Resilience

by Alicia Rades

  Fiona laughed. “Come on. Let’s go check out the other rooms.”

  The last room was a double queen suite. I did the calculations in my head, and unless Venn decided he wanted to sleep on the couch, we were going to end up in bed together again. Which I had absolutely no qualms about. I mean, it wasn’t like we were going to do anything with Sondra and Fiona in the same room, but that didn’t matter as long as I got to snuggle up in his arms again.

  But first, I was getting in that jet tub.

  “Genevieve said we could order anything from room service and charge it to the room,” Sondra announced. She flipped through a menu on the coffee table. “Anyone hungry?”

  “I’ll eat later,” I told her. “I’m really itching to get in that tub.”

  Sondra’s eyes lit up. “That bathroom is amazing, isn’t it? Oh, hey. When you get out, do you want me to do a cleansing spell on your clothes? It’ll save you at least an hour on laundry.”

  “That would be amazing,” I agreed.

  I slipped into the bathroom while everyone else continued to explore the suite. Inside, I took a deep, calming breath. Tomorrow, I would worry about Matias, the Artifact, and the Soulless. Tonight, I was going to relax.

  After a beat, I crossed the room and twisted the faucet. Warm water rushed out of the tap and filled the base of the tub. A neatly-arranged stack of toiletries sat on a washcloth on the ledge. I rifled through it and found a travel-sized bottle of bubble bath. After twisting off the cap, I turned the bottle completely upside down and let the whole thing pour into the water. Bubbles erupted under the flow of the water. Satisfied, I turned to the switch on the wall and dimmed the lights before stripping off my clothes. I would’ve started soothing music on my phone if I had it, but I’d left it at my apartment the night we fled Nocton.

  I climbed into the hot water and leaned my head back against the edge of the tub. The warmth seeped into my bones and eased the tension in my muscles. When the water reached my chest, I turned off the faucet and started the jets. Bubbles grew higher and higher, and the jets massaged away the rest of my tension.

  It felt like a sin to soak in the tub when the rest of the world was drowning in turmoil. I bet there were vampires roaming the city streets right now who deserved a stake to the heart. And it wasn’t fair that I was sitting here warm in a tub when I had a lead on Jenna’s whereabouts and wasn’t doing a damn thing about it.

  There’s nothing you can do right now, I reminded myself. Relax while you can.

  With that, I inhaled deep breaths, taking in the lavender scent of the bubbles. For once, my mind wasn’t racing. I focused only on the rise and fall of my chest and the image of dark brown eyes—Venn’s eyes—behind my lids. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt this relaxed. It must’ve been years.

  I stayed in the tub for what felt like at least an hour, but it still didn’t seem long enough. I finally decided to get out when most of the bubbles had fizzled away and the water temperature had dropped to lukewarm. I lathered shampoo through my long dark hair, then added conditioner and scrubbed the rest of my body with soap before getting out. I was disappointed that I didn’t get a chance to shave, considering my legs were starting to look like a gorilla’s and my pits were in serious need of a razor. That definitely meant nothing could happen between Venn and me anytime soon.

  After I’d dried off, I twisted the towel around my head and slipped into the plush white robe hanging from the back of the door. At the sink, I took a swig of complimentary mouthwash and swished it around in my mouth. Then I gathered my clothes from the floor and stepped out into the main room.

  The suite was quiet and empty. I glanced into both bedrooms, but the beds were still neatly made, and nobody was in there. I spun around, wondering where they’d all gone without telling me, but then my eyes settled through the glass doors and onto the balcony. Sondra sat curled up on one of the patio chairs.

  “Hey,” I said gingerly as I stepped out onto the balcony and pulled up a chair beside her.

  She looked up from the notepad she’d been doodling on. “Hey. You ready for that cleansing spell?”

  “Yeah. Where is everyone?”

  Sondra set her notepad aside. “They’re down at the pool.”

  I couldn’t help but steal a glance at her drawing. It was clearly just a quick sketch, nothing like the detailed drawings I’d seen on the wall back at her house, but she was amazingly talented. Somehow, she’d managed to capture the shadows perfectly on the face she’d drawn.

