by Rye Hart
That had been a lie, a vicious lie, but a necessary one. She needed a bigger reason to explain my decision to break things off with her, so I gave her one.
No, it wasn’t about the money. I wanted Amber to take the job because it was an amazing offer. She’d be set for life. But even if she didn’t work for Halcyon, she’d get another offer soon, something just as good if not better. Those reviews about her made her a rock star in the culinary world. People would be jumping at the chance to work with her, and I loved her enough to let her go.
Emery walked into the kitchen, carrying a stuffed unicorn. I didn’t recognize it.
“Where did you get that?”
She held it up proudly. “Amber gave it to me.”
Of course, she did. Way to go universe, you found a way to make me feel like an even bigger piece of shit.
“That was nice of her,” I said, trying to keep my voice neutral.
She nodded. “I want to thank her. When will she be back?”
Guilt stabbed my chest. I hadn’t been able to tell Emery what happened between Amber and me. The wound was still too fresh. Not that today was much better, but I was going to have to tell Emery at some point. Might as well do it now.
“Honey, Amber won’t be around for a while.”
“Why not?” Her eyes went wide.
“Well, she had to leave. She’s in a happier place.”
Emery’s face scrunched up as she paled. “Like Mommy?”
“No. No. Not like your mother. Amber got a job so she had to leave.”
“But she has a job. Working with you.”
I shook my head. She sounded just like Amber. No wonder they got along so well.
“Yes, but this is a better job. Amber gets to run her own restaurant, just like Daddy does.”
Emery’s face lit up, giving me a little bit of relief. “Can we go visit?”
“Maybe someday. But the restaurant isn’t open yet.”
“Oh. She can still visit us, right?”
I shook my head. “She’s going to be very busy, so probably not.”
So much for telling Emery the truth. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or maybe I just wasn’t ready to admit Amber was gone for good. Either way, I’d have to break the news to Emery at some point.
I just had to figure out how.
***
I got to work and called Danny into my office.
“What’s up, Boss?”
“I’ve got some bad news, Danny. Amber’s gone.”
His eyes widened. “What happened? Is she all right?”
I waved away his concern. “She’s fine. She went to work somewhere else.”
“No way. Amber loved it here. Why would she leave?” He shot me an accusatory glare. “What did you do?”
Danny had never spoken to me this way. I guess something about Amber brought out a protective streak in him. “Nothing. She got offered the head chef position at a new restaurant. It was too good to pass up.”
“Yeah, that’s something, all right. I’m still surprised she would leave.”
“Well, I might have given her a slight push to take the job.”
Danny snorted. “A push, huh? Knowing you it was more like a shove.”
I slammed my fist on the desk. “I didn’t call you in here for your fucking opinion.”
Danny didn’t back down. “Too bad, cause you’re gonna hear it. Amber was the best thing that ever happened to this place. And I’ve been here since the beginning so I know what I’m talking about. Everything was going great. Why would you push her out the door?”
“It was an amazing opportunity. She had to take it, even if she didn’t realize it herself.”
“She’s a big girl. She can make her own decisions.”
“She was making the wrong goddamn decision. And for the wrong reasons. I would do the same for you if the situation ever came up.”
“Well, sure. For me.” Danny opened his mouth and then closed it again, like he was struggling to find the right words. “But I’m just an employee. Amber was more than that.”
I stiffened. “What are you saying?”
“Come on, man. I’m not blind. The three of us worked right next to each other every day. I saw the way you looked at each other.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I shrugged.
Danny laughed. “Okay, sure. All I’m saying is that you never looked at me like that. Not that I’m complaining. And besides, all of a sudden, you’re in a good mood all the time? Right after Amber shows up? I’m no rocket scientist, but even I couldn’t miss that.”
I slumped back in my chair. “Does everyone know?”
Danny shook his head. “No one else has mentioned anything, and they would have. And I sure as hell wasn’t going to tell them.”
“Well, thank you, Danny. I appreciate the discretion.”
“I didn’t do it for you. Things were awesome with Amber around. You were chilled out. The food was flying out in record time. And I was actually having fun at work for a change. I didn’t want to mess that up.” He sighed, looking sad all of a sudden. “I guess that’s all over now.”
“Do me a favor and inform the rest of the staff that’s she’s gone.”
He nodded slowly. “Sure thing, Chef.”
He left the office and shut the door behind him, leaving me alone with my troubled thoughts.
***
When I got home after work, Emery was lying in bed, still awake.
“Hey, little one. It’s past your bed time.”
“I know. I wanted to ask you a question.”
I sat down on the bed beside her. “Go for it.”
“Amber’s never coming back, is she?”
The question floored me. I forgot how smart Emery was, even for her age.
“No, honey. I don’t think so.”
I could see the emotional struggle on her face as she processed my response. As upset as she was, she didn’t cry. And somehow, that was worse than if she’d broken down sobbing.
It was like she was used to people leaving, like it was a natural part of her world. The sky was blue, water was wet, and people left. The realization tore at my soul. It hurt so badly that I was the one who almost started weeping.
