Wavering Convictions

by Erin Dutton

  “Yet, the one thing you should have talked to me about—”

  “Should have? Do you have any idea how torn I was? You and I, we just met, and he’s my brother. I can’t just forget that fact.”

  “And I can’t forget that he put a gun in my face. Do you know how that feels? Of course not. How could you?” She shook her head, trying to free the memory before the fear could take hold. “I don’t know why I thought we could be friends.”

  “We can.”

  “No. I can’t look at you without thinking about what he did.”

  “I’m not him.”

  The elevator doors opened on the ground floor, and Maggie practically ran out. Ally would be right behind her, but this time she refused to stop. Ally had nothing more to say that she wanted to hear.

  As she exited the elevator vestibule and strode across the lobby, she almost swooned with relief at seeing a friendly face. Detective Charlie Bell had responded to her robbery call.

  “Detective Bell,” she called, hoping the detective would remember her. She felt Ally pause behind her.

  “Hey, Maggie.”

  Detective Bell had been a calming presence when Maggie couldn’t answer the myriad of questions the uniformed officers had fired at her. The same steady energy emanated from her now, as she moved confidently to Maggie’s side.

  Either Maggie’s distress showed on her face, or Detective Bell’s investigative instincts were picking something up. She glanced between Maggie and Ally. “Everything okay here?”

  “Everything’s fine, Detective.” She’d asked Maggie to call her Charlie, while taking her statement, but Maggie used the title for Ally’s benefit now. “I’m on my way out.”

  “Maggie—” Ally started to speak but stopped when Maggie glared at her.

  “I’m headed out myself,” Charlie said, even though she’d just entered the lobby from the front door. “I’ll walk with you.”

  As they strode away, Maggie felt Charlie’s protective hand against her back. She imagined plenty of women felt comforted by Charlie’s strong yet gentle demeanor after a trauma, as she had been. But she couldn’t help wishing the pressure on her back came from Ally’s hand. Angry at her traitorous emotions, she resisted the urge to look over her shoulder at Ally.

  “Are you sure you’re okay? I felt some serious tension between you two.” Charlie held the door open and waited for her to walk out ahead of her.

  Maggie nodded. “I’ll be fine from here. I don’t want to make you late for court.” She chanced a glance back when they got outside, but Ally hadn’t followed.

  The first time they’d met, Charlie had been dressed in a fitted, navy button-down tucked in to black jeans. Her gun had rested in a leather holster on her hip, and Maggie had stared at it for several seconds, thinking how much less threatening it appeared than the robber’s. At that point she hadn’t known his name. Maybe the badge secured on her belt next to the holster made the gun feel safer somehow.

  Today, Charlie had dressed up. Her dark pantsuit flared at the waist and over her full hips. Her badge and gun weren’t visible, but Maggie imagined she’d fastened them to her waistband, under the jacket. A small plastic ID card with her picture and the police-department seal had been clipped to the hem of her blazer. Her hair, pulled back into a severe bun, put off a “don’t mess with me” vibe that probably benefitted her as a police officer.

  “I’ve got time. My docket doesn’t start for another thirty minutes.” Charlie led her to a small bench in the shadow of the building, and they sat. “Were you up in general-sessions?”

  “Yes.”

  “How’d that go?”

  She shrugged. “It was all a little confusing. But basically, he gets out of jail and goes to some kind of halfway house or something.”

  Charlie nodded. “The attorneys made a bond agreement.” She touched Maggie’s shoulder. “He still has to stay away from you while he’s awaiting trial. He can’t contact you, not even through someone else. Do you still have my card?”

  “I don’t know.” She remembered taking the card from Charlie that night. But since she didn’t have her purse, she couldn’t recall where she’d put it.

  Charlie slipped a silver case out of her jacket pocket and removed a card. When she handed it to Maggie, she held on to it until Maggie met her eyes. “If you have any trouble, you call me. If it’s an emergency, call 9-1-1. Okay?”

  “Yes.” She didn’t think Carey Rowe would bother her. But she couldn’t really be sure, could she? Was she projecting the gentle interactions she’d had with Ally onto her brother as well?

