Sins of Thy Mother 4

by Niki Jilvontae

  Suddenly I couldn’t hear her voice anymore only the voices in my head as they told me to do it. I jumped up in that instant and ran over to the couch and struck a match before my feet even stopped. Without any thought I threw it over the couch right on to Buddy and he burst into flames. I stood there for a second and watched him burn as his body twitched and he moaned. Then suddenly Denise’s voice was back as she called my name. I turned around to see her but no matter what direction I turned to she wasn’t there.

  My hands trembled as I grabbed another match and struck it as she called my name again. I didn’t notice until it was too late but that time the voice came from outside the room. I never waited to find that out though as I threw the match on my head and I was engulfed in flames. Through the searing pain and my own screams, I could hear my name as Sha and Tisha yelled it from the other side of the hotel door. I tried to open my mouth to yell, but flames went down my throat and everything went black. That was the end I had searched for. The end of the Lewis curse!

  Part 4

  Releasing The Sin

  Chapter 10

  Epilogue

  Cycle Broken: No More Sins

  The sun shined brightly as it poured through the window in the vitiation room at Shelby County Jail East- Women’s Correctional Facility. It was so warm and inviting I almost forgot the somber occasion we were there for. I looked over at my eight kids and smiled as they talked quietly to one another or squirmed in their seats. I had to stop for a minute and smile at the happy bunch of well-rounded kids they had become. My two nieces Tania and Talaya sat quietly to the side far away from where the inmate sat. At eight and nine years old they had grown into beautiful, soft spoken girls who loved everything except that bi-monthly visit to the prison. I used to have to fight them to come but after a while they stopped resisting the evitable. Instead they would just sit there and say nothing like they weren’t even in the room.

  My nephews Rodney Jr, and Ryan were different though they looked forward to the visits to vent. As ten and eleven-year-old young men they had lots of questions every time and weren’t afraid to ask them. A’Miracle was always full of questions too, but in her soft delicate way. As a twelve-year-old mature young woman she always tried to be polite but express how she felt. She would ask questions then give her opinions and forgive in the same breath. Then she would fade into the background to either comfort Tania and Talaya or take care of my three youngest kids; Jerrod, III who was four and the twins Janaye and Jaylene who were just about to turn two. She as Sha would help me after their time to talk and often take the kids out to the car to divert their frustrations.

  I on the other hand, was always very talkative whenever I was there and this time was no different. The only difference was I didn’t allow anyone to leave not even Lydia with Sha, Jr. who hated to sit still or Jerrod who just hated to be there period. No, I made them all stay to help celebrate even if they didn’t want to.

  I held my breath as the doors to the holding area opened and I watched the guard wheel my sister towards the table. I noticed as other people in the visitation room cringed and whispered among themselves as she was wheeled down the aisle and they got a good look at the grotesque burns that covered her entire body. In five years most of the wounds had healed, however; the emotional scars were still so fresh they were visible in her eyes. They were still fresh for me too. I could barely look at her without breaking down after I thought about all she had done to others and herself. It was a week after she set herself and Buddy on fire in that hotel room before I found out she killed five other people before that. I was devastated when I found that out, just about as devastated as I was when Sha and I kicked the hotel door in and the flames inside came flying out. I could see her as she rolled on the floor engulfed in flames and like a fool I ran in to get her.

  I ran in against my better judgement all because I loved my sister more than anything and I wore the scars to prove it. I had a similar burn to Terricka’s down the center of my back to my waist and one on my right arm. That didn’t matter to me though because I had managed to get her out. I didn’t think she would live though when I saw how her skin peeled off and dripped on to the ground and left skin patches everywhere she rolled. All I could do was pray and cry as Sha ran off to get the ambulance. Moments later they were on the scene and she was loaded on to a stretcher. She spent five months in the hospital’s burn unit, barely alive behind that, but miraculously she survived what doctors never thought she would.

  Even though she lost her left eye, an ear, and could barely talk from the flames that went down her throat, my sister lived and was now about to celebrate her 31st birthday behind bars, where she would remain for the rest of her natural life. Just going to see her there knowing that she would never get out was just as hard as seeing her recover and knowing that she was recovering from an act she committed on herself. All of that was just as hard for me as it was for my family, but I sucked it up a put on a brave face because she was my sister. She was my sister and she had done something none of us could have ever done. She ended the curse and released us all from our personal hell, pain, and guilt. It was a harsh reality that sometimes sounded cruel, but when Terricka did what she did, she really did end the curse.

  From the day my family and I returned to California after Buddy’s funeral life got nothing but better. The kids began to excel in school and Jerrod and I became closer than ever. A’Miracle was ecstatic because she had other kids around and I even expanded my company into a multimillion dollar empire. The happiness didn’t end there either because Sha and Lydia got married a month later and she had Shamel, Jr. a perfectly healthy 10 pound baby boy shortly after. Sha advanced quickly at my company and became a board member after several of his graphics sold for millions and he helped us gain some of the top authors in the country. Jerrod also expanded his business to three other states and on his days off got me knocked up with three more bundles of joy.

  Everything in our lives flourished after that and I can’t help but think that was mostly in part to Terricka. Not only did I receive those envelopes full of money she sent and used that money to invest in a newer book printer and advances for better authors, it doubled so fast I reinvested some in Jerrod’s company and added substantial amounts to all of the kids’ college funds. It was like she knew what we would need before we did and she sacrificed her life so that we could be good financially. She helped me and Sha out a lot mentally and emotionally too when we read the contents of the first envelope she sent us. That’s when we found out all about our mother’s past and the true identity of Terricka’s father. I can still remember how Sha and I cried and held each other as we apologized to the mother we never understood.

