Wavering Convictions

by Erin Dutton

  “What are you up to, girl?” Laughter lilted in Kathi’s voice.

  “Well—Maggie’s here. But then I guess you knew that, which is why you came by.” They passed Ally’s house every day on their way from picking the kids up at school. But, needing to get the kids home for dinner, they stopped to visit only occasionally, so sometimes she just heard a car horn honk as they drove past.

  “Oh, was that her car in the driveway?” Kathi’s exaggeratedly innocent face lacked only batting eyelashes.

  “Mama said we had to ’vestigate whose car it was.” Grayson’s serious face combined with the adorable pronunciation almost broke the stern look Ally directed at Kathi. She pressed her lips tight to contain her smile.

  “Thanks, Grayson. Let’s go outside and you can meet her.” Ally ruffled his hair and steered him and June in the direction of the back door. Over her shoulder, she said to Kathi, “Congrats on raising an honest boy.”

  Both kids ran into the backyard, then stopped suddenly. The two raised garden beds were new since they’d last visited, but they both seemed more fascinated by Maggie and what she was doing. June strode forward a few steps, then paused. She looked back at Kathi, where Grayson stood hugging one of her legs. June blinked and gave a small nod, as if having decided how to proceed, and then she turned and crossed the remaining lawn.

  Maggie knelt on a foam gardening pad next to one of the raised beds. She braced one elbow on the ledge of the box and reached inside with the other.

  As June leaned to peer into the bed, she rested her hand on Maggie’s shoulder for balance.

  “Hi there. You must be June,” Maggie said.

  June nodded and flicked a thumb over her shoulder. “That’s my brother, Grayson.”

  “I see. Ally has told me about both of you. It’s nice to meet you.” Maggie included Grayson in her welcoming smile, but he only inched farther behind Kathi.

  “What are you doing?” June asked.

  “Pulling out the weeds.”

  “What weeds?”

  “See these plants here?” Maggie touched the leaves of one of the taller stalks. “These are carrots. I take out anything that’s not the same so the carrots have room to grow.”

  June shook her head. “Carrots are orange.”

  Kathi laughed. “She’s only ever seen those baby carrots we buy in the snack packs.” She squatted down next to them. “The orange part grows in the ground, Junie. Those are the leaves.”

  “If you come back over when they’re a little bigger, you can help me take them out of the ground and you’ll see the carrot. Would you like to do that?”

  June’s eyes got big, and she glanced at Kathi for confirmation. Kathi nodded, and June turned back to Maggie. “Your gloves are dirty.”

  “Yes, they are.” She tugged one off. “But they keep my hands clean. See? No dirt under my fingernails.”

  “Could I wear gloves when I help you?” June held out her hands, fingers spread so Maggie could admire her light-pink nail polish.

  Ally made a mental note to look for kids’ gardening sets next time she shopped at Lowe’s.

  “Yes, you can. We wouldn’t want to mess up this pretty manicure.” Maggie glanced across the yard. “Grayson, will you come back with June to help us pick the vegetables?”

  He nodded, tentatively shuffling into view.

  “Grayson, come see the weeds.”

  June’s endorsement convinced him everything was okay, and he ran to her side. They looked into the garden bed together. June pointed out the stalk of one of the carrots, seeking confirmation from Maggie that she’d identified the right sprig of green. Maggie nodded and shared a smile with June.

  “The rest of them’s weeds and don’t belong in there,” June said.

  Kathi angled close to Ally and said, “Aren’t they just adorable.”

  “They are.” Ally couldn’t take her eyes off Maggie’s face. Her broad smile, as she watched June and Grayson together, made Ally’s chest ache. She seemed genuinely charmed by the two kids. Her throat grew tight and her eyes stung. She shouldn’t be entertaining domestic thoughts about Maggie. They’d already established that whatever this was couldn’t go anywhere.

  “I meant the kids. But your girl is pretty cute, too,” Kathi whispered.

  “Hush. She’s not—”

  “Don’t even lie to me. She’s your something all right.”

  “Quiet.” She glanced at Maggie again, but she didn’t appear to have heard them.

