Don't Want To Lose You

by Dawn Martens

“Never been better,” I lie.

  Forty minutes later, Eden and Moira step through my front door and I shout out, raising my glass. “Let the man-bashing begin.” And I cheer.

  The girls all just look at me, with pity. I shrug and start chugging. Fuck Chris. Fuck his stupid side bitch, Lacey.

  “Come on, stop it, guys. Stop looking at me like that. Let’s get drunk, eat all the pizza.” I turn to Eden with a smile on my face. “I hear you have the new Chucky movie!”

  She smiles at me. “Damn right I do! I was gonna watch it tonight with the twins, but since I know about your crazy obsession with Chucky, I brought it over here instead.” I’m so excited for this, I have a whole spare room upstairs dedicated to all things Chucky: posters, pillows, the dolls. It’s like a shrine. People always refuse to go near that room, but I didn’t mind, kept them out of my special place.

  We get settled down in my living room, passing the pizza box between us. Moira gets up to put the movie into my Blu-ray player as I refill my drink. “Moira, you want me to get you a drink?” I ask.

  She smiles at me from her spot in front of my TV. “Can’t drink.” She winks as she continues getting everything set up.

  Sadness washes over me. She’s pregnant and I’m not but I can’t be mad at her for it. Just because I lost my child, and my husband refuses to have another with me, it’s not her fault. “Congratulations.” This will make four for her and Mason. One from his first wife, who died years ago, one from Moira, a child that they adopted during one of the Angels cases, and now this new baby.

  I look at Eden and her hands go up in surrender. “Don’t look at me, I got that shit taken outta me. No more babies will ever come outta this cooter.” I lost count of how many kids she has, I think it’s five, plus her baby sister.

  “Lilly?” She always said she was done. She has her own child with Vinny and is also raising my dead cousin’s child, fathered by Vinny, too. Lilly said two was enough, and she was happy.

  She shrugs. “Not pregnant, but I have been thinking about it, think it might be time to have a talk with Vinny. I wouldn’t mind one more before I turn thirty-five.”

  My phone starts buzzing on the coffee table and Eden grabs it before I can. She curses under her breath.

  “What?” she answers. “Nope, sorry, we’re having a girl orgy tonight.” Pause. “Oh? Go fuck yourself, you slimy bastard. Hope your dick rots off.” She hangs up and silences my phone, keeping it on her.

  “What was that?” I ask.

  “Just the dickless wonder. He probably won’t stop calling tonight, my guess is he found out that you now know about his bullshit. I’m keeping your phone until morning.”

  I don’t bother replying, she saved me from having to deal with him tonight. I can’t believe him. He wouldn’t have another baby with me but he did with that skanky bitch.

  Moira comes back to the couch and grabs herself a few slices of pizza. Eden polished off a whole pizza to herself, not quite sure where the hell she put it, and Lilly and I stuck to just two slices each. I hit play on the movie.

  Tonight is exactly what I need. Drinks, friends, and a good horror movie. I just wish Chucky was real.

  So I could send him to Lacey.

  Chapter 10

  Chris

  “Fuck!” I roar, tossing my phone into the passenger seat of my car. Trixie knows. And now she’s surrounded by the wives of the Angels Warriors. Which means I can’t get through to her or try to see her. I’m so fucked right now.

  I get out of my car and make my way up to Lacey’s apartment. She opens the door the second I start pounding on it. “Wow, you were fast, I thought you’d take longer.”

  “Move,” I bark.

  She jumps and steps aside, letting me in. I look at her and notice her light brown hair is greasy as hell. When did she last have a shower?

  “What were you thinking, huh? I told you not to take Lita out of this apartment until I could figure shit out.”

  She rolls her eyes and crosses her arms. “You try having a nineteen-month-old. She wants to get out, get fresh air. Can’t keep her cooped up in here just because you’re a pussy about your wife finding out.”

  “Yeah, well everyone fucking knows now, so it’s only a matter of time, and I have a feeling she already knows, considering she’s refusing my calls and Eden is blocking my contact with her!” I shout in her face.

