by H. M. Bailey
David laughed heartily. “None taken, my love.”
Hannah twirled a strand of chestnut hair while staring again into the fire. She just wanted to change the subject. “The other thing that Andrew wants for Christmas is to get his dog back. And that is something that we can do. I hope. I’m going to put together some flyers and we can put them up around town. And I guess we’ll drive around some more to look for him. Where do you think he went off to?”
“Well, the weather’s been so nice lately, maybe he ran off after an animal or caught the scent of a female in heat, who knows what he’s doing out there. What worries me is that I saw the weather report that we’re going to have a cold front and maybe a storm moving in. The weatherman said it would be a couple days, so we just need to pray that Shadow comes home before then.”
*
The next morning at breakfast Andrew flew down the stairs already dressed, bright eyes eager and awake in contrast to his mother whose eyes were barely more than slits as she stood in her robe pouring her morning cup of coffee.
Tess was in the kitchen, too, getting a bowl of warm oatmeal ready to set before Andrew.
“Thanks, Grandma,” he said, climbing up into a big, oak chair at the table. Then, turning to Hannah, he said, “Can we leave right after breakfast to go look for Shadow?”
Tess looked over at Hannah and started laughing. “It looks like your mom might need a shower first; she still looks half asleep.”
Hannah smiled, her eyes opening more after drinking her coffee. “The reason I look like the walking dead is that I was up late last night putting together a design for our flyers. I know you’re excited to get going, kiddo. I’ll run upstairs and put on some sweats. We can head into town right away before anyone that I know is up and around yet and then I’ll come home and take a shower later.”
After a morning of hanging flyers all over town, Hannah never got that chance to take a shower. The cold front that her father had mentioned had moved in earlier than expected and they were worried about Shadow being out in such extreme temperatures. David and Tess took the truck to check the country roads and Andrew and Hannah drove around in their car, scanning neighborhood streets in town. The town of Sawyer Falls never seemed that big to her until she had to drive up every street in it.
They had agreed to meet back at home when it started to get dark, which really didn’t give them much time considering that the days just before Christmas were the shortest of the year. When Hannah pulled into the driveway she saw the lights on and knew that meant her parents were home already. She hoped that meant good news, but unfortunately, when Andrew bound excitedly into the house, he was met with disappointment. His grandparents hadn’t been any luckier than Hannah and Andrew at finding Shadow.
What they did find was the latest video game system hooked up to the television in the living room and a pot of soup simmering on the stove.
“What’s all this?” Hannah asked cautiously as they walked in the front door. Once again, she hoped that the bad news was limited to not finding Shadow and didn’t include finding him dead on the side of a busy road.
“This is an early Christmas present for Drew!” Tess said with a look that told Hannah they had not found Shadow and wanted to find a way to make Andrew not feel miserable about it.
“You didn’t find Shadow, either? Why doesn’t she come home? I miss her so much!” Andrew cried.
David and Tess looked helpless as they shook their heads. Tess started to help him take off his jacket and bent down to kiss the top of his head. “No, we didn’t find him yet. We’ll just have to pray harder. Don’t give up hope, Drew…don’t ever give up hope.”
Tears were trailing down Andrew’s pink cheeks as he turned to look up at his grandmother. “I’m tired of praying. God doesn’t even listen anyways! First he took my daddy and now he’s taken Shadow, he doesn’t care about me at all!”
Before anyone had time to respond, he was halfway up the stairs to his bedroom, his sobs echoing down the stairs behind him, piercing the hearts of his mother and grandparents.
“Poor kid! I’ll go talk to him,” David said.
“No, dad,” said Hannah, “I’ll do it. He’s usually so optimistic, this is unlike him. It’s like he’s going through the pain of losing Michael all over again.”
“Why don’t you bring him up a bowl of soup and crackers, I’ll go get it for you.”