  Chapter Five

  Ally stood next to Jorge’s Honda Accord in the sheriff’s department parking lot and stared through the passenger window. Carey slumped there sullenly, refusing to look at her. He’d rolled down the window and rested his arm along the top of the door. She’d walked the block to the building located behind the courthouse where Jorge said he would bring Carey out after his release had been processed.

  “Mom said to tell you she loves you,” Ally said.

  Carey scowled.

  “You should call her when you get settled.” She glanced at Jorge. “Will he be able to call?”

  Jorge nodded. “The recovery house will have a phone he can use any time before curfew. But he’ll be staying busy with his treatment, meetings, and house chores. He’s also required to secure a full-time job within fourteen days of admission. They can help him with that.” He gave Carey a meaningful look, as if to remind him that he should use all the resources at his disposal. “After he’s got everything sorted, you and your mother can visit.”

  “We can?”

  Carey glanced at her as if surprised that she’d visit him, and for a moment she saw a hint of her younger brother. She touched his arm and bent to look in the window, waiting for him to meet her eyes.

  “Let us know when you’re ready for us to come see you.”

  He swallowed and nodded.

  “Carey, I—” She didn’t know what to say. She felt ripped apart inside right now, but he didn’t look like he cared. This was her baby brother. While growing up, so often it felt like he and she against their mother. She’d watched out for him. Hell, sometimes she spent as much time raising him as Shirley did.

  He looked at Jorge. “Can we go?”

  Jorge glanced at Ally, and she offered no resistance. He gave her a supportive nod, then circled the car. “Call me if you have any questions.”

  She watched Jorge pull out of the lot and disappear down the street before she headed back to the other side of the courthouse, where her car was still in the garage. The overcast skies kept the late-spring morning cool enough for a comfortable walk, even in her khakis and button-down shirt.

  Her phone rang, and she glanced at the display, then sent Shirley’s call to voice mail. She paused and stepped to the edge of the sidewalk to send a text, telling Shirley that Carey was okay and that she’d call her later to fill her in. She needed to get to work, and if she spoke to Shirley, she’d get talked into stopping by her place. Reuben would be pissed if she didn’t get there soon.

  In her car, she pulled out of the lot and took a quick right without waiting for the light, despite the sign that read No Turn on Red. As she came up behind a small sedan in the left lane, she moved right to zip around it. She loved the pep in the V6 of her compact SUV and drove with the confidence of steering a tank.

  She had little patience for people who drove like they had all day to get where they were headed. If that was the case, the driver should at least get in the right lane and leave the fast lane open for Ally. She glanced at the clock on the dash. She had time to grab a fast-food lunch and eat in the car on her way to the job site. Cutting down a side street provided the perfect shortcut into the drive-through of her favorite burger place.

  How was she going to put this morning aside and concentrate on work? She’d gone to court both looking forward to seeing Maggie and dreading how to tell her who Carey was. She’
d expected that to be difficult. Even Maggie’s unwillingness to talk didn’t surprise her. But when they’d exited the elevator and run into that overprotective woman, Maggie seemed to have welcomed her presence. When Maggie had called her “detective,” Ally had nearly nodded in agreement. That made sense. The tall, gorgeous stranger looked much more the hero / knight type than Ally did. Nobody had ever appealed to her for rescue. Nobody but Carey, and look how well she’d handled that.

  She’d let Maggie walk away with that woman, knowing if she ever saw her again it would likely be at Carey’s criminal trial. And she hadn’t had time to gather herself before seeing Carey off. The place he was heading was called the New Life House. Did she have to be an addict to qualify for a new life?

  * * *

  “Are you fucking kidding me?” Kathi stared at Ally, her beer bottle frozen halfway to her mouth.

  “I wish I were.” Ally tipped up her own drink, a peach hard cider. After work, Ally had accepted Kathi and Dani’s invitation to drinks and snacks. She hadn’t hung out with them in a while, and she’d thought she could avoid dwelling on her crazy day. But here she was, after a drink and a half, already wading all the way in.

