Once Dead, Twice Shy

by Kim Harrison

  Nakita felt it and jerked, but her hand was still on me and I wasn’t invisible. I couldn’t cut the lines from her amulet to me without taking control of it, and I couldn’t take control of it unless I claimed it. Do that, and I’d be blown to dust. But her sword, I thought suddenly. It was made from her amulet. A direct connection to it. Maybe if I worked through that…

  Nakita’s sound of surprise pulled my eyes open. Grace was above Josh, bathing him in a haze of light. She was beautiful and savage, a harsh beauty that hurt to look at. And she was crying. Crying for me. I tried to tell her it would be okay, but I couldn’t think of the words.

  Something fell on me, sending me staggering. I would have fallen if not for Nakita holding me up. I met her eyes, and they widened. Her lips opened, and horror crossed her face.

  Unexpected and overwhelming pain jerked me stiff. I fell to a knee when Nakita shoved me away. In sudden terror, I realized what it was. A black wing. A black wing had found me.

  Cold so deep it felt like fire pushed from my spine and into my mind. I gasped, unable to scream. It wasn’t death. It was the sensation of never having existed, of never being. The black wing was taking my memories and leaving emptiness in its place. It was destroying me, stripping my past away, moment by moment.

  Instinct pushed me backward to the earth. Frantic with pain, I tried to scrape the black wing off, writhing. I reached to pull it free, but the cold sheet hung like a second, sucking skin. It was eating my soul, burning where I touched it with my hands!

  I got to my feet, agony in every move. I stood, staggering as another fell on me. Shocked, I could do nothing. The pain had shifted me back to being visible—I couldn’t even see my amulet, much less the lines of connection—and, wobbling, I looked at Nakita.

  I had failed. I’d made a mistake, and I was going to die. Clever, beautiful Nakita had gained my end and the stone with no trouble at all. If I did nothing, I was going to be eaten out of existence. I should be happy. I’d had an extra summer of life. But it wasn’t enough, and I refused my end even as I saw it. All I needed was her damned sword. It connected directly with her amulet, and through it, I was sure I could sever the ties it was making to me.

  “You may be a dark reaper,” I said as my limbs seemed to go numb, “but you don’t know crap about human determination.”

  She blinked, eyes wide and confused. Gritting my teeth, I went for her.

  Two years of practice kicked in, and I planted my left foot on the ground beside her right, then spun to stand sideways next to her, my right elbow swinging with all my momentum toward her middle. I hit Nakita’s gut hard. She bent forward, muscles seizing.

  Her blade hung slack, and I grabbed it above her fingers. It was mine and hers both. In my mind’s eye, I could see our two amulets and all the lines holding me to the now.

  Realizing I was trying to take it, Nakita put her hand above mine that was gripping her sword. We both held it. I had to go misty. The sword would come with me if I did. But I hurt.

  If I couldn’t do this, Josh would die. I wouldn’t let him die just because I was afraid of pain. The decision was easy.

  My hand ached under the angel’s grip. I gave in to the pain. I let it wash through me and away, leaving me scoured clean of everything but my will. Euphoria rose, a false high as my mind tried to protect itself. Exhilarated and powerful, I exhaled, blowing on the ties connecting me to the present—and with the breath of my will, all of them shriveled like silk threads in flame. Her sword was mine.

  “No!” Nakita shouted, pulling back as she felt her blade go invisible with me. I was the mist, and she couldn’t hold me, but she lunged as if she could. Instinct brought my hand up, and the reaper passed right through me, her amulet blazing like a violet flame.

  Nakita’s face went wonder-struck, and her mouth opened in a silent scream. It was as if time slowed, and I held my breath so as not to breathe her in. I started to crumple, feeling her cold anger, tasting her frustration, seeing in my mind Kairos standing on a black tile floor in the sun and telling her I was a threat to seraph will and sending her secretly after me. For an instant, I was her. I was Nakita—and she was me.

  The black wings attached to me felt her too. And they found something better to eat than my paltry seventeen years of memory.

  Nakita screamed in agony as the black wings let go of me and cleaved to her instead. Pain lifted from me as they parted from my soul, embedding themselves inside the reaper as she passed through me.

