For our last night in Rome I have a little something special planned for Addi. She once accused me of being a ‘swanktard,’ and even I would say the surprise I’ve organized tonight warrants that title! But here’s the thing… I don’t give a fuck! I know she doesn’t need anything flashy or extravagant, and that’s why I wanted to do something special. It’s been a long road for us to get to this point, and it deserves some sort of fucking celebration!
I wanted to keep it a secret, so I told Addi I had some errands to run and left her with strict instructions to be ready in an hour. I’ve just been to make sure that everything is set up the way I want it, and it looks fucking perfect. All I need now is to go get my girl.
When I open the door to our suite I’m astonished by the angel before me. Addi is a vision in flowing white silk, a roman goddess in the flesh. Her skin is flawless, her hair cascading down her back with effortless elegance, and she flashes me the sexiest grin.
“Like what you see… sailor?” I must have such a goofy look on my face.
“It’s been a while since you’ve called me sailor. That takes me back… to when you wanted to bust my balls all the fucking time.” I laugh, remembering how different things were between us eight months ago.
“I’m sorry, baby. You just annoyed me with all your holy hotness back then!”
“What changed?”
“Your cock is just SO BIG, I decided to put up with you.” Addi’s out to play tonight.
“Wow. If you didn’t look so fucking angelic right now I would torture you for that comment. I’ll give you a pass this once, but only because my dick really IS THAT BIG!”
She slaps my arm playfully before pulling me towards the door. “Come on, before your MASSIVE… ego… stops us from getting out of the room.” I fucking love her.
As we make our way through the streets of Rome I take off my jacket and hand it to Addi shivering beside me. “Why didn’t you bring a coat?”
“It would’ve ruined my outfit.”
I will never understand women. “But my oversized suit jacket sets it off perfectly? You crack me up.”
“Why thank you – Player.”
“Oh come on, baby. Surely I’m past getting that label now? I’m reformed. A new man. I met a ridiculously gorgeous girl and she saved me from turning into the next Heffner.”
“She must be quite a catch. I’d love to meet her sometime.”
“Sorry, baby, I can’t let you. It would go to her head if she knew how awesome she is. I can’t risk it. Her MASSIVE… EGO… might make her forget that she loves me.”
Her face becomes solemn, our funny banter forgotten as she caresses my cheek with her delicate fingers, tracing my jaw, along the scruff that’s grown since this morning. “She would never forget how much she loves you.” There’s something in her eyes, something that gives me pause, a deeper meaning behind her softly spoken words. I try to shake it off, this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach, continuing our signature witty banter as we make our way to our destination for the evening.
When we arrive at the Colosseum, Addi is giddy with excitement. “It’s stunning, isn’t it? I wish we had managed to go on the tour while we were here. All the sex distracted me from the once in a lifetime opportunity to see one of the most amazing, iconic, historical wonders the world has ever known. You and your mad skills have a lot to answer for, mister.”
“I’m flattered that you chose my particular… ‘skills’ over some ancient ruins.” She’s about to give me no end of shit for calling something so magnificent ‘ruins,’ but I stop her with a chaste kiss. “BUT… you don’t have to choose between us. I want to give you everything that is within my power to give.” I turn her in my arms, her back to my chest as I direct her gaze to the entrance, which is brightly lit, with an attendant standing outside. “Your evening awaits, il mio bel Tesoro – my beautiful girl.”
She is speechless – I can’t believe I’ve rendered the mighty Addi speechless. “Come on, baby. Let me show you history, the way it’s meant to be seen.”
As we approach the main entrance the attendant greets us, ushering us up into the main walkway around the amphitheater. It is exactly how I pictured it. There are candles everywhere, delineating all that is left of the gladiatorial holding cells. The walls are steeped in so much history it’s a physical presence, coming to life to tell its stories. Addi remains silent beside me, clutching my hand so hard I’m starting to lose circulation.
“Are you okay? Is this okay?”
