I open my mouth to object, then close it in stunned silence, my hand raised to empty air and left hanging with no hint that he’s going to offer me a bottle.
Seth dangles a bottle in front of my nose, and I snatch it up with a triumphant little hiss of, “Yes.”
Bottle number five.
Silvari wine is not a good idea – it’s a downright bad idea. But it’s the kind of bad idea that right now feels very, very right.
Amber nestles a fresh log under the wire-grate, sending sparks shooting into the night sky then says, “I’ll prepare the horses.”
Leaving me with my Elorsins, Teegan, the Lightning girl Lara, and Jada.
A waning moon just peeks over the trees, vibrant even though it’s almost nonexistent. Killian sets about cutting pieces of meat and handing them out. He hands two to Roarke, and I hold my hand up, waving it a little impatiently.
“I’ll hold it until it’s cool enough for your delicate fingers,” Roarke says.
“And I’ll punch you somewhere other than your foot if you eat my meat,” I mutter back.
The chatter is small and companionable, and when Lara returns, she picks up two crusty loaves off the rack, not caring that they’re still hot and have been cooked by the coals. One she sets aside on a log to cool, possibly to take with them, but chunks of the other are passed in the other direction. I snatch one up before Roarke can claim it.
“Mmm, bread,” I drone, devouring the smallest mouthful ever because it’s freaking hot, and washing it down with the sweet fruity wine.
Sip, nibble, sip, nibble.
Screw this – I shove the last of my bread into my mouth. Too much bread.
Too much to chew, too much to swallow.
I struggle, then cough the mouthful back up. Roarke pats me between the shoulders.
“Should have taken the bread off you. Poor thing can’t even chew her food without help,” he teases.
I elbow him in the shin, managing to swallow the bread and washing it down with the last of my wine. Damn – that bottle went quick.
Killian is looking at me through the dancing flames.
I watch him sip his wine, the small bottle not much bigger than his hand, and I wonder if I could flick something into it from over here?
He smiles, a small curl to his lips with only half his cheek raised, but damn, I love his smile.
Something black and inky slips up from his hood. It slides over his shoulders, becoming more substantial as it moves into his hair then settles like it’s holding onto his ear. Two big eyes look across at me until Killian swats at it. The guy looks like he’s shooing a bug. But cat might be a better description. Realm’s smallest cat, that looks like a shadow that no one else can see.
He swats it again, and it dislodges and vanishes. Gone.
Because, Shade, you’re losing your mind, and there is no such thing as creatures who are shadows.
Right, too much wine. I need a distraction.
I nudge Seth, and the guy leans down to me.
“Hey, if I tell you something, will you whisper it on to the next person?” I ask.
“Sure,” he says, a coppery tang of mischief in the air.
“I went for a job as an echo the other day – still waiting to hear back.”
He chuckles at me then leans over in the other direction and repeats what I’ve said, before adding, “Pass it on.” Then he leans back to me. “What is the point of this? I don’t understand?”
“You’ve never played Whispers?” I ask, eyebrows lifted in false shock.
“Whispers?”
“Just wait and see.”
As the message moves on, each person’s face shifts a little more into confusion. Killian looks like this is utterly demeaning, and Pax refuses to play, waving the message past him.
After it’s shared with Roarke, he leans forward to me, but I point up towards Seth.
“No, no, tell him. He needs to know I didn’t change it,” I say.
“Change it?” Jada demands.
She played, but she looks downright angry at the suggestion that she’s failed. I guess it’s because she’s a SealSeed and her job is to pass messages from the Crown to the Sabers and seal the Sabers into assignments. Getting that wrong could be deadly.
Oh, I’m going to enjoy this.
“I bet you the rest of the wine you muddled up the message along the way,” I say.
“We’re Elite Sabers. We don’t muddle anything,” Teegan snaps.
“You’re not drinking a crate of wine,” Pax says over the top of her.
