Becoming Animals

by Olga Werby

  Toby caught herself thinking of Twiggy’s body parts as her own. And in a way, they were.

  Toby scratched behind her ear—then noticed Kyle staring again. Ruffy was scratching behind his ear too. Damn. Maybe she should unplug. Kyle had been watching her too closely this evening and Toby didn’t like it. But it felt so good to extend her senses into Ruffy. And Ruffy liked it too; she was sure of it.

  She pretended to watch the movie. She had stopped paying attention to the plot a long time ago. But what did it matter? It was just a kid’s movie.

  Ruffy enjoyed the high-pitched sound of Babe’s voice, while Toby found the colors interesting. With the addition of Ruffy’s sight, she was able to add contrast to her viewing. While the rat was very nearsighted, he did discern more variations of gray—so by combining his visual perception with her own, Toby was able to see more details. She’d never watched a movie through doubled senses before. She wondered what it would be like to watch a movie in tandem with Twiggy’s eyes.

  “Hey!” May shouted. “Bricks has the zoomies again!”

  Toby and Rufus turned simultaneously to see what was going on. Bricks was dashing madly in circles around the room. It was not uncommon for young pigs to sometimes spontaneously run wild for a bit, trying to shake off excess energy. These zoomies, as they were called, passed with age.

  Lilly turned on the lights and Ben paused the movie.

  “Kyle! Get your pig under control,” Will said. He tried to sound stern, but he was laughing—as were most of the others. Bricks looked positively comical running laps around the table and chairs, slipping on the hard linoleum floor, screeching and oinking.

  Toby found herself snickering too. Rufus made strange sounds way outside of human hearing. Rat snickering, she thought and she broke out in full open laughter. Animals had a sense of humor too. He couldn’t see what was happening with his own myopic eyes, but Toby was sure he was getting some of her visual perceptions over their BBI connection. Besides, Toby found the whole situation hysterical and her brain was flooded with dopamine, so Ruffy’s was too, by association.

  Kyle was now running behind his piglet, trying to catch and restrain him. But it was like trying to catch a…well, it was like trying to catch a crazy piglet!

  “Isn’t there an event at the county fair like this?” Ben said. “I think you have to grease him.” He laughed so hard, he almost fell off his chair. His uneaten pizza slice got knocked off the table and landed on the floor.

  Instantly, Twiggy was up and running to get her share of the spoils before Bricks could hog them. The piglets collided as both reached the cheesy goodness at almost the same time. Bricks’ hooves slipped on the floor and he let out an unhappy squeal.

  Now everyone but Toby was up on their feet trying to grab the pigs and subdue them. Twiggy had grabbed Ben’s half-eaten slice and was running with it, dodging human hands and feet. Toby knew how the piglet felt; she’d spent enough time plugged into Twiggy to understand her strong aversion to food loss. Twiggy wasn’t going to give up her pizza without a struggle.

  Bricks was stunned by his slide and fall and Kyle managed to grab him and pull him close to his chest. He locked the animal with his arms, looking ready to hog-tie him if necessary. Toby had no doubt he could do it too. Bricks was wriggling hard, trying to escape Kyle’s grip, and looked very upset. His hackles were up and he was chomping and foaming at the mouth. If it was anyone other than Kyle holding him, Toby was sure they would have let him go by now. Toby felt sorry for Bricks. All this and Twiggy got the pizza prize!

  “What’s going on here?”

  Major Watson stood in the doorway. His voice boomed over the squeals, laughter, and grunts.

  Everyone stopped what they were doing. Well, the humans stopped. Bricks still squirmed and screamed in Kyle’s death grip and Twiggy took off toward the open doorway with the slice of pizza in her mouth. She ran into the major on the way out, leaving a smudge of tomato and cheese on his pant leg.

  “George?” Will said. He stood holding his beer and pizza slice up above his head.

  “What’s going on here?” the major repeated. He didn’t look amused.

  “We’re watching a movie,” Toby answered innocently.

  Ruffy was still sitting on her shoulder, making high-pitched laughing sounds into her ear, but she was the only one aware of his mirth.

