Trip the Light Fantastic

by Nicole Bea

  A wave of heat crashes into my face, and I know it must turn bright red because Lux lets out a gentle chuckle. “Let’s start with something easier. How do you feel about me?”

  “That’s supposed to be easier?”

  “I can already infer how you feel, but I want to hear it from you. If it helps, I definitely am attracted to you, Chelsea.” The way Lux says it makes my heart beat faster, and I sink into his touch with a little sigh of relief. In response, that familiar, deep chuckle comes from him again. “Judging by your reaction, you like this?” He slips one finger up the side of my throat and along my jaw to find tender skin that I barely knew existed.

  I suck in a deep breath, my body taking over whatever my brain was previously doing. There’s something about Lux’s hands on me that’s driving me wild, making my brain stop working and putting a sudden pause in my anxiety.

  “I like you, Lux,” I murmur as I tip my head back slightly, exposing my neck to his fingers. Instead of his hands gracefully tracing lines along the place I’ve just given him access to, his body presses against my hands. A second goes by before he leans in, his lips finding my skin.

  Lux’s mouth sinks into my neck, tongue and teeth and breath gentle on my body until I let out a growl that I don’t even recognize as my own voice. It’s that moment that the vibration in my body stops and I pull him into me, hard, my arms wrapping all the way around his back and slipping up his shirt to find his broad shoulder blades. He responds with a groan and nibbles at my skin, but I want more. I need more from him. I need the feeling from dancing and the sensation of the wine and the way I melt when he smiles at me, and I need it to roll up into one whole experience for my body that I never have to let go of.

  “Chelsea…” he says my name, mumbling it into my shoulder, and it’s like slow music. At first, I don’t respond because a shiver is running down my spine and I swear I’m within an inch of turning into mush in his hands. “Chelsea.” He pulls away from my neck, creating a gap between us that leaves a throbbing pain of separation.

  “Mhmm?”

  “Do you want to kiss me?”

  What kind of question is that? Of course I want to kiss him, I want to melt in him, I want him to touch every part of my body and make me forget about Brandon and how he used to peck me hard on the mouth when we would say goodbye at the end of the night. I need Lux to help me forget, but even more than that, I need him to make me remember that there’s more.

  I don’t even hesitate to nod, and a split second after I provide my confirmation, Lux crashes into me. He swipes his hands into my hair, and I dig my fingertips into his skin while our lips find one another, tongues deepening the kiss and dancing. I don’t think about the dreaded triple-step and I don’t think about Brandon or Amy or the fact that I’m kissing a university senior or that I’ve already shared a bottle of wine with this boy. All I think about is what my body is telling me.

  Lux tugs at my hair near my scalp and a flash of fireworks flies down from the top of my head to my toes, and I moan into his mouth as he smiles into mine. In return, I drag my short nails down over his spine, returning my hands to the belt loops of his pants. Quickly using a combination of bravery and instinct and hormones, I unfasten the button on his jeans. I need more. I need everything right this second or I’ll lose my nerve and maybe I’ll lose Lux too just because I don’t know what I’m doing…

  “Easy, Chelsea.”

  I’ve gotten so lost in our embrace I didn’t notice that Lux was speaking into my lips, his mouth barely separated from my own while his hands remain fully wrapped in my long hair. Halting my attempt of trying to get inside of his pants—despite me having little practical idea of what to do past this point—I can’t help the grin that becomes plastered on my face. He’s just as breathless as I am, his chest rising and falling hard. He likes what I’m doing, or he’s really good at faking it.

  “Sorry, I just- I thought you would want…” I allow my thoughts to trail off into the silence as Brandon invades my thoughts again. He left me to sleep with Amy—I guess part of me feels like that’s the only way to get men to want to stay. Maybe that’s all they’re really interested in after all.

  “I want nothing more than for you to be comfortable and happy. And that doesn’t mean rushing into anything just because of the way dancing makes us feel. The way we make each other feel.”

