Gabriel

by Melissa Meintjes

  Although Celia considered the shots to have turned out beautiful, and elegant in comparison to some of the previous photo shoots, she missed the masked man. She missed his mystery, his strength, and the imaginary man she had placed inside the mask. She, liked the maid’s uniform and wished she could wear it with the masked man. She remembered how his sharp blue eyes bore in to hers, and at times felt like he had read her soul.

  After several minutes of taking photos of the maids, and their gentlemen, Clint said, “I want to appeal to all audiences, and to invoke a sense of pity for the models, so we are going to implement some sadomasochism. Pity usually equals more pay.” He then told the women to bend over the laps of the men, and he told the men to spank them. He then took shots of the various spankings. He then took Celia to another room, and told her to get undressed. While she got undressed, he shot photos of her. He then ordered one of the gentlemen to handcuff her to a chain extending from the ceiling. Clint then said “go at her,” while he pointed the camera at them. The dark haired gentleman, then began to suck on Celia’s nipples and grab her buttocks as he pulled her towards him. Throughout all the scenes, Clint snapped, shots from every angle. Then the gentleman penetrated Celia with a condom on, as Celia, filled with nerves, accepted his loving, hoping the condom did not snap; and dreaming of his beauty entering in to her and the cash she would receive later for it. The camera took a close up shot of their groins, and then snapped a photo of their bodies sweating together.

  After the gentleman relieved himself in Celia, Clint ordered him, to pour hot candle wax on Celia’s chest, and spank her repeatedly. As the hot wax poured, Celia moaned and the camera flashed. Then the photo shoot came to an end, and although Celia had felt her sexuality tingle throughout her entire body, she had not come to orgasm and wished she had. So she asked Clint if she could relieve herself. He then told her to go to the bathroom, wash off and relieve herself there.

  Once in the bathroom stall, Celia imagined the beautiful gentleman fornicating with her, and she rubbed her vagina until her whole body tensed up in to a delicious orgasm despite her surroundings. She then stepped in to the showers and washed off the red candle wax under the warm running water. She then stepped out, drying herself and blow-dried her hair with one of the blow dryers attached to the wall. She then returned smelling like soap and shampoo. Clint had gone and so she went down stairs to the office of Ralph and found him to ask him which shoot she should go to next. He told her “room 408,” and then she walked their nude, carrying her clothes that she had attained from the empty room. Once she arrived, she saw a big carriage, carrying the masked man. The carriage seemed to be on farming lands, with a big wooden sign saying “Horse Play.” Clint then told her to step in front of the carriage and on top of one of the dildos which extended from a rod extending from the front of the carriage. In total the carriage contained two rods, containing two dildos each. Celia chose the first one on the left, hoping that the hooded man would see more of her from his place on the carriage. So she placed her vaginal opening on top of the first wooden dildo on the left, and then the camera man told her to wear a human harness made of thin leather straps, that crossed across her chest, and back and connected her to the hooded man. If he pulled, she felt it. Then Clint placed a special harness in her mouth, to make her feel more like a horse, and placed an anal plug in her anus attached to a red tail. Then Clint did the same to the other three women on the other three dildos, who had recently entered. All the women, like Celia were young and well-shaped. The two back ones had blonde hair and the front one on the right had brown hair. All the tails on the women matched their hair color. Clint then took various shots of the women standing still. Then the hooded man who sat on a bench on the carriage wearing nothing except leather underwear, and a black hood, started to whip his thin whip across the backs of the women. Although the whip looked vicious, Celia, did not feel any real pain, because it was so thin, and weak. Clint took more shots, and then the women were told to start walking as men behind the carriage secretly pushed it to go forward. Their vaginas felt alive, and without pain, the women pulled the carriage as if they had been horses. Celia felt embarrassed to play the part of a horse and to be part of an industry that used horses to excite people sexually. Despite her shame, she felt eager with anticipation for her money, and felt sexually excited to be witnessed nude by the hooded man.

  Celia decided to ask for the hooded man’s number after the photo shoot, and thought with trepidation what his response might be. So she imagined him saying yes, and finding out what he looked like. She wondered if she really liked him or if she was merely pulled by curiosity over his face. She wondered if she loved him out of pity, or out of real love. She had so often felt excited over him. A part of her wanted to nurture him even if he was not attractive, and so she pulled, feeling slightly humiliated but aroused over the hooded man.

  After the photo shoot, Celia got dressed and as she slyly looked at the hooded man, she became shy and began to blush. She anticipated approaching him but did not have the courage, and so told herself that next time she would.

  Chapter 27

  After several weeks, December came around, and by the middle of December, Gabriel Hatfield began to feel very ill. He would get strange aches and pains, in weird locations. He eventually developed a cough, and began to cough up phlegm. He even began to vomit, and get mild diarrhea. He felt terrible as he lay in bed with hardly any energy. Carl helped him, and fortunately did not catch his infection. He made him soup, and comforted him the way people usually comfort the sick; by bringing tissues and buying whatever they needed. Then as December twenty third started coming around, the day for their scheduled departure, Gabriel started feeling better but was not healed all the way. He knew he would not be better for the trip and therefore asked Carl to change the dates.

