Katwalk

by Maria Murnane

  He nodded toward the door. “I’ll walk you upstairs to make sure you get in safe.”

  She waved a hand in front of her. “Oh, I’ll be fine. You don’t have to do that.”

  “I want to.”

  “Really, I’m fine. It’s okay.”

  He softened his voice. “Kat, just let me walk you up, okay?”

  She sighed. “Okay. But then you really need to leave. Promise?”

  He held up three fingers. “Scout’s honor.”

  She struggled briefly with the lock on the front door, then experienced a similar problem with the second door, the wine and nerves teaming up to impair her motor skills. Finally, they were inside the building, the noise of the street below barely audible now.

  “I’m on the third floor.” She spoke in a whisper, although she wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t even nine o’clock.

  “Show me the way.” He grinned, half-whispering himself, and an odd thought struck Katrina.

  He looks like the Cheshire cat.

  She kept one hand on the railing to balance herself as she headed upstairs, acutely aware of Reid following close behind her. When they reached her door, she turned and forced herself to look at him. She cleared her throat and managed an awkward smile.

  “So here I am, safe and sound.”

  He stepped close to her and put his hand on her lower back. “So you are.”

  She swallowed. “Okay then, well . . . I guess I’ll . . . see you soon.”

  He slowly shook his head. “No, you won’t,” he whispered.

  “I won’t see you soon?”

  He shook his head again. “You’ll see me . . . now.” He leaned toward her, then softly kissed her. This time she didn’t resist. His lips pressed gently against hers. She closed her eyes and gave in to the warm sensation filling her body.

  Instinctively, she leaned into him. In response, he immediately put his other hand on the small of her back and pulled her closer. As their kiss deepened, her body continued to heat up and her breath quickened.

  No one had ever kissed her like this before.

  “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered, moving his lips to her neck. “I want you so much.”

  She kept her eyes closed, not able to think about anything except how good it felt to be touched like this.

  “Let’s go inside,” he whispered.

  She swallowed.

  She wanted to say yes—she was aching to say yes—but she knew they had to wait. First he had to make a clean break from his wife. Move out, at least.

  Or maybe he already had?

  “I can’t,” she whispered. “Not yet.”

  He nuzzled her neck, then grazed her earlobe with his fingertips. “Please . . . Kat . . . please. You have no idea how much I want you.”

  She wanted him too, but she wanted him the right way.

  She wrapped her arms around his waist and buried her face in his chest. “I’m sorry, Reid. I can’t. Not yet.”

  “Yes you can,” he said, nuzzling her ear again. “Please say yes.”

  “I can’t.”

  “You know you want to,” he whispered.

  “I do, but I just . . . can’t. Maybe when it’s official, but I wouldn’t feel right before then.”

  His body stiffened. He removed her arms from his waist and straightened up.

  “When what’s official?”

  “Your separation.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She pointed to his bare ring finger. “Your separation. I know a divorce takes a long time, but—”

  He took a step backward. “You think I’m getting divorced?”

  “Aren’t you?”

  “Hell no.”

  She felt like she’d been punched in the gut.

  “But . . . but you’re not wearing . . . then why . . .” She looked at his left hand.

  He held up the hand. “You think because I’m not wearing my wedding ring I’m getting a divorce?”

  She nodded slightly.

  The friendly glint in his eyes disappeared, switched off like a light. “For Christ’s sake, Kat, will you stop being such a tease?”

  She caught her breath. “What?”

  He raised his voice. “You heard me. A tease. Stop the act, will you?”

  “Stop what act?”

  “The I’m-so-innocent act. It was cute at first, but it’s getting old.”

  Suddenly she felt like she was going to cry.

  He pressed his palms against his temples. “No, I’m not getting divorced, and yes, occasionally I cheat on my wife. Don’t pretend you didn’t know that.”

  She stared at him. “I . . . I . . . I don’t understand what you want from me.” She could barely get out the words.

  He sighed. “I don’t want anything from you, okay? I just want to sleep with you. What’s so hard to understand about that?”

  She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

  “What?” he asked. “What?”

  “I . . .”

  “Look at you: the sexy dress, the boots. Don’t act like you didn’t know what was going on here.”

  She glanced down at her outfit, the one she’d planned so painstakingly. “I thought . . . I thought . . . this was special . . .” she whispered.

  “Special? Why would you think this was special?”

  “Because I thought you . . . I thought we—”

  “Well, you thought wrong. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression, but it’s pretty cut-and-dried. I’m married, and I plan to stay married. I never said otherwise.”

  “But you called me Snow White . . .” she whispered. The fairest one of all.

  “So?”

  “And you’re not wearing a ring . . .”

  He looked at his hand and shrugged. “I took it off to go to the gym this morning and forgot to put it back on. That’s all.”

  She could feel tears building up behind her eyes. She wanted to run, to escape from the reality of the situation, but she felt paralyzed, her mind reeling at what he was saying.