She bursts into tears. “Oh my God, Carter. Of course it’s okay. It’s better than okay. I can’t believe you did all of this… for me. No one has ever… I mean… I haven’t ever… not for me… not all this just for me.” Fuck, I don’t know what’s happening right now, but I think they’re happy tears and happy ramblings.
“Addison. Listen to me. This is a drop in the ocean of what you deserve. You are the strongest, most amazing, funny, intelligent woman I have ever met. You need to know that you deserve every good thing that happens to you. Don’t you know how much you’re loved? Your parents worship the ground you walk on, Lily would die for you, and I would do fucking anything for you Addi… ANYTHING. Tell me you understand.” She nods, her shallow sobs tugging at my heart. “This is not the reaction I was expecting.”
That gets a smile. “I’m so sorry, Carter. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My period must be due or something. Freaking emotional much?”
I pull her close, eager to lighten the mood. “You mean God’s high five to men the world over every month? You girls think we get upset that you’re crabby and teary for a few days, when it’s actually the opposite. We’re just so fucking relieved that we haven’t gotten you pregnant, that we’ll put up with any level of crazy!”
She stiffens in my arms, and again, I’m perplexed, but I’m on a mission to make her laugh, and I won’t stop until I hear that beautiful sound.
“Does that put my big dick in jeopardy of not being ridden like a stallion later?” My girl is back – with an all-out belly laugh, and it’s music to my ears. “Seriously! I give you the Colosseum for a night, I have an amazing dinner planned, and I’ve got another trick up my sleeve. I really need to know that I didn’t do it all for a night of spooning.” I can’t even get the last words out without laughing.
“You’ll be sleeping out in the hallway if you keep that shit up.” Only Addi and I would be trash talking each other at a time like this, in the most romantic setting on Earth, in a fucking fairytale moment. It’s why I love her so much.
“Oh My God. Can I at least feed you before you throw me out on my ass?”
She gives me a sly grin. “Well, okay then. If you must!”
We have a magical evening. The food, the surroundings, and most of all the company is perfect. We laugh and joke, Addi even manages to say some really sweet things to me, and as our evening draws to an end, I remember the one thing we have left to do. “We need to go back to La Fontana di Trevi.”
“I won’t say no! But why do we need to go back? You’ve got me intrigued.”
“We didn’t throw money in the fountain.”
She looks at me as if I’ve just escaped from the asylum. “AND?”
“It’s easier if I just show you.” I take her hand and run through the streets of Rome.
“Hey, hotshot. Next time, you get to run on freaking cobbles in five inch heels! Slow the hell down.”
“Sorry, baby. I just really want to do this with you.”
I can see her mind working; the glint of mischief in her eye. “Oh, are we having filthy fountain sex?”
“I fucking wish, but no… dirty girl.” We walk out into the piazza; busy and beautiful in the moonlight. “We need to throw coins in.”
“You’re an idiot. You know that, right?”
“Just follow me.” I lead her to the edge of the fountain. “Turn around.”
“If you push me in, I’ll kill you. Just so we’re clear.”
“So
, you would let me fuck you in front of all these people, but if I pushed you in the water, that would be a deal breaker? You’re definitely my kind of woman. Now do what you’re told for once in your life. Turn around with your back to the fountain.” She finally does as I ask. She’s as stubborn as a fucking mule sometimes. I hand her a coin. “Now hold my hand and throw the coins over your shoulder. If they land in the fountain it means we’ll come back here together someday.”
Her hand tightens around mine. “That would be a dream come true.” She fucking melts me.
“On the count of three. One… two… three.” We toss the coins over our shoulders, turning quickly to watch as they splash into the water. “The fountain has spoken. We’ll be back here one day, Addison Warner. You and me, together.” She doesn’t say a word - she just holds me, snaking her slender arms around my waist, pushing her face tight to my chest.
