Tainted by Crazy

by Abby Mccarthy

  “Yeah, Jack is stationed not far from here, so with Aaron starting high school we thought it was best that he go to Riverside.” Aaron, their son, looked as if Barbie and Ken threw up the perfect child. He was so incredibly handsome.

  My throat burned at Rebecca’s mention of Riverside. I was so lost when I moved in with Grams, and then I found Rebecca and her family. Not only did I find a best friend that I would stay up all night with talking about our dreams, fears and crushes, but I also had her parents. Darlene and Carl loved me like I was their daughter. They’d take me on trips with them. If their family was going somewhere, no one asked if I wanted to come. It was assumed because in so many ways even though I was Grams, I was also Carl and Darlene’s. When Darlene’s mom passed, I stood at the casket with the family in a tight embrace as we shed our tears for the loss of our Grandma because she was mine too. We cried and we laughed as we told stories of her life, and although my time wasn't as long with their Grandma, I rejoiced with them in the life she lived.

  My time with Rebecca and her family was some of the happiest years of my life. I never knew what it was like to be in a family until I had them. Everything changed one night when I thought I was coming over for a sleepover and walked in on Rebecca giving up her virginity to my boyfriend in her bedroom, that cut. It wasn't only that she took away Jack, but she destroyed the happiness I had with her family. She killed my trust. It took from me so much more than Jack. It took Carl and Darlene, and her little brother Max. It took their Aunt Audrey, who always made me laugh. I left her room in tears, and have had only a few terse words with her in the fifteen years that have passed. Carl and Darlene never knew why I stopped coming around. They tried to get it out of me, but I wouldn't talk. It eventually became clear. I would still see Carl and Darlene sometimes, but they had their hands full since Rebecca and Jack created Aaron that night.

  And now, here we were; all in one room together. Fifteen years was a long time. Looking at her, I wasn’t angry, but the pang in my chest squeezed tight.

  I focused my attention on Aaron. He didn't know anything and he was just a boy. He was safe territory.

  “Are you excited for high school?”

  “Yeah, gearing up for freshman football.” Darlene and Rebecca watched me with interest as I made pleasantries while Carl told the room he was just finishing up on the grill and asked Jack to join him.

  “A football player like your dad, huh? Good for you.”

  “I had camp this week and some of these guys are huge. I mean they’re only my age, but they look like giants. So, we’ll see.”

  “You don't need to be huge with feet like yours,” Rebecca said building up her son’s confidence.

  “His feet are fast, but his throw is even better. Riverside won't know what hit them!” Darlene added.

  I saw Aaron look down with embarrassment from the attention they were giving him. It’s something that was always a tell for Rebecca’s embarrassment.

  “What finally brings you home?” Rebecca asked.

  It felt strange having her talk to me. A part of me wanted to hug her and wish I would’ve never looked at Jack, but the other part of me felt so much loss when I looked at her. I could do this. I knew I could. I’d been through worse. I could have dinner with everyone and make pleasantries. Then, I could politely decline any future invitations and figure out how to put these people behind me once and for all.

  “It’s complicated,” I answered wanting to shut down the conversation.

  Rebecca looked like she figured I wouldn't give her much, but Darlene did not share the same look.

  “Complicated means one thing… a man,” Darlene stated matter of factly.

  What was I going to do? Tell them that yet another man has cheated on me. I didn't think so.

  “No, I’m here for my Grams, and I got laid off, so I’m getting back on my feet,” I lied.

  “Oh, what is it you do?” Rebecca asked. I noticed Aaron had taken out a cell phone and was playing a game. This conversation about my life had at least bored one person.

  “Hmm. you know. A little bit of this, and a little bit of that. Wow, is that the new Minecraft game? Love those zombies,” I said to Aaron trying to change the subject.

  “Carl sent me in to ask if anyone wants a beer, or a coke, or anything?” Jack asked from the doorway.

  “Beer,” Darlene called out.

  “Me too,” Rebecca said and then before I could stop myself, just like old times except it wasn’t beer at the time, I said, “Me three.”