  Then Carl responded, “I tried, I cannot. Unfortunately, they are not changeable.”

  Then Gabriel said “I am sorry.”

  Then Carl responded “couldn’t you try to go? I am sure you will be better in a few days?”

  Then Gabriel responded “we do not know, and I do not feel well.”

  Then Carl responded, “I think I am going to go, because I think you will be fine without me. I will be back in a week.”

  Then Gabriel’s eyes opened up wide in disbelief and he asked “How can you leave me?”

  Then Carl responded “I am scared of getting your illness. Please forgive me. I have wanted to go skiing for so long.” Then Gabriel walked away feeling angry and hurt that his best friend and lover would leave him behind.

  In a few days, Carl departed, and Gabriel stayed in bed sick. On Christmas day, he did not visit his family because he did not want to infect them. He felt alone and depressed. He missed Carl and called him every night. He watched a lot of television and Christmas specials during the holidays. He imagined Carl skiing and then had a weird feeling that Carl was cheating on him and wished he could go there and find out. So as his illness started to fade, he decided to go to Colorado and find Carl.

  On the phone, the day before Gabriel Hatfield left, he told Carl that he was still sick so that Carl would not suspect anything. He complained about his illness, his headaches, and his coughing. He even fake coughed in to the phone. He then packed his bags and bought a ticket to Denver, Colorado.

  On the flight to Denver, Gabriel Hatfield read Moby Dick, and pleased his mind with the thought of a boat full of beautiful men. When he arrived, he felt like his heart was breaking because Carl had been so good looking. His only happiness felt like believing the best of Carl. Even if he found out the worst, he thought to himself, at least he wanted to know the truth. The decision of what to do with it was something else. He imagined potentially forgiving Carl and forgetting, but at least he wanted to know. He wanted the intimacy of knowing, to know what the love of his life truly felt; and to know where he stood in the relationship. He had always been loyal to Carl and he expected the same in return. Then he thought o
f all the good times they had shared, such as putting on makeup and the intimate moments they had experienced, and felt optimistic. As he recounted his illness he realized that Carl might not love him that much because the illness had been so negative. As he recounted his baseness in bed, his cough and vomiting; Gabriel began to feel shame and decided to go home. As he was about to turn around, he became filled with anger at the thought that Carl had come on the ski trip without him, and that he had taken Gabriel’s jealousy over the porn star so lightly; and so Gabriel decided to stay and check up on Carl.

  Once he arrived at the ski resort, where they had made their arrangements, he checked in to a room far from Carl, and then walked around with a hat on, so that Carl would not notice him. He went to breakfast, and spent several hours there, sitting in the corner waiting for Carl to arrive. After two hours, around ten am, Carl arrived with a dark complexioned man with brown hair and brown eyes. Gabriel’s heart immediately sank, but then he thought they might just be friends. Then he thought: what are the chances that they would walk in together if they were just friends? As his heart began to sink, he continued to watch the love of his life cheat on him. Then he watched the slightly chubby, dark skinned man go and get breakfast, while Carl waited. Then Gabriel hid half his face behind his hand, as Carl looked right at him. Gabriel felt like his heart would beat out of his chest. Fortunately, Carl never noticed him. Then Gabriel watched the dark skinned man in disbelief. Gabriel felt that his weight disqualified him from being a lover. He had not known that Carl had such loose standards, and had felt secure in the notion that Carl loved him more, because of his perfect figure.

  As Gabriel watched Carl, his eyes became filled with tears, at the thought that he had partially lost Carl. Then he remembered Carl’s words “if I was not gay, I would not love men, it is part of who I am. It defines me.” Then Gabriel calmed down, and realized that he would always be loved. Then out of anger, felt like walking up to Carl and telling him off. Then the doubt that the dark skinned man was just a friend stopped him, and he decided to stalk them in order to find out the truth. So he decided to follow them for the rest of the day. As he saw them get up from breakfast, he followed them from a distance, and then as they entered their bedrooms he decided that they were preparing to go to the ski slopes, and so Gabriel ran back to his room and grabbed his ski jacket, and skis. Then he eagerly anticipated their arrival at the ski slopes by hiding in the corner near the door way. Then as the couple walked out wearing their ski equipment he saw them standing on the ski slopes. They looked as if they were very happy together, and Gabriel felt incredibly jealousy as he noticed the dark skinned man slap Carl’s rear; a sure sign they were lovers. As Gabriel watched, his mouth opened in astonishment, and then he felt so angry that he felt like walking up to them and yelling it was forever over between them. As he considered the consequences, he considered how they might just be friends joking around with each other, and therefore, refrained from submitting to his animal instincts.

  After a few minutes the dark and light couple began to ski, and Gabriel Hatfield, realizing he could not ski so well and so decided to go to the beginner’s slope. He began skiing, slowly, walking most of the time, and then decided to sign up for a ski class.

