Sugar and Spite

by Gail D. Villanueva

  “Of course!” I help Mom set up a space in our tent to shuck corn. Dad’s ginataang mais, a sweet rice porridge with corn kernels and coconut milk, is the best. I’m sure our neighbors in the evacuation center will enjoy this comfort food.

  Kidlat buries himself under the pile of discarded corn silk and husk, making a small nest in which to take a nap. I envy the life of dogs sometimes. They live in the now, with no worries to bring them down. But they also love so purely that I doubt they’d ever get themselves in a bind where they needed to ask for forgiveness to avoid having their lives come crashing down. Unlike yours truly.

  “Mom, why did you let me hang out with Claudine on a school night that day? You know, when she asked you for my number?”

  Mom stops mid-shuck. “Well, you were so sad about moving. I wanted you to have a friend here, honey Bee. And I was right—you and Claudine did become friends.”

  It seems that everyone but me knew that Claudine and I could be great friends. Maybe even Kidlat knew—that’s why he still accepted Claudine even though she was mean to me.

  Can’t blame Mom for thinking that way though. Even in Manila, I didn’t have anyone I could call my best friend besides my dog. The apartment we used to live in only had old people living in the complex. In school, everyone was friendly, but there wasn’t anyone I could totally connect with. Not one of them knew my family can do magic.

  I’m glad to know Mom wasn’t bullied into allowing me to go out on a school night. But there’s still one thing that bothers me. “Weren’t you worried about losing your job if Claudine stopped being friends with me?”

  “Oh, Jolina. My thoughtful, sweet honey Bee.” Mom puts down the corn she’s shucking and leans over to kiss me on the forehead. “Claudine’s parents are good people—they wouldn’t fire an employee just because the employee’s daughter is no longer friends with their kid. Don’t ever let my job influence the choices you make about your friends.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  That makes me feel better. Claudine might never forgive me and I’ll suffer the consequences of Balik. But at least Mom will still have her job.

  Maybe magic is giving me a chance to fix things, or it’s just some weird coincidence. Through the unzipped door of our tent, I glimpse a familiar outline enter the nearby toilet—I’m pretty sure it’s Claudine.

  I jump to my feet, spilling bits of corn all over Kidlat. My dog happily eats them up. “I need to go to the toilet, Mom.”

  Before Mom can answer, I make my way out of the tent, now certain of what I need to do.

  I wrinkle my nose while standing by the bathrooms.

  Finally, Claudine steps out of the toilet.

  “Hi,” I say.

  “Oh, hey! I wanted to text you but I couldn’t get a signal. This typhoon is really bad. When did you get here? I’m so glad you’re here now,” she says, her face lighting up. “I’d give you a hug, but you know …”

  “Nah, I’m good.” I wrinkle my nose. “Didn’t you wash your hands?”

  “I did, but have you seen the sink inside? I could wash my hands until I scrubbed off my skin, but I’d still be dirty. So gross.”

  I laugh. I missed hearing Claudine’s wisecracks in person. Fessing up is going to be harder than I thought.

  “Where’s Kidlat?”

  “He’s with Mom and Dad. They’re helping make food for everyone,” I say with pride. I might be a terrible person for using gayuma, but I do have the best parents. “They say Kidlat’s presence helps people calm down.”

  “Cool. I’m sure he does. He calms me down. Good thing they let him stay with you,” says Claudine, nodding. “They wanted to bring Winter to the animal shelter, but I just couldn’t let them. Good thing Mommy convinced the barangay watchmen to let her stay with me.”

  “My mom talked to them too.” I shift my feet. Like me, my feet are eager to leave this uncomfortable and smelly spot and go back to our tent and hide. Because for once, I have no idea what to say. I mean, really. What do you tell a person you befriended by giving them gayuma? Since she’s blocking my way and I have nowhere to go, I say the first thing on my mind. “Where are you staying?”

  “At the corner near the door.” Claudine points at the north entrance. “How long have you been here?”

  “Since yesterday. We’re there.” I point to the opposite side from where she’s pointing. “It stinks but it’s near a window and I get to keep Kidlat.”

