of writing him another letter. So that evening she walked back in to the house, and told him that she had written the letters and wanted to be friends. Then Gabriel responded “your first letter indicated that you wanted something more than friendship, and therefore I don’t think I can fulfill your needs.” She grew furious and walked away red. She reasoned that she had not asked for something more, and so he did not have to embarrass her by reminding her of her first letter. Also the feeling of humiliation made her want to hurt him. So she walked home, full of anger and hate.

  Gloria did not return to Julia’s house, for a week, and then when she did, she could only walk in with a callous over her personality; mostly constructed of hate and a desire to subjugate Gabriel; while the little left over was constructed of an abandonment of shame; and so therefore she had become the embodiment of evil. She turned Julia against her brother, by telling her that Gabriel had said overly sexual things to her. She said “Gabriel said that he wants to see my breasts naked.” On another occasion she said “Gabriel asked me if I love him, and because I said I did not, he said he hates me.” Julia grew disgusted with her brother and decided to tell her mother Brittney.

  Brittney had not raised her children with a lot of morality for she had always perceived religion as oppressive. She had seen religion destroy people’s lives and hated the stories of NAZI’s, and therefore she had always encouraged freedom of expression and freedom of thought combined with compassion and understanding. So when she heard about her son’s overly sexual nature, she grew frustrated because she did not know what to do. She wanted to punish him, but how much punishment was too much? She wondered. So because she did not want to see him go to prison one day for sex offenses, she decided to punish him severely. So she forced him to sleep in the basement for a month, and did not allow him to enjoy any activities, except homework. Gabriel grew infuriated, and hated his mother for the first time.

  After Gabriel’s time in the basement, Julia lost all respect for him, and began to ostracize him as she did when they were children. Gloria, felt proud for she had accomplished her goal of hurting him. If Gabriel did not stay in his room, they would insult him, by calling him names such as, asshole, and dick. When Gabriel would tell Brittney about it, she did not believe him because the two girls lied and they were in the majority. As a result, Gabriel often ended up in the basement.

  So gradually Gabriel learned to hate women, and so when women asked him out, he would always say he is gay, with an inner burst of joy, hoping they felt repulsive. At times he would become friends with the woman, and then humiliate her by saying that he no longer wanted to be friends. He sometimes felt guilty, but then he remembered how women humiliate men all the time; through marriage, through dating, through make-up, through shaving, and through magazine covers where they omit men almost completely. He felt that if a woman truly loved him, she would not mind placing him first.

  Although he had some female friends, they were always rejected chubby girls who he knew felt emotionally humiliated around him and therefore he enjoyed all the more.

  Chapter 17

  Gabriel Strife’s anal canal hurt, after the brush had been stuck in to it. Even after Sarah left, he experienced a slight tingling pain. He felt angry and alone. He felt he had been humiliated as a man and therefore decided to look at some women getting punished in the Dungeon. Instead of looking at just the beauty of Celia Rose, he admired all the women in their submission, for he felt they would have never hurt him, the way Sara
h had. He then clicked on various photos of female humiliation. One contained a brunette hanging upside down, getting spanked meticulously and then being gushed down with water. The photos showed her shaved pubic region and her body from different angles. Then to further humiliate her, the camera crew had placed a box over her head. He thought about how vulnerable she felt and enjoyed her quiet submission. He then decided to masturbate, as he felt the familiar tingle in his groin. He then clicked to a different picture, of a woman’s buttocks photographed up close and chained to a big metal ball hanging in the air. The weight of the ball made her hips jolt forward and made her feet stand on tip toes. He then clicked on a blonde who had a giant hook, hooked in to her anal cavity, and as a result walked on tip toes; as a man gently beat her calves. As he watched the images of mild suffering and humiliation he felt like masturbating more, as the creatures he had always admired lost their grace in front of him and many came to orgasm in front of the screen.

  After watching several photos, he rubbed his penis harder until he came to orgasm, and ejaculated, as usual, under the table. After enjoying the different women he looked up Celia Rose and realized he sort of loved her and wished he could be with her, because he loved the way she belonged to a broken group of women and her beauty so surpassed that of the majority.

  The stone floor and desk were easy to clean up afterwards, for which he used a paper towel, and Windex to accomplish.

  After watching the pornography stars he decided to watch some television with Rickey, and enjoyed a wide variety of shows, such as “Friends,” and “How I met your mother.” He enjoyed comedies for they made life feel like a trivial fun factor. They also always made life about romance instead of murder, drugs, and severe suffering like other shows often did. As he thought about his love of comedy he wondered upon the irony of his sex life, and realized he felt inadequate for enjoying suffering regularly. He thought about the girls he watched and how much shame they probably suffered even when they were not in orgasm, and he felt sorry for them. Then he thought, they probably enjoy sex so much it does not matter. They were not really slaves he thought, and therefore it was their choice to act in such a vulgar manner in front of others and the camera. He wondered what Celia’s life must be like and imagined her partake in orgies, with the other models, and the camera crew. He wondered how they could control themselves after such powerful sexual images. He wished he could ask Celia, and date her, and so he wondered where she lived. He decided to look the location of the Dungeon up on the web and he found out that she lived in Los Angeles, California. He thought he would go there on his next holiday but then remembered Sarah and realized he must fight his feelings.