  Dani set a plate of nachos down on the kitchen table between them. “Language, honey. The kids are in the other room.”

  Dani’s two toddlers chattered away in the playroom. They were so cute when they played together. Dani said when they got quiet, that’s when she needed to worry.

  “So you had a first date with the lady Carey robbed?” Kathi lowered her naturally boisterous voice.

  “It wasn’t a date.”

  Kathi wrinkled her nose in disagreement. “It kinda was.”

  “It was coffee and there were no other tables. Whatever. I didn’t know who she was at the time.”

  “And you think he did it—what she says?”

  “It’s not really for her to say.” Dani settled into the chair next to Kathi and rested her hand on Kathi’s forearm. “This woman will get her day in court.”

  “Well, it’s not really her, though. It’s the state—right?” Ally said, then feeling disloyal, she hurried on. “The prosecutor feels like there’s a case, based on their evidence. So it’s really up to them—and now the grand jury.”

  “Right, but she’s the one accusing him.”

  “She’s—I mean—” She gave up on sorting out why putting all the responsibility on Maggie bothered her.

  “Mama, Junie hid my Batman.” Five-year-old Grayson ran into the room and climbed onto Kathi’s lap. “Can I stay in here with you?”

  Kathi swept her hand over his corn-silk hair and hugged him close. With his fair complexion and freckles, and his blue eyes, he was the image of Dani. Some people assumed Dani was gentle and sensitive, but her backbone and aversion to taking anyone’s shit were legendary. And like her, Grayson was deceptively strong, both physically and emotionally. Except when someone hid his favorite Batman action figure.

  “June,” Dani called.

  “I didn’t do anything, Mommy.” June’s sweet voice carried from the other room.

  “Get your butt in here.”

  June peeked around the corner of the doorjamb. Her dark hair and mischievous eyes would make her irresistible someday. Dani said she looked like the dude they had picked out of the sperm bank’s catalog. Both kids had the same father. When they decided in their late thirties to become parents, they wanted their kids to share that connection. Only a year apart, they were very close.

  “Over here.” Dani pointed to the spot in front of her, and June inched into place. Dani bent and met June’s eyes. “Where is Batman?”

  “On a date.” To her credit, June delivered the explanation with a solemn expression. Ally barely contained her snicker.

  “A date?”

  June nodded.

  “I have to know. Who’s he on a date with?” Ally asked.

  “Rapunzel.”

  “Oh, damn. I was hoping she’d say Robin.”

  “Ally said damn.” Grayson turned his sweet face up to Kathi’s, clearly wanting some type of repercussions for Ally.

  “Grayson said damn,” Ally shot back with a grin.

  “You gotta put a quarter in the jar.” Grayson jabbed his finger toward the mason jar on the kitchen counter.

  “Oh, yeah. Where’s your quarter?”

  “Okay. Enough. Everyone.” Dani held up her hands and garnered both kids’ attention. “Ally, put a quarter in the jar.”

  “What? I don’t—” She caught Dani’s stern look and stopped. Kathi’s expression indicated she had Dani’s back on this one. Ally huffed and dug into her pocket. “Who even has quarters anymore,” she mumbled as she pulled out several folded bills. She separated one dollar from the others. While crossing the room, she made a show of flapping the bill in the air. “I’ll tell you what, kid,” she pointed at Grayson, “I’ll pay mine, cover yours, and spot you two more.”

  After she shoved the money into the jar, she gave Dani a smug look.

  “June, go get Batman,” Dani said.

  June pouted as she left the room, but when she came back, she held the action figure in one hand and Rapunzel in the other. Ally bit her lip while June handed him to Grayson.

  “Now, go play. Because it’s ten minutes to bedtime. Unless you want to go now.”

  They’d left the room before she finished speaking.

  “Did you see? Rapunzel wore her best dress,” Ally said when she was sure they were both out of earshot.

  Kathi chuckled. “I bet she was going to let down her hair for him tonight.”

