The Masks We Wear: High School Bully Romance (Emerald Falls Series Book 1)

by Lee Jacquot

  “Shhh, mija. I’m here now.” My aunt’s hand strokes my hair, tucking a loose piece back into my bun.

  I’m not sure how long we stand like this. Second, minutes, hours. But when I’m finally able to loosen my hold, my body and mind are spent. My shoulders fall as I back up, and I wrap my arms around my waist, partially embarrassed I’ve just slobber-sobbed on the woman.

  She steps forward, closing the gap and placing two tender hands on my shoulders, anchoring me in place. A shiver reverberates down my spine, the intimate touch is something so unfamiliar to me now, my body doesn’t know how to respond.

  Mina’s eyes soften, a small grin curling the edges of her lips. “Whatever is going on in that loca head of yours, stop it. I’m here now, and I am not going anywhere.”

  I swallow around the knot in my throat, blinking back the wall of tears now clouding my vision, and attempt a nod.

  “How about some tea?”

  “Sounds great,” I croak, wiping my face raw with the back of my hand.

  We move together, walking through the foyer to the open kitchen. She sets her jackets in a pile on the edge of the couch before strolling to the large back sliding door. Her eyes drift to the dark house, and she turns her face, calling over her shoulder. “That little boy still live back there?”

  The knot I swallowed earlier plummets to my stomach, making me nauseous. I’d told her about Spencer when I first met him. “Yeah, but he’s not so little anymore.”

  She laughs out her nose, turning to climb onto one of the barstools. “I suppose he isn’t.”

  The lightness in her tone suggests she thinks there was more to my comment, but going down that wormhole isn’t on the menu today. Today, I want to find out what happened. Where the hell she’s been and why I’ve been left alone.

  “So, how was your flight?” I initiate the small talk, moving around the kitchen to make some tea.

  “Mija, why are you nervous?” Her voice is soft and a little timid. It forces me to look over my shoulder at her while I fumble around with the kettle.

  “I’m not.” Lie.

  Well, not a complete lie. My increased heart rate and trembling knees also prove something I don’t want to admit—I’m scared. No, terrified, really. I have no idea what the hell is about to happen. If she’ll answer all the questions I have. If it will change anything. If it can heal anything.

  My aunt folds her hands on the bar, and I catch a glimpse of her fresh white tip manicure. Still no ring. I have no idea how a gem like her hasn’t been whisked away by now. Even when I was young, I saw the way her soul illuminated the world around her, casting its light into every dark crevasse. And she had the personality of your favorite warm drink. One sip, and your whole body swells with happiness.

  All this lost time.

  An ache stretches across my chest, and the small talk I had planned evaporates.

  We stay quiet as I prepare our drinks, and while the silence is welcome, it also shifts my stomach’s little contents.

  Finally, I give her a glass and lean against the opposite side of the counter.

  She stirs her tea methodically before tapping it against the lip, casting rhythmic clinks in the air. When her warm honey eyes lift to me, she grins sympathetically, sighing as she sits back. “I suppose you have a lot of questions.”

  I nod, tracing my finger around the rim of my mug. It’s warm in my hands, and I mentally anchor myself to the sensation.

  “Ask me, but know I won’t lie to you, mija. You’re old enough now to know the truth. But first, can I ask you something?”

  My eyebrows knit together, but I nod again.

  “Where is everyone? Robert, your mom?”

  My previously warm fingers start to tingle, and I lean into the counter deeper to keep myself steady. I should lie, but it burns on my tongue. “I don’t know. They haven’t lived here in months.”

  Her lips pull into a straight line, and her jaw clenches, but she doesn’t say anything. Instead, her throat bobs with a swallow, and she clears her throat. “Ask whatever you need to know, mi amor.”

  And I do. I ask her everything.

  “How are you?” Blaze grips the heel of my foot, squeezing and kneading it through the thin blanket.

  I called him after the day with my aunt, and as always, he came. The perfect knight.

