Once Dead, Twice Shy

by Kim Harrison

  “Cold,” he said, hiding his hand under the table.

  “Can you hear me better?” I asked, and he nodded. This had to be the weirdest thing I’d ever done. Destroying the amulet’s threads as they turned from future to present was almost easy now. Like humming to background music when you’re doing your homework. I’d done it. I’d finally learned something, and the relief for that was almost enough to make me cry.

  “Excellent,” Josh said, smiling as I went totally invisible again, much to Grace’s disgust. “If you can do this, you can take that amulet for sure.”

  I laughed, and Josh pressed into the cushions.

  “Don’t laugh when you’ve ghosted like that,” he said as he looked around the coffee shop. “It’s really weird. Man, I’m going to have more nightmares.”

  I think I flashed visible for an instant when the front door opened, surprising me. I tightened my awareness on the amulet’s threads, taking out a chunk of them and going dizzy for an instant until I steadied myself and fell into a pattern of destroying them in a smooth progression. I looked up when Josh stiffened, seeing two people angling toward us, a third still at the counter, ordering.

  I froze, wondering what to do. They’d seen Josh here alone. I couldn’t just pop back into existence. But then I made a face when I recognized the tall girl in a designer tank top and short shorts as Amy, looking like summer incarnate as she sauntered over with Len behind her. Parker was at the counter paying for everything as usual. All three were on the track team.

  Amy hung with the popular girls. Nice on the surface, but I’d tried to be a popular girl at my old school long enough to know that surface was often just that. She usually went with Len unless she was punishing him for cheating on her. But after having seen Len in action, I didn’t feel sorry for her at all.

  Len was a big guy, and he liked to slam kids up against lockers when the teachers weren’t looking, laughing and playing up to them like it was a joke so they would willingly trade the humiliation for five seconds of being noticed by the popular guy. Though he wasn’t the fastest person on the track team, he was charming—especially in his own mind—and he treated girls like ice cream—sampling a new flavor each month for a day or two. He was good-looking enough that the girls he went after let him get away with it, a fact that irritated me to no end.

  Parker seemed nice enough, but I had a feeling they let him hang with them because he put up with their abuse, hungry to belong. Seeing him paying for everything now made me ill. I’d almost been a Parker once, trying anything, enduring everything, even making excuses for others in my effort to belong. If not for Wendy, I might have caved and become that person. It wasn’t worth it. Not by a long shot.

  “Hi, Josh,” Amy said cheerfully as she cocked her hip and put one hand flat on the table. “So where’s Madison A-very-freaky-girl? Still pushing her bike down the road?”

  Peeved, I scooted into the corner of the booth, cutting threads like mad to stay invisible.

  Josh gave her a sour look as he did a hand-slapping thing with Len. “She’s really nice, okay? Don’t call her that anymore.”

  “Oh?” Amy sat, making me shrink back farther. “You’re the one who started it.”

  I scrambled up and climbed over the seat to stand on the cushion of the adjacent booth when Len sat and Amy shifted down.

  “That was before I got to know her,” Josh said, his ears going red. “She’s cool.”

  Amy scoffed, picking up my shopping bag with a pinkie and moving it closer so she could look inside. “Doing a little shopping?” she taunted, and if I could pick things up, I would have shoved a chunk of ice down the back of her shirt. “We saw you at the mall.”

  Josh’s eyes scanned the room, looking for me, probably. If I was smart, I’d duck into the girls’ bathroom, go visible, and come back. But I stayed. “It’s Madison’s. She’s taking pictures tomorrow and needed a new card,” he said, taking the bag back. “You should give her a chance. You’d like her.”

  “Doubt it,” Amy said dryly, then took the iced coffee that Parker had brought over. “Where does she live? Hidden Lake? Like there was ever a lake in that middle-class slum.”

  My teeth gritted, and I snipped a rush of lines before I became visible.

  “That’s really classy, Amy,” Josh said bitingly. I glanced at Parker, knowing he lived down the street from me. His lips were pressed together and he wouldn’t look at anyone.

  Amy brought her knees up, sitting sideways with her feet on the bench seat to look coy. “I think Josh is sweet on his new little friend. God! She has purple hair. What a freak.”