We stand this way for a few minutes before a man playing the violin tries to serenade us. I would usually tell these guys to get lost, but something about the way Addi clings to me makes me want to have this clichéd moment with her. I slip the guy a few Euros and tell him to play A Thousand Years by Christina Perri. Addi loves those shit vampire movies and I know she’ll appreciate the gesture.
“Dance with me.” It’s a profound moment, dancing with her, in this place, the music playing gently in the background as our bodies sway in time. I can sense that my life will never be the same.
When the music stops, I lift her into my arms and carry her back to the hotel. By the time I reach our suite and open the door, she’s asleep in my arms. I try to lie her down gently on the bed, but her slender frame clings to me as her sweet voice whispers against my chest. “Make love to me, Carter. One last time… in Italy.” Who am I to deny her? I slowly strip her naked, savoring every inch of her beautiful body, unwrapping her like the gift that she is to me. Then, she watches as I slowly remove my clothes, dropping them to the floor before climbing on the bed beside her.
“Tell me what you want, Tesoro.”
“You, Carter. I’ll only ever want you. I need to feel you inside me, please.” My heart aches in my chest at the yearning in her eyes. I straddle her, positioning myself at her entrance, coating myself in her arousal before leaning down to kiss her sleep swollen lips. As our kiss deepens I slide inside, my breath catching at the exquisite pleasure it brings me; every hard inch of me sinking deeper inside her. The sexy little moan that escapes her makes my dick twitch, causing her warm, wet walls to clench around me, and it feels fucking fantastic.
We move together, enjoying every slow, tantalizing thrust; savoring how our bodies fit as if we were made for each other’s pleasure. She falls apart beneath me in wave after wave of intense orgasms, her body so attuned to my own. When I feel the beginnings of my own release, I don’t chase it, I take my time, working Addi into a frenzy for one last mind-altering climax. When she crashes over the edge, my name a prayer on her lips, I crash right along with her. I feel like it goes on for hours as I ride it out, groaning her name as I claim her lips with my own. It is so fucking intense.
I fall asleep happy and sated with Addi in my arms, her whispered words of affection a perfect lullaby.
“I love you, Carter.”
ADDI
One Week Later
I’ve been putting off the inevitable for a week now. We arrived back from Italy last week, and life has just felt so perfect, aside from my early morning secret bouts of hugging the toilet bowl. I’ve gotten hiding it from Carter down to a fine art. We’ve spent most of this week at his place, thrown back into the daily grind of life and work in Manhattan, but the few short hours we’ve had together at night have been intense, passionate, and filled with tenderness. It’s difficult to go from being with someone 24/7 for over two weeks, to hardly seeing each other. I had planned on making a clean break when we got back, but I’ve been a coward, and I’ve been selfish, telling myself that one more day with him would be enough. But it will never be enough. The words have been on the tip of my tongue so many times - and so many times, I’ve tried to convince myself that he would come around to the idea of having a child, and that he wouldn’t resent me for it. Deep down, the fear that twists in my gut, unfurling like a dark, black cancer, stops me from saying those three little words – I am pregnant.
I’m getting ready for dinner with Carter, I know that tonight is the night I need to break up with him. I can’t just disappear, or leave him a note. We’ve been through too much together for that, and I love him too much to leave him with questions, or any hope that we’ll work it out. As I stare at myself in the mirror, applying the finishing touches to my makeup, the questions tormenting me are simple – how do you convince someone that you love more than anything in the world, that you don’t love them anymore? That you never loved them? That the magical time you spent together meant nothing more than great sex?
I tell myself that I only need to convince him of that tonight, just long enough for me to leave New York, because he will realize that it’s all a lie. When he sits contemplating our time together, he will know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I love him deeply. By that point, I will be long gone. I don’t know where I’ll go, or what I’ll do, but I know I need to do it alone. If I tell Lily just now she’ll convince me to stay; she’ll convince me to tell Carter what’s really going on, and his life will be irrevocably changed in a way he doesn’t want.