  After spending several hours reading a book and drinking hot chocolate in the lobby of the hotel he went to the ski class he had paid for, and began to ski. He realized he loved skiing, and Carl for encouraging him to try it. He loved the cold air in his face, and while he skied he noticed a deer. Then he began to imagine, all the wild animals of Colorado and imagined wolves attacking him, or a bear, or a mountain lion, and decided to go back in, because there were not enough people on the beginner’s ski slope that day. So he trudged back home in the snow, feeling elated to see snow for the first time. He had forgotten the wonder of it when he was analyzing Carl’s behavior and so decided to lie down in the snow, and feel the pleasure of the new experience. He made a snow angel, by moving his legs and arms around, and then decided to make a snow man on the side of the ski slope. So he took his skis off, and started piling together a big pile of snow. He packed it up and then made a head. He took some branches from the ground, and then put them where the arms should be. He then removed the spare button sewn in to his shirt and put it on the face of the snow man. He then used one of the used buttons from his flannel shirt and used it for the other eye. He wished he had a carrot, but since he did not, he used a piece of wood as a nose, and then used his fingers to make the shape of a mouth. He felt proud of his accomplishment, but the thought of doing it alone without Carl made him cry. So he decided to forgive Carl, and accept the dark skinned man. As he imagined his life with the dark skinned man, he looked at a bird fly on to a branch in front of him. It had a brown back and a red chest and chirped. As he analyzed the beauty of the bird, he felt intoxicated with a love of nature, and realized that Carl had been cruel to him. As he watched the bird in its fragility, he understood he would never hurt the bird, but that Carl would, and therefore he comprehended that he could never love Carl after having been abandoned by him. He imagined if Carl would have been sick, he would have nursed him like he nursed people all day long, and therefore deserved a man who would do the same for him. The little bird, although so fragile, and small, seemed to remind Gabriel of the responsibility that humanity had to care, and so Gabriel realized, that he no longer wanted Carl, because he did not seem to care enough.

  After making a snow man, Gabriel felt happier and thought of all the beautiful men in the world. Even though he knew the world was full of beautiful men, he felt empty inside because he knew that being gay made the world empty, for most people were straight and therefore he had been lucky to have a beautiful man like Carl, and so he began to cry as he realized his plight. He felt that the one man for him was the wrong man for him.

  After walking on the ski slopes all day, Gabriel Hatfield had lunch in a restaurant other than the one near the hotel lobby because he did not want to see Carl, nor Carl to see him, because then he knew it might be over. So he ate lunch in the delusion that he was still Carl’s, and enjoyed his slice of pizza.

  After lunch, the cold winter air and the thought of wolves, made Gabriel Hatfield stay inside and watch television. He watched a love story between a man and a woman, and wished he had been born a woman. Then he looked in the mirror and kissed it because he wanted to celebrate the fact that he had been born a man. While in the bedroom, bored, he visited a gay website and looked at all the beautiful young men. As he admired them, he decided that he had the courage to face the world without Carl and so he decided to confront him. He ate an early dinner alone, and decided at midnight to knock on Carl’s door to find out if he would be alone.

  Chapter 28

  Gabriel Strife and Sarah Pearl lived happily in the loft apartment that Gabriel owned, and constantly felt happy to have the presence of one another. With Sarah’s presence, Gabriel felt fear over masturbating as much as he used to, and as a result hardly ever did. Despite his commitment to Sarah, he would at times get sexual thoughts and then remember the days when he used to look at Celia on line. He never forgot how her beauty had moved him. How her crimson lips and hair had made him feel butterflies, and something ethereal beyond this world. He never forgot the feeling and therefore constantly had an urge to see Celia again. So when Sarah would leave with her friends or go to the gym, Gabriel would take the opportunity to look at Celia online, and indulge in a world of pornography that Sarah had made prohibited to him.

  One afternoon, when Sarah had left, to the salon with one of her friends, Gabriel, switched on his computer, and navigated to the Dungeon site. He immediately navigated to the index of models, and found Celia Rose. Once there, he clicked on the first of the new entries called “hot wax.” Once he did, a series of photos appeared of her nude body exposed and shackled to the floor through wooden stocks. He then saw a masked man pour hot wax over her body, and although he felt aroused he felt terrified over her potential pain. He trie
d to imagine what it must feel like, and as he imagined her nude body in pain, he became more and more aroused, until his penis felt like exploding from pleasure and he had no choice but to relieve the stress through masturbation. So he began to rub his pink fleshy stick to ecstasy. He eventually came to orgasm the way he used to before Sarah had moved in, and then after his body had released all the sexual stress it possessed, he cleaned up the mess under the table, and felt satisfied.

  Although, Gabriel Strife thought he had only experienced pleasure, he had also created a connection in his mind between pain and pleasure, a connection he might never be able to quench.

  After Sarah came home, she kissed him and was clueless, she touched his penis but it had trouble hardening, and when it finally became harder, she told him “I want to blow you.” Then Gabriel, said “oh, with pleasure.” Then Sarah got undressed, and took his clothes off, and naked, lay at his legs blowing him. She sucked on his penis, licking it, and rubbing it with her hands. As Gabriel felt his penis enlarge and fill with excitement, he imagined Celia shackled to the floor, and wishing he could save her, he came to orgasm with her in his mind, instead of Sarah.