Captain Awesome and the New Kid

by Stan Kirby

  CAPTAIN AWESOME and Nacho Cheese Man are up to their old tricks . . . saving the universe through the defeat of one bad guy at a time. From Mr. Drools to Dr. Spinach, evil doesn’t stand a chance in Sunnyview!

  But when a new student, Sally Williams, joins Ms. Beasley’s class, the Superhero Squad is forced to wonder if she is friend or foe. Eugene also contemplates inviting a new feline friend to join the squad, much to Turbo’s disapproval.

  With easy-to-read language and illustrations on almost every page, the Captain Awesome chapter books are perfect for beginning readers.

  Look for more

  CAPTAIN AWESOME

  books at your favorite store!

  LITTLE SIMON

  Simon & Schuster, New York

  Cover design by Laura Roode

  Ages 5–7

  0512

  CaptainAwesomeBooks.com

  Meet the author and illustrator and

  get activities at

  KIDS.SimonandSchuster.com

  This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real locales are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.

  LITTLE SIMON

  An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division 1230 Avenue of the Americas, New York, New York 10020 www.SimonandSchuster.com Copyright © 2012 by Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. LITTLE SIMON is a registered trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc., and associated colophon is a trademark of Simon & Schuster, Inc. The Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau can bring authors to your live event. For more information or to book an event contact the Simon & Schuster Speakers Bureau at 1-866-248-3049 or visit our website at www.simonspeakers.com. 0312 FFG First Edition

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Kirby, Stan. Captain Awesome and the new kid / by Stan Kirby ; illustrated by George O’Connor. — 1st ed. p. cm. Summary: Eugene McGillicudy stands up for Sally Williams, the new student at Sunnyview Elementary, and then discovers that they both like an orange cat named Mr. Whiskersworth and the comic book super hero, Super Dude. [etc.] [1. Superheroes—Fiction. 2. Friendship—Fiction. 3. Schools—Fiction. 4. Cats—Fiction.] I. O’Connor, George, ill. II. Title. PZ7. K633529Caf 2012 [Fic]—dc23 2011023400

  ISBN 978-1-4424-4199-6 (pbk)

  ISBN 978-1-4424-4200-9 (hc)

  ISBN 978-1-4424-4201-6 (eBook)

  Table of Contents

  1. The Great Dog Star Escape

  2. The Neighbors Are Alien Spies

  3. It’s New Kid Monday!

  4. Peas of Doom and Destruction and YUCK

  5. The Creature from the Litter Box

  6. Funny Cat Has a Brother?

  7. Nacho Cheese Man Has a Secret Power You Wish You Had

  8. Shh . . . It’s the Cat Whisperer

  9. So the New Neighbor Isn’t an Alien Spy After All

  “RUN!”

  Captain Awesome grabbed the Frisbee and raced for his life!

  “We’re not going to make it!” Nacho Cheese Man shouted, an empty can of cheese in his hand.

  ROWWWWWL!

  The howl of their enemy was directly behind the heroes and getting closer!

  The Danger-Stopping Dynamic Duo had made the dangerous journey into Mr. Drools’s Dog Star battle station to save their precious Frisbee being held captive in Mr. Drools’s drippy, droolish jaws.

  What’s that? you say. You’ve never heard of Mr. Drools? He’s only the most slobberingest monster from the Howling Paw Nebula! He wakes up neighborhoods around the galaxy with his barking, his Drool of Destruction, and his taste for Frisbees.

  What’s that? you say again. Who are Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man?! Only the two most awesomest heroes not named Super Dude.

  Super Dude just happened to be the most awesome superhero in Eugene’s comic book collection.

  Eugene McGillicudy and his best friend, Charlie Thomas Jones, were not just ordinary students at Sunnyview Elementary. They also had supersecret superhero identities: Eugene was Captain Awesome and Charlie was Nacho Cheese Man.

  Along with Captain Awesome’s hamster sidekick, Turbo, together they formed the Sunnyview Superhero Squad to protect the universe from bad guys.

  Especially drooling space dogs.

  Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man had landed the Awesome Rocket on Mr. Drools’s dreaded Dog Star—a grrrnormous battle station, shaped like a dog’s head—that flew around the universe barking at helpless planets. Boarding the Dog Star was the start of a three-part mission to save Eugene’s favorite Frisbee.

  The three parts were:

  1. find the Frisbee

  2. rescue the Frisbee, and

  3. do not get drooled on by Mr. Drools! GROSS!

  “GRRRRR!” Mr. Drools growled, drool squirting from his clenched teeth.

  DOUBLE YUCK!

  “Let’s go!” shouted Captain Awesome, using his superspeed power to run through the long hallway of the Dog Star and nearly stepped on something lumpy. A scary thought jumped into Captain Awesome’s head.

  “Oh no! We’re right in the middle of a Doggy Doo-Doo Minefield!” he shouted out to Nacho Cheese Man.

  ICK!

  A Doggy Doo-Doo Minefield was a scary and icky thought. Mr. Drools’s Dog Star was full of traps! Very smelly traps . . .

  “I’ll stop the monster!” shouted Nacho Cheese Man. He grabbed a new can of power cheese from his Cheese Bag so he could aim it at Mr. Drools.

  PFSZZT!

  Cheese blasted Nacho Cheese Man right in the face!

  “Aargh!” he cried out. “I’m cheesed!”

  Nacho Cheese Man had forgotten the first rule of the power of canned cheese: Point the can away from you.

  “Mmmmm. It’s yummy though!”

  But it was not a time for snacks, no matter how yummy. Mr. Drools was within slobber range of the Frisbee. There was only one thing Captain Awesome could do.

  WHIZZZ!

  Captain Awesome threw the Frisbee to Nacho Cheese Man. Unfortunately, Nacho Cheese Man’s face was still covered in gooey cheese. The Frisbee sailed over his head and Mr. Drools took off after it.

  “The Frisbeeeeeeee!” cried out Captain Awesome.

  “I’m on it!”

  Nacho Cheese Man had his own Plan B: a Squeaky Dinky Squeezo. He pulled the doggie toy from his Cheese Bag and said the one word that no inhabitant of the Howling Paw Nebula could ever resist:

  The Squeaky Dinky Squeezo worked! Mr. Drools took off after it.

  “Good thinking, Nacho Cheese Man!” Captain Awesome exhaled. He was relieved.

  “I learned from the best,” Nacho Cheese Man said, looking at his Super Dude watch. Super Dude had faced a similar situation in Super Dude No. 48 with The Kitty Litterer, The Cat That Littered. Super Dude had defeated her by using a giant ball of string.

  While Mr. Drools dribbled his evil spittle on poor Squeaky Dinky, Captain Awesome grabbed the Frisbee and ran with Nacho Cheese Man toward the Dog Star airlock.

  “MI-TEE!” Captain Awesome cried out and hopped onto his MI-TEE Mobile rocket bike and blasted away from the Dog Star. Nacho Cheese Man followed on his own rocket bike, The Cheesy Rider.

  “Cheesy-Yoooo!” he cried as he took off.

  But fast on their trail was Mr. Drools, barking and drooling as he chased after the boys.

  Time for the Boomway!

  They turned their rocket bikes onto the Boomway, the outer space bike path. Captain Awesome pushed the solar-drive button on his handlebar
s and launched the MI-TEE Mobile and The Cheesy Rider into the vastness of space.

  They were sure to lose Mr. Drools in the King Crab Nebula, just past the Lobsteroid Belt. . . .

  Eugene and Charlie pedaled their bikes around the block. Most kids would just call it bike riding, but to the members of the Sunnyview Superhero Squad, they were “on patrol.”

  Evil could lurk anywhere and around any corner. Even in a mailbox! If it was small evil, that is.

  The boys turned the corner and Eugene slammed on his brakes. Unfortunately, he stopped too soon, flipped over the handlebars, and landed in a big pile of leaves.

  “YAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

  “What is it, Eugene?” Charlie said.

  “Leaves,” Eugene said, holding up a maple leaf. “And a moving van.”

  Eugene pointed down their street to the end of the cul-de-sac. A moving van was parked in front of the red brick house.

  “Maybe they have a kid our age,” Charlie said.