As she walked upstairs, her mind was trying to recall a Bible verse, something about hope. She remembered that it was on a bookmark that someone had given her after the funeral. She used it when she was reading grieving books for widows. Widow. It was still hard to believe that she was one. Old women were widows. Not a twenty-nine year old. Maybe she could find that bookmark for Andrew.
She knocked on the closed door and after not hearing a response, opened it slowly.
“Hey Buddy, I know you’re sad. I’m sad, too. Is it ok if we be sad together?”
He was on his bed with his face turned away from her. At least he wasn’t crying any more, Hannah realized, thankfully. Hearing him cry was like a knife to her heart.
“I know when I’m sad, I like to be alone, sometimes, so I understand if you’d like to be alone. I wasn’t sure how long you needed to be up here, so I brought you a bowl of Grandma’s soup.” Andrew usually wasn’t allowed to eat in his room and she hoped this special gesture would encourage him to open up.
He turned his face towards her and shook his head. “I’m not hungry, Mommy.”
“Well, I’ll leave it here on your dresser, in case you change your mind and get hungry later. It should stay hot for a while.” She set the soup down and then sat next to him on the bed and put her hand on his back.
“It made me really sad to hear you say that God doesn’t care about you, because God loves you more than words could ever explain. But, I do know what it feels like to be without hope and it’s not a good place. Grandma was right, you know, you should never lose hope. It’s something that can’t be taken away from you, no matter what happens.”
He didn’t say anything, he just laid there looking at her with tear stained cheeks. She pulled the bookmark out of her pocket. It was soft blue and green and the writing on the front was in a beautiful calligraphy.
“What you said, it reminded me of a Bible verse that brought a lot of comfort to me after Daddy died. It was on this bookmark that someone gave to me. I’d like to give it to you and hope that it brings you comfort, too, until we find Shadow. Would you like to see it?”
He nodded so she carefully put it in his hands. “It says, ‘For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ Jeremiah 29:11.”
She put the bookmark into his hands.
“Isn’t that nice? Now, I totally understand that you are sad about Shadow being gone, believe me, I do. But you have to keep hope that she will be back. And until then, we can go downstairs and try out that new video game system your grandparents set up for you or you can lay up here and let the sadness and pain eat at you. What’s it going to be? Are you going to kick my butt in that new hockey game or what?”
Andrew’s lip turned up in the faintest of a smile and he held out his hand to her.
“There’s the Andrew I know, who looks on the bright side of things. We have all of those flyers out around town, now. Somebody is bound to see him soon, right? We just have to put it in God’s hands and know that he has bigger plans for us.”
David and Tess perked up when they saw Andrew with Hannah coming down stairs but their attention was pulled away when the doorbell rang. It startled them at first as they weren’t used to getting much company living out in the country.
Her father opened the door and Hannah heard a man’s voice say, “I think I may have something that belongs to you,” and she was surprised to see Shadow burst in the room. What she saw behind Shadow surprised her even more. It was him. The man she’d seen at the gas station, sta
nding there on the front step.
He didn’t see her right away, he was busy smiling at Andrew, who was jumping up and down and hugging Shadow, saying, “I knew you’d come back, boy, I just knew it!”.
“Thank you so much for bringing our dog home, you just made this little guy the happiest boy in the world. Please, come in. David Miller,” her father said, holding out his hand.
“Ben Murphy, nice to meet you,” the man said as he shook David’s hand and stepped into the foyer. Once inside his eyes met Hannah’s. She could tell that he recognized her too.
“You look familiar, have we met?” he asked her.
“The gas station the other day. I was the klutz who emptied her purse.”
“Oh yeah, I remember now. Hannah.”
He remembered her name. Suddenly Hannah was painfully aware of the fact that she hadn’t yet had a chance to even shower, she was in sweats with her hair pulled back into a ponytail. If only she’d known he’d be coming over.
She smiled at him and nodded. “Shadow belongs to my son, Andrew. He wandered off from us when we were on a walk yesterday. We’ve been worried sick about him.” Then, to Andrew, she added, “Andrew, why don’t you come here, please, and thank Mr. Murphy.”
