Sugar and Spite

by Gail D. Villanueva

  Angelou and Marvin are walking toward us, eating ice candy.

  “Hey-o,” Angelou greets us. She waves her papaya ice candy. Kidlat is eyeing it with interest. “We’re going to play billiards at Tatay Goryo’s. Want to join us?”

  “That sounds fun!” I can’t believe it took me so long to start talking to these two. Angelou and Marvin are very nice. I hang out with them and the twins during recess at school now.

  Claudine only sees them in Bible study though, so I’m not surprised she’s hesitant to join them. Angelou and Marvin went to Claudine’s party, but seeing them in school every day is not the same as seeing someone just once a week. Especially when you’re like Claudine, who doesn’t make friends easily.

  “I can just watch you play, if you really want to go.” Claudine bites her lower lip. “Do you know how to play?”

  Hmm. Last week, Claudine would have agreed to go with me without question. Maybe the gayuma really is starting to wear off.

  “Well, there was a billiard place near our apartment in Marikina. I’m not the best, but I know the basics. I can teach you, if you want.” With a little push, I might be able to invoke the gayuma magic and make Claudine agree. I miss playing billiards. But I don’t know. I don’t want to push it. If Claudine really doesn’t want to play, then that’s fine with me. I had so much fun today because of her. It doesn’t feel right to force her into something she obviously feels iffy about.

  “Promise you’ll teach me?” Claudine looks me straight in the eye. “Promise you won’t laugh if I’m awful?”

  “I promise.”

  “Angelou and I don’t know how to play either,” Marvin says with a chuckle. “Jolina will have to teach us all.”

  “I can do that.” I grin. This game is sounding more fun by the minute.

  “Okay. I’m in,” Claudine says.

  Angelou, Marvin, and I cheer. Kidlat joins in with his barking. I doubt he knows what we’re happy about. He just knows we’re happy, so he’s happy too.

  “We don’t have bikes, so we better start walking,” Marvin says. “See you at Tatay Goryo’s?”

  “See you!” I say.

  I strap Kidlat inside the bike basket and ask Claudine, “Do you know where Tatay Goryo’s is? I should have asked Marvin. But I assumed you’d know—”

  “Yeah, I do. I know where it is.” Claudine puts a hand on my arm and looks down. “I just gotta ask … Do you wish you were back home in Metro Manila? We don’t have billiards places everywhere, or those fancy Italian restaurants.”

  I smile. “No. I’m already home.”

  If she’d asked me this question a month ago, Claudine would have gotten another answer. But things change. I’m probably still the same, but there are things I see differently now. And when I really think about it, I have to admit it’s got a lot to do with her.

  Claudine returns my smile and gets on her bike. I watch her wave at Angelou and Marvin, who are now starting their trek to Tatay Goryo’s.

  It was so easy, when I decided to give Claudine the gayuma. But now I think it was a rather rash decision. There were so many things I didn’t know about Claudine. Like her insecurities. Her so-called friends. Her kindness beneath that irritating bluntness.

  I’m really starting to enjoy being her friend.

  The book says that the magic can either make things better or worse between us. I won’t know for sure until the gayuma wears off. If all goes well, she’ll still be my friend because of the time she spent getting to know me. But if not, she might hate me forever.

  We arrive home just in time for sundown. Claudine doesn’t like biking or walking in the dark, so she’ll have to call home and arrange to have their family driver pick her up. But Mom invites her for dinner, and Claudine happily accepts.

  “I called Mommy and she says I can stay!” Claudine bounces into the kitchen, where I’m helping Dad prepare mango ensalada. “Anything I can do to help?”

  “How would you like to be on grill duty with me, young lady?” Lolo Sebyo takes a tray of stuffed bangus wrapped in foil from the counter. “You can even bring home to your mother some of the fish and liempo you’ll grill yourself.”

  “Yes, sir! I would love to. Mommy is going to be so happy.” Claudine takes the other tray, which is full of marinated lechon belly, and follows Lolo Sebyo to the backyard.