When Carter arrives to pick me up, my heart lurches into my chest at the sight of him. His lush black hair, drops forward onto his brow, still wet from the shower. I study every line and contour of his resplendent face, because I need to remember everything about him. His eyes are alive with love as a sexy grin spreads across his flawless features; perfect lips calling to me for one last kiss. After two weeks in Italy his skin is a delicious mocha brown, enhancing his ripped physique, making me wet just looking at him. His tan is made even more noticeable in stark contrast to the crisp white shirt he’s wearing, open at the collar to reveal a smattering of hair, peeking out, teasing me with the memory of how sensual it feels against my lips as I kiss his chiseled chest. His tailored navy pin-striped pants showcase his strong muscular thighs and tight ass to perfection.
“What are you staring at, cara mia?” The rasp in his voice turns my insides to jelly; desire shooting through every nerve ending in my body.
I struggle to rein in my desire as I ready myself for the task ahead. “I’m almost ready. Just let me grab my bag.”
He strides towards me, stalking me, making me feel like his prey, and I am desperate to be captured by him. “Now is that any way to greet your lover?”
His hands slide readily into my hair, pinning me in place; his scent invading my senses, washing over me like a cool breeze on a summer day. Cologne, shower gel, and Carter. As our lips connect, an explosion erupts inside me; every ounce of love I feel for this amazing man, pouring out of me, through me, and into this one kiss. I fist my hands in his shirt, desperate to hold onto him for one more moment. Tears prick at my eyes, and I squeeze them tightly shut to block the torrent of emotion fighting to break free. Once the dam bursts there will be no going back.
“Now that’s the kind of hello I could get used to.” He showers my face with feather-light kisses before letting go and taking a step back. I feel the loss of his body against mine, and an ache forming in my chest. “You look amazing. This dress makes your curves pop in all the right places.”
I’m wearing a simple teal shift dress tonight - very Audrey Hepburn. It clings to my curves, which are already starting to change ever so slightly. “Thanks. I thought I would make an effort.”
“I almost don’t want to take you out for dinner, when I could be stripping you out of this dress and making love to you for hours instead.”
“We’re going to dinner. I’m starving.” He pouts as I grab my purse and lead him from my apartment and out into the city I will no longer call home as of tomorrow.
“You’ve hardly tou
ched your dinner, baby. Are you feeling ok? I thought you were starving? I can order you something else if you want?” His quiet attentiveness and constant concern for my well-being is killing me. I can’t break his heart like this. I know I’m a coward, but I just can’t do it.
“It’s fine. I don’t need anything else. I’m just not feeling hungry all of a sudden.”
He takes my hands in his. “Would you like to go for a walk? We can get out of here and do whatever you want… or we could just go back to my place?”
“A walk sounds good.” If I go to his place, I will never leave.
As we walk hand in hand through the city, the weight of what I’m about to do is choking me from the inside out. I feel like I’m suffocating. I don’t even register where we are until Carter pulls me into the lobby of the Empire State Building. “Let’s go up. It’s such a clear night, the view will be exquisite.” I would follow him to the ends of the Earth - if things were different.
When we reach the observation deck, we take a moment to admire the view of Manhattan sprawled out before us. A city full of possibilities; and as I stand contemplating the future, Carter stands behind me, caging me in; his arms on either side of my body, holding onto the railings. His lips caressing my ear as he speaks.
“You know I love you, Addi. You make me feel like I’m on top of the world. I want to give you everything this city has to offer and more. I want to be with you every minute of every day.”
He pauses for a moment, taking a deep breath, nerves evident in his voice as he continues.
“Will you move in with me, Tesoro?”
My heart stops beating, the world around me closing in, a crushing weight on my chest as I realize this is the moment I need to break his heart. I want so badly to twist in his arms, claim his lips with my own and cry a resounding ‘yes.’ I am an awful excuse for a human-being. I’ve been too selfish to break up with him, and what I’ve been left with, is an opportunity to do the right thing, in completely the wrong way. I hate myself before a single word passes my lips.
Relentless - Manhattan Knights Series Book Two Page 16
