Gin and Daggers

by Donald Bain

  The phone rang again. This time I instinctively picked it up. “Hello,” I said.

  “Jessica, it’s Lucas. You answered your own phone.”

  “Purely involuntary, I assure you. I suppose we ought to get together and talk about this evening.”

  “Of course we should. You have a major speech to give.”

  “I know, and I’m beginning to wish I didn’t. Are you free for lunch?”

  “I kept it open, hoping you and I could meet. How are you?”

  “With the exception of being mugged last night, fine.”

  He gulped. “Who, where, when, why?”

  I laughed. “You left out ‘What?’ Not to worry, Lucas, I’m all right.”

  “I told you to be careful,” he said sternly.

  “Yes, and I should have listened. I promise you I will from this moment on. Where are we having lunch?”

  “I was leaning toward the Connaught, or Le Gavroche, but we won’t have time to linger, so I thought a pub was probably more sensible. The Victoria, on Strathearn Place, Bayswater, is pleasant. I won’t have a chance to pick you up at the hotel. Noon?”

  I’d written down the name of the pub and its address, and told him I’d be there on time.

  I returned the call to George Sutherland at Scotland Yard. “Mrs. Fletcher, how are you?”

  “Fine, thank you.”

  “I received a report about what happened to you last night. Dreadful shame.”

  “My first and only mugging,” I said. “It was terribly upsetting at the time, but I’m feeling better today.” Why would he have received a report of a run-of-the-mill mugging in a city the size of London, I wondered. I asked him.

  “Insightful of you to question that, Mrs. Fletcher. The fact is I have made it known to the authorities that I have a special interest in Jessica Fletcher, and that I am to receive any news regarding you during your stay.”

  I didn’t know whether to be flattered or concerned. I decided not to pursue the matter further. I knew what his response would be, flattering undoubtedly, but hardly telling. I asked, “Anything new on Marjorie Ainsworth’s murder?”

  “As a matter of fact…” Was he going to finish what he’d started to say? I hoped so. He did. “Miss Ainsworth had two Spanish gardeners working on the grounds. One of them tried to sell a wristwatch to a jeweler in Crumpsworth. It belonged, it turns out, to Miss Ainsworth.”

  “That’s very interesting,” I said, “but it wouldn’t necessarily mean that he killed her. He obviously had access to the house and might simply have picked it up from a table where Marjorie had inadvertently left it.”

  “My sentiments exactly, but you did ask if anything was new, and I’m afraid that’s all I have to offer at the moment.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be discourteous.”

  “Mrs. Fletcher, I seriously doubt whether you even possess the capability of being discourteous. I would like to ‘touch base’ with you again, as I believe you say in America. Would it be possible for me to drop round sometime later this afternoon?”

  That sounded pleasant, but I knew the day was going to be frenetic because of the opening of the conference. I said, “Inspector Sutherland, I would love to meet with you again, but I wonder if we could make it another day, perhaps tomorrow. The conference I came to attend starts this evening, and I am the opening speaker. You can imagine the case of nerves I’ll develop as the day progresses.”

  There was that warm, gentle laugh again. “Yes, I can well understand. I’ve faced many difficult situations in my life, including hardened criminals hell-bent on doing away with me, and seldom flinched. But having to get up and speak to a group of people would reduce me to jelly, I’m afraid.”

  I doubted that, but it was good of him to sympathize. I promised I would call him the next day.

  The Victoria Tavern, a tall and typically high Victorian structure, lies between the intersection of Bayswater Road and Edgware Road, an area sometimes known as Tyburnia. It’s surrounded with large elegant mansions, most erected during the 1840’s.

  Lucas was there when I arrived; he was always on time and usually early. He’d secured a small table off to the comer in the restaurant portion of the pub called “Our Mutual Friend.”

  “What a lovely pub,” I said as I joined him.

  “A real favorite of mine,” he said. “Look.” He pointed to a far wall. “Not long ago they restored a painting on that wall and discovered it was a valuable portrait of a long-deceased member of the royal family. The owner presented it to the Queen, and it’s now part of the royal portrait collection.”