  Kidlat walks to the door as it closes behind Claudine. He loves it whenever we grill pork belly in the yard. He always gets pieces of meat whenever Lolo Sebyo is the one in charge of the grill. He stares at the door, then looks back at me.

  “It’s okay, good boy. You can go with them if you want.”

  Kidlat whines. He takes one longing look at the door but ultimately walks to where I’m standing and lies near my feet.

  “Aww, that’s so sweet,” Mom remarks as she enters the kitchen from the eatery. “I’ve closed up. Time for rest!”

  Mom turns on the television and tunes into the news.

  Dad rinses my peeler and hands me a knife and a tomato, then begins chopping the onions and the unripe mangoes. He always takes the harder tasks whenever we’re cooking together. Not because he doesn’t think I can do it, but because he just wants to make things easier for me.

  “Dad, how come you never became an arbularyo? You love to cook, and cooking isn’t so different from potion making.” He also has the selflessness required of arbularyos, which, admittedly, I sometimes struggle with.

  “That’s true. But like Papa said, magic skips generations. It definitely skipped me.” Dad stops chopping and looks at me. “Come to think of it, I’m glad I can’t do magic. It’s such a huge responsibility. I’m really proud of you, Bee.”

  There’s a loud chime from the TV. The weather lady then comes on. “There is a low-pressure system building up in the Pacific. We will know in the next few days if it develops into a tropical depression. In the meantime, we urge everyone to stay dry—”

  Mom sighs and turns the TV off. She joins Dad and me in the kitchen. “I hope the rain eases up. It’s been getting harder and harder to get to work with these rains.”

  I get what she means. Sometimes we get blessed with a sunny, fun afternoon just like the one Claudine and I had. The only thing predictable during the wet season in the Philippines is the fact that it will rain, one way or another. We were lucky it didn’t start pouring out of the blue.

  Mom takes a dirty plate and starts clearing the counter.

  “I’ll clean that later, hon,” Dad says, gently taking the plate from her. “Get some rest.”

  “Thanks, love.” Mom leans her head on Dad’s shoulder. “You take such good care of me.”

  “Of course. Anything for you.” Dad gives Mom a quick kiss on the lips.

  “Eww!” I groan.

  Mom and Dad laugh. They kiss me sloppily on either cheek.

  Kidlat tries to join in, jumping on his hind legs until one of us also gives him a kiss on the forehead.

  This is what love is all about. And friendship. Mom tells me that friendship is also a kind of love. Since the love between Mom and Dad is different than friendship, of course.

  This is the kind of genuine relationship Claudine deserves, I realize with a pang. Not the friendship I dragged her into—a friendship born out of anger and revenge.

  After dinner, while waiting for Claudine’s driver to pick her up, Kidlat and I bring Claudine to the beach behind Lolo Sebyo’s backyard.

  “The sand’s muddy looking and full of pebbles, unlike the beaches at your resort and behind your house and the lighthouse, but the sky is nice from here.” I’m sure Claudine has seen even prettier beaches since she and her mom travel a lot in the Visayas and Mindanao regions. But it’s all we have and what I can offer her.

  “I love it,” Claudine says. She sits on a fallen coconut tree, with her legs crossed beneath her. “The night sky is so close, I feel like I can touch the stars.”

  Kidlat and I join her on the log. I smile. “Kidlat and I always come here whenever
the sky’s as clear as this.”

  Claudine points to the sky. “Those three stars are Orion’s Belt. And the whole thing is Orion. That bright one is the North Star.”

  I try to find the stuff she’s talking about. “They all look the same to me.”

  “You have to use your imagination a bit.” She traces her finger to the sky. “See? Orion looks like a man. His belt is where his waist is.”

  I really can’t see it. “Well, they are very pretty.”

  “You’re hopeless.” Claudine laughs.

  I laugh along with her. We seem to be laughing a lot when we’re together. “Yeah. I guess am.”

  A silence falls between us. But it’s a comfortable silence. We listen to the waves rushing to the shore, the wind rustling tree leaves, and the occasional snore of Kidlat sleeping soundly between us.

  Claudine is the first to break the silence. “You know something I realized?”