  “Yeah . . . maybe . . .” Eugene started. “Or maybe it’s a house full of aliens, or spies, or . . .”

  “ALIEN SPIES!” The two boys shouted out in unison.

  Sensing danger, they jumped into the bushes to hide!

  “OUCH! PRICKLES!”

  Eugene and Charlie jumped back out and hid behind the pile of leaves Eugene had crashed into.

  “Do you think they’re from a galaxy far, far away?” Charlie asked.

  “Aren’t all aliens from far away?” Eugene replied.

  “What do you think they want?”

  Eugene knew exactly what they wanted. “Our Super Dude comic books, that’s what. Let’s get a closer look,” he whispered.

  “Do you think they have two or four antennae sticking out of their heads?” Charlie was filled with fear and excitement. Antennae sticking out of aliens’ heads will do that to a person.

  Eugene snuck up the ramp and peeked into the moving van.

  “What’s inside?” Charlie whispered. “Danger?”

  “Furniture.”

  “Alien spy furniture?”

  “Only if alien spies ride bikes,” Eugene whispered back.

  “Looks like a human bike to me,” Charlie said, joining Eugene in the van.

  Everything seemed so . . . noRmaL.

  Maybe the aliens are trying to trick the Superhero Squad by pretending to be good guys who “come in peace!” Eugene thought.

  “That’s a really nice bike, isn’t it?” a mysterious voice asked. An alien spy stood in the doorway, blocking their escape. Eugene and Charlie were cut off!

  We’re trapped! I fell for the oldest trick in the book: alien spies pretending to be friendly new neighbors who distract me with cool bikes! thought Eugene.

  “They don’t come in peace, Charlie!” Eugene called out. “They’re here to tear us to pieces!”

  This alien spy would be no match for Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man!

  “Class, we have a surprise today,” Ms. Beasley said.

  It was Monday, which meant Charlie and Eugene were back at school, their superhero uniforms secretly stuffed into their backpacks.

  Eugene’s eyes lit up when his teacher said “surprise.”

  What could it be? Pizza Friday is moving to Mondays? We’re being sent home early?

  Ms. Beasley continued, “Class, say hello to your new classmate Sally Williams.”

  Everyone was quiet. Even Turbo stopped spinning on his squeaky exercise wheel. The kids stretched their necks like human giraffes to see . . . nothing.

  No one was in the doorway.

  “WOW! Look! Sally’s invisible!” Charlie cried out.

  “No, not quite,” Ms. Beasley said. “Sally? Would you like to come in and say hello to the class?”

  Sally Williams slowly shuffled into the class looking down at her shoes.

  Eugene looked down at Sally’s shoes too. Perhaps some villain, like the Incredible Velcrone, had stuck them together!

  Nope.

  But her high-top sneakers were so cool that Eugene figured she wanted to look at them as often as she could. Besides, except for the ponytail, the rest of her was dressed just like Eugene and Charlie—a pair of jeans, blue of course, and a T-shirt.

  She looked very different from Meredith Mooney. If the color pink ever had a child and sent her to school, she’d look just like Meredith—pink dress, pink socks, pink shoes, and so many pink ribbons stuck in her hair that it looked like pink meteors had crashed into it.

  “Class, let’s all say a warm Sunnyview hi to Sally,” Ms. Beasley said.

  “Hiii, Sal-ly!” the class repeated together.

  “Hi,” Sally replied, still staring at her shoes, like she was trying to melt them with heat vision.

  “Nice shoes,” Meredith Mooney said. “For a boy. Is your name Sally Williams . . . or William Sally? That shirt looks like something my brother would wear. Actually, even he dresses better than that. And everyone knows that boys have cooties.”

  Some of the class giggled.

  Hearing the giggles made Meredith continue. “That makes you . . . the COOTIE QUEEN!”

  The class roared with laughter, except for Eugene and Charlie. Eugene knew what it was like to be the new kid, and Charlie was too busy counting his cans of spray cheese.

  “Meredith Mooney!” Ms. Beasley snapped.

  Sally’s face turned as red as the pickled beets in the cafeteria. She ran past Meredith’s desk to an empty seat in the back of the classroom.

  Eugene did what heroes do when they see or hear something wrong: HE spoke up.