  “Ally?” Grayson ran across the yard, with no regard to speed or terrain. She knew from experience he had about a thirty percent chance of stumbling and falling down. He probably knew it, too, somewhere inside, yet he hurled himself over the grass just the same. When was the last time she’d acted without care for consequences? She caught Maggie’s gaze drifting from Grayson to her. Well, right now, actually—this thing with Maggie.

  “Yes, Grayson?”

  “Mama said you’re coming to our house.”

  “I am. Next weekend. Your moms want to go out to dinner. So you and June and I are having a date night.” When she’d told Dani about her lie to get out of dinner with Shirley and Carey, Dani insisted she follow through on the idea.

  Grayson gave a cheer and threw his arms in the air as he ran away to tell June.

  “A date night. I love the idea of you wrangling those two,” Maggie said as she approached them. Her smile was radiant, and for the brief seconds it was directed only at Ally, warmth spread through her. Then Maggie turned to Kathi, still smiling and friendly, but more reserved.

  “Hi. I’m Maggie.” She shook Kathi’s hand.

  “Kathi.”

  “As in one half of Kathi and Dani. Ally has told me about how the two of you try to keep her in line.”

  “Dani’s the taskmaster of the bunch. Even I wouldn’t try to put one over on her.” Ally reengaged in the conversation, wrapping her arm around Maggie’s waist because she needed to touch her.

  “I suppose every family has to have a leader.” Maggie grasped Ally’s hand where it rested on her hip. She eased it away from her body and took a step to put distance between them. But she threaded her fingers through Ally’s and kept ahold of her hand. Ally gave her a curious look, but Maggie had turned her attention to Kathi. “Your kids are adorable.”

  “They can be a handful.” Kathi tilted her head in Ally’s direction. “But she’s really good with them. In fact, she’s very good at taking care of the people in her life.”

  Ally glanced at Kathi, wondering at the warning tone in her voice. Kathi’s expression remained welcoming.

  “I definitely get that impression,” Maggie said.

  “Hey.” Ally’s exclamation sounded loud, even in the open air of the backyard, and very awkward. Maggie and Kathi looked at her expectantly, so she soldiered on. “I think I have some juice boxes inside. Grayson, Junie, do you want one?”

  Both kids yelled out “yes” from where they still bent over the garden beds, playing their fingers in the dirt.

  “Guys, don’t pull out any plants unless Maggie tells you which ones. We don’t want to ruin her nice garden,” Kathi said.

  “Great. Drinks here, ladies?” Ally waved her hand among the three of them. “I have water, beer, cider, and diet soda.”

  “I’m fine,” Maggie said.

  “I’ll have water.”

  “Good.” Ally grabbed Kathi’s hand. “Come help me get the drinks. Maggie, can you keep an eye on them?” At Maggie’s apprehensive look, Ally rushed to reassure her. “They’ll be fine. We’ll just be a second.” She jerked Kathi after her, toward the house.

  * * *

  “Are you and Ally girlfriends?” Grayson asked as he sidled up to Maggie.

  Great. The kid finally gets brave enough to talk, and this is what he asks? “I—um—we’re friends and we’re both girls.”

  He didn’t seem satisfied with the answer, but he didn’t pursue the subject. Maggie moved over to the patio and sat down. Grayson s
tayed standing nearby, shuffling his weight from one foot to the other as he spoke.

  “Why did you make your garden here at Ally’s house?”

  “I live in an apartment, and I don’t have a yard.”

  He nodded. “My grandma lives in an apartment. And she has a button in the bathroom that I’m not allowed to push. It makes the ambulance come.”

  A panic button in the bathroom. Grayson’s grandmother apparently lived in an assisted-living complex, and now he thought she did, too.

  “Do you live close to here?”

  “About twenty minutes away.”

  June, having lost interest in the plants, joined them on the patio. She patted Grayson on the shoulder as she walked by, absently, like it was an impulse rather than a conscious thought. She grabbed the edge of the table to steady herself, then climbed up into Maggie’s lap.