“I guess I wasn’t good enough?” she asked, her voice nothing more than a pained whisper. “Kinda like the reason mommy left too?”
My world shattered. I scooped her up in my arms and cradled her. “No, baby. Mommy died. She didn’t have a choice. And Amber didn’t want to leave. She cared about you a lot.” I stifled a sob that rose in my chest. What the fuck had I done? First letting Amber into our lives, and then kicking her out? I’d made such a huge mess of things. Me. All me.
“Then why did she go?”
“It was me, honey. I made her leave.”
“But I liked Amber,” she insisted.
“So did I.”
“Then why did you make her leave, daddy?”
I moved us to the bed and curled her up against my chest. “It’s hard to explain. But I’ll do my best.” I paused, thinking how to begin. “When you really care about someone, you want what’s best for them, right? You want them to be happy.”
“Yeah.”
“And their happiness is more important than your own happiness, right?”
I felt her nod against my chest. “I guess so Daddy.”
“So, Amber’s new job. I knew it was the best thing for her. I knew it would make her happy. So, I knew she had to take the job, even if it makes me sad.”
Emery lifted her head from my chest to look at me. “Amber didn’t need a new job to be happy. She was happy here with us, Daddy.”
“That’s true. But she’ll be happier at her new job. Like I said, it’s complicated.”
“Okay, fine, but why can’t we see her anymore? I love her.”
I sighed. “That’s complicated, too. Amber and I were friends. But as long as we were still friends, she would never take the new job. So, I had to m
ake sure we weren’t friends anymore.”
“How did you do that?” Her brows squeezed together.
“I did something bad. I told her a lie. A great big lie so she’d hate me. Now she’s mad at me, and now we’re not friends. But I had to do it. So, she can have a better life and a better job. Do you understand?”
“I think so, but it makes my heart hurt so bad.”
I hugged Emery close to me. “Me too, sweetheart. Me too.”
CHAPTER TWENTY TWO - AMBER
Everything at my new restaurant was top of the line. Brand new stoves gleamed in the kitchen, crisp white linens adorned the tables, and all of our ingredients were the best in the world. So why was I so damn miserable?
Once I accepted the job, things moved fast. I came up with the menu in a few days, hired the kitchen staff, and got everything ready for the soft opening. We hadn’t advertised or promoted the place yet. Still, there was enough buzz going around that on our first day, the dining room was packed.
Everything was so elegant and fancy, including the clientele. I never really expected to work at a place like Halcyon. I wanted to make good food, but in a more relaxed atmosphere. It was one of the things I’d loved about Emery.
I knew I shouldn’t complain, even to myself. Most chefs would have cut off their right foot to work in a kitchen like this. But it just felt too formal to me, too stuffy and uptight.
I chalked it up to first day jitters. This whole situation was new to me. It would take time to settle in and find my groove, at least I hoped so. Otherwise, I was in big trouble.
As head chef, it was my job to oversee the entire operation. Basically, I was doing what Luke did at Emery. This was my first time running a kitchen, and I found myself doing a Luke impersonation.
I marched past my bustling chefs like the captain of the ship, barking orders at them and keeping them on task. Halcyon didn’t feel like a pirate ship, though. This was no motley crew of misfits like Emery’s brigade. This felt more like an old-timey cruise ship, all grand and classy. Like the Titanic.
I just hoped my story had a better ending.
As lunch service went on, I realized I didn’t have much to do. This kitchen wasn’t running a skeleton crew like Emery. We had more than enough chefs to attend to every detail. Maybe too many. They didn’t need my leadership, they already knew what to do.
These weren’t brand new chefs with no experience. Half of them were on loan from Halcyon, since the owners of the place wanted to make sure our opening was a success. The other half, I’d chosen myself. All of them had years of experience working in professional kitchens.
I was probably the youngest person in there.
I found myself wandering around the kitchen, bored. Management was not for me. I preferred to be in the trenches, getting my hands dirty. I wanted to cook, damn it.
But that wasn’t my job anymore. I wondered if that would ever be my job again. Was this what success looked like? Standing around twiddling my thumbs? It was my own personal hell.
I found myself wishing I was back in the kitchen with Luke. I’d been happy there. Truly happy. Emery felt like home to me. This place didn’t.
I felt like a little kid playing at running a kitchen instead of a real chef. Like I was just here as window dressing; a name and a face that would bring in customers.
Everyone kept telling me about my stellar reputation. They said I was the next big thing, whatever the hell that meant. I sure didn’t feel like a big deal, especially now that I wasn’t cooking. I might as well just be the restaurant’s mascot. I was a short step away from throwing on a silly costume and standing outside, waving customers in and taking pictures with kids.
As the day progressed, I became surer and surer that I’d made a giant mistake.
***
I got home in a pissed off mood. I was tired, but not the good kind of tired that came from putting in an honest day’s work. This was the kind of tired that came from standing around all day feeling useless and bored.