  I hit the ground, and the shock broke my mental hold on the amulets. Lines burst into existence, two stones tying me to the present. I was again solid. Nakita stood above me, stiff with pain. In my hand was not her sword, but her amulet. By taking one, I’d taken both.

  Her voice pitched high in agony, Nakita dropped to kneel upon the ground. Her white wings shimmered into existence, stretching to the high branches. I scuttled backward to Josh, frightened. Josh looked up, one hand to his middle as he watched, shaking as Grace again became a glowing ball of light above us.

  A third piercing scream came from Nakita. It didn’t sound human, and fear iced my veins. She had black wings inside her. I stared, horrified, as I realized what I’d done. But I hadn’t known. I hadn’t known!

  Her wings and back arched again in what must have been horrible pain, and her wail cut off with a frightening suddenness as, with a downward thrust of wings, she vanished. Dirt and grass clippings flew, and I cowered.

  “Madison,” Grace said, her terrified voice clear over the noise of the middle school band. “Get in the truck. Get Josh and get in the truck.”

  Nakita was gone, but the black wings were still swarming. There were hundreds of them. I was solid, and Grace was with us, but they were not dissipating. “Josh,” I panted, feeling weary and insubstantial. Stumbling, I helped him up, Nakita’s amulet wrapped around my wrist. Lurching, I snagged my camera, forgotten on the ground. The truck door was open, and I shoved him in, making him slide across to the passenger side. It was still running, and I thanked God for small favors.

  “Is Josh okay?” I panted as I slammed the door shut. The hard gearshift felt like it was going right through to my bones. “Did she hit him?”

  “It wasn’t a clean strike,” Grace said. “I would have stopped her entirely, but you got in the way. His soul is hanging by a thread. Get out of here. I can’t stop a concentrated effort if they attack together. I’m hiding you, but two got a taste of you, and the others sense that. Don’t go invisible again. Madison, don’t go invisible! You’re cracking your amulet a little more every time you do.”

  I was shaking as I backed the truck up and then put it into forward gear. Josh was slumped against the passenger door. Don’t go invisible. Grace had said that before. That it drew the black wings in. But I hadn’t had a choice.

  “Josh?” I said as we found the pavement and I slowed to an infuriating crawl to avoid the people just now starting to abandon the park. “Josh, talk to me.” I looked behind me, but it was as if no one had heard Nakita scream. No one had seen a winged angel arched in pain in a terrible beauty under the trees.

  I reached to shake him, and he groaned. “Hospital,” he whispered. “Madison, I feel like I’m dying. Get me there. Please.”

  Fear struck me. I jostled out onto the main road, and then I floored it. Horns blew, and I turned the hazard lights on, for what good they would do.

  When my dad found out about this, he was going to kill me. Again.

  Ten

  The smell of rubbing alcohol and adhesive drifted out from the sterile white hallway and into the brown-and-taupe emergency waiting room. It was quiet now but for a woman with a fussy baby on her lap, and I hunched over my knees and rubbed my elbow, remembering what it had felt like when I’d hit Nakita. I was tired, weary of waiting to hear something. The mom had a little boy with her too, who was busy causing trouble and probably mad that his little sister was getting all the attention.

  Harried, the woman was giving me dirty look
s as she filled out paperwork to get her feverish baby girl looked at. She’d been here when I’d blown in, but an unconscious person gets treatment before a colicky baby. Though some of the rush might have been caused by me yelling at the emergency people. I hadn’t shut up until a cop, who had apparently been following me, had come in. I swear, I hadn’t seen her in my rearview mirror. Maybe I’d been going too fast, but it had taken only eight minutes to get here.

  Eight terrifying minutes in which I thought Josh was going to die.

  My feet scuffed the flat carpet, and I slumped into the cushions as I glanced at the officer talking to the nurse in a pink lab coat. The young-looking cop had my license, which meant my dad was probably on his way. I’d tried to call but had been unable to bring myself to leave a message other than that I was okay and that I was at the hospital with Josh.

  The sight of the nurse made my gut cramp in worry. Josh had been whisked away after I’d said he’d collapsed at the track. This woman in her pink lab coat was the first medical person I’d seen since, and she wasn’t telling me anything. Stupid privacy laws.