  I know he’s right, but I can’t imagine letting him go right now because even the thought of it is like ripping a gigantic hole in my heart. But he seems to not want to let me loose either, his fingers toying with the ends of my hair as he slips his hands down to give me additional room to breathe. Little does he know, I can breathe just fine—he’s my oxygen right now.

  The only thing I can think that I want more than him is the feeling that he gives me when we’re close and moving to the sound of the music.

  “Can we dance some more?” I ask, breathing in a sigh.

  “Of course. What do you want to dance to?” Lux begins to unravel himself from me, but I stiffen, and he stops. “What’s wrong?”

  So many things are wrong, but even more of them are right.

  “Come with me across the room.” Lux sidesteps once, twice, and I follow along, not letting him go. We cross the living room wrapped around one another. When we get to the computer, Lux puts on a song that’s nothing like the Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong one. The sound is familiar, but I wouldn’t be able to put a name to it if I tried, though I know I’ve heard it on the radio.

  “How’s this?”

  “It doesn’t feel like swing dancing music?” The words come out as a question because I’m not entirely sure if there’s a way to triple-step to anything in this slow song.

  “That’s because it isn’t. We’re going to dance really slow.”

  Slow dancing reminds me of high school, where we’d have to stay a certain distance apart. However, when Lux begins swaying to the song, he brings me in close to his chest, so close that I swear I can hear his heart beating. If I can hear his, then he certainly can hear mine because it’s loud in my own ears. The same scent of Moscato and mint surrounds us, the wine settling in my stomach as I shuffle my feet along the floor of Lux’s living room. His hips press into mine and we’re close—closer even than when we were dancing earlier. This is more intimate, more personal, more… everything.

  Lux has set the song to repeat, and we dance it through a few times before I feel myself starting to come down from my alcohol-based intoxication. The sensation inside of my ears is more like a tired buzzing, happiness because Lux has admitted there are feelings, but also feeling overwhelmed and tired because of the unexpected nature of it all.

  “Chelsea?” Every time he says my name it gives me a little tingle.

  “Yeah?”

  “You seem tired.”

  “I… I am tired. I’m a lot of things, honestly.” We stop dancing and stand next to the computer, Lux’s hands around my waist, my arms sinking into his neck and sliding over his shoulders as I sigh. “This wasn’t what I anticipated.”

  “Me neither.”

  A quiet pause surrounds us, the lyrics of the song echoing off the walls of the apartment.

  “I can walk you back to campus if you want? It’s getting late.”

  I unwrap one hand from around the back of his head, sliding a hand over my cheek and up through my hair. “As much as I don’t want to leave, I think maybe I should. For many reasons.”

  Lux lets out a little laugh. “I understand. I mean, we just met. It’s a lot to process.”

  “You’re right.” We stand there for another minute, not moving, just feeling the way we fit together amid the lyrics. “Okay. Let’s go.”

  Slowly, we peel ourselves away from each another, one body part at a time, one gaze at a time, one moment at a time. When we’re fully separated, I get that feeling of emptiness that I expected, and it’s worse than I ever could have imagined. If it wouldn’t make me look desperate, I’d fall back into Lux’s a
rms for the rest of the night, but I need time and space to sort out my feelings and my anxiety, the latter of which comes rushing back the moment we’re apart. I’m not shaking, but my brain is running a million miles a minute, telling me all kinds of things that aren’t particularly helpful.

  With a heavy sigh, I follow Lux across the apartment, put my shoes on and pick up my things from the kitchen counter, and step into the hallway. We make our way outside to Luckheart Street in silence, and as we amble down the side street back toward Bedford, Lux slips his hand in mine.

  We make it to the doors between the Ross Building and Harris before we speak again, standing on the cobblestones outside of the university with the grove of trees to our backs. I look at the dorms, trying to pick out my window from the occasional yellow glow, and Lux peers up as well, matching my gaze. It takes me a moment, but if I squint, I can see little stars cascading along the walls of one room, and I know that it’s mine, so I point up.