  He sighed again, more heavily this time, and began to button up his coat. “Listen, I think I’ve been straightforward all along, but it’s obvious we’re not on the same page. This was never going to be some fairy tale where we rode off into the sunset together. It was about two consenting adults having sex. And that clearly isn’t going to happen, so I think it’s best if I take off now.”

  She nodded, her head in a daze. “Okay.”

  He took a couple of steps down the stairs before stopping and looking up at her. “It was nice meeting you, Kat. No hard feelings. Enjoy your time in New York.”

  “Bye, Reid,” she whispered.

  He disappeared down the staircase.

  She stood there, stunned, until she heard the front door of the building bang shut.

  Then she started to cry.

  Chapter Twelve

  Katrina sat on the edge of the bed, tears streaming down her cheeks. She covered her face with her hands and choked back the sobs, shaking with humiliation.

  How did that just happen?

  Why am I so stupid?

  What is wrong with me?

  She curled her legs up against her chest, then placed her chin on top of her knees. A maelstrom of emotions coursed through her.

  Shame.

  Guilt.

  Anger.

  Sadness.

  Heartache.

  I’m such a fool.

  A stupid, stupid fool.

  She thought back to the first night she’d met Reid, and how he’d acted each time they’d been together. As she dissected each conversation to the extent her memory would allow, she realized the red flags had always been there, but that she’d chosen to ignore them.

  He’
d never said he was unhappily married.

  He’d never said he planned to leave his wife.

  He’d never talked about the future, or with whom he planned to spend it, in any way, shape, or form.

  All he’d done was pay her a lot of compliments and not mention his marriage in any of their conversations. Instead of seeing that for what it was, instead of seeing the truth, she’d been so grateful for the attention that she’d taken the partial picture he presented of his life and eagerly filled in the blanks with what she wanted to be there.

  The fairy tale she’d wanted.

  He’d made her feel attractive and interesting and special, and because of that she’d projected her own fantasy onto the canvas of their relationship, painting a picture of a romance that was never going to be.

  It’s all my fault.

  She pressed her palms against her forehead, cringing with horror as Reid’s words played over and over in her head.

  Don’t act like you didn’t know what was going on here.

  Why would you think this was special?

  I’m married, and I plan to stay married. I never said otherwise.

  She slipped off her boots and pulled back the covers on her bed, still wearing her new dress, about to curl up into a ball and try to tune out the wretchedness and humiliation of the night.

  Perhaps she’d been wrong about being able to change her life. Maybe the cards were already laid out for her, and she should just accept it. She was clearly out of her depth in New York, too naïve to navigate this sleek, sophisticated world where everything—and everyone—was so different from what she was used to.

  Maybe her parents were right.

  She would never fit in here.

  She should just go home and get a job.

  Her mother’s words echoed in her head.

  You need to get your head out of the clouds, Katrina.

  You can’t expect a man to come along and rescue you, Katrina.

  You need to be able to support yourself, Katrina.

  She sighed. It was time to go home.

  Just as she was about to turn off the light, she stopped.

  No.

  I can’t just give up.

  I don’t want go back to that life.

  I don’t want to be that person anymore.

  She swung her legs onto the hardwood floor, pushed herself off the bed, and headed into the bathroom to fix her makeup.

  She was going back out.

  “Oh my gosh, look who made it!” Shana, noticeably wobbly, got off her stool and waved at Katrina.

  “Here, kitty kitty.” Grace wiggled her fingers at her.

  Katrina approached the bar. “Here I am. Can you believe it?”

  “I love that outfit! You look beautiful. Have a glass of wine. Do you like Malbec?”

  Katrina frowned. “I have no idea. I know nothing about wine.”

  I’m unsophisticated. I’m a fool.

  Though she was about to automatically decline, she realized that some wine sounded perfect just then.

  Why not?

  “I’ll have some though,” she said with a shrug.

  “It’s yummy. You’ll love it.” Shana put a hand on Josh’s arm. “Get her a glass, would you, sweets?”

  Josh flagged down the bartender. “Coming right up.”

  Grace clumsily tapped Josh’s shoulder. “Hey, big man, I could use a refill too while you’re at it.” She lifted her nearly empty wineglass toward Katrina in a toast. “Give the Kitty props for staying out past her bedtime.”

  “I didn’t think you were going to make it,” Shana said. “How was the show?”

  Katrina forced a smile. “It was nice.”

  Grace narrowed her eyes. “Wusswrong?”

  “Was that English?” Katrina asked.

  “We’ve been here for a while,” Shana said. “She asked what’s wrong.”

  Grace nodded. “I’m hammered. So wusswrong?”

  Katrina tried to keep smiling. “What do you mean?”

  Grace waved a tiny hand in front of Katrina’s face. “What do I mean? You look like a freaking clown with that scary fake grin, that’s what I mean. What’s wrong with you?”

  “Are you okay, Kat? Did something happen?” Shana asked.

  The smile faded, and Katrina’s shoulders slumped. “You don’t want to know.”

  Grace rubbed her tiny hands together. “Oooh, now I really want to know. Come on, Kitty, spill it.”