  My mind is still reeling from the day, and thankfully since it’s Thanksgiving break, I have time to shift through all the shit I’m still processing. I lean back into my pillow, letting my head thunk lightly against the wall, and stare down the bed at Blaze.

  “I’m still not sure. Just a lot to take in.”

  “Summary?” His dark brow lifts, his gray eye shimmering under the soft light of my lamp.

  I peer out the window and watch the snow tumble around, dancing with other flakes as they make their descent. It’s so graceful, it’s almost like watching an intricate ballet. The whole ensemble is peaceful, lulling me into a sleepy daze.

  I’m so tired.

  Blaze squeezes my foot lightly, drawing my attention back to him.

  A summary. Where would I even start?

  “My mom never wanted kids,” I choke out the hardest part. Maybe then it will be easier to say the rest. “She never wanted me.”

  He sighs and stands, flipping off the side table light. He scootches me over and slides under the sheet beside me. The warmth of his body soothes the ache a little that’s radiating across my chest.

  Blaze leans in close, rubbing my cheek with a calloused finger, and I realize I’m crying. “You don’t have to do this today.”

  I sniff, shaking my head. “Can we just lie here for a bit?”

  Even in the dark, I feel his soft smile as he pushes me onto my side and curls up behind me, wrapping a strong arm around my waist. Blaze knows better than anyone the pain of having shitty parents. We share that commonality, and I think that’s why we have such a special bond. Somewhere between best friends and siblings, sharing a connection no one our age should have to.

  His deep hums vibrate my body, calming my mind, and thrusting me into a comfortable sleep, his words echoing as I fall.

  “I’ll sit with you in the dark until you’re ready to find the light.”

  TWENTY FOUR

  “Don’t forget to get a list of all the emails and learning portals.” My dad’s voice booms through the speaker as I finish plating my mother’s breakfast.

  I nod even though he can’t see me and make sure I have it all listed on my day’s agenda. “Yeah, I got it, Dad. Anything else?”

  He sighs, and I picture him scrubbing a hand down his face before scratching the stubble on his chin. He sounds as tired as I am. Thanksgiving break wasn’t as relaxing as I’d hoped—most of it was spent finishing things I wouldn’t be able to over the Christmas break. I uploaded the majority of my science data into the cloud so I could work on it anywhere and finished organizing some binders for next semester’s classes.

  “No, son. I just want to make sure you finish strong, even with our new circumstances.”

  A sting seeps from my heart, rolling around my chest and pinching the muscle. I rub at it absentmindedly, peering up as my mother meanders toward me. Her long gown is too big on her now, leaving the bone structure of her shoulders poking through the fabric. She moves slowly, and I don’t miss the way her thin arms trail across the back of the couch as if to help steady her.

  “It will be fine, Dad. Mom’s up. I got to go.” I turn back to my mother, setting her bowl down on the bar. “I’m running a little late today, but I have your alarms all set, and lunch and your sticky notes all done. Your favorite shows are programmed and all on timers so you don’t have to worry about a thing. Nurse will be here any minute.”

  Her lips stretch into a smile and relief surges through me. She knows me today.

  “My sweet boy. You always take such good care of your momma. You’ll make some woman very happy someday.”

  I grant her a smirk and a small chuckle.
“I don’t know about all that, Mom.”

  “Hush child. You’re perfect.” She reaches out a frail hand and I take it, grimacing when the cold extremity nearly shocks me. Her soft eyes scan my face and I feel bare beneath her stare. She’s always been good with reading me like a book, telling me things I didn’t know I needed until she said them. “You’re still sad about something.”

  I try to smile but realize I can’t, and instead just nod.

  She strokes the side of my hand with her soft thumb. “If you continue to focus on this hurt, you will continue to suffer, son. Try to remember, not all storms come to disrupt your life. Some come to tear everything down, so you can build something new.”

  This time I do smile and release her hand so I can round the bar to embrace her. Imagining life without her feels impossible yet inevitable. Creeping closer to reality and pulling me further in the dark.

