Sins of Thy Mother 4

by Niki Jilvontae

  “Well, I guess some dragons can’t be slayed and sometimes you do have to let go in order to truly love. Goodbye for now big sister. I hope you take care of yourself.” I said as I looked out into the clouds and then closed the blind on the window.

  Chapter 8

  Sha: Gathering The Pieces

  I felt like the luckiest nigga in the world as I hung up with my sister then turned over in bed to hug, kiss, and squeeze the big plump ass of the sexy red bone next to me. I gripped that ass and let my tongue dance around in her sweet ass mouth for a minute as I thought about how I almost died…again!

  “Damn baby, to think I almost didn’t make it. What would have you done without me?” I asked Lydia as she stared up at me with tears in her big gray eyes and begged me not to think like that. “Please Sha don’t say shit like that. I don’t know what I would do without you. Go crazy perhaps. One thing fasho, I would have fucked yo daddy’s punk ass up because it’s all his fault. I hate him and I don’t want to ever go back there, but I know I have no choice. I gotta be there for my siblings cause you know my mama crazy. I guess we both have to carry the sins of our parents and feel obligated to protect our siblings.” Lydia said to me as my mind drifted back to my own sisters.

  Suddenly I thought about the tone in Tisha’s voice when she answered the phone and the fact that she said her and the kids would be home soon and not Terricka. I couldn’t help but to think the worse as I turned over on to my back and looked up at the ceiling as my mind wondered. With all the shit I had been through and all the shit I still had to fight, I felt nothing was more important than the fight I had to endure for family. All I wanted was for my sisters to be happy because I had seen them sad, hurt, and suffer for far too long.

  I felt like Tisha and Terricka deserved a stress free life with nothing but love all around them because that is what they tried to give me all of my life. No matter how much they were beaten and raped they still tried to shield me from what was going on. They would hide me and take beatings on my behalf just to spare me the pain that they knew all too well.

  My sisters went through all of that and I did too because they didn’t know it, but I saw and heard everything that went down. I hated all my mother did to them and I would often hide in the shadows and wish I was strong enough to kill her and the men who hurt my sisters. As I laid there I remembered one night when I was ten and I tried to stab my mother. I could see the images vividly in my mind as I laid in my kind sized bed and Lydia turned over to put her head on my chest.

  I could still hear the cowbell she had placed by my sister’s door ring loudly as she and the big, nasty man from around the block named Jerome, walked into the room. I could still feel my heart race as I climbed out of the vent into the hall and crouched down by their closed door to listen and look through the peep hole. I wished I hadn’t saw what I did as soon as I looked in though because the first fucking thing I saw was my sisters cowered together on the bed with pink baby doll gowns on. I can still remember their faces as they sat there and looked scared as hell while tears ran down their cheeks.

  I remember how I wanted to yell out their names as my mother barked out orders and the man smiled at them before he took off his shirt. I could still feel the cold, hard, metal scissors in my hand that I held as I stood up and positioned myself right behind the door. I made it up in my mind at that moment that I was going to stab the shit out of my mama as soon as she came out. I tried to do that shit too.

  As soon as she walked her naked, nasty, cracked out ass out of the room I lunged at her back and barely nicked her with the blades. That was the worst mistake of my life too because she hit me so hard in the nose that my 90 lb. ass flew into the wall and passed out. When I woke up I was on my back in the closet of my room and my head hurt like I had been hit by a car. I opened my eyes to see the evil red eyes of my mother as she bent down over me. “Try that shit again lil bastard and I will stomp yo head in worse you little retarded bitch. Now go to sleep hoe.” My mama yelled in my face before she stomped me so hard in the head I did pass out again.

  I remembered that shit like it was yesterday as I laid there next to the girl of my dreams almost 10 years later. That was a memory that was seared in my brain and it brought back a pain I feared I could never escape. “What’s wrong baby? Why you crying?” Lydia asked me as she suddenly looked up and then kissed away my tears.

