A week later, packers started moving Natasha’s belongings in to the apartment in downtown Miami, and soon Natasha moved too. She felt happy in her new home, and excited about her new life. Unfortunately, she had never lived in a condominium before, and never felt the closeness to strangers, and the feeling of strict managerial control overtake her life before. The apartment complex, was composed of two buildings, called the Twin Towers; and in tower one, on the eighth floor, one could find the management office, the gym, and the swimming pool. To get to tower one, Natasha either had to use the elevator at the other end of the parking garage, or cross the valet parking area and enter through the main entrance of the other building. Once there, she noticed that the elevator to the management’s office held cameras and felt uncomfortable knowing that she was being watched by strangers. She argued to herself that security was good, but then she began to wonder why only management had such high security. As a result, the cameras began to symbolize a sense of disrespect towards the residents, and she felt a slight burst of anger and a sense of degradation, as a resident of tower two.
Once all of Natasha’s things had been moved in, she felt excited about her new home, and began to enjoy the view from the sixth floor. She could see a large section of the lush Miami foliage, which made Miami so special all year round. The constant greenery had always made her like her home, and contrasted beautifully with the sunset that would light up the sky with flares of pink and orange. Every night she tried to watch the sunset and felt happy. She would often miss her dad, but he always seemed busy with other things and close by.
Meanwhile, Fredrick began to invite his wife over for dinner, in order to spend time with his son, and they eventually began to see each other sexually once again. Although at first, Fredrick had a commitment to staying apart from Juliet, the sexuality between them gradually grew back to what it once was. One day they accidently kissed, and then started fornicating regularly. They would spend Friday, Saturday, and Sunday together. Fredrick would always tell Natasha that he can only have lunch and not dinner with her, because he was dating someone. Natasha, at first seemed curious about who, but her father’s coldness put a halt to her inquisitiveness, and therefore she did not find out for a while that he was again dating her evil step mother. Her father’s coldness hurt her, and she felt scared that he would stop paying her tuition. As a result she continued to be friendly to him, and then one day her father told her the terrible news about her step mother. Even though Natasha hated Juliet, she always tried for her father, to maintain an attitude of kindness, and therefore started asking how Juliet was doing. Instead of her father lovingly responding, he told her coldly that he did not want to talk about it. Later Natasha heard from her sister that Juliet had suffered through breast cancer and therefore felt an understanding of her father’s weirdness. She understood that her father hated her a little bit, for being the reason he divorced the love of his life. So she started feeling a lot of depression, as she realized that she had lost her dad in a way, to her evil step mother. The memories of her evil step mother, still haunted her, and made her feel scared and uncomfortable often, not just for herself but also for her dad. The thought of her dad spending his life with a woman who had hurt her as often as her step mother had hurt her, made her shudder with terror. Despite her fears, her father eventually moved in with Juliet and their son Luis.
Natasha’s life in her new apartment seemed very far away, from the sweetness she had felt in suburbia. The people in her new home seemed cold and filled with animosity, and the management constantly taunted her by asking her for a key. She always refused to give them one, because she felt terrorized by the notion. They claimed they needed a copy for a fire, but the thought of her privacy invaded, made her scared. So she never gave them one, but always knew she feared and resented management, and living in an apartment instead of a house.
One day, Natasha found a note on her car indicating that they would tow her car away if she did not renew the tag immediately. She felt very humbled by the building’s treatment of her, and decided that she needed to complain to management. So she went to talk to Miguel Sanchez and his new secretary Pagan. His new secretary would not help her, and made her feel inadequate by not calling the manager.
Then she decided to walk in to the manager’s office to complain and Miguel responded by saying “these are the guidelines of the building. The man who put the note on your car was just doing his job.”
She then responded, “It is my car and my parking spot, why can’t I keep my car there even if the tag is not renewed?”
Miguel then responded “You cannot keep your car there because you do not own the spot.”
Then Natasha replied “my father owns the apartment that I live in.”
Then Miguel responded, “he may, but he does not own the spot, but rather pays a fee for it.”
Then Natasha said “this is not a home.”
Then Miguel responded “tell the board of directors that.”
Miguel, thought about Natasha’s complaint and felt frustrated that he could not please her. He felt humiliated and angry that the board of directors constantly made a fool of him with the residents. He thought about how beautiful he found Natasha, and realized that he felt happy because he had a woman at home. His precious Joanna.
Throughout her time in the apartment, Natasha felt unease because of all her years of living with her step mother. She would often get flash backs of how she had been treated. She had often been called horrible names, and ostracized through the Spanish language. For example, at Christmas lunch her step mother forgot to cook for her. Her step mother even attacked her, but because of her dependence on her father, she never called the police.