  “Wanna hang at our tent? Mom let me bring some of my board games. We have chocolate, candy, potato chips—”

  “Claudine, there’s something I need to tell you.” I rub the back of my neck. My insides feel like they’re quivering. It’s now or never. Either Claudine will forgive me and prevent my Balik, or hate me forever and doom me with bad luck.

  “Can’t it wait? There’s so much I gotta tell you!” Claudine loops her arm around mine and continues to chat away. “Mom wanted me to go with Tita Raven to the mainland to stay with Tita Raven’s parents, but I didn’t want to, so—”

  “Claudine! I’m serious.” I pull my arm away and put my hands on her shoulders. “This is important.”

  “What?”

  I stare at her face. My friend’s beautiful face—her deep-set eyes and slightly pointy nose. I drink it all in. Because if this confession doesn’t work out the way I hope it will, this might be the last time I see her without contempt in her eyes.

  “None of this is real,” I say softly, my voice barely above a whisper. “We’re friends now but our friendship didn’t start that way … It didn’t start real.”

  Worry lines spread across Claudine’s face. “What do you mean?”

  “I gave you gayuma.” I feel an odd sense of relief saying it. Finally, the truth is out. I don’t need to keep it any longer. “I gave it to you in Sunday school, a week after you humiliated me in front of everyone. After that … you thought you liked me but you really didn’t.”

  “The love potion?” Claudine steps back, horrified. “Why did you do that?”

  “I was so mad and hurt and embarrassed and—”

  “You were controlling how I felt? What I did?” Claudine croaks. It looks like she’s on the verge of crying. “How could you?”

  A lump forms in my throat. “I know. I’m so sorry—”

  “All along I thought you were my friend!” Claudine is openly crying now.

  “Claudine—”

  “STAY AWAY FROM ME!” I try to reach out, but she slaps my hand away. “Don’t ever come near me ever again. I don’t want to see you. Never, ever!”

  Claudine turns on her heel and leaves me by the toilets. Alone.

  I sit in our tent, listening to the wind howling around the building. The radio report says the typhoon is stronger than even expected. Isla Pag-Ibig is bracing itself for one of its worst weather events in history.

  Which is just great. I have lost my friend, and now I might also lose the new place I call home.

  I have only a few hours left to gain Claudine’s forgiveness, and I know at this point, there’s no chance I’ll get it. I can accept my Balik if it comes to it, but I still wish I could make things right with Claudine.

  I’m not able to talk to Lolo Sebyo much because tent number 283 has become very busy. So many people need calming potions. But in a brief moment of peace between clients, I ask him how I’ll know if I’ve managed to appease the magic and prevent my Balik.

  “You will know when it happens,” he says. Lolo Sebyo gives me a reassuring squeeze. “Your friend will forgive you. I know she will.”

  I appreciate Lolo’s confidence, but I can’t say I feel the same. Claudine said she never wants to see me again. Don’t I have to respect that? “I’m not sure about that, Lolo—”

  Suddenly, cold air envelops our tent. It’s so cold that it’s as if we’re inside a giant freezer.

  Kidlat jolts awake from his nap. He stands straight with his ears upright and lets out a low howl.

  Lolo Sebyo looks up too, his e
yes wide with alarm. “My Bee, didn’t you say that you felt true friendship last Saturday evening?”

  I bite my lower lip. I thought I did.

  My heart sinks as I feel the cold, merciless magic of Balik fall on my shoulders like a heavy blanket of darkness. I made a mistake.

  The gayuma spell broke not in the evening as I thought, but in the afternoon, when Claudine and I spent the day together eating and biking. Even before I realized it, we were already friends. Real friends.

  I’m too late asking for her forgiveness. My Balik has come.

  Clink! I hear the sound of bottles hitting Lolo Sebyo’s cane as he furiously gathers his potions and herbs. He says a prayer as he combines them in a clay pot, then pours the mixture around the tent. The cold air and feeling of darkness leave as suddenly as they arrived.

  “That is a circle of protection. It will only last for an hour, but that is enough time for me to brew a potion that will keep your Balik at bay,” Lolo explains. “Don’t step out of it until I say—”

  “Yung bata! Yung bata, nawawala!”