  Aaron looked up from his phone at the familiarity between us. “So, how is it you know my family?” He was right this was his family and not mine.

  “Your mother and I were friends a long time ago.”

  “But you’re not anymore?” Man, this kid was quick.

  I could see a panicked look on Rebecca’s face. I was sure she was afraid I’d spill the beans on how Aaron was conceived, but I wouldn't do that.

  “We lost touch and changed, I guess,” I answered.

  “Aaron, why don't you go help Dad with the drinks, and see if they need help setting the table,” Rebecca told her son. For a moment, they had a silent conversation. One that said, “Mom I really don't want too.” And the other’s eyes said, “Do it now because I said so.”

  Half a second later, Aaron got up and walked outside.

  “He seems like a great kid,” I told them. Although, I was sure they knew this.

  “He’s great!” Darlene said.

  “How has business been?” I asked and was rewarded with a reprieve from talking about myself as Darlene went on and on about the coffee shop, and regaled me with stories about different recipes Carl has tried; some successful and others not.

  After some time, I found myself smiling and even joining in, “Remember that pecan, rosemary pie? Disgusting,” I laughed.

  “How about that blueberry, rhubarb, and pineapple pie?” Rebecca scrunched her face in tight.

  “Oh, that was bad,” I agreed.

  Carl came in and announced that dinner was ready, and we all headed out back. They had done some work out there since I’d been here last. There was a low to the ground wooden deck with a trellis overhead that had white twinkling lights that were not quite illuminated yet since the sun was still out. Carl looked at his table proudly that was covered with more food than I could ever eat. There were steak kabobs, corn on the cob, baked potatoes, a salad and some type of couscous. Fresh rolls that I knew Carl baked from scratch were in the middle of the table, and oh! “Is that mashed summer squash?” I asked hopefully.

  “Made it just for you,” he said. That pang in my chest intensified. I loved what Carl baked, but this dish was my favorite.

  “I haven't had it in years!” I all but squealed.

  I avoided Jack and took a seat next to Carl. The food was amazing. I praised Carl so many times and thanked him for making my favorite so often that eventually, he gently told me to stop and relax. He kept the conversation light, and anytime I started to feel uncomfortable Carl was right there to change the direction of it. He was always good at reading me. Somehow, I thought he knew that I was vulnerable in this situation. It was still raw, even after fifteen years. It wasn’t that the two of them were together, I didn't care about that. It was everything I had lost. I watched Aaron and his dad as they tossed a ball around the backyard after dinner. Even though their act took so much from me, it gave them him.

  “He’s pretty amazing,” I told Carl as we stood, both with beers in hand, me leaning against a rail of the deck, him close by, taking everything in.

  “He is. I’m glad they finally moved home. I wish Max was here tonight. You know, he always asks about you whenever he’s home. He’s getting a transfer from the mill in Norton, so he can be closer to everyone, now that Rebecca is back. Couple more weeks and I’ll have my whole family back.”

  “How is Max?” I asked. Max is Rebecca’s younger brother. I hadn't seen him since he was a pimply teenager.

>   “He’s good. He’s single, you know.”

  “Oh no, you are not setting me up with Max. That’s just gross. It’d be like dating my brother.”

  Carl smiled at me,and then placed his hand on top of mine and said softly, “We miss you. You know, all of us. I’m sorry for ambushing you with everyone, but I thought it’s been too long since we were all together. Max tried to get off work, but couldn't. When I told him you were coming, he was so ticked he couldn't get off, but with switching locations, he wasn't able too. They were already upset that they’ were losing him. So, be warned. I’m thinking he’ll find you soon enough.”

  There goes that pang in my chest again. I missed him too. It's strange how you don’t realize how many parts of home are missing when you leave it behind. There are all of these fissures and cracks in my heart and being around Carl and Darlene, even Rebecca, has made me aware of them. I’d been ignoring the cracks for so long I forgot that they were there.

  “It will be nice to see him,” I said honestly, “I’ve often wondered what type of man he’s turned into.”

  “A good one, honey. He’s a good man.”

  “So are you, Carl.”