  “That’s me. See the stars? Those are from my lamp. I’ve had it since I was a kid. It almost feels a little weird to have brought it here.”

  Lux shrugs, squeezing my hand. “It’s hard leaving everything behind. I think you just do what you have to do to make it through, you know?”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “How’s your mom making out? Is she doing any better?”

  This reminds me that I haven’t talked to Mom since she called while I was having dinner with Lux yesterday, and it makes me feel a bit like a jerk. “I- I haven’t talked to her. Maybe I should call her in the morning.”

  “Maybe. She’d probably appreciate it.”

  I nod, looking over at Lux in the dark under the stars. The outdoor glow of the street lights reflects off his hair, giving it a violet shine that somehow makes him even more attractive.

  “What are you thinking?” he asks, a little smirk on his face that tells me he already knows I’m thinking about him or tonight. But in reality, I’m starting to get worried about the dance club meet.

  “Still worried about tomorrow. What if I forget the steps? What if you make me dance with a stranger?” I quirk my lips up in a little smile.

  “I can’t let you dance with me in the class, Chelsea.”

  “I can hold in my feelings.”

  Lux lets out a half-laugh. “I wasn’t worried about you. I was worried about me.” A shiver runs up my spine, his tone low and rocky. He mistakes it for me being cold, but I don’t bother correcting him because the September air is unseasonably chill, and my cardigan is thin. “You should get inside before you freeze.”

  “Yeah.” I look down at our fingers, still entwined together.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, and I’ll text you. I promise.”

  “Okay.”

  I try to unwrap my fingers from his, but before I have a chance, he pulls me into a delicate kiss. It only lasts for a second, but it’s sweet and sensitive and tells me that Lux is feeling something very deep, something that he’s willing to share in public. At least, I think that’s what it means. Maybe it’s hormones or emotions or overwhelmed brains and hearts, but I choose, at least for the moment, to believe it means what he said earlier. That he’s attracted to me.

  “Go inside, Chelsea,” he murmurs, gently letting me go. “Before you make me lose my mind.”

  A little giggle rises in my throat, and before I can overthink anything, I take off into the foyer. I only look back once I’m inside, and Lux gives me a small wave from under the trees before he turns and disappears into the shadows.

  I rush up to my room, trying to hide the massive grin on my face from the few other students I walk past, keeping my eyes down until I’ve securely locked the door to 2C behind me. Immersed in the glow of the fake stars, I lean back against the door with a deep sigh, sliding my back down the smooth surface until I’m sitting on the floor. It’s late, but I’m never going to be able to sleep now. I know because all that’s rushing through my head is the kiss and the dancing and the million different ways I felt this evening that I never knew were even possible. It’s washing over me like a Patrick’s Cove wave, and I can’t help but laugh to myself as my phone dings in the faded light.

  There’s no way that Lux would be texting me already, is there?

  Lux: I miss you. Is that weird?

  The message makes me smile even more broadly, and I wonder for a second if it’s possible for my face to hurt from being too happy.

  Chelsea: I miss you too.

  Chelsea: I’m sitting on the floor of my dorm. I didn’t even take my shoes off. I don’t know what to do with myself because tonight was… I don’t know. Everything.

  All I want to do is talk about the kiss. The way his whole body fell in tune with mine, the way his hands felt in my hair and when his skin touched mine. The way it didn’t feel like any time I’d ever kissed Brandon. The way I was at a tipping point for being able to control my own impulses around him and desperately wanting that feeling of everything to last forever.

  But I also don’t want to linger on it if that’s an odd thing to do. I can hold onto it in my mind and memories and wish for more of it in the future without having to discuss it with Lux, right?

  Lux: That kiss, Chelsea…

  Maybe I can’t. Maybe we do need to have a conversation.

  Chelsea: I know. That was everything too. I wasn’t sure if I should bring it up. Honestly, I wasn’t sure how long it would be before you’d even text me, or if you would. After all, classes start in a couple of days and then maybe I’d just be a distraction.

