Rocks in the Stream
Page 13
“And I am happy to be here. Miss Elizabeth, I am pleased to hear of your improved health.”
“Thank you, Mr. Bingley. We are all well, sir.”
“Mrs. Bennet, the purpose of my call is to issue an invitation to you and your daughters. I am giving a ball at Netherfield and would be honored to have your company.”
There was a general cry of approval amongst the ladies.
“Oh, Mr. Bingley! We would all love to attend, I am sure. Jane, this is a particular compliment to you.”
Bingley was a little confused as to the meaning of her remark, but he did concede that it was true. If it were not for Miss Bennet, there would be no ball.
Jane blushed in a becoming way. He glanced at her, caught her eye, and their glance held. All the doubts that Darcy had inspired in him were removed. He loved her, and he would not give her up, not for anything that Darcy said.
The ladies expressed the pleasure they anticipated. There was a great deal of talk about gowns and shoes, flowers and jewelry, none of which were important to Bingley. Only Jane mattered to him. She felt similarly disposed, and wished to spend some time with him alone. She invited him to walk out in the garden with her.
Mrs. Bennet seconded her eldest daughter’s invitation. “Yes, show Mr. Bingley around the various walks. I am certain he will be pleased with the hermitage. The garden is so pleasant at this time of year.”
Bingley stood, offered Jane his arm, and together they left the house. Elizabeth looked on with great pleasure.
* * * * *
ONCE OUTSIDE, MR. BINGLEY BEGAN the conversation.
“Miss Bennet, it is such a pleasure to see you.”
“The pleasure is mine, I assure you. Thank you for your kind invitation. You have made my sisters very happy.” She looked up at him. “You have made me very happy.”
“May I take this opportunity to ask you for the first two dances?”
“I would be delighted.” Jane took his arm and drew herself near him. He placed his hand over hers and had the pleasure of seeing her smile.
“There is something that you ought to know. Mr. Darcy has returned to Netherfield at my invitation.”
“Oh, my!”
“Does Miss Elizabeth speak to you about Darcy?”
“I do not wish to betray a confidence, sir, and so am not certain how to answer you.”
Bingley led her to a bench near a tree where they sat down together. “Please forgive the question. I did not mean —”
“I will say that she is distraught. I think what troubles her most is that she believed he returned her affection.”
Just the thought of what Elizabeth was suffering caused her resentment towards Mr. Darcy to grow warmer. Jane knew not how she could ever be in company with him in any tolerable state of composure.
Bingley shook his head. “Let me apologize again and again for his behavior, and please know that if I could change the past as far as he is concerned, I would, but I would not change one minute of the past as far as you are concerned.”
Jane’s heart was filled with gratitude for the affection that he made no effort to hide. She had complete confidence in him, and gave him credit for every good quality that a man might possess.
* * * * *
JANE ANTICIPATED THE BALL WITH impatience. The weather had been particularly wet and there had been no opportunity to further her courtship with Mr. Bingley. It took all of Jane’s serenity and steady temper not to become frustrated. The day arrived at last, and before she knew it, she found herself in the carriage and on her way to Netherfield.
* * * * *
Darcy awaited the arrival of the Bennets with nervous anticipation. He sat at a window on an upper floor watching the carriages and viewing the guests entering the house. Every moment he expected to see Elizabeth. He had been unwilling to speak of her to Bingley, and had, therefore, heard nothing of her since he had left Hertfordshire. He wanted to learn if she still held him in any regard, for the thought of being entirely rejected by her nearly overwhelmed him.
* * * * *
“Lizzy, I am glad you agreed to come with us.” Elizabeth took Jane’s arm as they descended from the carriage.
“I did not have a choice. Mama said I would never find a husband by sitting at home. I wish I could make her understand that I am not looking for a husband.”
“Oh, Lizzy.”
“I thought Mr. Darcy loved me. I know he did. What can I say to him if we meet tonight?”