  Josh exhaled slowly, eyes down. If I hadn’t already been dead, I would have died right then. My fingers reached to touch my hair, and I vowed to put a green streak in it next week. Beside me, I could see Grace starting to get angry, her eyes almost shooting sparks.

  “I told you that you look better without these,” Amy said as she took Josh’s glasses off and set them on the table. “She’s weird and a bitch,” she said, so casually it shocked me. “You said it yourself. Why are you hanging with such a Meg!”

  It sounded innocuous, but I was up on my Brit slang. It meant Most Embarrassing Gal or Guy. Great.

  Looking pained, Josh glanced up. “I said that before I knew her, okay?” he said loudly. “What is it to you, anyway? Still mad about me dumping you last year?”

  Len laughed, reaching to give Parker a high five. “Right before the prom!” he said, cramming three fries in his mouth. “If I’d had a camera, I’d be a millionaire.”

  My eyes widened. Whoa. He dumped her, then took me out? No wonder she hated me.

  Amy’s eyes narrowed. “Oh, for God’s sake. She’s so freaked that even the Goths won’t have her. A total case!”

  Len leaned forward with his arms flat on the table. “Amy’s right,” he said seriously. “You can do better than her. You’re a senior.”

  A total case? He could do better? My emotions swung full circle, and I gritted my teeth, so ticked I could scream. I should’ve walked away. I should have walked away and not listened.

  Grace’s beating wings gave off a tight hum, and I heard her say, “There once was a girl from Lake Powell, whose mouth was something quite foul. The crap she did spew, like an overfull loo, till I smacked her right into a wall.”

  Depressed, I sank down in the seat of the next booth over, still cutting threads, still invisible. “That doesn’t rhyme,” I whispered, wiping under my eye. Damn it, I wasn’t going to cry because of what Amy said.

  “Maybe not,” Grace said tartly, “but that’s what’s going to happen.”

  “Shake her off, dude,” Len said. “Do it, or she’s going to be hanging on you all year.”

  “You ever think I might want to hang with her all year?” Josh said angrily. “She’s a lot more fun than you, so afraid of what everyone else thinks you can’t even pick out your own clothes without calling someone. And that’s her drink, weenis.”

  “I can’t believe you brought her here!” Amy said loudly. “This is our place!”

  I perked up, starting to feel better when Josh said, “Better go, unless you want to see her. You might have to be nice, and a smile would probably crack your perfect face, Amy.”

  Quietly I got up to look over the back of the booth seat. Josh was red with anger. Len seemed unsure, and Parker was clearly uncomfortable as he messed with his iced coffee. In a quick motion, Amy shoved her feet into Len to make him move so she could get out. “Later, dude,” Len said as he and Amy stalked off.

  Parker gave Josh an uneasy look and stood. From the front of the hangout/skate park, Amy mocked, “Bye, Josh,” as she waited by the door.

  I knew my expression was ugly as Parker followed Len to the door. Josh exhaled, then whispered, “Madison, I’m sorry. Are you still here? They’re jerks. Don’t listen to them. I said that stuff before I knew you. I’m an ass. Please come back. I’m sorry. I…I like your hair.”

  Frustrated, I scrambled ove
r the back of the booth seat and slid down. The seat was still warm from Amy. Yuck. I focused on my amulet, taking a moment to let the lines form, violet threads from the stone, to me, and to the present, grounding me in a brand-new past. Josh’s gaze darted to mine when I became visible, but I couldn’t look at him. The guardian angel seemed to relax, going to sit in the light fixture, where her faint glow was lost. “Nothing like knowing your spot in the pecking order, huh?” I muttered.

  Josh shifted uneasily. “They’re idiots,” he said as he pushed my drink back to me. “I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things before. I didn’t know you then.”

  I fiddled with the straw, unable to meet his eyes. “They are your friends.”

  He shrugged. “Not really. Amy thinks her sweat doesn’t stink. Len is a bully I wouldn’t let pound me in third grade—we have a weird truce in which we pretend to be friends so he doesn’t have to try to beat me up again. Parker…I think they let him hang around because they need someone to pick on, and he’s so desperate to belong that he lets them.”