  “What?”

  “I had a friend named Antonette, or I thought I did. I don’t think she was really my friend.” She looks up at the stars, a thoughtful expression on her face. “We were always together when she still lived here. But I don’t think I really mattered to her. She was only ‘friends’ with me because our parents have business together and we attended the same Bible study group. Other than that, we didn’t have anything in common. She fits in well with Maui and Selena, but I don’t think I ever did. I’m the ‘ugly one’ in their group. I’m brown and not pretty enough. And my mommy … Mommy wasn’t rich before. The girls were rich before their own parents were born.”

  I remember the way Selena talked about Claudine. I didn’t know Claudine back then as well as I do now, but I already knew her “friends” don’t treat her fairly.

  “They’re wrong about you,” I say more firmly than I intend. Those snobs just make me so angry. “Your being brown doesn’t make you ugly. Mom always says we’re beautiful. We just have this hang-up about white being pretty because it’s what our Spanish and American colonizers wanted us to think.”

  Claudine runs a hand through her hair. “Thanks. That means a lot. Um … I’m not good with people and sometimes I say things without thinking about them first—”

  “You don’t say.”

  “Okay, okay. I often say things without thinking,” Claudine says with a short laugh, but she quickly mellows down. “We got off on the wrong foot because of that, but …”

  “Yes?”

  “I was jealous of you.” Claudine stares at her hands. “Your life in Metro Manila seemed so exciting, just like my cousins say it is. I couldn’t blame you for being bored here … I just didn’t want to think that I’m a boring probinsyana to you.”

  All along I’d been thinking she just hated me for no reason at all. That she looked down on me.

  “You’re far from being a boring provincial girl, Claudine.” I shake my head. This was the last thing I thought she’d say. “And honestly, I think we’re better off here. It’s more peaceful and so beautiful with all these trees and the beaches and the nice people I’ve met.” I smile at Claudine so she’ll know I’m referring to her too. But I also want to make one thing clear. “You shouldn’t be jealous of me. You’re lucky your mom can buy anything you want. Not many people are born with that. Dad says that if we keep wanting things other people have, we won’t get to enjoy the stuff we do have.”

  “Your dad is so smart—he’s right and I know that now, thanks to you. I’m used to having friends who take this stuff for granted …” Claudine lets out a long sigh. “I’m used to taking everything for granted. Then I met your family, and I see things differently now, and I feel so bad about everything and … What I’m trying to say is … I’m sorry for being so insensitive. I promise I’ll try to do better and, um … I’m really very sorry for embarrassing you in Bible study. I thought you were mocking me, and I just got so angry that I didn’t think straight. That last invite wasn’t for Mr. Bradbury—it was always for you.”

  I’m such a terrible person. I’m so awful, giving gayuma to a girl who sincerely wanted to be friends with me.

  “I felt so bad about it,” Claudine continues, picking up a fistful of the dark sand. “I figured maybe I could invite you through your mom. Tita Sunshine talks about you a lot whenever I’m at the resort. She often says you’re the best kid any mom could ask for, so I knew you couldn’t say no if she asked you to attend my party. Then I’d let you meet Winter, and maybe you’d see I’m not really bad since a cat likes me. But for some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I felt like I needed to do something really drastic. So I made this special invite. Like, go big on it, you know?”

  All I can do is nod.

  “What I’m trying to say is …” Claudine lets the sand fall between her fingers. “I’m really, really sorry.”

  A lump forms in my throat. Why, oh why, did I ever use gayuma on this good person?

  “You don’t have to forgive me.” Claudine wipes a tear with the back of her clean hand. “I just want to let you know how sorry I am.”

  I think about the past few months and how angry I was at Claudine. I think about the times I thought she was insulting me, but she just didn’t know how to say the words correctly.

  Like Lolo Sebyo said, there are people who have forgotten how to express their kindness even though they’ve always been kind deep inside. Claudine is definitely this person.

  Had I known this, would I have given her the kindness potion instead of the gayuma? I might have. And I wouldn’t be in this position, where I have no idea if the friendship she feels for me is real.