  Katrina could feel the tears coming again and hoped she could keep them at bay. Just then Josh handed her a glass of wine.

  He also pointed to a pickleback shot sitting on the bar.

  Katrina shook her head. “Oh, thank you, Josh, but I don’t think I could do a shot. I’ve already had a few drinks tonight.”

  “You clearly need more,” Grace slurred.

  “Come on, catch up with us,” Josh said.

  Katrina looked at the shot. Reid’s harshest words ricocheted through her head.

  Will you stop being such a tease?

  This isn’t some fairy tale.

  I don’t want anything from you. I just want to sleep with you.

  “You in?” Josh held up the glass.

  Katrina swallowed, then nodded. “I’m in.”

  Shana put her arm around Katrina’s shoulders. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Don’t give her a choice,” Grace said. “Tell her she has to talk about it. It’s not good to bottle things up. You’ll turn into a cold, angry woman, like the one who gave birth to me.”

  Katrina looked at both of them and felt the tears welling up. “Why are you two always so nice to me?”

  “Thassa really weird question.” Grace squinted at her.

  “Because we’re your friends,” Shana said.

  “It’s just that . . . I’ve just never been very good at . . . making friends,” Katrina said.

  “Nonsense,” Grace said. “Wussnot to like? You’ve made friends with me, for chrissake. I can scare away the best of them.”

  “Kat, don’t be so hard on yourself.” Shana rubbed Katrina’s upper back. “What happened tonight, sweetie?”

  “Business first.” Josh handed Katrina the shot and chaser, which she choked down as slowly as—and no more elegantly than—the one after the soccer game.

  She coughed for about ten seconds, then relayed the night’s events to her friends.

  “What a dick,” Grace slurred.

  Katrina hiccupped. “I thought he really liked me. I feel so stupid.”

  “You not stupid. He stupid,” Grace said. “Men stupid.”

  “I’m standing right here,” Josh said.

  Grace rolled her eyes. “You don’t count.”

  “I’m not sure how to take that,” Josh said.

  It was an hour and several drinks later, and Katrina was officially drunk.

  “Men suck,” Grace said.

  “Still standing here,” Josh said.

  Grace poked him in the chest. “Are you sure you’re standing, little man? Because you kind of look like you’re sitting.”

  Josh chuckled. “Look who’s talking. Didn’t you once tell me you have to sit on a phone book to be able to drive a car?”

  “I may have mentioned that,” Grace said.

  “I need to pee.” Shana wobbled off to the restroom.

  “Who needs another drink?” Josh asked.

  “Hit me.” Grace gave a thumbs-up sign.

  “I don’t think I can stand up,” Katrina said.

  “That’s another yes.” Grace gave a thumbs-up again.

  Katrina put her hand on Grace’s arm. “I’m sorry we’ve spent so much time talking about me tonight. Shana told me that you and your boyfriend broke up. I’m really sorry.”
<
br />   “He sucks. All men suck.”

  “Still here,” Josh said without turning around.

  “What happened?” Katrina asked. “I thought you said he was married, but Shana said he isn’t. Is he separated?”

  Grace laughed. “He’s not married. He’s never been married.”

  “Then why did you . . . ?”

  “I just call him married guy because he’s married to his job. I’m in love with the man, but the man is in love with his freaking job.”

  “What’s his job?”

  “He’s an IT manager at a dumbass software company in Jersey City. Stupid New Jersey.”

  “So you broke up with him because you didn’t feel like a priority? Or because he was always working?”

  Grace pointed to herself. “He dumped me. Little Chinese prick. He said he has feelings for me but has zero time left for a personal life right now, so for my sake we should just stay friends. Prick.”

  “He said for your sake you should just stay friends?”

  She nodded. “Like I’m supposed to believe that load of crap. Just man up and tell me you’re not into me, you know? Don’t wuss out and blame it on your freaking job.”

  Katrina frowned. “I’m sorry, Grace. You deserve better than that. I agree, the truth is always the best policy.”

  “He’s a coward. All men are cowards.”

  “Thank you for that,” Josh said.

  “Dude, I already told you, you don’t count.” Grace held up the silver pendant dangling at the end of the chain around her neck. “Who needs him anyway? Now I can focus on my jewelry, which is what I should have been doing all along anyway. My jewelry’s kick-ass, right, Uncle Josh?”

  “It’s the best,” he said with a cough. “And you know how much I know about women’s jewelry.”

  “Damn, I’m hammered,” Grace said out of nowhere. “Like a nail into a wall.”

  Katrina looked at Josh. “Are you guys really playing soccer again tomorrow?”

  He nodded. “Thank God the game’s not until three. It’s gonna be ugly.”

  “So ugly. Although we normally stink so bad that I doubt the other team will even notice we’re on our deathbeds,” Grace said.

  “Do you want to play?” Josh asked as he handed Katrina her glass of wine, which she feared she might drop. “I think our other girl’s back in town, but if you’re up for it, we could always use a sub.”