Cole

by Dale Mayer

  But she did.

  When he didn’t say goodbye to her or even wave at her in the pool but headed straight into the changing room, she wondered if he was upset with her.

  She had kissed him impulsively. She was happy with her own progress with swimming and pleased he’d taken the time to teach her some basics. Instead, he’d seemed discomfited and afraid they might be seen. That she might get in trouble. And what about his comment afterward? Did he truly want to show her a real kiss, or was he teasing her again?

  Out of sorts herself, she climbed from the pool and grabbed her cover-up and towel and headed to her own apartment. No point in asking Cole if he needed a hand. At this moment, chances were he’d just snap at her.

  One thing she had learned a long time ago—pride was a highly motivating factor for a lot of men. She’d do nothing to take that away from them. Especially Cole. He’d had several setbacks already. She refused to make that worse.

  Showered and changed, she walked upstairs to the dining hall, thinking about grabbing a late dinner before the buffet closed for the night, and then maybe spending some time outside. A few of the staff rode a couple horses here, and she hadn’t gone for a ride in a long time. She wondered who might want to ride with her. It was not just about the safety of not going alone. Although she was a good rider, it was much nicer to go with someone.

  The dining room was mostly empty, and the food was running out, but she still had some selection. She smiled to see the hot pasta and vegetables. She loved the food here. Because they offered such a wide variety, she could pick and eat as healthily as she wanted to. She grabbed a large salad and asked Dennis to chop up a chicken breast with some shaved Parmesan cheese. She chose a table outside in the sun and enjoyed her chicken Caesar salad.

  Returning her dishes to the appropriate rack, she picked up a granola bar and an apple on her way out. Dani was probably still in her office. Sandra headed down the hallway, making a short detour to pass by Cole’s room. The door was shut, and she wasn’t exactly sure what that meant. She’d been in there many times, and she couldn’t ever remember seeing the door closed. However, if he was having a private conversation with a doctor or someone, it made sense.

  At Dani’s office, Sandra was happy to see her friend still at her desk. Dani was buried in work, not ready to shut down for the day. “Hey, Dani.” Sandra gave a sharp rap on the doorframe and walked inside. She shook her head at the stack of files on Dani’s desk. “Maybe it’s time you got an assistant.”

  Dani tossed down her pen and chuckled. “If I take on an assistant, it’s one less therapist or one less nurse or person for the kitchen or for housekeeping.” She smiled. “The budget only goes so far.”

  “I get that. How do you feel about going for a horseback ride?” she asked. “The walls are closing in on me today.”

  Dani’s eyebrows rose in surprise. She glanced around at the paperwork, then checked her schedule on her computer. “You know what? Hell, yes. I’ve got no more meetings today, so give me a second to shut down my system and to put away a few files.”

  Happy to have company for her ride, Sandra sat in Dani’s visitor’s chair and waited. When Dani was done, the two women headed out.

  “I’ve already eaten. Do you need anything first?” Sandra asked.

  Dani shook her head. “I had a late lunch. And now a horseback ride sounds like the perfect medicine.” She led the way to the stables attached to the veterinary clinic, and before long, she had Midnight saddled. She glanced over at Sandra. “Who do you want to ride?”

  “I’ll take Rose.” The dapple was a favorite of hers. She was always easy to catch, making it a short job to get a saddle on and get out. Dani rode Western, whereas Sandra rode English. Neither horse seemed to mind whichever they did. Midnight was Dani’s, however, and she was the only one who rode him.

  Within minutes, the two women were in the pasture and loping along the acres of long grass, heading for the open fields in the distance. They made for the gate and soon were outside the main grounds, in the freedom of the world beyond Hathaway House.

  Sandra lifted her face to the sun. “I so needed this today.”

  “Tough day?” Dani asked sympathetically.

  “Not really. I’ve had much worse days.”

  “Is it Cole?”

  Startled, Sandra looked over at her friend. “Cole?”

  Dani shot her friend a knowing look. “I’ve seen the building attraction. The smiles, the touches, the extra glances. You care. He cares. It’s lovely to see.”

  Sandra let her breath out in a heavy exhalation. “Is it? Sometimes I think we might get somewhere, and then it’s like right back to square one.”

  “I think that’s standard for all the men here.” Dani smiled. “I wasn’t sure about Aaron for a long time.”

  “But you are now?”

  Dani grinned. “Definitely. We don’t select an easy path when we choose one of the men from Hathaway House. They come here for a reason, and we aren’t it.”

  “True enough.” Sandra thought about that. “They also come with a lot more emotional baggage. It’s not as if we’ve picked somebody up off the street or that we met at a friend’s.”

  “I don’t agree with that,” Dani said. “I think that, in those cases, the emotional baggage is hidden. With the men here, it’s easier to see what their baggage is. At least the initial layer of it. Sometimes they have deeper issues, where you have to ferret out what’s wrong and why. It can be anything from survivor’s guilt to feeling like they caused or brought on the accident themselves. Many of them suffer from PTSD.” She shrugged.