  “How generous,” I said.

  “For an American perhaps,” he replied. I let the comment pass. “Well, tell me all about this vicious assault on you.”

  There wasn’t much to tell, but I gave him as much detail as possible, knowing he thrived on such things. When I was finished, he asked if anything was new in the Ainsworth murder. I told him of my conversation with Inspector Sutherland, and about the arrest of the Spanish gardener.

  “What a break,” he said.

  “I don’t think so. As I told Inspector Sutherland, the gardener might have picked it up anywhere in the house. It doesn’t necessarily have a connection with the murder.”

  Lucas thought for a moment before saying, “You’re absolutely right, Jessica. The thought of Marjorie Ainsworth being murdered by a common laborer is too dismaying to contemplate. It has to have been done by someone with better credentials than that.”

  I couldn’t help laughing at the pomposity in what he’d said. “I’m famished,” I said.

  Later, after I’d consumed a lunch of Scotch eggs-hardboiled eggs wrapped in saveloy, a highly seasoned sausage-and Lucas had put away a ploughman’s lunch (he insisted we order a glass of Tusker Bitter and Wethered Bitter, and do a taste test; he swore the Wethered was better, although I couldn’t discern any difference), I asked him whether he’d ever heard of a London private detective named Jimmy Biggers.

  You never had to wonder what Lucas Darling was thinking. His face was like a television screen, his thoughts playing on it in Technicolor. The mention of Mr. Biggers’s name brought forth an expression of horror usually reserved for the discovery of corpses.

  “You do know him.”

  “Oh, Jessica, of course I know him. Why do you mention him?”

  “He’s called me at the hotel a couple of times.”

  “Don’t call him back.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because”-he leaned closer and whispered conspiratorially-“ Jimmy Biggers is not famous in London, Jessica. He’s infamous.”

  “Really? Sounds intriguing.”

  “He’s a rotter who operates barely on this side of the law.”

  “Tell me more.”

  “Jimmy Biggers… Well, do you remember the murder a year or two ago of the professor at Cambridge?”

  I shook my head.

  “He was one of Cambridge ’s most esteemed and revered professors of ancient Greek literature. His name was Pickings, Sir Reginald Pickings. They found him lying face down along the bank of the river that runs through town. He’d been badly bludgeoned. The Cambridge police came up empty-handed, and the crime went unsolved for months. Then the university quietly hired Mr. Biggers, and he sussed the culprit in less than a week.”

  “ ‘Sussed’?”

  “Suspected-identified the student who’d murdered Sir Reginald and who, by the way, had been involved in a nasty homosexual relationship with him. Biggers is not a shy man. He milked that case to the limit, had his picture in every newspaper almost daily for two weeks.”

  “I’m impressed. Maybe he could be helpful in solving…”

  That look of horror came over Lucas’s face again. “Marjorie’s murder? Out of the question. Forget it. The man’s friends are prostitutes and yobs-”

  “ ‘Yobs’?”

  Lucas sighed and said, “Oh, Jessica, I really must give you a course in British slang. Thugs
. Yobs are thugs.”

  “Thank you for the translation.”

  “My pleasure.” He looked at his watch. “We must go.” He placed money on the check, stood, took his umbrella and raincoat from where he’d hung them on a coat tree, and was at the door before I could even gather my things. He’d hailed a taxi by the time I joined him outside, and we headed for the Savoy.

  “How is your speech shaping up?” he asked.

  “I really haven’t given it much thought, but I intend to devote the afternoon to that.”

  By the time the cocktail party preceding the ISMW dinner had started, I was fully prepared for the evening ahead. I walked into the party and was struck immediately with how different this meeting was from the previous ones. The differences involved two things. First, the number of people far exceeded that of any previous convention. I couldn’t be sure whether it was because more members were in attendance, or whether the ranks had been swelled by the number of media people present. There were television cameras-something I’d never seen before at these meetings-and a horde of print journalists circulating through the room. The minute they saw me come in, they converged. “Please, no, I really have nothing to say about Marjorie Ainsworth’s unfortunate death. I have a speech to give tonight and would like to focus my attention on that. Please, try to understand.” They were, as media people tend to be, unwilling to abide by my wishes, but I brusquely walked through the cluster they’d formed around me and went to the bar, where I ordered a ginger ale. I was nervous enough without having to worry about the possible effects of an alcoholic beverage.