  “That looks like Matias,” I observed.

  Sondra took my clothes and began shaking them out to fold them. “Yeah. I’m trying to see if I can remember him.”

  “Like, from a past life?” I asked while adjusting my robe to cover my knees.

  “Yes. Sometimes, I think I recognize him, but I’m not sure. It’s hard to tell with the silver eyes. But I think there might be something to my theory of him being a witch before he changed. It’s like the memory of him is right on the edge of my mind, but I can’t quite grab it yet.” Sondra finished folding my clothes and placed them in a pile on her lap. “Drawing helps me with the memories.”

  I smiled. “You’re really good, by the way. I saw the drawings at your house.”

  “Oh, you did?” she asked in a bright tone.

  “Yeah, I thought they were great. I can’t draw, so I’m not sure how I’ll ever remember my past lives.”

  Sondra’s brow creased. “It’s not the same for everyone. Drawing helps me, but you’ll find something else that’ll help you.”

  “Like what?” I asked. “How does remembering this stuff work?”

  Sondra shrugged. “It usually starts with some sort of trigger, like seeing someone you met in a past life, visiting a place you’d been in that life, or doing something that would’ve been significant to you.”

  “Shouldn’t I remember my life as Abigail now that I’ve met Venn?”

  Sondra shook her head. “Not necessarily. It’s not normal to remember your past lives. It takes magic.”

  I frowned and mumbled, “Which I’m not very good at.”

  Sondra looked shocked by my attitude. “Don’t say that. It just takes practice.”

  I sighed, knowing she was right. “How do you stay so calm and positive all the time?”

  Sondra pressed her lips together and looked out over the city. “I guess I just trust Synchrony. I know that things will always work out, so it’s easy to let go of worry.”

  “You worry about your family,” I pointed out.

  She smiled. “Of course I do. I don’t want to lose them. Sometimes you just can’t help but worry about the things that matter most to you.”

  My thoughts flew to Jenna, and a pang of guilt shot through my chest. I shouldn’t have ever given up on her. I shouldn’t have waited two years for a Soulless to show up on my doorstep and force me into taking action.

  “I know what you mean,” I whispered. “Could you maybe teach me? How to do magic, I mean?”

  “I can teach you the basics,” she offered, sending my heart soaring. “But the true magic comes from within you.”

  “I know,” I said. “I don’t expect you to do any of the work for me, just… I guess teach me how to stop doubting myself. Venn says that’s what’s holding me back.”

  Sondra nodded. “He’s right. Doubt only breeds negativity. Synchrony reflects your intentions back on you, so if you doubt yourself, you will only see negative results.”

  “Venn explained that to me,” I said, leaning further back in my chair. “I guess I’m just not sure how to do it, to let go of the doubt and be more positive.”

  Sondra and I stared at the city lights without saying anything for several breaths. Finally, she spoke.

  “I wish I could tell you there’s a secret to it, but I can’t. It’s something you have to figure out on your own, unfortunately.” She scooted her chair around a few inches to look at me. “There are two things I’ve done to improve my magic. Th
e first”—she held up a finger—“is to breathe.” She inhaled a long, deep breath to demonstrate.

  I raised an eyebrow. “That’s it? Just breathe?”

  Her lips turned down. “When you put it that way, it sounds silly, but I swear by it. With each breath I take, I release the tension from my shoulders and the negative energy with it. You just have to find what works for you.”

  “Well, the bath helped calm me, but I can’t take a bubble bath every time I want to perform magic,” I said.

  Sondra nodded in agreement. “It’s a lot easier said than done. Magic can be simple, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. We’ll have to figure something out for you. I suggest starting with a happy memory.”

  “Okay,” I agreed, thinking on it briefly. “What’s the second thing?”

  “I don’t do it as much anymore, only when I successfully execute a spell or potion I’ve never done before, but the second thing I do is take notes.”

  “Take notes?” Magic couldn’t be this easy. If it was, everyone would be doing it.