  “How about that pie you brought?” Darlene asked interrupting our moment.

  “Pie time is my time!” I laughed, that was something Carl would say, so I had to add it just for him. “Can I help you serve it?”

  “No, you’re our guest tonight. Just let the boys know it’s time for dessert.”

  Rebecca was inside helping Darlene with after dinner dishes and came out with plates for pie.

  “Hey guys! Time for dessert,” I called out to Jack and Aaron. They didn't hear me, so I stuck two fingers in the sides of my mouth and I let out a sharp whistle. I used to do this all the time. “Pie!” I said and took a seat. And just like it had worked a million times before, it worked right then. Aaron and Jack came to a halt. Aaron looked at his dad funny, when his dad was immediately reigned in.

  Minutes later, everyone sat down for my pie. I was nervous. Carl baked for a living and I valued his opinion. Darlene would love it; she wasn't that picky. I was anxious to hear what Carl thought.

  The instant the fork hits his mouth, I could see it… pure delight. The sides of his Irish eyes crinkled and then closed as if he was savoring every bite. I waited to take mine until I heard him say, “Amazing, you have to give me the recipe.”

  “I can’t do that. Grams would kick my behind.”

  “Then, let me sell it at the coffee house.”

  Everyone at the table was waiting to hear what I said, “Sorry. Carl. This is just for dessert. No apple pie baking business in my future.”

  “Shame,” Darlene said.

  “It’s the shit,” Jack said and I saw Rebecca look at him tersely for cursing at her momma’s table.

  “Can I have seconds?” Aaron asked and the entire table laughed with how quickly he devoured it.

  Not long after, I decided to call it a night. It had been, for the most part, a very nice evening. I feigned a yawn and start to give hugs to Carl and Darlene. I politely gave a wave to Rebecca and Jack and told Aaron that I couldn't wait to see how he played.

  I walked outside and Rebecca stopped me several feet from the house, “Can we talk for a minute?”

  Panic shot through me. Niceties at dinner was one thing, but Rebecca broke my heart. It wasn't Jack. That was young lust, or whatever you want to call it. It was my best friend turning her back on me. I saw the look in her eyes that looked hopeful, but I couldn't do it.

  “Look, Rebecca. I’m not ready.”

  “It’s been fifteen years. Are we ever going to talk about it?” She bit the side of her lip and nervously looked away. Her blonde hair shined in the early moonlight. A single tear welled in my left eye. Still so much pain where Rebecca was concerned.

  “I don't know,” I said and then turned and continued to walk away. The truth was that there was a part of me that wanted to forgive her, then slap her, and tell her how badly she hurt me. I wanted to yell at her for giving me her family and then taking it away. It destroyed me in so many ways.

  I was a whirlwind of emotions. By the time I walked the ten minutes to my door, I was exhausted. I barely made it to my bed. In seconds, I was fast asleep.

  “Shh, honey. It’s Momma.” I wiped the sleep from my eyes and looked around the room. It was dark. I didn't know how long I’d been sleeping, but it felt like the middle of the night.

  “You have to get up. We have to go,” Momma said pulling me up.

  “What’s happening? Where’s Grams?” I asked still confused, but noticing how off Momma seemed. I hadn't seen her since she first dropped me off, and that was months ago.

  “Grams is fine. Keep your voice down, or you’ll wake her.”

  Alarm bells went off in my head when Momma’s voice changed, “Get up! We have to hurry.” It was frantic. A ball of dread filled my stomach, but at the same time, I’d missed my Momma.

  I threw my legs over the side of the bed. The oversized Jem and The Holograms nightgown that Grams picked up for me at a second-hand store fell down, mid-calf.

  “We need to go now,” Panic seemed to be rising in her voice.

  I stood and followed her out of the room to the darkened hallway. She grabbed my hand and started to drag me down the stairs. The light flipped on, and I heard Grams call, “Maple, is that you?”

  She was concerned; I could hear it in her voice. She was at the top of the stairs and saw Momma dragging me towards the front door. “Grace, what are you doing?” Momma’s hand tightened on my wrist.