  “We live close. Mama picked us up from school. I’m in kindergarten and June is pre-K.”

  “Do you like school?”

  He nodded. “All except for nap time.”

  “I used to hate naps too when I was your age.”

  They chatted about his school and the activities he liked, while June sat contentedly and listened, only interjecting occasionally. Maggie smiled at the shift in dynamic between them. Grayson had opened up, and June’s outgoing personality gave way to his. She suspected after he was finished talking, June’s energy would take over again.

  * * *

  “You really need help carrying two juice boxes and a bottle of water?” Kathi chuckled as Ally yanked her inside and closed the door. She looked back outside through the window to ensure that Maggie’s attention was diverted.

  “Let’s have it.” She folded her arms over her chest.

  “What?” Kathi opened the refrigerator and bent to find the drinks.

  “Bottom shelf.” Ally provided the location of the juice, though Kathi certainly would have found it. She hadn’t been shopping in almost two weeks, and the fridge looked pretty empty. “You have something to say.”

  Kathi grabbed the drinks and set them on the counter. “Since you asked. We’re just concerned about you.”

  “We? So Dani’s on board.”

  “Dani’s always on board, whether she knows it or not.” Kathi grinned. She liked to joke that she really pulled the strings behind the scenes and Dani only thought she was in charge. “What’s going on between you and Maggie?”

  “We’re friends.” She definitely did not want Kathi’s opinion on their kiss.

  “That’s not what it looks like.”

  “I don’t really care what it looks like.” As she said it, she realized it was true. For once. She didn’t care about the outcome or anyone else’s opinion. She wanted Maggie close, and she was prepared to deal with any consequences to make that happen.

  “Oh, honey, no.” Kathi’s sympathetic expression brought a flush of embarrassment to Ally’s cheeks. From anyone else, she’d call that look pity, but she knew Kathi came from a place of genuine concern, though she didn’t like it any more.

  “What?”

  “Please tell me you are not in over your head with this woman.”

  Over her head? Yeah, she probably was.

  “How does this all play out? Are you going to take her home to meet your family? Oh, wait, she already knows your brother.”

  “Kathi.” Ally intended her voice to be stern, like a warning, but it wound up more pleading than she’d like.

  “Shirley is going to lose her mind when she finds out who Maggie is.”

  “I know.”

  “What’s your plan there then?”

  “I don’t have one.” Ally rubbed her hand against the front of her neck, feeling hot and itchy. She met Kathi’s eyes, still finding sympathy with a bit of tough love. “I don’t know. But I like her. And I like the way I feel when I’m with her. It’s been a long time since I could truly say that about anyone. Why do I have to give that up for my family?”

  “Have you met your family?” Kathi’s short quip hurt a little because of its accuracy. She touched Ally’s arm. “We want you to be happy, Al. And honestly, Shirley demands a lot from you. If that’s the kind of relationship you want with her, that’s great. But if it’s not,” her voice softened, “it’s okay for you to make a change in your life.”

  Ally blinked against a sting in her eyes. She needed to end this conversation—now. She made a show of glancing out the kitchen window. “We’ve left Maggie out there defenseless with the kids. This is no time for a heart-to-heart.”

  “I agree. But you’re the one who dragged me in here to ‘help’ you with juice.” She made exaggerated air quotes around the word help.

  “Let’s go.” Ally led the way to the yard but stopped only three steps out of the door.

  Maggie sat at the patio table gently rocking side to side, and June had curled up against her chest, nearly asleep. Grayson had climbed into the other chair, quietly playing on the table surface with a small toy pickup truck that he habitually carried around in his coat pocket.

  Ally couldn’t ignore the soft sigh of her heart at the sight, but she didn’t address it verbally. Instead, she turned to Kathi and said, “She’s almost out. Do you want me to carry her to the car for you?”

  “No. She needs to stay awake now anyway, or she’ll be up all night. Lately, she doesn’t want to go to bed. And Grayson has started wanting to sleep with us. Even when we make him start in his room, he sneaks in during the night.”

  “Mood killer,” Ally mumbled just loud enough for Kathi to hear.