Andrew remembered his manners, walked over to Ben and like a little gentleman, held out his hand. “Thank you, Mr. Murphy! You’re even better than Santa!”
Ben chuckled. “Well, that’s the best compliment I’ve received in a long time.”
“Where did you find him?” David asked
“Well, actually I saw him last night out trotting along highway 12. I stopped and tried and called for him but he wouldn’t come near me, he took off. Then, this afternoon, I found him at my place in the barn. I saw that he had a collar with tags on but the phone number was worn off, I could only read the address. He looked like he was well-loved so I thought I’d just drive him over.”
“Highway 12? You wouldn’t be the new vet who bought the Foster farm, would you?”
“I am him, indeed. I’m a veterinarian now, but with more room in the barns at the new place, I’m focusing more on raising and showing horses. That’s my true passion. But I guess if a dog out wandering the country had to pick a barn to crash in, he picked the right one. I checked him over and he seems to be in perfect health. Maybe just a little tired. ”
“Highway 12?” Hannah asked, her voice shaking slightly. She could feel the color draining from her face. “He was heading home. To our old home, that is. Andrew and I moved in with my parents after my husband passed away.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.”
He said it in a way that was truly kind and not the uncomfortable, awkward way that some people respond at hearing that her husband was dead. She hadn’t even meant to open up to this stranger before her, but the thought of Shadow out in the woods heading for the direction of their old home tugged at her heart.
“Thank you. And thank you, again, so much, for bringing Shadow back. We just put up flyers all over town today. In fact, we’re offering a reward for his return. And it looks like that should go to you. Let me get my purse, and this time I’ll try not to drop it,” she said as she headed to the closet to grab her checkbook.
“Oh no, I couldn’t take any money from you. I didn’t even know there was a reward out for him. Seeing the look on your son’s face is payment enough.” He looked kindly down at Andrew and then back to Hannah.
She tried to control the butterflies that fluttered in her stomach when he looked at her, but it proved too hard a task. She felt hot and flustered and did not like the feeling of not being in control. He was just a man. Just an incredibly handsome man looking at her with piercing green eyes.
Andrew looked up at Ben and then to Hannah with a twinkle in his eye. Oh, please don’t say anything about Santa bringing you a new daddy, she silently pleaded. “Um, Andrew, why don’t you take Shadow into the kitchen and make sure he has plenty of food and water. He’s probably hungry.”
Thankfully, Andrew obeyed without so much of a word about Ben being a gift from Santa.
Tess walked over to stand next to Hannah and smiled politely at Ben. Hannah noticed that she had a bit of a twinkle in her eye, too, and wondered if she should send her off an errand as well.
“Hi! I’m Hannah’s mother, Tess. We’d love to repay you for bringing Shadow home and if you won’t take any money, maybe you’ll take our food. Why don’t you come by for dinner tomorrow night?” Then she quickly added, “Please say yes, it’s the least we can do.”
Hannah laughed softly to herself. Leave it to her mother, she thought. Tess must have seen the way that Ben and Hannah looked at each other, must have felt the electricity between them and she wasn’t going to give up this opportunity so easily.
“Uh, I guess I could do that. I don’t have plans tomorrow night and I’ve never been known to turn down a home cooked meal.”
“Wonderful! Why don’t you be here around six.”
“Six it is. You folks have a good night, I’m glad I was able to bring Shadow back to his boy.”
*
The door had barely closed behind Ben Murphy when Tess let out a whoop. She couldn’t hold her excitement in any longer. You’d think she’d just won the lottery.
“Did you see the way he looked at you?” She started clapping her hands like a tween at a slumber party. “Just yesterday I was wondering to myself how you’d ever meet a man to date when God answers my prayers by bringing one right to our front door!”
“And my prayers, too, Grandma!” Andrew yelled out from the kitchen.