“How can you say such things after he left you without a word?” They had reached the top of the stairs, and Jane halted their progress until Elizabeth was done speaking. Her words were not suited for curious ears.
“No man has ever made me feel the way he did. When we talked, he spoke to me neither as a subordinate nor a superior, but as a trusted friend. I felt caressed by the sound of his voice and warmed by his touch. I love him. I will love him forever.”
Elizabeth turned away from her. “If he does not want me, then there must be a reason. I know that I do not wish to live my life hoping that he will someday change his mind, but he is all I desire, so I conclude that if I cannot have him, I do not want another.”
How had Elizabeth come to love Mr. Darcy so deeply that she felt she could never marry anyone else? Jane began to wonder if she herself knew what it was to love.
“Jane, do you think I must see him tonight?”
Once again they were walking. Jane did not know how to answer Elizabeth. She wanted to believe that Mr. Darcy would have enough compassion for her sister to stay away, but his actions were more associated with selfishness than selflessness. At that moment, Jane saw Mr. Darcy approach and knew how to answer her sister’s question.
“Yes, Lizzy,” whispered Jane, “for he is coming this way.”
* * * * *
DARCY’S HEART WAS POUNDING AS he approached the sisters. Elizabeth was as beautiful ever.
“Miss Bennet, Miss Elizabeth, thank you for accepting my friend’s invitation. You both look very well tonight.”
Elizabeth felt her chest tighten. He seemed unchanged. Despite the fact that he might appear austere to some, Elizabeth knew how gentle he could be. She remembered how he had held her hand when she unburdened her heart. She could not discount the tenderness she had seen in his eyes or the passion of his kiss.
“Thank you, Mr. Darcy.” Jane answered for both of them.
Elizabeth rallied her courage. “How was your trip to London?”
Darcy knew what she was thinking. She had to be wondering why he left. She must be alluding to it.
“It was not very successful, I am afraid.”
“You went away so suddenly . . . ” Elizabeth wanted to say more, but could not. “Excuse me, sir. I must attend my mother and sisters.”
Darcy watched Elizabeth move to where her family stood and Miss Bennet addressed him.
“Mr. Darcy, please forgive my sister. She has been very distraught lately. Quite recently something — or perhaps I should say someone — hurt her very deeply.”
“I am very sorry to hear that, Miss Bennet.”
“Are you?” cried Jane.
Darcy could not answer. Excusing himself, he left her and walked to the other side of the room. She eyed him with no small feeling of resentment.
* * * * *
HAVING GREETED HIS GUESTS, IT remained now for Bingley to welcome his beloved Jane to Netherfield. He found her standing alone on one side of the ballroom. For a moment, she did not appear to be herself, but he noticed that she immediately brightened on seeing him approach.
“Miss Bennet, I am so pleased to see you.” Bingley took her hand and kissed it. “You look beautiful tonight.”
“Thank you for inviting me, sir. Netherfield is such a lovely place for a ball. You have outdone yourself.”
“I would have to say that Mrs. Thomas has outdone herself. All I did was issue an invitation.”
“Then please thank her for me. Are all your guests arrived?”
“Yes I do. How could I forget?” Jane lowered her voice. “You must know that I have been looking forward to tonight. I have been so eager to see you.”
Jane wanted to confess more. She wanted to express her love to him, and the appreciation she felt for his affection, but, of course, now was not the time. These sentiments filled her heart, though, and she could detect in his every word and touch a feeling of shared intimacy.
“I have taken on extra servants in hopes that my guests will not make too many demands on their host that might take him away from you.”
“Very thoughtful, sir.”
Bingley glanced at Elizabeth as she walked past him. She seemed pale, fretful, and not at all easy. It was disturbing but not surprising. He had hoped that she would take pleasure in such a gathering of friends and neighbors, but it appeared to him that she wished she were miles away.
“I am concerned about Miss Elizabeth. She does not seem herself. Has the apothecary seen to her? I know that Mr. Manning has returned to London.”