  “Yes,” she said. “If you believe you’re good at magic, you will see all the times you succeed. If you believe you’re bad at magic, you’ll see all the times you fail. I want to believe I’m good at magic, so I keep a record of my successes.”

  I considered it for a moment. “I think Fiona was trying to explain this to me before. She said I was good at healing because I’d already done it before. I already believe I can do it.”

  “Right.” Sondra nodded. “Every success will make you believe that much more. Eventually, you won’t need to remind yourself to believe in it. You’ll have looked at enough evidence that you aren’t just temporarily convinced; you’ll truly have faith.”

  A sense of peace washed over me, though that could’ve been residual feelings left over from my amazing bath. I was starting to think I understood this. Enough to get a good start on practicing my magic, anyway.

  “What do you want to believe?” Sondra asked curiously.

  I kept my eyes on the city lights and didn’t meet her gaze. What did I want to believe? I wanted to believe Jenna was alive. I wanted to believe Matias wouldn’t get his hands on the Artifact. I wanted to believe that one day life would be better than it was now.

  But I didn’t want to say any of that. I sensed Sondra wasn’t looking for me to dive that deep. Instead, I settled with, “I want to believe that I’m powerful, that I’m capable of more than just healing. I mean, healing is great, but I feel like I could do so much more.”

  A smile crept across Sondra’s face. “Have you ever done a cleaning spell, Rae?”

  I shook my head.

  Her smile widened, radiating positive energy across the balcony. “Today’s your lucky day.” Sondra stood and gestured for me to follow her inside. “It’s actually a really easy spell. We just need something that signifies cleanliness.”

  “Would a bottle of shampoo work?” I asked.

  “That would be perfect,” Sondra said.

  She set my pile of clothes on the coffee table while I slipped into the bathroom to grab the shampoo off the lip of the tub.

  “Okay,” Sondra said, patting the couch cushion beside her to encourage me to sit. “You’ll have to use a small amount of shampoo and rub it on your hands. Then you’ll place them over the clothes and repeat after me.”

  “That’s it?” I asked as I sat beside her.

  “That’s it,” she replied simply. “I told you it was easy.”

  I followed Sondra’s instructions and repeated the short incantation. I didn’t even feel the magic buzz through me. By the end of the incantation, I wasn’t sure the spell took.

  “Did it work?” I asked. “I barely felt anything.”

  Sondra shrugged. “Do you believe it did?”

  I hesitated. “I—I’m not sure.”

  “Check,” she instructed.

  I grabbed my jeans off the pile first. To my surprise, they were soft, like they’d just come out of the dryer, and they smelled of lavender. I unfolded them to see that the dirt on them was completely gone.

  “Wow.” I was practically speechless. I mean, I knew this spell wasn’t very advanced, but still, I did it. A sense of pride washed over me.

  I pulled the jeans to my chest and turned to Sondra. “Thank you so much! I should probably go get dressed. This robe is a little… airy. I don’t need to be flashing my goods to everyone when they get back.”

  Oh, wow. I’d taken that a step too far. I barely knew Sondra, and here I was talking about my goods. Awkward.

  I gathered the rest of my clothes, but I hesitated before I stood.

  “What?” Sondra asked curiously.

  I bit my lower lip. “You wouldn’t happen to know any sort of hair removal spell, would you?”

  Sondra held back a laugh. “No, but I know Fiona has a package of disposable razors in her bag and wouldn’t mind you using one. I’ll get one for you.”

  Sondra rose from the couch. As I watched her leave, I realized I had a question for her that I never got a chance to ask.

  I shot to my feet before she left the room. “Hey, Sondra?”

  She turned around, her hand on the door frame to our room, and stared expectantly at me. “Yeah?”

  “I was just wondering… you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to. But why didn’t you pass Genevieve’s test?”

  Sondra paused. “I guess even though I don’t want anyone else to have the power… I feel like I could still use it for good.”

  With that, she left the room.