“Slow down, you matchmakers! First of all, I’ve already told you that I’m not interested in dating right now and second, we don’t know anything at all about this man that you already have me married to!” Hannah said, exasperated.
“Well, darling, that’s exactly why we’re having him over for dinner-so we can all get to know him better. And what I do know about him is that he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you!”
Hannah grabbed her pants, “Oh yes, how could any man resist the beauty of sweatpants and a ponytail?”
“So, Tess, you weren’t asking Ben over to dinner just to thank him for bringing Shadow back?” David asked, looking slightly confused.
“Welcome to the party, David,” his wife winked at him, “Are you just figuring that out now? Of course I’m thankful that he brought Shadow back, but fate brought him to our door and we might not get a chance like this again.”
“We? What do you mean by ‘we’? You keep saying ‘we’ as if this involves you, Tess. Maybe you should let Hannah worry about her own love life and not meddle with it. Nothing good comes from meddling.” David knew that though his wife loved her daughter dearly, sometimes she needed a reminder to take a step back.
“And I don’t even have a love life to worry about, so nobody else should either.” Hannah added. “I have my family. You are the loves of my life. And that’s enough for me right now.” But even as Hannah said the words, she felt that she was trying to convince herself more than her family. And though she was trying hard, she couldn’t get Ben’s smile out of her mind.
Andrew walked in with Shadow. “It wasn’t fate that brought him here, Grandma. It was Shadow. Maybe Shadow wasn’t going to our old house, Mommy, maybe he was going to get Ben.”
Tess smiled and put her arm around her Grandson. “You are so wise, little one. We need to look towards building a happy future and not the pain of the past.”
“Yeah, just like that Bible verse that Mommy taught me. Hope for a future.”
Hope. It was easy for Hannah to talk about hope when it was about Andrew’s future, but with herself, she was hypocritical. She had hope for a future with her son but couldn’t bring herself to hope for love again. She’d already had her chance at that and the cost was too great.
“Ok, you two. Enough with the romance, please. Let’s just spend some time with Shadow. Remember Shadow? He was the one who we were so worried about just
a short while back?”
They spent the rest of the night playing video games and being grateful that Shadow was back home. He got a lot of belly rubs and ear scratches that night. Several times throughout the evening, however, Hannah’s mind wandered and she caught herself thinking about the way Ben had gazed at her. It had been so long since she’d had anyone look at her like that, too long. She so missed the feeling of being in love, that giddy, head over heels high that you get when you are falling for someone.
Not that she was falling for anyone, she reminded herself. Stop thinking about his smile. She was trying to convince herself to think with her head and not her heart. And Ben was just coming over for dinner the next night, with the whole family-it’s not like it was a date or anything. But what if it were a date…she imagined her and Ben, out to a romantic dinner, just the two of them and…STOP IT HANNAH! It was getting harder to control her thoughts so she challenged Andrew to one more game before putting him to bed.
*
The next morning, the family awoke to a sunny winter morning. The cold front had passed and milder weather had moved in again. They were going to go to the Sawyer Falls Mall for a little bit of Christmas shopping and for Andrew to get his picture with Santa.
When they reached the mall, it was more crowded than they had planned so they decided to get a place in the Santa line with Andrew right away. It looked like it would be a long wait and Hannah was thankful that she had brought a small bag for Andrew full of books and games to keep him busy.
“Now that you have Shadow back, what are you going to ask Santa for?” David asked him.
“This is my list,” Andrew answered, handing his list for David to look over.
Tess and Hannah laughed. “It looks like you had no trouble coming up with new ideas for Santa,” his grandmother remarked.
“And I put the most important one first. Mommy knows what that one is.”
Hannah felt herself blush and peeked over her father’s shoulder at the list. It was written in Andrew’s adorable seven year old handwriting, with invented word spellings and pictures added for emphasis. Listed at number one were the words ‘New Daddy’.