“I believe Elizabeth is recovered. Mr. Jones no longer comes to see her.” She gave him a worried look. “She is not the same. She has yet to walk out of sight of the house.” But this seemed to be the least of it. Something inside of Elizabeth had faded. There was no laughter and neither was there any joy or animation. She was sullen and quiet all the time. “I believe she is still nervous being alone outside since the accident. After all, what happened was horrifying. What if you had not come along when you did?”
“You should thank Darcy for that. I might have ridden past and not seen her. He was off his horse and by her side before I noticed she was there.”
“Yes, Mr. Darcy . . . ” Jane’s voice trailed off. “What really happened while she was here?”
“He fell in love.”
“Then why do this? Why break Lizzy’s heart?”
Bingley was fairly certain that he knew why, but had not the heart to tell her.
* * * * *
DARCY HAD EYES ONLY FOR Elizabeth, and on finding her standing alone, could not prevent himself from speaking.
“Good evening, Miss Elizabeth.”
A look of recognition dawned on her as she slowly turned to face him. Her heart stopped for a moment when she saw his beloved form and heard her name fall from his lips.
“Good evening, Mr. Darcy.”
“I am pleased to see —”
“I recall that you said that you visited with your sister while you were in Town. How is Miss Darcy?”
“My sister is well. She is progressing in her studies and is enjoying London.”
“I am pleased to hear it.”
Her throat was growing thick and she could hardly speak. Indeed, she knew not what to say and concluded that for her own peace of mind she must get away from him. It was his presence. She could not endure his presence . . . the memories . . . It was too much.
“Mr. Darcy, please excuse —”
“Miss Elizabeth, have you resumed your habit of walking out in the countryside?”
“I have not.” She closed her eyes and felt them begin to burn.
The music stopped for a moment as a new set was forming. She tried to turn away, but again he stopped her.
“Miss Elizabeth, will you do me the honor of dancing the next two with me?”
“I . . . ” She knew she would be undone once she felt his touch. She knew she should refuse him but could not. “Yes, Mr. Darcy, I will.”
They moved down the dance, their hands touching and lingering. Each touch seemed to awaken a further desire in her. They did not speak during the set, for which she was grateful.
The yearning in her eyes cut through him. He understood this to be a further testimony of the love she held for him. He felt his resolve nearly shatter every time their eyes met. He felt cursed. Why could he not act on the feelings of his heart? He could not imagine a woman more suited to be his wife, yet she was not suitable, at least according to the dictates of his father.
The music came to an end. Unwillingly, he released her hand. Just as unwillingly, she let hers fall carelessly to her side.
“Thank you,” said Elizabeth, with lowered eyes.
“My pleasure.” He cleared his throat. “I wish . . . ”
She could barely hear his words. In the next instant, he was gone.
* * * * *
JANE APPREHENSIVELY WITNESSED ELIZABETH AND Mr. Darcy dancing. No good could come from such an intimate encounter. Jane knew that Elizabeth would be unequal to it. When Jane observed Mr. Darcy walk away from Elizabeth, she joined her sister.
“Why did you dance with him?”
Jane put her arm around Elizabeth’s shoulder and reproached herself for allowing her to have been left alone. She had not imagined that Mr. Darcy would approach Elizabeth, let alone ask her to dance. Once again, she felt she had failed her sister. Whatever he was about, it was all meant to hurt Elizabeth, whether by design or not.
“He asked me, and I could not refuse him. I did not want to refuse him.” Jane led Elizabeth off to the side of the room.
As they were walking, Elizabeth continued. “Just now, as he walked away, I heard him say, ‘I wish . . . ’ Oh, Jane, you do not know how much I also wish.”
Knowing that Mr. Bingley loved her, Jane could easily imagine for what Elizabeth wished. What was wrong? Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy were so well suited to each other. Elizabeth would temper him with her playful and lively manners, and she would benefit from his vast experience and knowledge of the world. They truly belonged with each other. What had happened?