  “You’re right, she does know, because I couldn’t keep it in anymore, okay. I saw her sitting in Eden’s diner today, and all of my most hated people were there, minus Hilary, ‘cause the bitch is dead. I felt like it would be a great time to air everything out.”

  I stagger back. Oh fuck, this is worse than I thought. “What did you do?”

  She shrugs. “I just said that Lola loves her daddy. Oh yeah, I mentioned you.”

  I grab her by the neck, shove her into the wall and stare into her ugly shit brown eyes. “You did that shit in front of Trixie, to Trixie’s face?”

  She gulps and looks at me, scared.

  “I’m going to take her from you, you cunt. And you better pray that Trixie doesn’t want to see you dead or you’ll have Reaper on your fucking ass.”

  She shoves at me, and I let go. “You’re not taking my child from me.”

  “Bitch, shut up! You kept that child from me since conception, I will take you to court. I’ll go back to the hotel bar and ask for video feed that proves I was drunk as fuck that night and didn’t know what I was doing when you attacked me in that elevator. And honestly, if I hadn’t gotten that DNA test, I wouldn’t have even believed I slept with you.”

  She rolls her eyes. She isn’t even that attractive. “I’m her mother, courts always side with the mother.”

  “Not if they’re fucking whores and the Angels Warriors back me the fuck up. You fight, I’ll go as far as getting Trixie to adopt her. Get your rights stripped completely.”

  “Try it! You seem to forget who your wife is. She’ll never forgive you for cheating on her!”

  She’s right, Trixie probably won’t, but I can still try and fight for my marriage.

  “Doesn’t matter, Lita doesn’t need to be around your filth. You try to run after I leave, we both know you won’t get far. Not once the Angels find out.”

  I move away from her and leave her apartment. I need to find a lawyer, someone that isn’t Lilly’s dad.

  I head off to Allan’s house, hoping he’s home, and hoping like hell Jess is out, otherwise she’ll probably tear me a new asshole, again.

  “Hey, man,” Allan says as he opens the door.

  I walk with him to his man cave and he grabs me a beer.

  “I take it you heard about what happened today?” he asks after he takes a large gulp of his beer.

  “Yeah, I’m so fucking pissed right now. I need to find a lawyer.” I didn’t consider getting one before, since Lacey and I seemed to be working the custody stuff out ourselves, but now I don’t have a choice but get a lawyer involved.

  “Whoa, wait! You’re going to divorce Trixie?” he asks in shock.

  “No, jackass. I need a lawyer to get custody of my kid. Lacey has already caused a shit load of problems, and I feel like she’s just gonna get worse, especially if by some miracle Trixie takes me back.”

  “What about Sam Mayer? He’s one of the best lawyers on this side of the country.”

  I shake my head. “He specializes in divorce, plus I have a feeling since he’s Lilly’s dad, and she and Vinny hate me right now, he wouldn’t help me out.”

  “What about one of those lawyers the Angels sometimes use? They specialize in kids, they would be your best bet.”

  “How would I get their information? The Angels aren’t exactly my friends these days,” I point out.

  “I’ll get Jess on it, she helps out sometimes with their paperwork at the club, so she probably has a few numbers she could get you.”

  “Think she’ll actually help me, though? Jess was pissed last time she was around me.”
r />   “And she still is, but she’s not as pissed as she was. She thought you were carrying on a crazy affair with Lacey, not that it was a one-night drunken mistake and that you only just found out about Lita. So, don’t worry, she’ll get you a few numbers.”

  I thank Allan, finish my beer, and drive by the home I share with Trixie. Cars in the driveway, which means Trixie isn’t alone, so I drive off and head for my apartment.

  When I get in, I set my alarm clock for seven. Tomorrow we’re going to finally talk, I will make her listen to me, make her understand me and what’s going on. I can’t lose Trixie. She’s my life.

  Chapter 11

  Trix

  Everything hurts. “Oh God, how much did I drink last night?” I ask myself, sitting up in my bed. I notice someone’s left a few pills and a glass of water on my nightstand, along with a note.