  “Hey! Be quiet! My! Me! Mine! Mere-DITH!” Eugene said. “Everyone knows that the only people with cooties are girls who wear the barfy color pink that’s pink like the color of barf.”

  The tide shifted and the class started to laugh at Meredith and chant, “Pink is barf! Barf is pink! Pink is barf that makes you stink!”

  MI-TEE! Eugene thought. Victory was his! There was no way Meredith could have a comeback for pink barf!

  Meredith stuck out her tongue at Eugene.

  The ol’ Tongue-Stick-Out!? Is that the best she could do? Eugene proudly thought.

  “Thank you,” Sally whispered so quietly Eugene thought his ears had been stolen.

  Eugene whispered, “You’re welcome,” but Sally was already doodling in her notebook. Eugene sat in his chair, satisfied at his pink, barfy defeat of Meredith and then . . .

  WAIT!

  Oh . . .

  NO!

  GROSS!

  Eugene felt something crawl up his arm.

  He! Had! COOTIES!

  It was all part of Meredith’s evil cootie plan, for in reality, Meredith Mooney was much more than an annoying little girl who wore too much pink. She was really Captain Awesome’s enemy, Little Miss Stinky Pinky!

  Even Charlie was scratching the top of his head. He had cooties too!

  I say NAY! to you, evildoer! Eugene thought. Your evil itchy plan of cootie itchiness will never ever succeed on this day, Little Miss Stinky Pinky! Captain Awesome and Nacho Cheese Man will fight your cooties before they itch again!

  Eugene quickly scratched his left arm.

  “Now this is our lunch line,” Ms. Beasley said to Sally as she proudly pointed out how students get their trays and their forks and wait in line for their food.

  Well, DUH.

  Eugene wanted to ask Sally to sit with him and Charlie. He remembered his first day at school and how nice it was that Charlie had sat with him.

  As a Super Dude fan, Eugene tried to follow Super Dude’s “Motto of Niceness” from Super Dude No. 1, No. 15, No. 29, and No. 158: “Being nice is super, so be supernice, dude!”

  Before Eugene could say anything to Sally, he smelled a yucky stink! Not the diaper yuck of his nemesis Queen Stinkypants from Planet Baby, but the stinky yuck of another bad guy, the evil cafeteria cook known as Dr. Spinach!

  Dr. Spinach was a villain so YUCKY, even his first name was YUCK! Dr. Yuck Spinach.


  “Be alert, Nacho Cheese Man,” Eugene whispered. “Dr. Spinach is back, and this time, he’s brought his most evil round sidekicks . . .”

  Charlie gasped. “Noooo! Not. The. Green. Peas!”

  “Yes, PEAS!”

  “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAA!” the two boys shouted in unison. You’d think the other kids in the cafeteria would’ve turned to look, but everyone was pretty much used to Eugene and Charlie shouting AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAA! in the lunch line.

  “YUCK! The only vegetable worse than bok choy,” Eugene groaned.

  Test tubes filled with gravy bubbled behind Dr. Spinach. Pots and pans foamed over with saucy, red Pasta Potions.

  “Welcome to the cafeteria, boys!” Dr. Spinach cackled and evilly twirled the ends of his curly, evil mustache.

  That’s a whole lotta evil, Eugene thought.

  With his greasy hairnet and his cackling chicken-laugh, Dr. Spinach was determined to serve Eugene and Charlie his yucky, green, round food of doom!

  He knows yucky green peas can steal my Captain Awesome superpowers! thought Eugene.

  Professor Beano Greenstalk, in Super Dude No. 19, tried to turn Super Dude into plant food with his slimy Asparagus Ray. But his friends, the Rabbit Rangers from Carrotopia, hopped into battle and kicked Professor Beano Greenstalk right in the cabbage patch. “Never doubt the power of long ears and soft fur,” Super Dude said as he tossed Professor Beano Greenstalk onto the compost heap.

  Eugene and Charlie had no choice. They’d have to fight their way past Dr. Spinach’s Lunch Line of Greasy Terror before he could blast them with school board-approved peas.

  “Whatever you do, don’t look at him!” Eugene warned. “His Evil Spinach Eyes will zap you!”