“Then you’d better hope your Elite Sabers can pass on a message,” I say, waving a hand between Roarke and Seth. “What message did you get, Roarke?”
“Wet a soggy gecko on the way – put him in your sack?” Roarke says, his voice raised so everyone can hear him clearly.
Seth cracks up. All out, too funny, you-people-are-crazy hysterics.
I thought the message that came back was funny, but watching Seth laugh is so much better.
“That’s word-for-word the message the mortal had. Exactly,” Teegan says.
Seth shakes his head, which makes Teegan’s face heat.
Jada’s jaw is set in hard fury, her lips pinched and her head turned a little on the side so she can glare at me on an angle.
“The message was – I went for a job as an echo, and I’m still waiting to hear back,” Seth says, then his eyes light up, and he looks down at me in shock. “Echo,” he says, pointing his finger around the circle, from himself back to himself. “Hear back!”
“Did you just surprise the trickster?” Roarke asks me.
“I suppose I did, but it was unintentional,” I stage whisper – I’ve never seen Seth so shocked.
“Well, he’s not so bright. Word games might be his weakness,” Roarke says.
“I had no weaknesses,” Seth whispers, hooking his finger under my chin then leaning down until his forehead is flush to mine. “Now I have one, Vexy.”
I lick my lips… then realize we have an audience and turn my attention sharply to Jada.
“I believe you owe me a lot of drinks,” I say. “Because I believe you are wrong. Winner gets the wine, loser shuts their pie hole.”
Pax snorts. Sudden, hard, and getting everyone's attention.
“Um, explain,” I mutter out of the side of my mouth to Roarke or Seth, or both of them.
Roarke leans down to fill me in while Pax chuckles and shakes his head. “Alphas dominate, they don’t do petty jealous bickering. Hard and to the point. He was impressed when you tried to put an apple up Jada’s nose.”
Oh, well I’m happy to try that again.
“And he loves pie,” Seth adds, cupping his hand between his mouth and my ear to keep the words between him and me.
They straighten at the same time as Pax inhales deeply and makes a commanding gesture between Jada and me.
“You made the bet, you honor it,” he says.
Which surprises the chuck out of me.
Jada gets up, grudgingly, and collects the crate of wine from beside Roarke. She moves it all of two feet and sets it down directly in front of me. It’s not really a fair bet, given the wine doesn’t actually belong to her. But I think the fact that she’s serving me – Jada, Elite Saber who thinks the sun shines out of her ass, is serving the soot-servant sitting on the ground who has laid claim to the men she clearly fancies – is adequate torture. For now.
She retreats with confidence and a sway in her step. It’s all rather petty really.
Pax gives Roarke a nod, and before I can claim the crate, Mr. Sexy-can’t-button-his-shirt-up pulls the thing back out of my reach. I dive forward, but Seth grabs the back of my shirt and yanks to set my ass back on the ground.
“I’d love to see what you’re like after a dozen drinks, but I’ve been warned mortals don’t always survive when they consume too much alcohol,” he says.
“They survive just fine, who told you that crap?” I demand, but there’s
no point struggling since he has me pinned by my shirt.
Stuck.
That’s it. All over.
Nobody loves me.
I mean, pretty sure Pax has feelings for me, but love might be pushing it, and he’s the one with the teeth and temper and the hard ‘don’t get Shade drunk’ rule. Everything about him is hard. Sure, he can keep the hard muscles. But his gaze is hard. His rules are hard. His view of the world is hard.
Here’s little me just trying to keep myself as far from trouble as possible, and way over there on the other side of the fire is my magically-bound mate who looks at me like I am the source of all trouble.
With that in mind, I snag Roarke’s bottle right out of his hand, pop the cork, sip, and savor the sweet flavors of impending Chaos.
Roarke looks down at me with wide eyes, but before he can say anything, Teegan’s voice cuts across the fire.
“Shall we sing a song for the road?” She clears her throat and looks around at her comrades for permission to change the subject. “Bow to the bold?”