  I took a sip of my drink, shivering as the icy soda slid down. If this was who Josh hung with, no surprise he liked me. I was starting to feel better, though, especially when I heard a muffled yelp from the parking lot and saw Amy step back from Len’s truck, her hand over her face. She was yelling something about her nose. Beside me, a haze of light giggled.

  “Thanks,” I said shyly to Josh. “For sticking up for me, I mean.”

  Josh’s smile made my heart flip-flop. “Forget it,” he said as he picked at his fries.

  But I wouldn’t. Ever.

  His blue eyes met mine as he put his glasses back on. “And you can go invisible.”

  “Ye-e-e-ep,” I drawled, suffused with a feeling of satisfaction. Leaning back, I laced my fingers and extended my arms, cracking my knuckles. It was hard to stay upset with jerks when you could go invisible. “Kairos doesn’t have a chance. All we have to do is find a quiet spot, you distance yourself enough from me that black wings can sense you, Kairos shows up, and I slip in invisible-like and lift his amulet.” I smiled. “Then we run away fast, and he’ll have to leave until he can make a new amulet.”

  He laughed at the running-away part, and I felt good. Finishing his fries, he glanced at his watch. It had more buttons than a calculator. “So, we doing this?”

  I glanced out the windows at the lengthening shadows. “Yup. Not here, though. Do you know of an alley or something?”

  “Mmmm, how about Rosewood Park?”

  Grace’s hum grew louder, and she dropped down from the light fixture to hover inches before my face. “Madison, I’m just a first-sphere angel and all, but don’t do this. Don’t go invisible again. Wait for Barnabas. Please. It feels dangerous.”

  Waving her away, I said, “I can’t wait for Barnabas. Besides, if you can’t see me, neither can Kairos. You can’t catch what you can’t see.”

  “What about other things, Madison?” she asked, worried. “There are other things. If I can’t see you, maybe something else can.”

  That was a nasty thought, and I sat back against the hard seat, pondering it.

  “What did she say?” Josh asked, trying to see her by following my eyes.

  I sighed dramatically to downplay her concern. “She doesn’t want me to go invisible because she can’t see me. Thinks it’s dangerous.”

  An indignant harrumph filled my ear. “It’s not that I can’t see you. It’s that something else might be able to.”

  Josh’s eyebrows went higher. “I didn’t know it wasn’t safe.”

  “It’s safe enough,” I protested. “Besides, if we don’t face Kairos now, what happens tonight? It’s not like you can spend the night at my house. My dad’s cool, but telling him we need to stay together so my guardian angel can keep you safe isn’t going to work. Personally, I’d rather face Kairos now than my dad after I break curfew.”

  Josh made a face. “I don’t especially want to get in trouble, either.”

  Frustrated, I took a sip of pop. I’d be grounded for a month if I didn’t show up for dinner—if I was lucky. But Josh wouldn’t make it through the night if we didn’t do something. “Breaking curfew one too many times was how I got shipped up here,” I said softly, almost to myself. “Besides, what will that get us? Come morning, when they track us down, you’ll be yanked to the other side of town and I’ll be locked in my room. Fat lot of good that will do us. No, we face Kairos now, while we have some choice of how and when.”

  “Madison, no,” Grace protested, her wings going so fast I think Josh could almost see her glow. “Wait until Ron or Barnabas gets back. Do it then.”

  An exasperated noise slipped from me. “If either one of them were here, I wouldn’t have to do it at all. That’s the whole point!”

  “But I don’t think you’re doing it right,” she said, backing up slightly. “I should be able to hear your soul singing even when you go invisible, and I can’t! Please don’t do this.”

  “Either we do this thing now,” I said, hoping Josh was getting the gist of this, “or we break curfew, buying us only the time between now and when our parents catch us. I’m not willing to risk Josh’s life in the hope that Ron will be back by then. So unless you want to stay with Josh tonight, we have no reason to wait for Barnabas.”

  I froze and Josh looked up at me, wonder in his eyes.

  “Hey, that’s not a bad idea,” I said, pulling forward in the seat as Grace hovered backward. “My guardian angel could go with you tonight. You’d be safe and neither of us will get in trouble.”

  “Huh?” It was a tiny utterance, sounding odd coming from a ball of light. “No. I’ve been charged to watch you. Ron himself set me the task to keep you out of trouble. Safe.”