  Hey Trixilicious,

  Sorry, you made us call you that all night. LOL. Anyways, the girls and I cleaned the place up for you and took off early this morning. We’ll chat later today, promise! Take the Midol and aspirin and make sure you keep hydrated, you literally drank an entire bottle of vodka. Fingers crossed you don’t barf.

  Lilly

  Okay, no wonder I feel like shit. I haven’t drunk this much in years. I grab the pills and the water and gulp it down, trying not to throw up. I can’t stand taking pills, I always gag something awful. Surprisingly, the pill went right down without any issues. Huh, maybe I’m finally getting the hang of the pill thing.

  I go to lay back down in bed to try and sleep off the hangover but can’t, since someone is going crazy at my front door. Going back and forth between knocking and ringing the damn bell.

  “For fuck sake! Knock it off!” I shout as I open the door. “Oh, hell no.” I go to close it again when I see Chris standing there, but he blocks it with his shoe.

  “Let me in, Trixie, we need to talk. And when did you change the locks on the door?” he demands, shoving the door open and stepping inside.

  I didn’t change the locks, I’m assuming the girls called one of the guys over while I was sleeping to do it. I’ve gotta remember to thank them for it.

  “There’s nothing we need to talk about, not anymore. Time for talking was months ago, when this bullshit all started, or better yet when it first fucking happened!” I shriek at him.

  His face is pained and he just stares at me. “You have to believe me, Trix, I never meant for any of this to happen. God, when Lola died, everything went to hell.”

  “You don’t have to tell me that, I know it all went to hell, I was the one that had to carry a child inside me and still give birth to her when she was dead.”

  “We’re going to sit down, and I’m finally telling you everything, please let me do that. We’ve been together for ten years Trixie, eight years of marriage. Please.”

  I clench my jaw and nod. “I’ll hear you out Chris, but no promises I’ll ever forgive you.”

  “I’ll take what I can get.”

  I sit down on the couch and he sits next to me. I’m almost tempted to move to the chair but he puts a stop to that by grabbing my hands.

  “It was while we were planning Lola’s funeral. I went to the bar, you know the one with the hotel attached to it?”

  I nod, remembering his text that night saying he was sleeping off his drunken night, and I didn’t mind. Before I got pregnant with Lola, we did that often enough.

  “The guys from work were there, so we got to drinking together, and I was three sheets to the wind, so I don’t remember much of it. The last thing I remember is the world spinning as I got into the elevator and Lacey was there too. Next thing I know I wake up the next morning and I’m in bed naked, and she’s laying there too.”

  “Wait, so you don’t know if you actually slept with her? Maybe you didn’t. Maybe that child isn’t yours.” I’m trying to be hopeful.

  He shakes his head. “Honestly, if it wasn’t for us losing Lola, I would have told you right away, I promise you that, but you and I both had bigger things to deal with and I didn’t want to add to it. Instead, I let the guilt eat me alive. And I had to have slept with her, Trix. The night before I left … that’s when I got the results of the DNA test. Lita is mine.”

  My head drops, there is no way we can move on from this. I feel punched in the gut.

  “Trixie, please look at me.” My eyes find his, tears filling both our eyes. “I love you, I only left because I was trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do about this. Everything is so fucked up. You have to know I’m taking Lacey to court and getting custody of that little girl, and first thing I’m doing is changing her name. I couldn’t believe it when Lacey told me her name. I about killed her.”

  “I believe you, but I don’t know, Chris. This is just too much. That little girl, that should have been ours. Not my husband the cheat’s child, but mine.”

  “I know, Trixie, I never meant for any of this to happen. The worst part, when I was looking at Lita’s baby pictures, her and Lola are practically identical. It killed me.”

  More pain. The more he talks, the more pain tears through me. I don’t want to hear anymore. I can’t do this. He is taking what little there is left of my heart and shattering it.

  “I need you to leave,” I tell him.

  He grabs my shoulders and shakes me slightly. “Trixie, we can work this out, I’m going to get custody, you can adopt her, we can be a family.” He begs me.