  I didn’t even realize a nigga had shed a tear because I was so wrapped up in my memories. I quickly sucked that shit up and looked down at Lydia as she stared up at me with those, sexy, compassionate eyes. I ain’t even gonna lie, even though my heart was heavy right then I couldn’t stop my dick from getting rock hard just having her near. Suddenly all I wanted to do was touch Lydia’s sexy ass and feel myself inside of her. I needed to be inside of her and feel her love, her warmth. I needed to feel something, anything but the pain that always seemed to lurk around every corner.

  “I don’t know baby. I didn’t even realize I was crying. I guess I’m kinda fucked up in the head because everything so fucking uncertain right now. I just don’t know what’s gonna happen in any faucet of my life. I don’t know if those muthafuckas gonna go ahead and let me in school. I don’t know if I will find a job and we can move into an apartment. I don’t know if my sister Terricka is okay and I’m worried about Tisha too because she takes on so much. Then to top it all off, I don’t know if I will be able to keep you. Maine, I realize my life fucked up and I got some demons to fucking deal with and you don’t need that bullshit.” I said to Lydia as she shook her head no and I continued.

  “I know that just being me fucks up my chances, but I really fucking like you Lydia and a nigga want to be with you. Like for real. You make me want to do better. You make me want to be better. I have been through some really hard shit in my life, me and my sisters. I never told you this before but our mama was bipolar, schizophrenic, a manic depressant, abuser, drug addict, and sexual deviant. I won’t go into great detail, but she did some very horrible shit to me and my sisters. Some shit you wouldn’t even do to your enemies. She’s the reason I don’t truly know how to express my emotions because if I did as a kid they would be beaten out of me. I barely talked as a young nigga and usually stayed hidden. I figured out of sight, out of mind, so I went ghost to not get hurt. I was wrong though because no matter where I hid she would find me. She hurt us bad baby and fucked us up at the same time. Now we all are just trying to gather the pieces.” I said as I held back my tears like a real nigga and my girlfriend cried on my chest.

  I felt Lydia’s body shake as she buried her head in my chest for a second and then I reached down to pull up the left side of my shirt. “You see this burn?” I asked Lydia as she shook her head yes while she ran her fingers over the patches of burned skin. “My mama did this. She tried to drown me in boiling hot water when I was a baby. I was too young to remember that, but after being beat for years and having her throw me over a 15 ft. banister when I was 10, the effects of her abuse has really taken a toll on me. I ain’t gonna lie baby, it’s hard for me to trust and get close to other people, especially females. My mammy is to thank for that.

  She got me to the point where I second guess whether or not anyone could truly love me. That’s why I never really had a girlfriend before now. I just couldn’t bring myself to trust anyone not to break my heart when they found out how fucked up I really am. That’s how I still feel. I feel like I’m not god enough for you and that I carry too much baggage to be loved. I’m scarred up inside and out baby and to tell the truth, I don’t know if I will ever heal. Maybe its best if you get out now.” I said to Lydia as those tears that burned behind my eyelids suddenly dripped down my face in four huge drops.

  I quickly reached up and dried my tears with the back of my hand and tried to be hard. Lydia saw right through that shit though as she hoisted her body up until we were nose to nose and then she kissed the traces of tears from my eyes. You don’t have to be afraid to be vulnerable or show your true
emotions to me Sha. I love you just the way you are. I have had a fucked up life too and I have a lot of scars that you simply cannot see. That doesn’t make me unworthy of love and neither are you. I love you unconditionally and I have since the moment I laid eyes on you. I know you have demons and I have some of my own, let’s conquer them together. I just want to be with you Shamel. I want to be with you in every way possible because I love everything about you. Even the things you think are ugly. Like this.” Lydia said as she suddenly began to kiss down my body from my neck to my chest.

  I kinda felt like a bitch as she kissed me and I laid there and squirmed, but that shit felt so good I couldn’t resist it. My dick got harder than two-week old bread when she licked the rough, disfigured skin on my side from under my armpit all the way down to my waist. I felt sensations run through me that I had never felt before as she kissed across my waist to my groin and then looked up at me with those big, passionate eyes while she pulled my jogging pants off.