  “Yeah, but Dani’s codpiece blocked him.”

  Even Dani’s stern look wasn’t enough to stop their laughter.

  * * *

  Maggie knocked on Inga’s door Sunday morning armed with a bag of her favorite bagels. When Inga answered the door with the baby cradled in her arms, Maggie cooed as she walked inside.

  “We were up half the night. She just went back to sleep,” Inga whispered. She nodded at the bakery bag. “Please, tell me you got the house-made cranberry cream cheese.”

  Maggie grinned and nodded.

  “Let me go see if I can put her down without another tantrum.” She disappeared down the hallway toward the bedrooms.

  As soon as Maggie entered the kitchen, she abandoned the bagels in favor of the aroma emanating from the coffeemaker. Inga’s favorite blend was heavenly. Maggie had just added creamer to her mug when Inga returned.

  “You know, you just ruin my expensive coffee. If you’re going to do that to it, you might as well drink that common brew they serve at the bagel shop.”

  Maggie handed Inga a cup of black coffee, then returned to stirring hers. “If you really felt that way, you wouldn’t keep my creamer stocked in your fridge.” She sipped experimentally, hoping the rich coffee and caramel flavor would deliver the caffeine she desperately needed to get through the rest of the day.

  “Where’s Kevin? There’s a bagel in there for him, too.”

  “He’s playing golf. I couldn’t handle two whiny babies today.” Inga dug a bagel out of the bag and slathered it with cream cheese. “Actually, he’s been very good with her this week. And his brother is in town, so I practically pushed him out the door.”

  They settled on the couch, and Maggie laughed at the look of relief on Inga’s face. Inga tilted her head against the back of the cushion and shut her eyes. Maggie sipped her coffee, letting her have this moment of silence. But she didn’t close her eyes. Instead, she scanned the room, taking comfort in the familiarity of Inga’s living room. In the twelve years they’d been working together, they’d spent plenty of nights in this room up late talking over too much wine.

  “How are you, Maggie?”

  “I’m good. Don’t worry.”

  She raised her head and touched Maggie’s arm. “You like to think you’re stronger than the rest of us. But I’m here for you.”

  “I know.”

  “I realize I’ve be
en all about myself lately—”

  “Taking care of your family isn’t selfish.”

  “My point is that I may be beyond exhausted and completely distracted by that adorable little girl. But if you need something—”

  “I know.” She covered Inga’s hand and squeezed. Maybe she should share a little bit of what she was dealing with. Talking with Ally had helped. But now just thinking about Ally made her sick with anger.

  “Are you sleeping okay?”

  “Occasionally.”

  “Have you considered getting a gun?” Inga held up one hand as if to stave off Maggie’s protest. “I know it’s a very Republican thing for me to suggest. I got one to keep in the house when Kevin started traveling for work and was surprised how much safer I felt.”

  “I don’t know that I could even look at a gun right now.” The thought made her stomach churn.

  “That’s totally understandable.”

  “I just wish this court stuff was behind me.” Then she wouldn’t have to worry about running into Ally again. And she wouldn’t have to examine why the idea of never seeing her again left her feeling sad and a little empty.

  “Is there any indication that he’ll plead guilty?”

  “Not so far.”

  Inga sighed. “Why can’t people take responsibility for what they’ve done?”

  “From what I understand, he has some kind of drug problem. One of the conditions of his bail is that he has to get treatment.”

  “What kind of drugs?”

  Had Ally said? No, but she hadn’t really given her a chance to explain once she knew who Carey was. “I have no idea.”

  “It doesn’t matter anyway. Addiction doesn’t excuse being violent against another person.”

  Maggie agreed. She didn’t understand how Ally could come to court in support of him. Maggie didn’t have any siblings, so maybe she couldn’t comprehend Ally’s loyalty. She tried to imagine how she’d feel if one of her parents had done something criminal, but she just couldn’t picture either of them in that place. They weren’t the kind of people who could commit a white-collar crime, let alone something so personally violating as robbery. Had Ally ever felt that way about Carey, or had he always been troubled?