  The following night after work, Gabriel Strife watched a movie about the power of sex in one’s life, and then watched the Simpsons. He loved watching the Simpsons because of their humor and references to life. After the Simpsons he decided to go to his room and browse the internet. He visited Facebook, and looked at Sarah’s photos. He read her quote that said “I hate sadomasochism,” and felt bad to have disappointed her. He then typed in Celia Rose on Facebook but found nothing. He felt very surprised and realized she must have been using another name. So hungry for her beauty, he typed in the web address for the Dungeon, and then looked under models, at Celia Rose. When he did, he realized she had created another photo shoot.

  In the photo shoot, Gabriel saw that her pale figure had been tied to the wall through a thick neck constraint, and hand constraints. He then analyzed her groin which had been held up by a fake rubber dildo, and a wall of prickles behind her buttocks. He felt sorry for her. Then he read the explanation about what had happened to her. It wrote:

  Celia has been a naughty girl and as punishment she has to sit on a moving, rotating penis for an hour, while her ass feels prickles of iron. She will not be able to control herself because she feels the pleasure and the pain control her instead. Her master will in addition name call her and whip her. He says “Pretty Celia, you won’t be so pretty anymore.” He then covers her head in a fishnet stocking.

  Then Gabriel, analyzed the later photographs of Celia and saw her pretty face covered with a fish net stocking. He felt horrified to see her beauty fade, but despite the stockings saw the shape of her big lips fill him with awe. He then felt terror over her getting whipped but her big breasts and pretty shape still moved him. He wished he could save her. Despite his valiant nature he felt a stirring in his groin and decided to begin masturbating. He masturbated despite his guilt and found satisfaction in release. He then brushed his teeth and decided to go to sleep. While in bed he put a condom on his penis and decided to give himself another orgasm, while fantasizing about Celia sitting on him, in order to make sure he would not enjoy only her degradation.

  As he lay in bed, he began to feel an incredible sensation, but then all of a sudden his penis seemed to feel too satiated, and so the feeling of sex did not increase. He decided to try and rub it to orgasm anyway and realized he was rubbing for a while without any movement or momentum. So he decided to let his mind discover the problem. As he let his mind roam, he realized that he desperately needed something more than photos. That his mind had grown immune to them, and needed the pleasure of a real woman, in his bed. So he decided to imagine Celia Rose with him. As his body melded in to hers in his imagination, he realized he loved her more than anything and needed her to be there physically. So he decided to print out a photo of her nude, and stick it on his closet door. As he lay in bed looking at the photo in the dim lamp light, he felt his groin enlarge and settle at a healthy station of perfect happiness with his one true love, or his love of the moment. He fell asleep dreaming about her, and imagined that he met her and saved her from her life of pornography.

  Chapter 18

  Natasha lived in peaceful bliss in the new house, feeling only the love of her father and therefore peace and happiness. She knew that Juliet lived far away and that made her happy. So she focused on other things such as her English professor, her studies, and her sex life.

  She had three dreams about loving a man like her English Professor before she had actually met him. In her first dream she had spent the entire dream merely looking up at the office window of the third floor of the English department, in the University which she attended. As she stared, she knew she loved the man inside. A man who she loved as a husband, dwelled there, and therefore she always believed she was destined to marry an English teacher. Although the emotional power of the dream seemed to intoxicate her, she believed nothing of it, and imagined it to have occurred because of a crush she had in high school on her English teacher during her senior year. In another dream that occurred several months later, she dreamed that she was walking through the halls of her high school and as she walked through the halls, she felt happiness over the brightly lit halls illuminating a bright future. She then walked out through the back door of the art class, into a garden, where she saw two bubbles of light. In the first bubble she saw the senior high school English teacher, Mr. Carter, who she had liked, and then in the second bubble which shone brighter, she saw a very beautiful stranger, also wearing glasses. There seemed to be flowers blooming in the two bubbles of light. As she looked at the second man, she seemed to know that it was a second English teacher, she had yet to meet. The dream had moved her with the memories of high school, and she felt happy just to have loved. She remembered knowing her high school English teacher and the powerful imagery that would always fill her mind when she looked at him. She would imagine that he wanted to see her nude. If he stood next to her, she imagined that he wanted to look between her legs. She always felt a connection between them of love; even if there was not one.

  The third dream she had, once she had already met the college English teacher, called Prof. Aragon, who resembled the dream man from the second bubble. She dreamed that he was in a theatre club and then he went in to bars, and a voice kept whispering follow him. She felt as if her dream had been an omen from beyond, and therefore she made an
effort to take as many classes with him as possible.

  Natasha had met her first beloved English teacher, Mr. Carter, during her senior year of high school. He had represented everything the opposite of what she had always loved. Instead of being tall, he was short; instead of having a tan, he was pale, wore glasses, and seemed older than her. To her he seemed the opposite of perfect, yet he was everything she wanted. She enjoyed his classes so much that she fell in love with him emotionally and then her fantasies would make her have a more powerful love through sexuality. As she studied at home, she would at times become aroused and begin to masturbate, imagining him looking at her nude body. Feeling his analysis in her mind made her want him more, as she felt the wetness between her legs. She would often orgasm about him, as she would imagine him on top of her. At times, during class, she would look deep in to his amber eyes and imagine a connection unlike any other, and then she would imagine a shared world of beauty between them called literature; a world like heaven; a world like the imagination. Her mind would create a visual image of her thoughts and she imagined a world with flowers filled with a feeling of wonder. As a result she loved him even more.