  That was all it took to get me to the point where I was about to burst so I quickly sat up, grabbed Lydia around her waist, and flipped her on to her back on the bed. I moved so fast and with such precision she didn’t even have time to think before I had her pinned down and my lips were all over her as I kissed her face and neck. “You know what Lydia, I love you too. You’re the only female I’ve ever told that to other than my sisters. All I ever want is you. I want you to be my wife someday girl. If I asked you, what would you say?” I asked Lydia as I blurted out my true emotions before I could take it back.

  To forget about my nervousness from saying shit too soon, I kissed her lips and watched tears well up in her eyed before she responded. “You would make me the happiest woman in the world if you asked me to be your wife.” Lydia said to me as I felt a tingle in my heart that I had never felt before.

  It was like lighting had struck my heart and caused it to explode into a million little cracked out butterflies that flapped around erratically in my chest. I knew that feeling I felt had to be love and that scared the shit of me. To love someone and possibly be hurt was a fucked up thought, but I knew it was a chance I wanted to take so I grabbed the girl who made me better and kissed her long and hard before I began to rip off her clothes. I quickly undressed Lydia as she stared into my eyes and we got wrapped up in a deep passionate kiss. I felt tingles all over as she rubbed up my back and I kissed and licked down her neck until I got to her subtle, perky breasts. I took a deep breath before I took one into my mouth and flicked her nipple with the tip of my tongue. It got hard instantly as I blew on it and then latched on to her breast like a breastfed baby.

  “Oh Sha yessssss.” She moaned as I continued to suck and lick her neck and breast before I used my hand to trace down her body to her wet center. I could feel the heat and moisture from her vagina as soon as I got in that region and that was enough to awaken my pure animal attraction to her. Before she could even catch on I stood up and ripped my t-shirt and boxers off before I jumped back on top of her in position. I used my hand to rub my 10 inch dick up and down her vagina lips as I nibbled on and kissed her neck while I whispered in her ear.

  “I love you Lydia and I want you to know this thang is forever with me. I want us to be together for a lifetime not just for one moment of passion. I know I’m a thug street nigga, but this street nigga has a heart and I’m smart enough to know that when you find a good thing you don’t let it go. Let me love you forever baby. Okay?” I asked Lydia as a phantom tear fell from my eye and landed on her cheek to mingle with hers.

  We kissed a long passionate kiss after that as I ran my hand through her hair while I still held my wood in the other hand. When we ended our lip lock I pulled back a little to look at her face again and to see if she was ready to answer the question. The smile on her face followed by the way she flicked her tongue at me and then bit her bottom lip let me know that she was just as ready as I was. “Sha I couldn’t promise forever to anyone but you. You are my king. I need you. I want you.” She panted as I gave her what she asked for.

  I used my hand to run my dick up and down Lydia’s clit one last time as I licked from her ear around to her mouth. As soon as our lips touched I entered her tight, wet womb and it felt like I had slipped into heaven. She moaned out in ecstasy as I dug down deep directly to her g-spot. I could feel her contract and expand the walls of her vagina with every thrust of my dick and that shit felt like her pussy was giving me head. That was some shit I had never felt before with all the no edges and no walls bitches I had fucked in the hood. Baby’s shit was definitely different though, so different she made a nigga moan.

  “Ssss Oh shit girl. Damn this pussy good. This my pussy though right?” I asked her as I put both of her legs up on my shoulders and beat that shit like a drum. When I did that she let out a low, light howl that made my dick even harder and her pussy seemed to get juicer by the pump. Before long we were both sweaty as fuck, moaning and her pussy was skeeting all over the place.

  “Damn baby you got me so wet, this has never happened before.” Lydia said as he body began to shake and I looped my hands under her armpits, around to her back so that I could hold her by both shoulders. When I did that I leaned in closer and dug my dick so far up in her I know I felt an ovary. “Ohhh shittt.” She yelled as I began to grind in a circular motion making sure I stimulated that clit with each stroke. After about three more good strokes and a dozen scratches to my back, Lydia’s body began to tremble and shake as she reached her second orgasm. “Ohhh I love you Shamel.” She yelled as I kissed her long and hard then licked down the space between her breasts.