  After reading that and a heartfelt letter from Terricka that expressed her love and her own personal regret, somehow Sha and I were able to let everything go and look forward to new beginnings. We figured it was like Terricka said in her letter, we had lived through too much bad to give up right before the good. So we kept fighting and living. That’s why I felt like I owed my sister the world and I would still be there no matter. That’s why every year I brought her a birthday cupcake whether she ate it or not. This year was no different as I watched a tiny smile cover her lips when the officer parked her in front of me. I could still see a glimmer of the Terricka she once was sparkle in her eyes as she looked at me then everyone else in the room. I looked at the guard to make sure it was still okay for each of us to give her a birthday hug like usual and he nodded as I stood up and motioned for all of the kids to get up one by one.

  I watched as Sha, Jerrod, and A’Miracle hugged and kissed her after they said happy birthday and whatever else they had to say, and her four stood in the back with my babies. After that me and my little babies walked over and kissed and greeted her quickly before I handed them off to Jerrod and stood back to watch the other kids. I had been waiting for years for the breakthrough the psychiatrist said they would have in which they would finally feel the love and
loss for their mother. I hadn’t seen it yet so I was unsure if it would come as they all walked up to her slowly. Rodney Jr led the pact as usual with his tall lanky self as he tried to look strong and serious. I could see the emotion in his face though as he bent down to hug her and I knew we had finally reached that breakthrough.

  “Happy birthday mama. I love you so much and I forgive you. Can you forgive me?” Rodney Jr. said as he wept and buried his head in Terricka’s chest.

  I watched as tears ran down my sister’s face and she did her best to hug her son with her deformed hands as she kissed the top of his head. “I …Love you…too son.” Terricka managed to say in a voice just about a whisper as all of her other kids ran over to hug her with tears in their eyes.

  I stood back and cried softly as I watched Ryan go up and tell her happy birthday, profess his love, and how much he missed her followed by Tania. Tania cried the entire time and kept hugging her but she managed to say the same thing. When it became time for the smallest one to talk, Talaya the little genius, I watched her closely as she walked up with the voice activated story book Terricka sent that was filled with money. She clutched the book to her chest as she walked up and hugged Terricka around the neck. I watched my sister rub her back as tears ran down her face. I couldn’t stop my tears either as she told her mother she loved her and missed her more than everything and that she would always remember her through the book. Then she opened it so that we could all hear Terricka’s voice.

  “Hello my babies, this is mommy and I am just sending this to tell you all I love you very much... I know sometimes it’s hard for you to believe that because mommy is so mean but please know baby that was not because of you or anything you did. It was because mommy is sick. Mommy is sick so I am going away but I want you to always know I will look over you. I love you all with all of my heart and although there will be some hard facts coming your way really soon I want you know you have to be strong. No matter what know that you were loved and that I always love you. So when you start missing me look in the wind and open this book. Remember this song my babies and let it be your strength.” Terricka’s voice blasted through the speaker of the book and tears continued to fall from her eyes and Talaya wiped them off.

  “Nothing is forever what we’re hoping for,

  No more pain so don’t you cry anymore.

  Hold your head up high and dry yo tears,

  Let me help you through and erase yo fears.

  We’ll overcome it all if we stick together,

  We just gotta believe nothing lasts forever (nothing lasts forever).”

  My sister sang as we all joined in and then everyone hugged her again. Soon after that we sung her happy birthday and she blew out the candle on her cupcake. We all laughed and joked as she ate her cake for the first time and we saw a slight smile on her deformed face. When the guard and siren announced visitation was over I sent the family ahead as I said my one last goodbye. I bent down in front of my sister and looked in her eyes as I saw her love look through me.

  “I love you Tisha and I thank you for never giving up on me. For a long time, I thought, maybe I’m just like my mama, and I became that. I know now I was never her. I know now I don’t have to carry her sins just like you shouldn’t carry mine. Be happy sister, curse free. I love you. Take care of my babies and be strong. Sisters Forever.” Terricka said in a low raspy tear filled voice as I reached over and kissed her face.

  “Sisters Forever.” I said back as I cried and she held me.

  Within seconds the guard was there and he quickly wheeled her away from the table. I watched her disappear out of the door before I turned around and walked out. I left the jail that day headed to the airport and back to my life with a light, happy mind, but heavy heart and I couldn’t figure out why. The next morning, I woke up to the soft subtle tweet of a bird as it sat on my windowsill. I sat up in bed as Jerrod laid beside me still in a deep sleep and the bird stared right at me. I watched it as it pressed its little face up against the glass and it felt like it looked right through me. I got up slowly and walked over to the window as it continued to sit there. I slowly raised the window with the expectation it would fly away but to my surprise it didn’t. Instead it just sat there as I stuck my hand out of the window and gently rubbed its back with two fingers.

  I watched as it seemed to snuggle up on my hand and tweet a beautiful song that caused tears to stream down my face. Then suddenly it was gone as it flew high into the sky and the moment we shared took my breath away. I had to dip my head out of the window to catch my breath and watch it disappear. I dried my eyes and closed the window just as my phone began to ring. When I answered it my heart stopped when I was told my sister had just died 5 minutes ago. I cried softly on the phone for a minute before I informed them I would be back in town in a couple of days to make her arrangements. When I hung up the phone I went back to the window and looked out for the bird, my sister’s spirit as I cried. Suddenly I felt Jerrod’s arms around me as he wrapped me in his love.

  “What’s wrong baby?” He asked me as he kissed my neck and I watched as the little bird flew back into the windowsill. “My sister just died baby, she finally at peace. Now she can stop living with other people’s sins and guilt, and finally be happy as she runs through a field of flowers with her Mandingo. Finally, the curse is broken and the cycle of despair ends here. Finally, the Sins of Thy Mother can die.” I said to my husband as the little bird flew away forever.

  The End

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