  “The thing with the men here is,” Dani continued, “with so much going on, sometimes it’s hard to figure out the core problems. Our military patients have extra problems, over and above what a lot of civilians have, but we deal with them. It gets brought up in the discussions in group therapy, and they work through them. Often they find that once they start working through one problem, other problems pop up because so much of it’s connected. Before I started working here, I had never thought about that link. I finally learned that, even with my own problems, they could translate into dealing with other issues.”

  Sandra nodded. “It makes a lot of sense. I guess that’s one of the extra benefits here. Once people are in therapy, it’s hard to confine healing to a specific area.”

  “I think it’s actually impossible,” Dani said. “Yet, when you meet all these other apparently healthy normal males in the rest of the world, so few are dealing with their issues. They’ve shoved them all inside, and they think they’re fine.”

  “Even if they’re not.”

  Sandra thought back to some of the other relationships she knew about, such as Dani’s last one before Aaron, where her ex had beaten the crap out of her. Sandra had never faced anything like that. Her last relationship had broken down because her boyfriend spent all his free time on video games. What was the point of a relationship if he didn’t spend time with her? But he wasn’t even interested in addressing that question. When they’d broken things off, she’d been relieved. “And yet Cole is something else.” Sandra flushed when she realized she’d spoken aloud.

  “You care about him, don’t you?” Dani asked.

  “I do. I just don’t know how much.” She gave her friend a small smile. “He dominates my thoughts from morning until night though.”

  “That’s a lovely start.”

  Cole watched from the deck as the two women rode off in the distance. Both were so natural and comfortable on the horses that they were a joy to watch. Both were whole, healthy and happy. His hands fisted as he stared at them. They were the opposite of what he was.

  He was damaged and conflicted, and although he’d been improving mood-wise every day, right now he felt like he was back at the beginning. He should walk away from being friends with Sandra. No, from attempting to be more than friends.

  He really liked her. But she deserved better than him.

  Som
eone bumped into him, hard. Cole was still getting used to his prosthetic limb but remained standing, then glared at the guy—no crutches, no wheelchair, all his limbs intact.

  “Dani’s taken, and Sandra’s mine. Stop staring at my girl.”

  Before Cole had decided how to best handle this situation—without getting kicked out of Hathaway House—Shane strode over, and the asshole left.

  “You okay?” Shane asked, his phone to his ear.

  Cole just nodded, watching the lunatic scurry off. From Shane’s end of the conversation, Cole heard this guy was infatuated with Sandra. Why hadn’t she told him? Cole would have handled this creep for her.

  “Sounds perfect. I’ll corral him while we wait for the police to arrive. Be good to have him gone.”

  So the guy was a problem, Cole thought. At least Hathaway House had procedures in place for this sort of thing. At least they were taking care of it now. Should lighten up things for Sandra and the others.

  “Sorry, Cole. He’ll be gone soon and won’t bother you or anyone else anymore.”

  Cole knew Sandra and the other medical personnel here couldn’t share patient information with another patient, but Cole got the gist of it. And that guy had looked normal. Whole. When he wasn’t pushing Cole around or spouting lies.

  But looks could be deceiving. And just because some guy hadn’t lost a body part didn’t mean he was healthy. Hmm.

  Cole glanced around the dining area. The same and other related thoughts were probably running through the minds of every man and woman who were patients here. How did they reconcile their current selves to who they used to be, and how did they make peace with that, when they had wives and husbands and children?

  Did they think they should walk away? Or did they feel loved enough, safe and secure enough in the relationship to stay and work through the multiple future obstacles in order to come to peace with their physical disabilities?

  In theory, absolutely nothing should keep him and Sandra apart. They were both adults. Relationships were allowed here. Even relationships between patients and staff as evidenced by several of the relationships he’d already seen. Was he keeping them apart?

  Not to mention, he didn’t know if she was truly interested. Not after her “gratitude” kiss. Self-doubt crippled him. She was special to him, but here in this place, he was one of many to her. He wanted to be strong, to be the best, and to show her that he was still who he’d been before he got injured. Not that she knew that version of him. Yet, he’d been proud of that Cole. This Cole was beset by doubts and insecurities. His self-confidence was at an all-time low.

  How could she love that? Surely she wanted a man to walk beside her, not someone she had to bolster all the time. Every time he tried to stand up and prove he was different, he was unique, he was better, something happened, and he took a step back.

  Then he thought about Sandra’s stalker patient with all his disabilities hidden inside. Cole looked down the hallway where the guy had disappeared. Cole’s subconscious now lectured him: Just be yourself. Stop worrying about it. If it’s meant to be, it will be. Enjoy who she is. Don’t look for more. Focus on your healing, not on a relationship. You’re here for one reason—make that reason count. You’ll never get another chance at it.

  All of that was true. At the same time, he had found something he wanted more than that.

  He could thank the crazy guy for this revelation.

  Cole didn’t want one or the other, he wanted both. He wanted to be healed, strong, fit and ready to take on the world again—even if from a damaged physical perspective—and he wanted her at his side. That was asking for a lot.

  Still, he argued with himself. Why not? Why not reach for what I really want?