Her life continued as usual, while she went to school and felt a crush on one of her professors, Prof. Aragon. Beyond his beauty and intellect; she felt a love for him, because he represented everything the opposite of her step mother. He was English, while she was South American, he was blonde while she was a brunette, he was a tall man, while she was a short woman. She knew from knowing him that her step mother was insignificant. His straight Anglo features beautifully contrasted with his pale skin in a way that made Juliet’s hatred and personality inconsequential. Juliet’s rounded nose, and prominent round lips seemed meaningless, as in her memory they only always symbolized hate. Juliet’s brown eyes seemed to float away to nothingness next to the bright blue of her professor’s. His hair seemed to contain a variety of color and at times his pale skin seemed to be made of flower petals, melting from lilies to roses depending on his mood. He wore glasses, but they only made him seem more sophisticated, but at the same time vulnerable; and therefore, a love grew in her towards him. He taught English, and therefore seemed even more intoxicating because of the interesting subject matter which he seemed to embody. As she watched him teach her love grew for him, but then one day she had to part from him, and therefore lost him. The loss of him felt unbearable, but she managed to hold on to his memories and therefore suffered from incredible depression once again.
As a result of the depression she suffered from losing her English teacher, Natasha started gaining some weight.
Chapter 23
Gabriel Strife, immediately noticed Natasha when she moved in two doors down, and felt happy to know that such a beautiful young woman had moved in. He thought about her curves, her green eyes, her little nose, and the beautiful contrast of her lipstick to her teeth. He considered her so beautiful that he wished he could ask her out and then imagined doing so. He realized he could not, because of his commitment to Sarah and felt sad as a result. He then imagined having an affair with Natasha, even though he had a girlfriend. He imagined Natasha loving him despite that fact and letting him in to her apartment at night, and enjoying her carnally through the evening. He imagined sucking on her big breasts, sticking his fingers inside her vagina, and watching her body pulsate in ecstasy. He imagined her long brown hair strands, with hints of gold and red, wrapping themselves ar
ound his fingers as he came to orgasm inside her, and then he decided to ask her out. As he ate breakfast with Sarah, he imagined walking and bumping in to Natasha and asking her out on a date. As he thought about it, his cereal choked in his mouth for a moment, and he began to cough.
Later that evening he walked to his post box and hoped to meet Natasha. He then bumped in to her, and realized that he felt too shy to ask her out. He had always been lucky with women but he knew most women hated Casanovas. So he decided not to ask her out, but to merely feel happy with her presence nearby.
Gabriel had become a Casanova, as a result of his childhood, and his genetic make-up. Since childhood his father had told him, to experiment with women as much as possible.
When he dated his first girlfriend, a pretty red head, his father had said “don’t forget son, at your age, women are for one thing, experience.” On another occasion his father had said “don’t forget son, women always want to merely use you.”
Then he had responded “what do you mean father?”
Then his father responded “Son, women always want your money, your commitment, or your children. They never just love.”
His father’s words always reverberated in Gabriel’s mind, throughout his life and as a result, he secretly resented women who were too normal. His father’s words had made normal women seem sinful and wrong. As a result, the word “commitment” seemed evil, children an obligation and a burden, and money the thing more precious than him; and therefore, Gabriel wanted a woman who only loved him with sweet abandon. So he imagined an adulteress’s love as more pure, because they wanted nothing, not even dignity from him. So he appreciated their love more, for he considered even dignity to be tainted with the sin of selfish love. As he imagined Natasha as a lover, he realized he loved her for her beauty and the imagined selflessness of her love had she become his lover, and therefore desperately wanted her. He imagined her drinking his semen without the reward of commitment. He imagined her thinking about what he thought of her, without the knowledge and assurance of children. He imagined her living for him, and nothing else, and to him it seemed like the most beautiful thought in the whole world. So even though he did not possess the courage to ask her out, he quietly loved her, and wished he could have two women. The first as a front and a measure of how much the other loved him; the second as his true love.
Although Gabriel lacked the courage to ask Natasha out, he would appreciate her wide array of fashion choices, and felt inclined to like her because of them. For example, he appreciated her purple velvet heels, that looked incredible with her black floral skirt. He loved the way that her cashmere would look in the winter, or the way that her lipstick would match the color of the top she wore. He loved when she decided to wear a black lace skirt, over a beige layer that looked like her skin. He loved the way it looked so slutty, but at the same time conservative because of its length. He loved the way she wore a black dress, that clung to her body and flared out a little bit at the end. He loved the way she wore stockings, instead of just pants. Sarah in contrast usually only wore pants, and although he appreciated her beautiful curves, he loved the entertainment of Natasha’s wardrobe.