  “I’m taking Maple. She’s my daughter and needs to be with me.” Momma opened the door and Grams ran down the stairs after us.

  Momma was throwing me in the back seat of a red car. A man I didn't recognize was behind the wheel. He looked irritated with Momma. Grams rushed out the front door, she screamed, “Don't do this to her, Grace. She’s happy here. I’m calling the police!” I started to cry. I wanted to be with Grams, even though I missed my Momma.

  Momma talked frantically as she opened the car door, “Everything’s going to be okay. Maple should be with me. I’m her momma.”

  “Then, act like it. Leave her,” Grams shouted and then her voice was muffled as Momma’s car door shut.

  “Go!” Momma shouted at the man.

  I was crying. “Momma take me back.”

  “Shut the brat up, or I will,” The dark haired man driving the car said.

  “Maple, you need to calm down. Momma’s missed you, and we’re back together again. Didn’t you miss me?”

  I stifled my cries, and took a look at Momma. It was dark, but I could see her face. Her hair was wild and untamed. Her clothes were disheveled, but that’ wasn’t what stunned me the most. It was her eyes. They looked wild, feral.

  “I’m scared,” I whispered.

  Momma turned around when the dark haired man grabbed the back of her neck. “She said she was calling the police.”

  “Relax, Mom always threatens to call the cops on me. She’s never done it.” Momma lit something and put it to her mouth. The windows were up. I coughed, reminding her I was there. “Sorry, baby,” she said and cracked her window.

  I felt fuzzy.

  It was dark. I must have fallen asleep. I was in a room on the floor. The sun was shining in. Momma was asleep on a bed. She was undressed and the dark haired man was too. It reminded me of a few motel rooms that I’d stayed in with Momma when we’ve traveled. I tiptoed to the bathroom, afraid to wake the naked man.

  There was a knock at the door. I finished going to the bathroom and rushed to the door. I peeked out the small window and saw a policeman standing next to Grams.

  “Don't answer that,” the naked dark haired man growled from the bed. I didn't listen and moved the gold chain from the door. My hand was on the knob. I was about to open it, but was pulled backward by the man. I screamed in panic.

  The door was pushed open. The policeman had a gun. “Le
t the kid go!” he shouted an order and I could see a scared Grams behind him.

  Momma grumbled from the bed and threw a pillow over her head. “Shh, my head,” she mumbled out.

  “Grace, get your ass up!” Naked Man shouted.

  “Grams,” I started to cry incredibly afraid. Naked Man had me by the hair and backed us towards the bathroom.

  “This little girl was taken from her legal guardian, last night. You’re kidnapping. I suggest you let her go.”

  The man shouted, “I didn't know. She said it was her kid.”

  “Just let her go!” Grams shouted. The man shoved me forward, smacking my head into the dresser, and then closed himself into the bathroom.

  “Get her out of here,” the policeman said to Grams. Grams grabbed me in her arms whispering, “I got you, sweet Maple!” She rushed out of the motel and into the summer sun.

  People were all around. An ambulance showed up, and a nice man looked at the bump on my head. I heard the policeman talking to another policeman. “He was trying to flush the drugs. The woman was so high, she slept through the whole thing. Her mom said there’s a history of mental illness. Yeah, the bus is taking her to St. Ann’s Mental Health Hospital.”

  Grams was talking to someone, and they were writing things on a clipboard. She didn't know I had heard the policeman. “Excuse me?” I asked.

  He looked startled; maybe he didn't know I was there? He crouched down low in front of me. He had kind eyes. “What can I help you with?”

  “What’s mental Illness mean?”

  “It means there is a sickness that affects how your mom thinks. That ambulance over there is taking her to a doctor that will help her.”

  This comforted me. Momma was sick and was going to get help. Another police car took the naked dark haired man away.

  “Can you tell me about last night, Maple?” the policeman asked.

  “Momma and that man came and got me. I didn’t want to go. We were in the car and that man didn't seem like a good guy. The car was smoky and I fell asleep. Next thing I know, I woke up and you were here.”

  “This was probably pretty scary, huh Maple?” he asked.