  “Sir,” Kyle said. “I will secure the pigs, sir.” He was still holding the struggling piglet and he looked very uncomfortable having been caught in this position by his boss.

  “You do that, lieutenant,” the major said. He walked into the room. “Is there any pizza left, or did the pigs eat it all?”

  “There’s plenty of pepperoni,” Lilly said. She pointed to the pizza boxes.

  “Thank you. I love pepperoni.” The major used a napkin to wipe his pants, then grabbed a plate and a slice of pizza. “I see there’s beer too,” he said. “I trust I don’t have to report any underage drinking?” He gave Toby a quick wink.

  “No, sir,” said May. She also looked a little freaked out by the sudden appearance of her superior officer. “I’ll go help Kyle secure the pigs, sir,” she said and hurried out of the conference room.

  “I’ll help too,” Ben said, following.

  “Well, you sure know how to clear a room,” Will said with a chuckle. “Here, have a seat. To what do we owe the honor of this unexpected visit? Or should I say inspection?”

  “Visit!” The major smiled. “I was in the neighborhood for a couple of days and wanted to stop by and say hi.” He raised his hands, palms out, indicating sincerity. Toby had learned something about human gestures with Vikka: humans often said one thing while their gestures said the opposite. Animals never did that.

  Vikka gave her uncle a hug. “Nice to see you, Uncle Geo. Glad you have time for us.”

  “Always do for my favorite girls.” He opened his arms for Toby. She came over and hugged him too. “Good to see you, Toby. And Rufus. How are my favorite Brats?”

  “I didn’t know you had favorites,” Toby answered with a smile.

  She liked when Uncle Geo visited. His visits were always interesting. Last time, they got Twiggy and Bricks—and before that, Eeny and Miny. But it wasn’t just about the presents. George shook things up, changed their routines, and created new experiments. Also, when he was around, Toby sometimes learned interesting tidbits she hadn’t known about before.

  From out in the hall came the sounds of screams and yaps. Then some banging.

  “Perhaps your people could use some help out there,” the major said to Will.

  “Kyle and May are your people, Major,” Will countered.

  “Call me Geo,” he said for the thousandth time. “Come on, let’s all go before the pig chase damages something expensive.”

  Will put his plate with half-eaten pizza back in the box and motioned for Geo to do the same. “Just in case,” he said.

  Will, Vikka, Lilly, Geo, and Toby walked out into the hall, closing the door to the conference room behind them. Ruffy was still riding on Toby’s shoulder and Toby was still riding him. The portable BBI units worked anywhere in the Brats facilities and even a bit beyond.

  As the rest of the team went to search for Twiggy, Geo held back to talk with Toby. “How’s Rufus?” he asked.

  “He’s getting old, Uncle Geo.”

  “I’ve heard. But he looks good to me. We have the same mane of gray hair.” He gestured to his closely cropped hair. It was gray, but it was no mane.

  “He’s fine,” Toby said. She smiled to hide her discomfort. She was nervous. Would Uncle Geo discover her need to ride Ruffy? “He likes it when we’re connected. I try to do it every day.” She didn’t like the way that came out. It sounded more needy than she had hoped. She looked up at Uncle Geo, but couldn’t guess what he was thinking. He was always difficult to read.

  “And does Twiggs…Twiggs, right?”

  “It’s Twiggy,” Toby corrected him. “Kyle changed Bricky to Bric
ks, but Twiggy is still Twiggy. Kyle tends to ride Bricks. I usually ride Twiggy. She’s got a gentle soul and a better sense of humor.”

  “I didn’t know pigs had different personalities,” George said.

  “Sure they do. They’re like people. Or rats. Every animal is different. Twiggy is more my type. You’re my type too,” Toby added to Rufus, scratching his head just behind the implant.

  Will and Vikka came back and joined them just as Kyle rushed up. “We secured Bricks,” Kyle said, “but we lost the other one.”

  “What?” Will said. “Lost her where?”