  12

  Ten minutes later, I returned to the bedroom with silky soft legs. I’d kept the white robe on because it was plush, comfortable, and I’d rather sleep in it than in my jeans, though I’d added clean underwear beneath it. Thank God. I no longer felt like anything was at risk of going on display. I ran my fingers through my damp tangles. Seeing as I didn’t have a hairbrush with me, it was the best I could do.

  The sound of the front door opening met my ears. Hopefully it was Fiona. I could ask if she brought along a hairbrush.

  “Shut up, Ryland,” I heard Teagan scold lightheartedly. “You need to watch less TV and read more books like Venn does.”

  “What’s the difference?” Ryland retorted. “They’re both fiction. My method is easier.”

  “It kills more brain cells,” Fiona teased.

  “And reading doesn’t?” Ryland asked.

  “Really?” Venn asked lightheartedly. “Of all the things you could make fun of me for, you choose to take a jab at reading. You’re really stretching it there.”

  “What else am I going to tease you for?” Ryland asked. “Playing the guitar? Chicks dig that kind of thing. The only other thing I’ve got is the race card, and—”

  “Don’t you dare,” Fiona scolded him before Ryland could say anything about Venn’s skin color.

  I stepped into the doorway to see Ryland holding his hands up in surrender.

  “I wasn’t going to,” he said.

  My eyes fell on Venn. I couldn’t tear my gaze away from him even if I wanted to. He wore only a pair of black athletic shorts, which left his broad shoulders and defined abs exposed. Though he’d clearly dried off since leaving the pool, several water droplets remained on his skin. I suddenly felt like my robe was tied too tight, like it was stealing the air from my lungs. I was getting far too warm wrapped in the plush fabric.

  Fiona’s eyes caught mine. “Oh, good. You’re out of the bath. I’m next.”

  Fiona hurried into the open bathroom. She wore a black sports bra with matching athletic shorts. I guessed her swimsuit never made it into her luggage. Teagan was the only one dressed in a proper swimsuit, an olive-green bikini that suited her tan complexion and showed off every curve.

  A pang of jealousy hit my gut at the sight of her thin legs, flat tummy, and generous bosom. Why Venn wanted pasty-white me when he lived with her, I’d never know. But he didn’t even steal a glance her way. Which was weird, bec
ause even I was staring at her breasts and contemplating my sexuality.

  When my eyes returned to Venn’s strong, defined torso, Teagan’s boobs completely fell from my mind. There was a good chance I was drooling at this point, but I didn’t care. I could stare at him all night, entranced, and not get bored.

  “Rae,” Venn said as he approached me.

  “Huh?” I asked in a daze, my eyes still greedily drinking him in.

  “My eyes are up here.”

  At that, I instantly snapped out of it. Right. He was a human being, not some object on display.

  My cheeks flamed. “Sorry. I just—”

  “I was kidding,” he said with a smile, stopping just inches from me in the doorway.

  He reached out to sweep a strand of wet, tangled hair behind my ear. I gazed into his brown eyes, and my heart did that fluttery thing in my chest again. I stood there frozen, my cheek tingling in the spot where he’d touched me. My throat felt like sandpaper when I finally reminded myself to swallow.

  “Seriously,” Teagan said from the couch, pulling mine and Venn’s attention away from each other. “Stop making googly eyes at each other and get a room already.”

  Venn gave her the side eye. “We have a room, thank you very much.”

  He stepped forward and pulled me inside the bedroom before shutting the door behind us. I stifled a laugh, but it quickly died when my eyes met his again. A single lamp between the beds lit up the room, casting shadows across his gorgeous face.

  My God. What was it about looking this man in the eyes? The way he constantly gazed at me in wonder took my breath away. It was as if he had some sort of magic that stalled my heart but sent it beating a million times per minute all at the same time. My brain turned to mush around him, I swear. When he looked at me, nothing else in the world seemed to matter.

  Which was dangerous as hell. Luckily for me, I liked danger.

  But this? This love-sick, heart-on-fire girl wasn’t me. Venn changed everything I knew about myself. He made me want to tear all my walls down for him. And for some strange, inexplicable reason, that didn’t scare me when it should.