There’s no time for anyone to object before she's parted those pretty lips and started to sing, “Down bellows the man with a sheep in his hand …”
My breath falters. Damn, she can sing.
No idea what the song is about – but her voice is like liquid pleasure washing down my spine.
Lara joins in with soft tones that are barely discernible amidst Teegan’s power. Amber starts patting out a rhythm on her knees, which Seth matches with a clapping beat. The domain fills with the tune, and every one of them gets involved – except for Killian.
Killian, who has Jada practically in his lap. Though he’s leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees as he idly picks up small sticks and snaps them into smaller pieces.
Darkness isn’t singing, and there’s not a hope I’m joining in either.
“And one from the sea, one from the past…” On the tune goes. “Watch the ship roll. Watch the cracked mast. Down bellows the man with the sheep in his hand. Up shouts the lout with the roast pig snout.”
Longest song ever.
I shimmy up to sit on the log between Seth and Roarke, letting myself hum along as the tune and the chorus repeats. I can’t sing to save my life – but the tune is catchy. Seth’s singing along, each word rough and lacking any ability to carry a tune. Makes me smile to hear his voice, though. Clapping and patting his knees in an increasingly fast backbeat. I lean into Roarke, so Seth has room.
I wrap an arm through Roarke’s and rest my head against his shoulder. My humming vibrates through my chest and probably into him, slowly forming into words when the chorus repeats. I hope he doesn’t mind that my singing voice is terrible. I don’t even know why I’m joining in. It’s not like I’m in my comfort zone, or like I even enjoy singing to begin with.
Roarke mustn’t either since he’s just tapping his foot along to the beat. He snakes his arm out of my grip to wrap around me and presses a kiss to my temple that takes me by surprise. Whatever system they’re using to manipulate or keep these Sabers in line is beyond me. And right now Roarke’s touch is too damn divine to resist. So I lean into him harder and feel myself sing just a little louder.
“Bow to the bold. Those stand and those hold. Bow to the brave. Those face the storm. Bow to the thief who takes what he must. Bow to the wise – a man said once – bow to the wise and what’s in his head. One day you’ll know, or one day you’ll be dead.”
My eyes drift closed as I fall into the sensation of something inside me smoothing flat, calming completely. Like everything in me is as smooth as the surface of a lake, and each note is a gentle drop and ripple across it. As close to my definition of Harmony as I’ve ever been.
Roarke begins to sing, and my heart stops as his tune ripples with mine. Both rolling perfectly together inside of me. It’s mesmerizing.
“Bow to the bold. Those stand and those hold.”
Roarke’s notes reach all of the way up the scales, sending chills and shivers through my body. Each word radiates deeper. Fulfilling a need – or maybe creating one.
“Bow to the brave. Those face the storm.”
I begin to fall beneath the surface of the sounds as everything in me becomes Roarke’s. Like I’m not even singing with my voice anymore, the sound being generated and projected is ours. My body is stuck somewhere in the real world while my soul is floating somewhere in the magical. It’s surreal, and entrancing, and I don’t want it to end.
“Bow to the thief who takes what he must.”
And it’s amazing and beautiful, and for once in my life I just let myself sing. Not caring who can hear me – or maybe even believing that I sound good. It sure feels good. Unfurling and lifting into the night.
“Bow to the wise – a man said once – bow to the wise and what’s in his head. One day you’ll know, or one day you’ll be dead.”
Something smacks me in the forehead. Hard. Radiating an instant headache deep into my skull and knocking the breath right out of me.
I groan and cup my hand to my face as tears spring to my eyes, and the singing cuts off sharply. So sharply it feels like someone just took a knife to our song.
Who the hell threw a rock at my head?
“Killian!” I shout – it had to be him.
“Come on,” Seth says, grabbing the hand that I don’t have pressed to my aching head.
He yanks me to my feet, pulling me away from Roarke. I almost trip over the log as he tugs me towards the cottage. My eyes are watering, so even if my hand wasn’t in the way, I still couldn’t see where we’re going.