  “I don’t know. We’ve searched all the rooms and her usual hiding places. I don’t know how she could have hidden from us, but I don’t know where she is.” He looked stricken, as if it was his personal failure that Twiggy had made a run for it when the major opened the door.

  “Could Twiggy have escaped the lab?” George asked.

  “Not without triggering an alarm,” Will said. He turned to Toby. “Honey, do you have any idea where Twiggy might have hidden?”

  Toby thought of the hiding places the piglets used; they were all easy to spot. Like little kids playing hide-and-seek, the piglets figured if they couldn’t see you, you couldn’t see them. “I don’t know,” she said. “They’re usually easy to find.”

  “Well, not this time,” Kyle said.

  “How about if I get inside her head?” Toby offered. They all turned and looked at her. “I can just look around and see where she is.”

  “That would be great,” George said.

  “Are you sure, Toby?” Vikka asked. “You said you were really tired earlier.” She didn’t look at her uncle when she said it.

  “It’ll be easy,” Toby said. “Let me just put Ruffy down for the night. I’ll be right back.”

  She ran to her office, leaving a hall full of people staring after her. There was a discussion in low voices, but Toby could only hear the emotional content. Twiggy would have had no problem picking out the words, she thought. Pigs had great hearing.

  Toby placed Rufus in his cage and gave him a few treats. He was always a little discombobulated after the BBI connection was terminated. Toby didn’t like it either; the sense of isolation was a rude shock after a ride’s closeness of spirit.

  She shook her head, switched the inputs on her headset to tune into Twiggy’s brain implant, and slipped the BBI back on her head. Immediately, the world blinked and she experienced it through Twiggy’s senses. Toby tried to figure out where Twiggy was hiding. It wasn’t one of her usual places.

  “Are you in, honey?” She heard her dad’s voice as if from a long distance away. It was always like that when she fully immersed herself into animal senses.

  She pulled out a bit. “Yes, Dad. I’m in.”

  She could still taste the slice of pizza that Twiggy had stolen. Twiggy’s sense of taste was remarkably similar to her own—much more similar than Ruffy’s. But Twiggy wasn’t very discerning in what she considered edible. She’d have no problems eating rotten vegetables or meat that would have made Toby gag. Fortunately, Toby liked cheese pizza.

  “Where’s Twiggy hiding?” It was Uncle Geo’s voice.

  “I’m not sure yet. But it’s dark and smells of plastic.”

  “That’s most of the lab,” Kyle said.

  “What kind of plastic?” Toby’s dad asked.

  “It’s very familiar, but I can’t place it,” Toby said. “But I know…I recognize that smell.”

  Toby refocused on Twiggy’s senses. The delicious pizza was long gone, but Twiggy was still feeling self-satisfaction at the successful heist of forbidden food. Toby tried to make sense of her surroundings. She was in a very small space, almost a tube. There was something draped over each exit—a plastic cover? A smell emanated from the tube and another from the plastic. If she ignored the plastic, it smelled like…

  “It’s the fMRI machine!” she called out. “Twiggy’s hiding under the dust cover, inside the donut hole.” She was very proud of herself for figuring it out.

  Nine: Next Day

  The pungent smell of tomato sauce wafted from the kitchen to Toby’s bedroom, bringing to mind memories of evenings past, when her mother was still alive. Toby had read that scent memory was one of the most powerful cognitive triggers. An odor—even a slight whiff—could spur the recollection of an event more easily than words or even images. It was true for her…and it was true for Ruffy and Twiggy too. Animals’ memories were strung on the twine of strong emotions and smells.

  Uncle Geo, Vikka, and Toby’s dad were downstairs making dinner for the whole team. Toby secretly suspected that pasta sauce was the only thing Uncle Geo knew how to make, but it didn’t make it taste any less good. He was a master of one Italian dish and it was a dish that Toby liked very much.

  With Ruffy on her shoulder, Toby wrote in a small journal her mother had given her a long time ago. She’d never thought she would be one of those girls who wrote in a diary, but it was the only way she had to communicate with her mother. She didn’t like the idea of going to the cemetery and talking to the gravestone. Writing to her mother, especially in the diary her mother had gifted her, was much better.