  I shake my head. “I don’t think we can, Chris. You cheated on me, you have a child with that slut, a child with almost the same god damned name as ours. And you just told me as a new baby she looked identical to my Lola. How can you not see this from my point of view? You need to leave, give me space.”

  “Fuck! Trixie, please. I’m begging you, don’t give us up. Please don’t.” His hazel eyes tear up, and I notice that sparkle is coming back into them that’s been lost for so many years.

  “Right now, it’s the only thing that makes sense,” I tell him softly.

  “We’re not getting a divorce, I will fight it,” he vows.

  “I didn’t say anything about a divorce, not right now. Just space. You have to give me that. I gave you space for months, the least you can fucking do for me is to give me space!” I shout.

  I swear if he doesn’t get the hell out right now, I will throw this lamp on my end table at him, and call up Lilly’s dad and start divorce proceedings. The longer he takes to get the hell out of my house, the angrier I become.

  “Fine, but I’m not giving up on us.” He storms out of the house, and slams the front door behind him.

  I don’t know what to do. He lied, he cheated, he has a child with another woman. I just… Fuck, I don’t know anything anymore. I spent months begging for him to just talk to me, and now that the tables have turned, I can focus on the problems, and he had better leave me the hell alone while I figure out what I’m going to do.

  Chapter 12

  Chris

  I knew it wasn’t going to be easy talking to her this morning. I didn’t expect her to jump back into my arms, but I did at least expect us to talk more, to spend the day together, something. I wanted to tell her all about Lita, tell her who my lawyer is, stuff like that. But she threw me out. I only left because I could see the anger in her eyes. I knew she was about to lose it and I’d be in the line of fire.

  My phone rings as I park my car in the grocery store parking lot. “Hello?”

  “Mr. Crescent?” My lawyer. “This is Ms. Green; do you have free time today? I wanted to go over your case, and give you some information I was just made aware of.”

  “Yeah, I can be there in five minutes if that works?”

  “Perfect, just come right in and head down the hall. First door to your left.” She clicks off, and I start the car back up and head towards her office building.

  It doesn’t take me long to get there and I sprint down the half and knock on her door. “Come in.”

  “Ms. Gre
en,” I greet her. If I had to guess her age, she looks mid-thirties. Not much makeup, just a hint of lipstick. And she’s wearing the standard lawyer outfit: black dress pants, white button up blouse and her suit jacket rests on her chair.

  “Mr. Crescent, lovely to meet you, please sit. This shouldn’t take too long.” She shuffles some papers on her desks and brings out a large folder. “I started looking into Lacey Bradley and her record is so far from clean, I could use her file as toilet paper for the next year.”

  I chuckle at her choice of words.

  “Bad news first. I received a call this morning from a social worker, a Mrs. Jordin contacted her saying she had a little girl in her care and that her mother never came to pick her up.” My heart races, and I go to stand up to go get my daughter. “Calm down, Mr. Crescent. Lolita is perfectly fine, the social worker went and picked her up and is a floor up from us watching her until our meeting is over.” I calm down, relieved my girl is okay. “As for Ms. Bradley, well, we don’t know where she is right now. Police went to her apartment and searched it, seems her personal belongings are gone, and they found a room that was dedicated to you. Seems she quite fancies you.” She looks at me, waiting my reaction. When she see’s a look of disgust on my face, she smiles. “Care to tell me the story of how this came to be? From your file, you’re married, and have been for eight years. The time of conception for the baby upstairs seems to be around the time you lost the child your wife and you had.”

  I nod and tell her the whole story. How I was drunk and upset at losing Lola, how Lacey left town after that night, and how she showed up a few months ago with Lita. I also tell her how all this has affected my marriage.

  “I’m sorry for your loss,” she says quickly, and then moves on. “Gaining custody will be easy. You have it, went through the courts this morning. And stripping Ms. Bradley of her parental rights should be easy as well, since she abandoned Lolita. So, unless there is something else we need to talk about, you can go up and get your daughter.” She smiles at me.

  “One thing, I need to legally change Lita’s name.”