After breakfast Gabriel went to work and thought of Natasha, but as he felt the cold fingers of her eventual hatred and probable dismissal hurt the hope he had been fondling, he realized he needed to fight his feelings, and reassessed his desires as biased and unfair. He asked himself; who did not desire children, who did not want security, who did not love money. And therefore he reasoned that he could not judge Sarah or any other woman like her. He imagined Natasha to be like Sarah in that sense, and therefore realized he had everything already. Although he had to accept the reality that the world was full of Sarah’s, or the type of woman she represented, he realized he would always have an unquenchable thirst for a woman society called a whore, a slut, and a slattern. For he believed a slattern truly loved him the way he truly wanted to be loved. Without expectations, without honor, and without ulterior motives.
As the day passed, Gabriel thought about the beauty of Sarah and how lucky he should feel, and then began to wonder why he constantly coveted other women; such as Celia and Natasha. He came to the conclusion that he coveted other women, because he was human; more human than others through his ability to love. So he imagined Celia again and missed her, realizing that he would always have more than one woman through his love of pornography, especially since Sarah had a love for more than one man.
At work, during his lunch break, Gabriel visited the pornography site called the Dungeon to see if Celia had created any more shots. He fell in love with her on the apple cart, and imagined her as his princess. He imagined his own little pornography shot. One in which he saved a poor red head from a life of whoredom and pornography, took her to his castle, and made her in to one of his wives. Then he imagined, Natasha, and Sarah. He felt happy that he loved three women with the three different types of hair color that they possessed. He felt happy that he loved a red head, a blonde and a brunette, and felt more complete as a man because of it. He imagined having a harem, in which his three wives all bore him children. He imagined all the little children to be more beautiful than the next, and felt thrilled at the thought. When he emerged from his fantasy, he felt happy to know three such women, but felt filled with sadness, that he could never possess all three. So he decided that he had, at least the world of pornography and sexual fantasy, and continued to imagine his three wives. He imagined having an orgy with them, and wondered if they would be jealous of each other. He imagined some of them misbehaving out of jealousy and then needing spankings. He imagined them getting in to fights, potentially nude, and he imagined them all apologizing to each other after wards; only because of their love for him. As he imagined the three women together, he began to get an erection, and walked to the bathroom in order to relieve himself.
Once in the bathroom he stood in front of the toilette, and began to start rubbing his long penis above the lavatory. As he stared at the toilette, he felt his penis shrink and so instead of going back to his job, he began to feel a strong craving which he decided to satisfy by rubbing and closing his eyes. As he imagined the three women nude, his penis became elongated, and eventually he rubbed himself to orgasm. Although he had accomplished his orgasm he had not enjoyed it as much as he had wanted to, because he could not lie down, and therefore could not fully release his muscles after the tension. So he decided to masturbate more about the three women together at home, in the comfort of his bed, where he could truly celebrate their sacredness.
Once he arrived home, Gabriel waited for Sarah’s arrival, and while doing so decided to celebrate the sacredness of his three loves, by masturbating at home. So he decided to place a condom on his penis, and lie in bed nude. As he rubbed about the same fantasy he had at work, he heard Sarah coming home, and his erection immediately faded. Sarah walked in and kissed him. She then pushed her hand down to his penis in an attempt to grab and kiss it. As Gabriel became filled with fear and paranoia, she realized he had a condom on and then kissed that. Gabriel then lied and said, “I was fantasizing about you.” Then Sarah responded, “I hope so.” Then she became nude and went in to the shower. Meanwhile Gabriel, finished rubbing himself to the fantasy of polygamy.
While in the shower, Sarah felt furious. She bathed herself and felt completely humiliated as she remembered Celia. She hated the memory of the nude woman taunting her. She comforted herself with the knowledge that she was a whore far away. A whore who probably had genital warts. “What kind of woman would stand naked in front of others,” she asked herself. “Only the basest”, she told herself. She then comforted herself with the knowledge that Gabriel knew that. As she bathed herself she wondered why Gabriel had not joined her the way a good boyfriend most likely would; why his masculine body had not pressed up against hers, feeling the silky wetness embalm them. “Why was he not washing her vagina, and anus the way he should,” she asked herself. As she realized her worthlessn
ess she became even more infuriated. She felt lonely and therefore hated other women for making her feel that way. She imagined killing Celia, and then became ashamed. She then hated Gabriel. She felt that she wanted to break up with him, to teach him a lesson, and to punish him for his humiliation of her. Then she imagined life without him, and felt sad. They had shared so many memories together, she thought. She remembered how they had swam in the ocean, made love under the stars, danced, and dirty danced. How could she throw so much away out of jealousy, she wondered. Then she contemplated how lucky she was to have such a beautiful man, and realized she was hurting other women by flaunting her boyfriend. The thought of hurting other women in such a manner filled her with glee. She knew that the red headed whore would never have such a great boyfriend, because Gabriel to Sarah was better looking than the average by far. She felt him to be more like a freak of beauty. She imagined that most men did not want a whore, and therefore felt special to have Gabriel and relished Celia’s demise. She thought, Gabriel might fantasize about whores, but at the end of the day, she was his precious; most likely his future wife.
Gabriel Page 11