  At least Grace was with him, though the angel wasn’t happy. Actually, she was royally P.O.’ed, and I think they almost checked me in for observation when I’d had a hushed argument with her until she capitulated. He was unconscious and I wasn’t, so he needed her. Duh.

  The cop’s voice rose, and I grew nervous when they looked my way. The two women said something in parting; the nurse went down the hall, and the cop came to me. I couldn’t remember the name she had given to me in our first discussion, but her badge said B Levy. B for Betty? Bea? Barbie? Nah. Not with that pistol on her hip.

  Officer Levy stopped a shade too close for my comfort, her no-nonsense shoes rocking slightly on the carpet as she halted. My eyes traveled up her pressed pants, belt, weapon secured in a snapped holster, starched shirt, badge, and finally to her face. She didn’t look old enough to have been a cop for long, and it irritated me that her expression was trying for parental concern. Right, like she had kids? Don’t think so.

  She had a nice face, though, with short, sandy-blond hair and hazel eyes, suntanned and showing only worry wrinkles. She wasn’t saying anything, and when she arched her eyebrows, I looked away. She could give me a ticket for reckless driving and failure to stop, but what traffic-school, goody-two-shoes Scrooge would press charges for that when I was going to the hospital with an injured friend?

  “Josh has stabilized,” she said, and my gaze darted up, surprised.

  “Thank you,” I whispered, and my shoulders eased. I hadn’t known they were tense.

  “They had an ambulance at the carnival,” the officer said as she took the seat beside me, sighing when the weight left her feet and she ran a hand over her hair. She looked too spunky to be a cop. I hated it when people called me spunky, but that’s what she looked like: fun, energetic, and someone who’d push the limits for a little excitement.

  “Why didn’t you take him there instead of endangering the entire town?” she added. She wasn’t anything like the cops who’d brought me home after I broke curfew during a Category 1 hurricane at my mom’s house. Talk about drama.

  “I didn’t know there was an ambulance,” I admitted, but what was I going to tell her? That a dark reaper had tried to kill Josh and he needed major medical attention?

  The officer chuckled. “You drive pretty well,” she said, and I gave her a sour smile.

  “Thanks.” I quit rubbing my elbow where I’d hit Nakita when she looked at it, clasping my hands together instead. Officer Levy sat up straighter, and I sighed. Here comes the lecture.

  “I’ve called your parents,” she said, and I turned to her, alarmed.

  “You called my mom?” I asked, really worried. She would flip out.

  “No. Your dad. You have a worrisome record, Madison, for someone your age.”

  My record didn’t bother me, since it wasn’t anything bad like shoplifting or armed robbery. Just breaking curfew and loitering. Whoo-hoo! Big freaking hairy deal. Relieved, I slumped into the chair. “What was I supposed to do, Officer Levy?” I asked, my expression begging for understanding. “What would you have done? So I drove a little fast to get Josh to the hospital. I was scared, okay? I thought he was dying.”

  The woman’s eyebrows rose. “I would have called for help and stayed with the victim until it arrived. You generally don’t die from heatstroke.”

  “If it was heatstroke, they would’ve let me see him by now,” I said, and she made a soft noise of agreement. The silence grew, and thinking she was waiting for me to say something, I offered a hesitant, “I’ll remember that next time. Call for help. Stay with the victim.” But there was no one on earth who could have helped me. Maybe I shouldn’t have given Grace any orders. It seemed to have wiped out whatever orders Ron had left with her, including going to get him if there was trouble she couldn’t handle.

  Officer Levy got to her feet so she could look stern again. “I’m hoping there won’t be a next time,” she said as she handed me my license. “Don’t leave until I have a chance to talk to your dad.”

  “Okay.” I took the laminated card, glad she didn’t want me to go fill out a report or anything. “Thank you.”

  Officer Levy hesitated. “Are you sure you don’t want to tell me anything else?”

  Hiding my alarm, I looked steadily up at her. “No. Why?”

  Her gaze remained fixed on mine. “You have grass in your hair and dirt on your tights.”