I needed some cheering up or else I was going to crawl into bed and never leave. So I called Jamie. She picked up almost instantly.
“What’s up, super star?” she said.
“Please don’t call me that.”
“Oh, come on, you’re like, the most famous person I’ve ever known. There was an article in today’s paper about you. They made you sound bigger than the Beatles.”
I sighed. “I sure don’t feel that way. Not after today.”
“Bad first day, huh?”
I collapsed onto the couch, cradling the phone against my ear. “It was the worst. There’s nothing for me to do. They won’t even let me cook.”
“What do you mean, ‘let you?’” she asked. “Aren’t you the boss?”
“Well, yeah, but that’s not what the boss does in the kitchen. At least, not in a kitchen this size.”
“Well, that sucks.”
“Seriously. I could have sat in the office all day and no one would have missed me.”
“Well, at least you have an office. That has to be nice.”
“Yeah, I guess, but there’s nothing for me to do in there either. Someone else takes care of ordering supplies. Someone else does the books.”
“You could play solitaire on the computer all day. That’s what I would do.”
I groaned. “I’d rather shoot myself in the face.” I paused. “I should have never left Emery.”
“Not to be insensitive or anything, but it didn’t sound like you had a choice.”
I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. “That’s true. But I keep thinking there was something I could have done to salvage things with Luke. Something I missed.”
“No way. You told me what happened, what he said to you. None of this was your fault. That asshole sold you out to make a quick buck. He doesn’t deserve you.”
“I know. I know. But why did he have to turn back into such a dick? Things were so perfect. I finally felt like I had everything I’d ever wanted. Then he dropped a hammer on me out of nowhere.”
“Because he’s a man. And you know what I say about men. They all have rocks in their heads.”
I smiled at that. “You do say that a lot.”
“Because it’s the truth. Every time a man does something stupid, just remind yourself of that, and you’ll feel a lot better.”
“I suppose. I thought Luke had more sense than other guys, I guess.”
“Well, there’s your problem,” Jamie said. “Now listen, you’re going to get over Luck eventually. It’ll take some time, but you’ll get there. In the meantime, I recommend going out there and finding yourself a rebound guy. Get back on the horse, so to speak.”
“Ugh, no thank you. I’m not even close to thinking about being with someone else.”
“Even for just a night?” she asked teasingly.
“Especially for just a night. I’ve never been that girl, and I’m not gonna start now.”
“Hmm, if you can’t find a man to take your mind off things, you only have one choice.”
“Become an alcoholic?”
She laughed. “Okay, so two choices. But the other one is to throw yourself into your new job. Find your place there. Figure out how to make it satisfying.”
“I don’t know if I’ll ever feel right at that place. It’s so not who I am.”
“Well, you can always come work with me at the salon.”
I grinned. “Right now, that actually sounds good to me.”
“Do it. I could use the distraction. You could set up a little taco stand or something in the corner. Make plates for the horrible clients. They might finally tip me for once if I feed them.”
I laughed. She was such an idiot. “I’ll think about it. It’s always good to have something to fall back on.”
“That’s the spirit. Look, if things don’t work out at this job, screw it. You’ll find something that’s right for you. But at least give the new restaurant a shot before you bail.”
�
��Alright. I will.”
“Don’t worry, Amber. Things are gonna get better for you. I promise. Now get some sleep. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
I ended the call, feeling somewhat better. Jamie sounded so confident that life would get better. It was hard not to feel a little optimistic. Still, I wasn’t so sure.
CHAPTER TWENTY THREE - LUKE
Two Weeks Later
A few weeks had gone by since Amber left. I tried not to think about her, but being in the kitchen always brought her to mind. I kept expecting to turn around and see her there, poised over the hot stove, whipping up something delicious.
But that wasn’t going to happen ever again. All I had left of her were bittersweet memories.
It was my own damn fault for pushing her away. I consoled myself with the fact that it had been the right thing to do, but that didn’t make me miss her any less. It didn’t quiet the dull ache in my chest every time I thought about her. I wanted her in my bed, in my house, in my life.
I knew I should hire someone to replace her in the kitchen, but every time I started looking at applications, I couldn’t focus. Nobody could replace Amber. No one could fill the void she left. So, I kept putting it off for a later day.
That left Danny to pick up the slack. I swear, having Amber around spoiled him. He was turning out terrible food. I had to be extra careful when checking his plates.
He brought up an order of chicken. I poked it with my finger. Here we go again.
I grabbed the plate off the pass and brought it over to Danny. “Fucking hell, Danny. Are you trying to make someone sick?”
He clenched his jaw. This was becoming a common occurrence in the kitchen again. “Is it undercooked?” he asked.
“Touch it,” I commanded. “You tell me.”
He tested it with his finger. “It feels done to me.”
“Amazing. After working here all these years, you still can’t tell if chicken is done just by touching it. It’s like you’re doing this on purpose just to piss me off. Is that it? Is that what’s going on?”