  The second thing that was different was the intensity in the room. Mystery writers, like most writers, tend to be a low-key species. Previous meetings of ISMW had always been characterized by a quiet, introspective atmosphere. Not tonight; there was a sense of urgency that was almost palpable, undoubtedly caused by the presence of so many media people and the meaning of Marjorie’s untimely and brutal death. I was also acutely aware that I was indeed the center of attention, and probably would be for the rest of the night, not because I was making a speech, but because of the circumstances surrounding my relationship with Marjorie and my having found her body. It was too late to wish those things away, and I didn’t try.

  “Jessica, how good to see you again,” Clayton Perry, Marjorie’s American publisher, said. He was standing with a glass of tonic water in his hand, his wife, Renée, at his side.

  “Such excitement,” I said.

  “Certainly not unexpected,” Perry said. “How are you holding up?”

  “Fine… I think. You?”

  “Oh, we’re doing quite nicely,” Renée Perry said. “If one is to be detained anywhere, I can’t think of a more pleasant place than London.”

  I looked past them to where a knot of journalists had cornered someone. My eyes widened. “Isn’t that Inspector Coots from Crumpsworth?” I asked.

  The Perrys turned. “Yes, it is,” Clayton Perry said. “I understand he’s here by invitation of the society.”

  “Why would the society invite him?” I asked.

  Perry shrugged and sipped his drink. “You know Lucas, Jessica, he’s absolutely thrilled at the publicity the society is receiving this year. Having Coots giving out his pompous statements to the press from the convention will undoubtedly secure more newspaper space, and time on television.”

  “Excuse me,” I said, moving away from them to where Lucas was in an animated conversation with Marjorie’s American agent, Bruce Herbert. Listening in on what they were saying was Marjorie’s British publisher, Archibald Semple, and a man I did not recognize. He was short and slender. Multiple tufts of carrot-red hair sprouted from his head, as though planted there. His suit was an iridescent black. He wore a yellow shirt and narrow black tie. As I approached, I noticed his face was heavily freckled. I also observed a bulge beneath his suit jacket that could be nothing but a revolver.

  “Aha, Jessica, your ears must be burning,” Herbert said, enthusiastically shaking my hand. “You’ve been the subject of an interesting discussion here.”

  “I hope the words were kind,” I said.

  “More than kind, Mrs. Fletcher, glowing,” Semple said. He, too, took my hand but, unlike the agent’s, his hand was cold and codlike.

  “Jessica, allow me to introduce you to Mr. Biggers.”

  “Jimmy Biggers?” I asked.

  “Yes, and I don’t blame you for not returning my calls. I wouldn’t have.” He smiled, exposing a set of teeth that leaned toward the color of his shirt. A cigarette dangled from the fingers of one hand; a lot of nicotine had stuck to those teeth.

  “Quite an interesting cast of characters has been assembled here this evening,” I said. “Usually the only ones who attend are ISMW members.”

  “Yes, a motley crew indeed. I do hope you’ll give me a few minutes of your undivided attention when the dinner is over, Mrs. Fletcher,” Biggers said.

  I wasn’t sure whether I would or not, so I said nothing.

  “Jessica, Archibald and I have brainstormed a wonderful idea for you,” Herbert said.

  “Oh? Tell me.”

  “What would you think of writing a nonfiction book about the murder of Marjorie Ainsworth and the eventual resolution of the case?”

  I looked down into my glass and thought for a moment, then looked up and said, “I think it’s a dreadful idea.”