  My gaze wavered, and I refused to look at my legs. Damn it!

  “Was there a fight?” she asked, her eyes narrowing. “Who else was involved?”

  Looking away, I shrugged.

  Officer Levy sighed. “I know it’s hard to fit in at a new school, but if there was a fight, I need to know. You’re not a snitch.”

  “Josh didn’t get into a fight,” I said. “He collapsed.” I could have lied and told her I fell down and got dirty while catching him, but why bother?

  She just looked at me, and I stared back. Finally she pressed her lips together, and with another one of her small noises, she walked over to the receptionist. Officer Levy would probably stay until she could talk to Josh’s parents. I hoped I’d be out of here before they showed up. Josh was a good guy, and I knew they’d take one look at my purple hair and earrings and label me not good enough for their little boy, thinking someone like Amy was better.

  I snorted, wondering when I had started thinking of Josh as boyfriend material. We’d spent two afternoons together. Admittedly they were fight-for-your-life afternoons—which would probably only convince him we were not couple material.

  My gaze lifted to peer through the windows to Josh’s truck. I’d stashed the amulet under the front seat when we’d gotten clear of the black wings. I didn’t think Nakita would be coming back, but Kairos might, and if he did, he’d know Nakita’s amulet’s resonance. The sound of her screaming had been awful, and I stifled a shiver at the thought of the black wings heavy on me, like a blanket of cold acid eating my memories—my life.

  Brow pinched, I wondered what I’d lost. The fact that they’d cleaved to Nakita instead had been a shock. It was horrifying, and I hoped she was all right—even if she’d been trying to kill me.

  A familiar form in jeans and a T-shirt moving past the windows caught my attention, and I sat up, jaw dropping as Barnabas waited impatiently for the automatic door to open. “Where have you been?” I demanded when he came in with a gust of air that made his gray duster billow.

  “I leave for one day—” he started, his dark eyes cross.

  “And it all goes to Hades,” I said as I stood, not wanting him to have the high ground. “Yeah. I was here dealing with it. I’ve been evading Kairos and Nakita since yesterday!” I said with hushed forcefulness.

  “Nakita?” he asked, clearly not listening to everything I said.

  “Yes, Nakita,” I shot back, worried. She’d left in a lot of pain. Angels shouldn’t be in pain,
even dark reapers.

  Barnabas sat on the edge of a seat across from me and ran a hand over his frizzy brown hair to tame it somewhat. For a reaper, he looked innocent. Especially in the rock-band shirt he had on. “It was you?” he said, and I sat back down beside him. “The songs between heaven and earth say that she was hurt in battle. Naturally Ron thought of you and sent me to check. He, uh, wants to talk to you.”

  I bet. Miserable, I sat perfectly straight in my chair. Songs between heaven and earth? I bet that beat CNN with a stick.

  Barnabas looked askance at me. “What happened? I can’t believe you took her amulet. Madison, you have to stop doing that. Where’s your guardian angel? We never heard from her that there was trouble.”

  “That might be my fault,” I said softly. “I told her to protect Josh, so she didn’t leave to get you. Don’t be mad at her. I told her to do it.”

  “Josh?” Barnabas jerked upright. “The guardian angel is supposed to be with you!”

  He looked shocked, and I shrugged. “I’m conscious. Josh isn’t. Easy choice.”

  “She’s supposed to be with you!” he exclaimed again.

  I made an exasperated noise. “I told her to watch him. She saved his life twice now. Kairos tried to kill him yesterday. What was I supposed to do? Let him? I was fine.” Until the black wings found me. And Grace said I’d cracked my amulet. Freaking fantastic.

  Barnabas continued to stare at me in disbelief. “She left you,” he stated.

  Cripes! Is he still on that? “Not by her choice,” I said, hoping I hadn’t gotten Grace into trouble. “She wasn’t happy about it.” I hesitated, looking down the long white hallway. “Nakita tried to kill Josh. I think she nicked him. Will he be okay?”

  “I don’t know.” Barnabas glanced at the receptionist and the cop, then leaned back with his arms crossed over his chest. “What did you do to Nakita? Taking her amulet would only limit her skills and make her angry, not catatonic.”