  I struggle to breathe over the pain, restricting my throat and ignore the prickling at the back of my eyes.

  Hold fast, hold steady.

  After a few minutes, I grab her breakfast and help her back to the room. I set her up for the day and kiss each temple.

  “I’ll be back soon. Please get some rest.”

  She smiles and turns to her soap opera, stirring the oatmeal I know she won’t finish. “Be sweet, my precious son, and have a good day.”

  I clear my throat, and softly close the door, locking her inside.

  Just three more weeks. I can make it.

  The day lasts at least ten hours, and by the time I collapse in the chair of our experiment room, I’m two seconds away from falling asleep. Lucky, or unlucky, depending on how I look at it, Lily appears on time.

  A long black dress clings to her curves, showcasing every dip and arc of her body. I try my best to ignore the surge of blood to my dick and remind myself what a fucking bitch she is. How everyone in the damn school has a real fucked image of said dick, and she’s the reason I haven’t gotten any. And while the meaningless sex isn’t a huge deal, the distraction that comes with it is.

  I flip on the light and set the timer, focusing on the time as the numbers tick by. Today’s color is a soft shade of pink. It fills the room with a strange soft aura, and my pulse increases at the thought of the many ways today could go. The color is known to stimulate creativity and calmness, but once adjusted, can invoke feelings of agitation and passion.

  The timer buzzes and I start. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” she mirrors, and it becomes clear neither of us want to be here.

  All the better for me, I’ll make this quick.

  “How was your day?”

  She yawns, covering her mouth before examining her cuticles. “Long. How was your day?”

  “Busy.” Which is a lie. It was fucking overwhelming. Even though all the teachers and counselors were kind about my situation, getting set up to take on the load nearly caved my brain in. “How are you feeling?”

  Her eyes flicker to my lips unexpectedly, and I shift in my chair. “Better. How are you feeling?”

  Better? The phrase is loaded and I can’t lie and say I’m not curious. While I want to cuss her out for the posters from before break, and ask her what her fucking problem is, there’s something different about her too. She seems lighter maybe. Even her shoulders rest a little higher. Maybe she’s happy she fucked up all my dates?

  No, there’s something else playing behind the shimmer in her eyes.

  She clears her throat and I realize I’ve just been staring. “Anxious. If you could do anything right now, what would you do?”

  “Leave. If you could do anything right now, what would you do?”

  I sigh, sitting back and think of the millions of things I plan to do instead of working on this damn project. “Rest.”

  She scoffs, crossing her arms and purses her lips.

  Yes, the busy queen bee of Emerald Falls has so much to do, so many people to command, she probably thinks rest is for the weary.

  “What do you plan to do in the future?” I have no fucking clue why I ask her that.

  Clearly neither does she. Her arched brows furrow and she taps a long nail impatiently on the desk. “Kentucky. I’ll be cheering there.”

  “What happened to psychology?”

  She huffs, inspecting a crack on the wall next to her chair. “Please spare me the lecture I know you have. Nothing is wrong with going to a school for cheer. What if I want to cheer for the NFL one day?”

  Something close to anger bubbles underneath my skin, searing through my veins. “Football? You want these good ass grades to go shake your ass for a football team? Who the fuck has you wanting to do that? Blaze?”

  Shit. As soon as I say it, I feel like an asshole, but I can’t turn back now. And while I do think cheer is pretty badass, I can’t stop the hateful words from spewing like a toxin.

  Her chair screeches against the linoleum as she backs up, her teeth gritted as she hisses. “Don’t you dare say shit about Blaze. You don’t know him.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. But really, did he fuck all the common sense out of you? You’re going through all this trouble and giving up your dream for something you can only do while you’re young and hot?” The once light pink hue in the room has now darkened to a red. Or maybe it’s the blood rushing through my head.

  She’s let some dumbass fuck her and her head up, and the last bit of respect I had for her dwindles, burning in the flames of her ignorance.

  Lily stands, her chest heaving from her own anger beginning to boil over. Her knuckles bloom white as she clenches her fists. “Fuck you, and at least Blaze didn’t leave me to fucking rot here alone, Spencer!”