Jane could no longer express her anger with Mr. Darcy. It would only hurt Elizabeth for her to speak poorly of him. All she could do was comfort Elizabeth and be grateful for her own Mr. Bingley.
* * * * *
SIR WILLIAM LUCAS HAD OBSERVED Mr. Darcy and Miss Elizabeth dance. After the set, Sir William hoped to engage Darcy in conversation.
“Mr. Darcy, dancing is such a fine entertainment for young people. I noticed that you are adept in the art yourself.”
“Do you enjoy the amusement, sir?”
“I was very fond of the activity. Lady Lucas and I would dance for hours at every assembly, but my dancing days are over now, though I like to watch. I saw you dancing with Miss Eliza Bennet. She certainly is the jewel of the country, would you not say?”
“She is beautiful, sir.” A jewel. Yes, she is a jewel.
“As is her sister, Miss Bennet. It will be a fine thing when she is married to Mr. Bingley. A fine thing indeed.”
“Excuse me?” Darcy was shocked. He knew of Bingley’s understanding with Miss Bennet, but was not prepared to hear from those outside the relationship that it had progressed forward enough that their marriage was considered as certain.
“It is assumed by everyone that they will soon be married. I am sure that all that remains to be done is to draw up the settlement and arrange for the wedding breakfast.”
“I was not aware. Please excuse me.” Darcy walked away from Sir William who watched his receding figure with satisfaction, knowing how much pleasure he must take in the happiness of his friend.
Darcy was shocked by this revelation. He had to talk to Bingley. For Bingley’s sake and for his own, he had to convince him that it was wrong to marry Miss Bennet.
He found his friend deep in conversation with that lady. He observed them for a moment before interrupting them, seeing with wonder the ease and familiarity with which they spoke, and witnessing in the exchange of knowing glances and casual touches a relationship of true intimacy.
At his friend’s insistence, Bingley excused himself from Miss Bennet, and he and Darcy left the room.
* * * * *
BINGLEY RETREATED WITH DARCY TO the library. Darcy, being uncomfortable with the task he was about to undertake, found the air in the room t
o be rather stifling, and so threw open the sash to allow for some fresh air.
* * * * *
Elizabeth could no longer endure the confinement of the ballroom. Having danced with Mr. Darcy, having touched Mr. Darcy, her mind was full of him. Unable to bear the feelings she was experiencing, she went out on a balcony to be alone in the night air.
A tear escaped her eye as she recalled each step they took during the dance. She had been able to detect his familiar scent and the memories it conjured up of the time he held her and kissed her. Her mind was aflame with anguish, and she promised herself that she would never again submit to being in his company.
She longed to be at home, but she was constrained to remain at Netherfield, for it was dark. In former times, the walk home would have been nothing to her. She had been out in the dark often enough, but now she dared not go. She was afraid, and did not trust herself to be out of sight of refuge.
She knew if she asked to be sent home in the carriage, Jane would accompany her, and no matter how much she suffered, she would not intrude on the happiness her sister found in Mr. Bingley’s company.
Her reverie was disturbed by voices coming through an open window, and without knowing it, she found herself drawn into a conversation between Mr. Bingley and Mr. Darcy.
“What kind of accidental information, Darcy?”
“From Sir William Lucas. Your marriage to Miss Bennet is widely assumed.”
“I told you that she gave me her consent to court her.”
“And we talked about that. Do you intend to propose marriage to her?”
“I do . . . ”
Elizabeth was not surprised to hear this.
“ . . . my mother’s ring comes to me tomorrow from London. I intend to ask her at the earliest opportunity.”
“Bingley . . . ”
Elizabeth knew she should not be listening to this, but could not help herself. Bingley was to propose to Jane as early as tomorrow!
“Be happy for me, Darcy.”
“Bingley, are you absolutely certain that you wish to attach yourself to the Bennet family? What about the younger sisters and their scandalous behavior? How do you think that will end? What about their mercenary mother, with whom it is an embarrassment to associate? Surely, you cannot believe that you will be untouched by these things! What about her connections?”