  But I do know that what I feel about her is real. She is my friend.

  I loop my arm around hers. “Thank you for being my friend.”

  “Thanks too.” Claudine squeezes my arm. “I’m so glad I have you and Kidlat now.”

  I also owe Claudine an apology. I judged her too harshly. Though I can’t bring myself to say sorry. Not because I don’t want to, but because I feel it won’t be 100 percent sincere. To be truly sincere, I will have to admit and apologize for a more terrible thing—that I used gayuma on her.

  I wish we could stay like this forever. But whatever I’ve done wrong so far, I’ll be a worse person if I let this continue. I have to lift the spell … even if it means never seeing Claudine again.

  It’s already past nine when Claudine leaves. I wait until Lolo Sebyo has retreated to his room and my parents have said good night to me before I sneak out to the potion lab.

  “Let’s go get this gayuma spell lifted, Kidlat,” I whisper to my dog. He jumps excitedly but doesn’t bark. Kidlat knows we need to be quiet, or the adults will hear. He doesn’t approve of what I’ve done (and I don’t blame him), but my dog wouldn’t do anything to get me in trouble. He’s such a smart, good dog.

  I turn the lights on in the lab. Making a brew in the dark would be catastrophic, and I’ve already made such a mess of things as it is. Some herbs look very similar, and I need to be sure I’m putting the right ones in.

  The gayuma reversion spell is surprisingly easy. For one, there are so many sources about it in Lolo Sebyo’s library. For another, I don’t need to give Claudine anything. A very experienced arbularyo like Lolo Sebyo wouldn’t even need to make a potion. He’d just utter chants and prayers over a lighted candle under the moon, and it would all be over. But I’m obviously not like Lolo—far from it—so I have to do it the hard way.

  Kidlat’s lying right beside me with a paw on my foot. He’s worried about me.

  “This will be over soon, little guy,” I promise him. “Can you move there a little just in case something goes wrong? I don’t want to spill anything on you.”

  But Kidlat won’t budge.

  “All right. Just be on your guard, okay?”

  I light the pink candle I used before and begin putting the stuff in the palayok.

  A sage leaf

  Three whole leaves from a

  calamansi tree

  Grated ro
ot of ginger

  A pinch of ground tawas crystal

  A printed photograph of the person

  who received the gayuma

  I put everything in, then say the reversion chant.

  “Oh!”

  A tiny flame forms at the bottom of Claudine’s photo. I try to put it out, but it won’t let me. I touch the flames, and they don’t feel hot at all. They simply eat up Claudine’s photo until it’s nothing but a pile of ash on the table.

  Woof! Kidlat lets out a soft bark and whines like he’s scared. He covers his eyes with his paws.

  “It’s okay now, good boy. No more fire. You can look.” I take the ash and sprinkle it in the potion, but nothing happens.

  I stir the potion as instructed. Still, nothing happens. I wait for a few seconds before stirring again, but the potion just stays the same—a potful of stuff but without the magic.

  The fire under the palayok is still going strong as it should be, and yet my potion isn’t even boiling. It’s just … there.

  My gayuma reversion didn’t work, I realize with a sinking feeling in my stomach. I can’t get Claudine out of this spell.

  There’s only one person who can.

  Lucky for me, Lolo Sebyo is still awake.

  He listens intently as I tell him what happened. Every single detail, starting from that day on the river when Claudine poked fun at me for swimming with a bathing carabao. I tell him about wanting to get Mom promoted.I tell him about the love and friendship I didn’t expect to feel with Claudine. I tell him everything.

  “Oh, my Bee.” Lolo Sebyo peers into the palayok with my failure of a potion. “I’m disappointed in you. What do I always tell you about using magic? About our intentions?”

  His words cut my heart more intensely than it would have had he shouted at me instead.

  “To use it only for good and for helping people.” I hang my head in shame. “I’m so sorry, Lolo. I was just so angry!”

  “I know, my child,” he says, stirring the failed potion with a stick. “I should have followed my instincts when you asked about the kindness potion. And I should have been more up front with you about gayuma.”