  When her body finished trembling I kissed down her stomach until I was face first in her wet honey pot. I slurped that shit and sucked her clit until she flapped around like a fish out of water and begged me to stop. “Ohhh baby please. Give me that dick Sha.” She yelled as I came back up and quickly flipped her over on to her stomach. Once on her stomach I coached her up on to her knees so that I could hit that pussy from the back. “Arch your back baby. Let me get up in that thang.” I said before I leaned down to kiss her left ass cheek and then used my dick to smack the other.

  I watched her toot that fat ass up in the air so that her face was all the way down and her waist laid on the bed to provide the perfect elevation. That fat ass monkey sat up in my face all big and wet, and made my fucking mouth water. I smacked her on the ass and watched it jiggle as I teased her hole with the dick. Every time I did it she backed up on my shit and used her pussy walls to grip it before I pulled out and smacked her ass. That shit felt so good I damn near nutted so I had to quickly dive in before that happened.

  Without notice I rammed my dick balls deep into her pussy and nailed her into the bed. I grabbed the back of her long, thick, hair and wrapped it around my left hand as I beat that pussy up and smacked her big, red ass with my right hand. She fucked me back and moaned the entire time as I felt a familiar feeling build up from my toes. The more she threw that pussy back and I tapped her g-spot the harder we went and the stronger my nut felt. Within seconds her and I began to shake together and I knew I was in trouble. I started to pull out just when I felt my nut about to burst, but Lydia reached back with both hands and grabbed me around the waist as she continued to throw that ass back.

  “No, don’t pull out. Let’s have a baby Sha, I love you and want to be your wife.” Lydia said as I let it go and released 19 years’ worth of semen build up inside of her. Both of our bodies shook violently as I felt my entire load go inside of her and I knew for sure I had gotten her pregnant at that moment. As soon as out bodies finished shaking I fell back on to the bed, wet and out of breath. Lydia fell down beside me and let her head lay on my chest after she kissed me and told me she loved me again.

  “I love you too baby and I will never let you go. I hope you are pregnant right now. I will be the best father, way better than my own and I know you will be 100 times the woman my mother was. Yes, let’s gone have Shamel Jr.” I said as I looked down a
t Lydia and she looked up at me with happy, glossy eyes.

  We laid there wrapped in each other’s arms as we talked about what our future would hold. Before long we were both fast asleep, lost in our own separate but beautiful dreams. While asleep I had my first nightmare free dream of my life, one I didn’t have to immediately forget as soon as I opened my eyes. There was no one chasing me or trying to kill me in this dream, just Lydia, me and our love.

  I saw us happy and together as her little belly grew into a big, round ball. I saw myself with her, right by her side every step of the way and I knew that was exactly how it was going to be. I was going to be that involved dad and supportive boyfriend, there for every doctor’s appointment, prenatal class, and anything else she needed me to do or be at. I wanted to be better than every man I had ever saw in my life and I knew that started by being a great man to the mother of my child.

  I woke up sometime later in my bed, still wrapped up in Lydia’s love with her arm across my throat and her leg sprawled across my waist. I opened my eyes and looked directly into her beautiful face as she slept peacefully with this big smile on her lips. I couldn’t resist the kiss I laid on her and I smiled when she wrinkled up her nose and moved her head. She was so beautiful, even when she was sleep and annoyed, and I felt I could stay like that, all in love with her forever. I laid there and stared at her for a few more minutes before I suddenly got the overwhelming feeling that someone was watching me. I quickly lifted up a little and glanced around the room before my eyes caught the short, little chocolate figure who stood in the door.

  I damn near jumped out of my skin when I saw Rodney. Jr.’s face as he stood in my door way and smirked. I quickly pulled the covers up over baby’s sexy body as I kept my eyes on my nephew as he tried to memorize every inch of her. “Ohhhh. Hey uncle Sha. Everybody looking for you, but I’m happy I found you.” He said as he giggled and then covered his mouth with his hand while I jumped up and slipped my jogging pants on.