  “Yeah, well, if you don’t go with Josh, then I’m going to find Kairos and get into major trouble.”

  Josh leaned in conspiratorially. “What is she saying?”

  Smiling, I tapped my fingernails on the table. The answer had been staring me in the face all afternoon, singing limericks. “If my guardian angel stays with you, you’ll be okay. She can hide your aura, same as me.”

  “What about you?” Josh asked as Grace swung back and forth in agitation.

  “I’ll be fine!” I said confidently. “He doesn’t know my new amulet resonance. Doesn’t know where I live. They can’t find me unless they find you first. And if they do, I’ll just go invisible.” I turned to the ball of light. “So you see, it’s in my best interest that you go with Josh.”

  “No,” she said forcefully. “It doesn’t work that way. I was told to stay with you.”

  “And I’m telling you to stay with him!” I exclaimed, then lowered my voice as three skinny guys came out of the snake pit with their boards tucked under their arms.

  The glowing ball of light came so close to my face I jerked back. “Look, missy,” Grace said sharply, “you can’t tell me to go anywhere. I have my order from Ron, and, baby, you’re not Ron.”

  Frustrated, I leaned forward until she backed up. “Go with him, Grace,” I intoned. “Now. Until I say different. Otherwise, I’m going ghost and doing this tonight.”

  “Grace?” the guardian angel whispered as her glow dimmed. “You gave me a name?”

  Josh was starting to look uncomfortable, which I could understand, since he couldn’t see her and it looked like I was yelling at him. Lips pressed, I glared at the glow over the table. I refrained from pointing a finger at the stubborn angel, but just. “Grace—”

  “I’ll go with him,” she said, her glow briefly becoming brighter. It was meek and mild, and she shocked my next words right out of me. “Madison,” she continued, “if you get me into trouble, I’m going to be so mad at you! I’ve never been a guardian before. You’re my first charge, and if I mess this up, I have to go back to sensitivity training for the living.”

  I stared as Grace shifted a bare three inches to move closer to Josh.

  “I’ll stay with him,�
�� she said, her voice flowing like liquid.

  Josh was watching my stunned surprise with an inquiring look. “What just happened?”

  Puzzled, I straightened. “Uh, she’s going to stay with you,” I said, and he exhaled in relief.

  Eyebrows high, he leaned back. “So…we’re going to wait?”

  I nodded, much to Grace’s relief. “But not any longer than tomorrow,” I added, and she bristled, if the orange sparks she was shooting out meant anything. “If Barnabas or Ron doesn’t show by morning, then I’m going to call Kairos out. Take his amulet.”

  “Shoot ’em down. Do your stuff,” Josh added, laughing. “Good. That will give us some time to come up with a plan better than ‘get him.’ Tell you what. I’ll come over tomorrow morning to pick you up to go to the carnival, and we’ll go out to Rosewood Park instead to take care of Kairos. That way, you can get your angel back right away.”

  “That sounds like a plan,” I said, glancing at Grace as she made an odd noise: part disapproval, part evil planning, part frustration. I didn’t like the deception, but what would I tell my dad? Hi, Dad. Evil Father Time is going to kill Josh. Not to worry, since I’m going to steal his source of power again. I’ll be back before lunch. Kiss-kiss!

  “I’ll get you home then,” Josh said, standing up and gathering his stuff. “Do you have my cell number?”

  “No,” I said, distracted as I thought over what just happened. Dang, I had given an angel an order, and she had taken it. Went from outright defiance to agreement. And as I drank the last of my pop so we could get out of there, I shivered.

  Me commanding angels. That couldn’t be good.

  Seven

  The sky was blue, the temperature was fabulous, and there was just a hint of a breeze. It was a perfect day. Or it would be, if I could get back inside before my dad woke up.

  A few streets over, the morning traffic was a soft hush, and I quietly leaned my bike against the side of the garage and squinted at my watch in the post-dawn light. Six forty. Dad liked to sleep in on Saturday, but seeing as I had to be out the door in less than an hour, it was likely that he’d be up by now. I should have come home sooner, but it had been hard to trust Grace and leave Josh’s street—especially after spotting that black wing on the distant horizon.