  Today, though, she was writing a letter to herself. It wasn’t a real letter, more of a story—an account of how her life might have been if she wasn’t sick all the time and afraid of going out in public. She wrote of a normal kid whose worries were focused on school bullies rather than addiction, whose friends were other kids and not military personnel.

  Toby named this normal kid “Tabitha.” That was one of the possible names Toby’s parents had considered for Toby before she was born—so it made sense that, in this alternate life, the name Tabitha had won out.

  Tabitha didn’t have cystic fibrosis; she just pretended to be sick. Everyone in her school—her real school, with real classrooms, real students, and even real teachers—were very supportive of Tabitha while she faked aches and pains.

  Toby shifted on her bed. Her body did hurt. Yesterday, she’d done too much activity—sneaking off to the library, and then pizza night, and hide-and-seek with the piggies. Today she’d slept in and had been allowed to stay in bed all afternoon. No one had even asked her to come help with dinner—not yet, anyway.

  “Where do you think Tabitha should live?” Toby asked Ruffy, scratching behind his implant. As always, she spoke to Ruffy in a soft, soothing voice, slightly higher pitched.

  The elderly rat didn’t answer. He seemed very content nuzzling her left ear. Toby was right-handed, so when she was writing, her right shoulder moved too much for Ruffy’s comfort. And she was all about making Rufus comfortable. He was old and his joints hurt. She felt his pain when she rode him…just as he felt hers.

  Toby looked outside. It was foggy, making it seem like late evening even though it was only four in the afternoon. “Perhaps someplace sunny? What do you think? I know you don’t like sun, but you like being warm.” They’d installed an electric blanket in his cage in her room. Rufus was trained enough not to gnaw on electrical cords. Eeny and Miny were not as good—no electric blankets for them.

  “Florida,” she said after consideration. “It’s close to the ocean. A different ocean, a warm ocean. Wouldn’t it be nice to go swimming in a real ocean?”

  Toby liked going for long walks on the beach, but the Pacific Ocean was way too cold to even dip her toes in. Only people who were crazy enough not to mind, or who weren’t worried about getting sick, went into the freezing waters of Northern California. Well, crazies and tourists. The local merchants made money selling jackets to the visitors as they got off the cable cars in their shorts and t-shirts and got hit by the frigid wind coming in through the Golden Gate. Perhaps it was the merchants who were responsible for disseminating propaganda about warm, sunny California.

  Toby tried to remember the last time she’d been on the beach. It must have been way before her mother died. She remembered how much fun she’d had, but now, as she thought about it, she
found the idea less pleasing. It was too out in the open, too much water. Hmm. Well, people change. She was allowed to change her mind about what she liked and disliked.

  She finished her journal entry, titled “A Letter to My Future Self,” and dated it. Then she read it aloud to Ruffy:

  “The first time I died I was only a girl. That’s very dramatic, isn’t it, Ruffy? But teenage human girls are supposed to be dramatic. So I think it’s good.” She continued. “After my funeral, I chose a new name, Tabitha. Unlike Toby, Tabitha was healthy.”

  Toby felt real tears—she was mourning herself already, mourning a girl named Toby. She chuckled and wept at the same time. Rufus licked the tears off her fingers.

  “I wonder if whales can cry and laugh at the same time, or is that just a human thing?” she said to Ruffy.

  Using colored pencils, Toby drew herself swimming among whales and dolphins. She even drew some tropical fish on the margins. All of the animals had brain implants—she smudged a bit of blue ink to show the glow of the BBIs. When she was done, she added a little brain implant to her own head. “Better,” she announced.

  She was just about done when she heard the sound of the front door opening and people stampeding in. Toby looked at the time on her cell phone—it was still early, right? But no, it was almost dinnertime. She wondered how it had gotten so late. She dug deeper into the nest of blankets and pillows she had made for herself on the bed. She felt cold. She didn’t want to go down there. Not yet. She liked being up here with Rufus, in a darkened room.