  “Why?” Semple asked. “Who better to do such a book? We all know that the minute her murder has been solved and the trial concluded, a dozen writers will turn out purple prose about it. As one of Marjorie’s close friends, you would certainly do it with more sensitivity, more compassion.”

  “It’s really worth considering, Jessica,” Bruce Herbert said.

  “Well, I… Yes, I will consider it. Thank you for thinking of me.”

  A dinner bell struck by Lucas, and sounding more like the bell announcing the beginning and end of rounds in a boxing match, heralded that we were to go into the main ballroom for dinner, and for the evening’s presentations. I was relieved; all I wanted to do was to find some time alone and mentally prepare myself. Fortunately, I was seated on the dais with Lucas, and with members of that year’s slate of ISMW officers, none of whom seemed interested in discussing Marjorie with me.

  Lucas welcomed everyone and suggested we enjoy our meal before the “important and fascinating presentations begin.”

  The meal was splendid, as it always was at these yearly gatherings. Lucas’s penchant for good food was as well known as his zealous championing of the society, and he always saw to it that the chef, no matter which the hotel, was inspired to reach beyond the typical meeting fare. We began with oysters and caviar in Champagne sauce, went on to truffle-scented chicken consommé, and a choice of Dover sole sautéed with leeks or rack of lamb with stewed shallots for the main course. The most delicate raspberry and lemon sherbert I had ever tasted was the dessert.

  Lucas stood at the microphone and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, fellow authors, friends, I welcome you here tonight for the opening of what promises to be the most interesting and successful ISMW conference in our history. I’m sure you all approve of the dinner that was so caringly and expertly prepared by the glorious staff of the Savoy.” There was applause. He rubbed his hands and announced with considerable glee, “It is time to commence the grisly business at hand.” He gave me an embarrassingly flowery introduction.

  I stepped to the microphone and looked out over the crowd. I spotted him immediately in the far right-hand corner of the large room: Chief Inspector George Sutherland. It seemed as if every law enforcement agency and individual involved with the Marjorie Ainsworth murder had been invited to attend, and to hear me speak.

  I’d rewritten my speech to include opening remarks about Marjorie, about the dreadful thing that had happened to her, and about how we would all miss her presence as both a person, as well as a professional inspiration for every writer of the genre. I got through that portion nicely, althou
gh I did have to fight back a tear or two. Then I launched into the major thrust of my remarks, which dealt primarily with the unparalleled popularity of the murder mystery in today’s fiction marketplace, and how it had crossed over the line from genre fiction into the mainstream of literature. I had sprinkled many examples throughout my notes and, as I progressed, found myself becoming more comfortable, more at ease, and actually enjoying the experience.

  Until…

  It happened so fast, without warning. The man wore a black raincoat and tweed cap. He burst from behind swinging doors that led to the kitchen, and carried the longest sword I had ever seen. It was held in both his hands and was pointed directly at me. He yelled as he ran toward the dais, “You killed the Queen, you killed the Queen… Death to the Queen killer!”

  I stood frozen at the podium. A few people reached for him, but he was moving too fast, passed right by them, the sword held high, a maniacal look in his eyes.

  Jimmy Biggers stuck out his foot from where he sat, tripping the man, the sword flying in one direction, he the other. Biggers was on him in a second, twisting his arms behind his back and yelling for help. It was Montgomery Coots who was first at the scene, but he seemed unsure of what to do. Then two young men in business suits jumped up from a table and raced to where Biggers held the attacker down. One of them pulled out handcuffs from beneath his jacket and secured the crazed man’s wrists behind his back.

  There was bedlam in the room. Lucas came to my side, grabbed both my arms, and led me to my seat.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “A madman, demented, hell-bent on killing you because he thinks you murdered Marjorie.”

  “Good Lord.”

  “I told you it could happen, Jessica, just as I told you to be careful on the streets of London.”

  We all watched as the two plainclothes policemen led the man from the room. He continued to yell over his shoulder that I had robbed Great Britain and the literary world of Marjorie Ainsworth. It was a great relief to have him out of the room, his irrational threats suddenly muffled by the slamming of a door.