“Bring wine,” I moan.
“I have the wine,” he chuckles.
I run through the cottage and take the stairs two at a time. Coughing again and again, forcing my throat to scratch and the echo of song on my vocals to fade. Because I don’t sing.
But – I just did.
Kitten drew that out of me. One silk thread, soft and pure and reaching like a sapling from my Seed.
I rub the heel of my palm hard against my chest, trying to smooth the sensation from deep within. I don’t want to try and put a word to it – because the only word I have is Harmony, and that’s not possible. That bond is between two Allures. Pure and balanced and perfect.
Not possible!
Not because Kitten isn’t pure and perfect – and sometimes balanced. She’s the counter weight to everything my power has thrown at her, always has been. And she’s so close to being what my power needs – but she’s mortal.
This kind of bond will kill her, without a doubt. It’s just not possible.
No matter how much I want it.
Teegan slips to the top of the stairs, moving with the kind of stealth that tells me she just snuck away from Pax and right past Seth. She should be riding out, and I have the sudden urge to pull rank and snap. Then snap at Pax for not making the call already. But all I do is raise my eyebrow at her – what is her game?
“I want a promise,” she says, walking up to me.
I haven’t lit the lanterns in here, and the moon doesn’t offer much light, but the sky is open, the stars are bright, and Saber eyes are well-equipped for low light. I see every seductive sway, the half-smile, the lick of her lips, all of it. She can’t help it, her and me in a room after I just sang. I’m amazed I don’t have every single Saber following the magical scent of desire.
“She’s not an Elite Saber,” she says, stopping so close her breasts press to my bare chest since my shirt’s on, but the buttons are still undone. “If you need a release, promise me you’ll find me.”
I just look at her blankly. Is this her way of finding an opening, a gap in my changed desire where she might still fit? She’s not pushing in on the magical bonds – but she still wants me in bed?
I honestly don’t understand what’s happening here.
She doesn’t move to kiss me. Doesn’t lay her hands on my chest, my ass, nothing. Just stands before me – a powerful Saber with something to s
ay.
“Why?” I ask.
“Because I care about you. I always have. You deserve an ally, a warrior, not a child. I can’t change the way she has captured you. I can’t change what your soul wants, but maybe I can keep you from destroying it, and I can be discreet.”
My gut wrenches, twisting up in a tight ball to keep my calm, my features smooth because she just said soul not Seed – so she doesn’t know exactly what just happened out there. She doesn’t know the kind of bond that is swelling between Kitten and me.
For every part of me that wants to slap her, another part is telling me she’s right. My power is comfortable and focused on Shade right now, respecting her mortal vulnerabilities, but what if it doesn’t stay that way?
I’ve lived over a hundred thousand days, each one with Allure drawing my actions, but so far only a single day with Kitten satiating that feeling.
Or has it? Maybe it’s been more than one day?
My desires haven’t been screaming at me since we freed her from that mortal lord. Not that I noticed. I didn’t seek out Teegan the night she returned or any other moment in the stables or the castle.
Doesn’t mean it can last. Allure can’t go without satisfaction indefinitely, and I can never be with Kitten.
Never.
Teegan doesn’t wait for an answer, sashaying back to the stairs. “We’ll need escorts in the morning,” she says. “And there’s still time for those other needs as well.”
I’m frozen. I won’t. I can’t. But if my power decides to want Kitten beyond my control, then I’ll do whatever it takes to keep her safe. The depths of my own self-loathing has room for one more damnation – at least this time it will be worth it.
Killian takes sacrifice in scars on the outside, while my Seed curses me with scars on the inside.
And maybe, somewhere in this mess, I’ll find the courage to actually tell her what’s happening to us.
Teegan leaves, and I inhale deeply. An odd sense of Harmony is trying to settle my nerves, but common sense and logic demand I respect the past. My control is nothing when faced with my Seed’s power.
Shadows and Shade Box Set Page 105