  A man shouting about a missing child interrupts Lolo. He comes out of our tent to see what the commotion is all about while I stay inside with Kidlat.

  From my vantage point, I see that the shouting man wears the blue shirt of a town official, and he’s soliciting people to join them in their search. “There was some kind of argument,” he explains. “A young girl was upset and ran out of the evacuation center. Right into the storm.”

  “Sino yung bata?” Lolo Sebyo asks who the child is.

  “The Dimasalang kid.”

  My heart drops once again. Oh no. Claudine!

  “Stay in the tent.”

  That is the first thing that comes out of Lolo’s mouth. I try to argue, but he won’t even listen to me.

  “I can’t brew a potion in this tent.” Lolo Sebyo grunts as he drags the wheeled suitcase containing potion ingredients and the clay pot. “The clock is ticking. The longer your Balik is in effect, the harder it will be for me to keep it at bay. You will be in grave danger if I don’t. Magic demands retribution, my Bee. Until you render payment, it will not stop haunting you.”

  “But Claudine—”

  “Stay in the tent!” My grandfather leaves before I can say another word.

  I ball my fists in frustration. “Argh!”

  Don’t get me wrong, I love my lolo. I promised him I’ll follow his instruction and be more obedient. But I can’t sit this one out. I just can’t. This is my friend we’re talking about.

  It’s my fault Claudine got so upset. It’s also my fault I’ve gotten Balik. No one is to blame but me, and I have to fix it.

  Even if it means stepping out of this magical protective circle.

  “Kidlat, stay here.” I sound like Lolo, but I can’t bring my dog. It’s too dangerous. “I’ll get Claudine.”

  I try to pick up Kidlat, but he growls at me.

  I don’t need to speak dog to know what he’s saying. Kidlat wants to come with me, and he’s not letting me go until I take him along.

  “Argh! You’re so frustrating.” I put the harness on Kidlat and clip on his leash. “Fine. But stay close to me.”

  As soon as I step out of the tent, I feel a familiar blast of cold air and darkness looming over me. But I set my fear aside.

  This is for Claudine.

  I push a bench under the window behind our tent and step on it. I climb out of the window ahead of Kidlat, carefully finding my footing on the ground. I let my eyes adjust to the darkness before hoisting my dog out with me.

  The wind is so strong, even the tiny drops of water hitting my face are already painful. I take a deep breath. There is only one place Claudine will attempt to go. That one place she loves and feel safe—the lighthouse of Mount Mahal.

  “Okay, good boy. Let’s do this. Let’s go rescue our friend.”

  “CLAUDINE! WHERE ARE YOU?”

  But no matter how loud I shout, my voice gets muffled by the wind.

  The typhoon brought with it an onslaught of torrential rain, making it even harder to see. It’s like everything is blanketed with white mist that’s really the rain and the wind. Electrical wires, though devoid of power, have been ripped from the posts that hold them.

  Suddenly, a piece of metal sheeting, which might have been a part of someone’s roofing, flies in front of us and slams into the wall of the building across the street.

  I gasp and jump back, my heart racing.

  “Stay close to me, Kidlat.” I hold the leash of my dog’s harness tighter.

  Coconut trees are trying to stand their ground. But most trees bend to the angry, powerful wind. I’m afraid Typhoon Totoy will try to take my dog away.

  In the distance, I see a flickering dot of light in the dark: the lighthouse. Would Claudine have tried to seek shelter there? I hope it’s close by.

  I pick an eastward path, the road she’d likely have taken had she been aiming to get to the lighthouse. The volunteers are covering the other side, the one where the center’s entrance is.

  Kidlat and I turn left. It’s impossible to make progress in this storm, and I can barely make out the shape of the road—the heavy rain and the dark clouds are really making it hard for me to see anything clearly.

  And that’s when we hear a voice. It’s muffled, but it gets louder as we move closer and closer to the road. It’s hard to see anything, but we keep walking.

  “Saklolo! Help! I’m over here.”

  We finally find Claudine and Winter huddled under a mango tree.

  Claudine is shivering. I wish I’d brought a jacket with me.

  “My foot hurts!” cries Claudine, holding her left foot with one hand and Winter with the other.