  That settled, his brain focused on more practical matters. How would he take care of himself and someone else in the future? He had no job, no decent prospects of a good job, no house. He had his bank account from his years in the military and a pension—it was small, but at least it was something.

  How the hell was he to train for a new career? During the military, the team had teased Brock for all his computer geekiness. But now, with Cole’s lack of education and lack of training for the real world, he had to wonder if maybe Brock hadn’t had the better deal after all.

  Still, there was lots Cole could do. But what did he want to do? He could go for some retraining, but no way would he attend a university for four years. That was not on the agenda. He wasn’t sure he could handle a lesser degree or the two years required to get an apprenticeship or some other kind of heavy-duty training.

  The money being what it was, along with the time and effort required, he didn’t think he was up for extensive long-term training. So, what could he do with a minimum of training, and even better, if that training was online? As usual, nothing came to mind. He pounded the top of the railing with his fist, and then slowly turned and made his way back to his room.

  So much was unknown in his “new” world that it frustrated him. He needed answers. He needed a direction. He sat on his bed, opened his laptop and started searching.

  When it came to career options, he found more than he’d expected. And immediately felt guilty for not listening more to his therapist and getting to this point weeks ago. What was he good at? Before his accident, he was said to be good with people. He’d been charismatic, and even now he would love a career that would keep him away from the 9-to-5 desk-job routine. Sure, some office time was fine, but he’d like to be outside and moving as much as possible.

  Landscaping came back to mind. Could he make a go of something like that? He’d always been good with his hands, building and growing things. But there was hardly decent money in that for a one-man operation. But at least in Texas, it wasn’t a seasonal occupation, like in many other parts of the world. Winter was a cooler season here, not for planting … but it would keep him outside and physically active. It was also a job that dealt with people. He was very good with money, and of course, he had to be very good if he planned to go out on his own. He wasn’t so much a salesman, but he did know that people liked to get a good deal.

  Real estate crossed his mind. He could become an agent. The only thing was, the market was volatile. Lots of time was involved, encouraging each potential buyer into signing a purchase contract, and it was not a stable income.

  He could drive a truck—he had certainly driven a lot of them before. But did he want to do that long-term? Or make a clean break from his past and find something new?

  He closed the laptop, got up and left his room. He went down the far hallway to give himself a little more exercise. His leg felt punchy today and in need of a little extra push. Like everything, he needed balance. Something he’d do well to remember moving forward.

  As he walked past the row of staff offices, his prosthetic limb gave him some trouble. He leaned against the wall to adjust it slightly.

  Then heard Sandra’s name.

  “Has she had a follow-up meeting about Cole not taking his medications that time?” a woman asked from the room he had just passed.

  He froze.

  “I think so. It’s not her fault. Here people don’t hide what they are doing. All the medical personnel stress the importance of honesty and truth from day one with each patient. So does Dani at intake time. It’s in all the brochures too.”

  “Well, she should have looked,” the woman said, her tone exasperated. “She’s the one who gives out the medicine. None of us are here all the time, so we must rely on good and accurate and complete records. As far as we know, all medications have been taken. How are we to know any different? How are we to accurately assess our patients without this data?”

  “How many times do you think, since Hathaway House first opened some seven years ago, somebody has tried to trick us like Cole did?”

  “No idea—but even once is too many.”

  “Don’t be so hard on her. If she’d never run into anybody like Cole, she wouldn’t be expecting that.”


  “Yes, but it is still her mandate, not only to give out the medicine but also to make sure they take it. Anybody can hand out tablets. It’s her responsibility to administer the medicine, not just dump it out somewhere and walk out.”

  “Don’t you think she was punished enough?”

  “Was she punished?” The woman’s voice lightened slightly. “If she was, well, that’s good. I don’t mean a major punishment. I don’t think she should lose her job over it, but a reprimand is certainly in order. Not to mention a follow-up to make sure she won’t do that again.”

  Cole’s legs suddenly felt very rubbery. He had asked her in passing, way back when, if she’d gotten into trouble over him not taking his medications. Of course, when he was originally here, it had never occurred to him to consult someone. He had figured he was an adult and he had the right to take his medicine, or not, as he deemed fit.

  But now, he understood that the medical world did not view it the same way. What he should have done was had a discussion with his doctor about his meds, asking which ones he could stop taking and how to wean off them. That way everybody would have been on the same page. Obviously he must have known that what he was doing was wrong because he didn’t do it openly. He didn’t contact the doctor. He didn’t mention it to Sandra. In fact, he’d hidden it from her.

  And that made him feel even worse.

  The conversation behind him turned to a different topic, and he slowly moved forward. Now he was damned sorry he’d taken this hallway. All he wanted to do was go back to his room and shut the door. How would he face Sandra again, knowing she still faced reprimands from his actions? She wasn’t the one who had done something stupid. That had been him. He was 100 percent responsible. No way could he let her take the fall for that.

  He grabbed his phone and found his doctor under Contacts. As luck would have it, his doctor answered and said he had about fifteen minutes between patients and would come to Cole’s room.