  Lux: Why wouldn’t I text if I said I was going to?

  It’s a valid question, and before I dig into my past issues with Brandon, I peel myself off the floor, kick off my shoes, and hang the cardigan over the back of my desk chair. I sink into my new blankets, flipping the pillow over to the other side before I tap out my delayed response. The pause gives me time to think of the right words, words that don’t sound like I have issues with trust, or at least, words that sound like I’m working on them.

  Chelsea: That’s more on my own past than anything you’ve done. My old boyfriend wasn’t exactly reliable. He wasn’t exactly loyal either.

  Lux: I know you don’t know me that well, but I’m true to my word. You don’t have to worry about nuances or playing games. I like to be direct. I’ll tell you what I’d like.

  His words are a relief, even though he’s right that this is all still very new. Something tells me to put my trust in him, and that his text is filled with honesty. So far, he hasn’t given me a reason not to believe in what he’s said or done, and like Mom always used to tell me, that’s important in a partner. Not that Lux is my partner, but… well, I know what she’s getting at.

  Lux: And right now, I’d like to talk to you about what happened tonight, now that we’re apart. If that’s okay with you?

  I adjust myself on the thin mattress, wrapping my feet up in the untucked bottom of the sheets.

  Chelsea: Please tell me that you liked it as much as I did?

  Lux is probably laughing from two streets over because there’s no way that connection was one-sided or imagined.

  Lux: Of course I did. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to let you go? Dancing sometimes brings out feelings of closeness that aren’t always real because of the intimacy. But then, after that, I think you know I liked it.

  Chelsea: I hoped.

  Lux: You knew.

  I laugh out loud.

  Chelsea: Okay, fine. I had a sneaking suspicion.

  Lux: Good enough.

  We text for at least an hour, the conversation replaying the night over and over again in different words. I think in some ways we both need the confirmation that it was what we thought, and the fact that we’re both willing to stay up through the night to talk about it proves something. Proves that our feelings and words are genuine.

  It’s around two in the morning when my eyes start to grow heavy, and my mind finally quiets enough that I find myself dozing
as I’m typing a response to one of Lux’s messages. His reply comes with typed laughter at my misspelled words, and he asks if I need to get some rest. I say no, but I mean yes, but I also mean no because if I sleep now it means temporarily letting go of Lux until I see or hear from him again.

  However, my body doesn’t give me much of a choice, as while I’m waiting for his response, I fall asleep.

  Chapter 6

  The next day I wake up well after noon, my phone on my chest and blankets crumpled up around my feet. There’s one missed call on the screen from my mother along with a voicemail, and two texts from Lux. Rolling over to face out the window, I tap on the tempered glass to listen to Mom’s voice message, feeling a little bad that I didn’t call her back the night after she telephoned the first time. Judging by how upset she was, I probably should have. It would have been the kind thing to do. But I was so wrapped up in Lux and the strangeness of the whole situation that I think I got a self-absorbed in the feeling.

  Mom’s message is short, but her voice sounds more confident than it did the other night.

  “Hi, Chelsea. It’s just after ten in the morning. Just wanted to check in on you and see how you were making out… and of course see what happened with that boy the other night, the one you were having dinner with when I phoned?” The end of her sentence sounds like a question, though I’m not sure it was meant to be one. “Anyway, if you have some time, I’d like to hear from you. I’m packing up a few of your winter things for you to pick up at Thanksgiving so I’ll be home all day. Love you.”

  Of course, Mom is already preparing for me to come home again in a few weeks. Classes haven’t even started yet.

  I poke at Mom’s name on the screen and the phone rings twice before she picks up.

  “Hi, honey. How are things?”

  The question brings an immediate smile to my face because things are—well, things couldn’t be much better at the moment. But I don’t have any desire to tell my mother about the intimate details of my love life with Lux, even though I wish I had someone else to confide in about the way he makes me feel. Normally, that person would have been Amy. Now, it’s just the walls of my dorm and Lux himself.