  “Let me see.” I take Claudine’s ankle and lightly press it.

  “Ouch!” She winces. “Do you think it’s broken?”

  I bite my lip. “I don’t know. Can you stand?”

  Claudine pushes herself against the tree trunk to an upright position. But once she tries to take a step with her left foot, she wails in pain. “It hurts! It hurts so bad!”

  I don’t know what’s wrong with her, but nothing seems to be bleeding or anything horrible like that. One thing is certain—we need to go back and get help for Claudine’s injury before it gets worse.

  “Hold your cat tight, then put your other arm around me.” I grunt when she does. Claudine is heavier than I thought.

  It’s hard to walk when you have an injured girl with a cat leaning on you for support in the middle of a raging typhoon. It’s even harder to walk when you have to weave through a road strewn with fallen trees and debris flying in front of you. Still, we trudge on. And before long, we finally make it across the street.

  Then lightning streaks across the sky, followed by the loud boom of thunder.

  MEOW! Winter lets out a loud, scared hiss. She scratches Claudine, who drops the cat in pain.

  As Winter runs off, Kidlat tugs on his leash hard. I lose my grip, and he follows the cat.

  “Kidlat!” I call out to him, but he doesn’t stop running until he catches Winter. Thankfully, the cat doesn’t get far. Kidlat grabs the skin on the back of Winter’s neck with his teeth, the same way tigers and lions carry their young. But the strong winds and the flying debris are making it hard for the animals to make it back to us.

  I guide Claudine to the nearest building. There’s a mango tree beside it, but it seems to be holding its ground against the wind.

  “Stay here,” I order Claudine. “I’ll get them. Use the wall for support.”

  Claudine nods. “Be careful!”

  I run to Kidlat and Winter as fast as I can, jumping over fallen branches and debris. Kidlat sees me and hurries to where I am while still carrying the struggling cat. I take Winter from Kidlat and hoist her onto my shoulder the way Claudine does. Winter’s claws dig into my skin, but I just ignore the pain.

  I wind Kidlat’s leash around my wrist on my free arm and pick him up. “Yo
u’re not getting away from me this time, little guy.”

  The three of us then weave through the debris and falling branches back to Claudine.

  Suddenly, a strong gust of wind blows at the mango tree beside Claudine. A branch breaks, falling on the overhang of the building where Claudine is taking shelter.

  “WATCH OUT, CLAUDINE!”

  Claudine screams as the roof collapses. She tries to run, but she trips and falls. A portion of the roof lands on her injured leg. Claudine groans in pain.

  My adrenaline kicks in. Never mind the danger, I need to help her.

  I put Kidlat down, but he whines and bites at my shorts. As usual, he realizes what I plan to do. It’s like we have our own language without needing to say anything. I just need to feel and think, and he’ll feel and know what I felt and thought.

  “I have to, good boy. She’s my friend,” I whisper to his furry ear, handing him Winter. To my relief, he carries her again by the skin on her neck. “Keep that silly cat safe.”

  My dog whimpers through his mouthful of cat.

  It’s getting harder and harder to walk in the storm now. Small debris scratch my arm and my face, but never mind that. The magic of Balik can do whatever it wants with me, as long as I save my friend.

  I keep pushing the fallen branches and wood and metal sheets from the collapsed roof. I grimace as the metal cuts my hands. Whatever happens, I’m going to save Claudine.

  Finally, I reach her.

  “You didn’t leave me,” Claudine sobs. “I thought I was going to die here alone.”

  “No way.” I shake my head. “I’ll never, ever leave you. You’re my friend. Whether or not you want to be mine.”

  Claudine smiles weakly.

  “Okay, we have to get you out of there,” I say, walking to one side of the tree trunk. “When I say go, crawl backward.”

  Claudine nods tearfully.

  “One, two, three— Ahhh!” I lift the heavy roof that’s crushing Claudine’s foot. “GO!”

  Claudine crawls as I instruct.

  I drop the roof with a thud.

  I’ve done it!

  Just then, I hear something crack. I look up and find a thick, heavy branch falling toward me. I can only stare at it in shock as Claudine screams for me to move.