  Her words cut through me, slicing me raw. “Leave you? You’re the one who told me not to come!”

  Rage spins through me, coating each nerve in pure fire. Beads of sweat roll down my temples. If she thinks she’s going to turn this whole thing around and play the fucking victim, she’s got another thing coming.

  She did this.

  She keeps doing this.

  Lily’s head whips back, a humorless laugh shaking her body. “Are you kidding me right now? For someone so damn smart, how can you be so dense?”

  “What the fuck are you talking about, Lily? It’s clear you hate my fucking existence. So please, enlighten me as to how any of this is because of me!” I’m standing now, irritation licking up my spine and tensing every muscle in my body.

  “She’s nothing—no one to me. Just a summer friend that makes my summer suck a little less.” She spits the words like acid rain, and they hit their mark, searing into my chest.

  The conversation is one I remember because I had it a million times. Every time I came here for the summers, William would give me shit about being pussy whipped over Liliana. When I was younger, he would call it sprung, but when we grew up and figured out that sexual desire was coursing through me, he changed the phrase. And he wasn’t lying.

  I was.

  I was head over fucking heels for this short, sassy, smart, brown-head girl. The one that kept me up till two am in the treehouse reading cartoons and watching scary movies. The girl who took away the pain of watching my mother slowly deteriorate.

  She was everything.

  But like any fucking stupid ass kid, when William gave me a hard time about it, I lied. I didn’t want him constantly calling me a pussy.

  “This…” I pause, breathing slowly as I recall the time Liliana’s mood shifted one afternoon. She must have heard me talking to him somehow. “Is all because of a conversation you weren’t even supposed to hear?”

  A bitter laugh echoes in the space between us. “No shit, Sherlock.”

  “Lily. Why the fuck didn’t you ask me about it? I would have fucking explained!” I rake a hand through my hair, gripping it by the roots. “All this time.”

  All the lost time over a misunderstanding.

  I want to punch my fucking face in. “We were best friends, for fuck’s sake, Lily. I would have told you
—”

  “Told me what? Made up some lies so I would forgive you? Make—”

  “That I loved you! And I didn’t want to keep hearing shit from Will.” I bark, unable to keep the confession locked away. It’s the past, but it’s the truth. A truth she needs to hear, even if it isn’t the case anymore.

  Her hazel eyes widen, and her mouth drops open but nothing comes out for a full minute. “What?”

  “To which part? That I loved you?” I scoff, rolling my eyes. “Come on, Lily. Anyone with fucking eyes could tell I was crazy about you. Had been since the day I saw you climbing your trees with those yellow ribbons in your hair.”

  Even as a kid, when my soul saw hers, it smiled. I just didn’t know what it meant back then.

  She shakes her head, her gaze locked on the desk between us. When she speaks, I think it’s more to herself than to me. “That’s not possible.”

  I answer her anyway. “Yes, it is. I was, and if you would have just talked to me, all this could have been avoided.”

  A hollowness expands in my chest and my feet move of their own accord, carrying me around the desk. I reach up, grabbing both sides of her face, and force it so she’s looking at me. Our breaths mingle, and my stomach clenches when I smell the sweet honey coasting off her lips, reminding me of their taste.

  “Why didn’t you just talk to me?” She tries to jerk away from me, but I hold her still. She doesn’t get to run away this time. “Talk to me.”

  Lily’s eyes fill with tears and finally, they spill over, running down her cheeks and dripping onto my wrists. “You left me.”

  My entire body tenses. The sight of her breaking down cracks open a piece of my chest, surging around my heart and squeezing. There is something so much deeper than I can see, and even with everything that’s happened... I still want to see her. To fix whatever has made her feel like she has to wear this facade, because it can’t be just from me.

  I rub away one tear with my thumb and she closes her eyes, leaning into my palm. Whoever we were ten minutes ago slips away, leaving two best friends who’ve missed the fuck out of each other.