  “Exactly.”

  “Okay, kiddos. Say good-bye to Maggie and Ally. We need to go home and get dinner ready.”

  June reached up and wrapped her arms around Maggie’s neck and said good-bye in a sweet, slightly sleepy voice, then slid off her lap. Grayson offered a high five. Ally walked them out, saying her good-byes at the door. She accepted a hug from Kathi, along with a reminder to call them if she needed anything.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Maggie walked into the parking garage while gauging her level of panic. Today—not so bad. She felt a tiny quickening of her heart, nothing unmanageable. But as she tucked her keys between her fingers and looked around the dimly lit garage, she didn’t see any danger. The shadows didn’t come alive as they had when she’d tried this in the days and weeks following the robbery.

  She’d been forcing herself to park back in the garage where the robbery happened. Maybe it shouldn’t matter. Some people might not blame her for never going inside again. But to Maggie the garage was symbolic. She refused to give up her power. And this plan seemed to be working for her.

  After she left the garage in her car, she turned right toward Ally’s house. But for a second, she debated heading the other way—toward her apartment. She’d had a busy week at work and wasn’t sure she’d be good company. In the past, she’d often enjoyed a Friday-night glass of wine, probably in a hot bath, and then gone to bed early. But today, seeing Ally held more appeal than her usual game plan.

  Since the first night they’d tried to move beyond a kiss, three weeks ago, Ally had been maddeningly patient. They’d fallen into something of a routine. A couple of times a week, Maggie arrived after work and went directly out to the plant beds. After she’d finished, she would find Ally working in the garage. Ally had finished the coffee table and sold it, and had moved on to an entertainment console a client had commissioned. They would eat together, then linger in the living room, talking, lightly touching, and kissing. But, though she had left plenty turned on most nights for the past two weeks, she didn’t advance their physical relationship, and Ally didn’t push her to do so either. Maggie hadn’t experienced any further episodes of panic.

  She enjoyed what they had—when she didn’t let herself think too hard about it ending someday. As the days flew by, she found new things about Ally to like—her laugh, as well as the way she made Maggie laugh, her sensitive side, and even the impatience she displayed if she
as much as talked about driving in traffic.

  Even as Maggie let herself fall for Ally, the pending criminal trial loomed over them both. And today, she’d received a voice mail from the victim / witness coordinator at the district attorney’s office that a court date had been set and they would be contacting her to schedule a pretrial conference. She’d requested a call back to confirm Maggie got the message and to talk about her availability for an interview in the coming month. Thinking about meeting with the prosecutor regarding the trial felt like a harbinger of the end of things with Ally. And she wasn’t ready. So she would put off returning the message for a couple of days, pushing up against that deadline and holding on to Ally.

  When she reached Ally’s, the garage door was already up, and Ally stood at a workbench with her back to Maggie. The scrape of sandpaper against wood set a cadence that masked Maggie’s footsteps. As she drew closer, she could see that Ally also had wireless earbuds in, so most likely it actually was her playlist that allowed Maggie to sneak up on her.

  Maggie wrapped her arms around Ally’s waist and pressed against her back. She nuzzled against Ally’s neck behind her ear, smelling sawdust and the fresh-shampoo scent of her sweat-dampened hair. Ally pulled one earbud out and dropped it onto the bench in front of her.

  “Hey, you.”

  “Can I help?” She slipped her hands under the hem of Ally’s T-shirt and stroked her stomach. “Or maybe we could go inside and make out on the couch like teenagers.”

  Ally moaned and pressed her hands over Maggie’s, holding them to her skin. “That sounds amazing. But I need to finish up out here so I can paint this piece tomorrow.”

  Ally gently took Maggie’s hand and pulled her around to stand beside her. “I’ll accept your offer of help, though.” She secured a new strip of sandpaper onto a sanding block. As she held it out, Maggie gave her a skeptical look.

  “You don’t have one of those power sanders.”

  “I do. But it’s more satisfying to do it this way.” She demonstrated the stroke Maggie should use on the top of the console, sanding with the grain.